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She refused to sleep, instead choosing to keep vigil over by the bed in the hospital. She wasn't sure if she could sleep, knowing that if she did, she would only see a montage of moments that led to this, getting sucked back into the vortex of thoughts that had been plaguing her. A quiet goodbye – a visible hitch during a college presentation – a news report about the Sokovia Accords – a ‘civil war’ – shattered spines – calls from an AI in the dead of the night. Apparently not thinking about it didn’t seem to work. Exhausted and spent and edging close to 72 hours with barely any sleep, Pepper gave in, letting the memories flood her and allowing the tears she had been resolutely holding back to finally fall.
It was 5 am when she got the call. Her phone lit up with an old picture of her and Tony that she couldn’t quite bring herself to change. (“You don’t have my face on your Caller ID, Potts? What are you living in 2005?” He was smiling at her in the picture he chose. She was rolling her eyes while his were bright with an expression that even years into their relationship she hadn’t quite gotten used to.) It was from before everything – before Afghanistan and Iron Man and nuclear missiles in wormholes and rogue AIs and lethal genetic modifications. Pepper wondered when she had begun to measure her life in disasters.
She’d be lying if she said that she hadn’t been waiting for the call. Waiting for just a simple “Hey Pep” at first. Hoping for him to turn to her during the Accords mess, later. But the call never came. She hated that she waited nevertheless. She was the one who had asked for the break. She didn’t have the right to expect anything after that. But, as irrational as it may have been, expect she did. And when nothing came of it, she hurt too. But now he was calling and she should’ve been relieved. But it wasn’t relief but an inexplicable sense of dread that came over her.
When she finally answered, it wasn’t Tony’s but F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s voice that greeted her.
“Ms. Potts, Mr. Stark was injured. He isn’t inside his suit so I can’t seem to contact him. You were listed as an emergency contact.”
The roaring blood in her ears and her thunderous heartbeat almost drowned out F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s words. She couldn’t afford to panic though – so despite her shaky knees and clammy hands, Pepper shot out of bed, gripping her phone harder.
“Where are you right now? Were you able to assess the injuries before he moved out of the suit?”
Multiple contusions in the arms and legs – fractured clavicle and ulna – lacerations to the face – bleeding head wound – minor concussion – three cracked ribs – broken sternum – myocardial contusions.
With every injury F.R.I.D.A.Y. listed, Pepper’s blood ran colder. She hung up unsteadily with a promise to send help, nausea curling in her belly. She felt paralysed with helplessness. She had no idea what had happened, who had done it, if Tony was okay, hell, if he was even ali-
She cut herself off there, refusing to even stray into that territory of thoughts. Instead with a sense of authority and confidence that she absolutely did not feel at that moment – Pepper called in every favour she had, barking orders down her phone. Within fifteen minutes a highly equipped medical team, accompanied by armed officials, was bringing Tony Stark into a hospital in Siberia. It was then that Pepper Potts sunk to her knees, finally letting herself fall apart.
(Well, fall apart for a couple of seconds; she had a man to bring home after all.)
Within 10 hours, Pepper was in a Siberian hospital, nervously pacing the corridors during the last few minutes of Tony’s surgery. There was no rhythmic clack of her heels, or a neatly pulled back bun. Instead, there was the silent slap of shoes against the marble, fly away curls sticking to her face. She wasn’t Ms. Virginia Potts, CEO of Stark Industries, but Pepper, anxious ex-girlfriend. Well, anxious and enraged. And when Tony was wheeled in, a little pale and worse for the wear, but breathing, the anxiety ebbed a little, leaving even more room for her simmering rage.
When she had asked F.R.I.D.A.Y. to pull the surveillance tapes from the HYDRA bunker, Pepper had expected to see another megalomaniac with more resources than was a safe and a vendetta against the world or the Avengers in particular. Although, the worry and panic may have never faded, the disbelief over the kind of things Iron Man had to fight had somehow lessened over time.
So while sitting on a jet somewhere over the Atlantic, Pepper had been somewhat prepared for what she expected the tapes would show her. Instead, she saw James Buchanan Barnes kill Howard and Maria Stark. She saw Tony grieve his parents’ death all over again. And she saw Captain fucking America disregard this grief, instead choosing to ‘protect’ his friend. She saw him plough his shield (Howard Stark’s shield) into Tony’s chest. Her heart damn near stopped when she thought of how different things would have been had Tony not had the arc reactor surgically removed from his chest. How the medics wouldn’t have found a severely hypothermic, injured, yet alive Tony Stark at an abandoned bunker in Siberia.
She had wanted to drag Steve Rogers out of whatever hole he was hiding in herself and give him hell. In her single minded fury, Pepper almost regretted giving up her Extremis abilities because at that moment she had wanted to injure and yell and scream. Within minutes, she found out exactly where he had taken asylum. She wasn’t the CEO of one of the largest companies in the world without having developed a few tricks of her own. And she’d be damned if she let Rogers get away with what he had done.
She hadn’t realised when the anger and protectiveness made her clench Tony’s still hand just a little tighter.
“Pep? You’re really here? I figured I was just having a really good dream.”
Almost all of Pepper’s rage was lost to a dull throb when she heard Tony’s voice – tired and hoarse from lack of use. She knew he was trying to lighten the almost stifling tension in the atmosphere. Trying to laugh off the trauma like he always did. On most days she would’ve humoured him with a small smile, but all it did this time was make her feel guilty. Guilty that she hadn’t looked for the signs of his PTSD. Guilty that instead of helping she had left. Guilty that she hadn’t intervened before the Accords mess had escalated the way it did.
“I’m so sorry. For everything. There is much I need to apologize for and so much we need to talk ab-”
“You’re here now. That’s what matters. We have forever to talk about things,” he said, effectively cutting her off. And almost as though saying even so much had drained him of all his energy, Tony pressed his head further into the pillow and fell back asleep.
Pepper felt her shoulders sag with relief, plans of vengeance currently pushed to the backburner, she rested her forehead against Tony’s arm, slowly drifting into slumber, but not before silently promising that they would indeed have forever.
Tony was back at the compound two days later. Both him and Rhodes lay in the MedBay, both impossibly frustrated to be relegated to bed and making no efforts to hide it whenever Pepper dropped by. It had become a routine of sorts – Pepper would walk in, precisely every three hours, always with an impossible number of folders about either the business or the legal fallout from the Accords. She’d drop a kiss on Tony’s head, check his charts as though by some small miracle they’d say something different and then make herself comfortable in an armchair between the two beds as both men began to grouse, always saying something along the lines of, “We’re completely fine! We should definitely be allowed to leave this place.”
Today was more or less the same. She was headed towards the MedBay, on the phone with yet another official, explaining, ‘Yes, Mr. Stark wants to make amendments to the Accords. No, he cannot come to the phone right now. Why? Because he had just made it out of heart surgery that was partly due to the shit show that was the Accords.’ Of course, she hadn’t phrased it in exactly that manner, but she was fairly sure her intent had been conveyed. She was just about to enter when she heard Rhodey’s cautiously optimistic voice. Well, that wasn’t anything new. He seemed to have been taking it much better than Tony had.
“It’s like college all over again, you know? Sharing a room, nursing really bad hangovers.”
“Yeah well I can’t remember a hangover that stole your ability to walk.”
Pepper stopped. She knew Tony blamed himself for what happened to Rhodey. He wouldn’t be Tony Stark if he didn’t. And no matter how many times any of them told him that it wasn’t his fault, he wouldn’t listen. She could almost see the way Rhodey sighed.
“Before you say it wasn’t my fault, it was. None of us should’ve been there at the airfield that day. Not you, not Vision, not Spiderman, not them. I should’ve realised that Rogers would react that way but instead I lead an offensive. It should’ve been contained to stopping them from leaving and shouldn’t have come down to who could throw stronger punches.”
“You know you said it yourself right? You went there to stop them, not fight them. You spoke to them. Asked them. You did not lead an offensive. You fought because they attacked. And I was there because I wanted to be. Whether I should have been there or not isn’t up for debate because I chose to be there. Just like I chose to be on every other mission in my life. Because I believed in it. And every time I was in just as much danger as I was on that airstrip. So don’t blame yourself for something that’s not your fault.”
She could see Tony turn to Rhodey again, ready to come up with yet another way to disagree. But whatever must have been on Rhodey’s face said that there was no room for arguments and Tony temporarily accepted his defeat.
“So did you rehearse that or what? Because I’ve known you for way too many years and have never seen you even order a meal without stumbling.”
Pepper finally relaxed when Rhodey chuckled. Taking Tony’s joke for what it was - grudging acceptance.
“I might have gone through the whole shtick with Vision too.”
Deciding it was a good time as any to interrupt, Pepper walked in, smiling at the two laughing men. She sent Rhodey a meaningful glance, trying to convey her gratitude with a smile. He only shrugged. They both knew that this wasn’t the first time they had had this conversation and it wouldn’t be the last. They also knew that they wouldn’t mind doing this a hundred times over.
There was only one day that Tony complained a little less about his stay in the MedBay.
A week in, Happy had come to Tony with a crudely wrapped box and a note. (Was that a spider drawn on the note?)
Tony had rolled his eyes when he read the note. Muttering under his breath about a Spider-ling and his ability to ramble even on text. He even managed to crack an indulgent grin – one Pepper had never seen before - when he saw the box of tea. Pepper pretended not to notice when Tony slipped the note into the drawer in his bedside table.
The next morning Pepper swore that she saw him drink tea. Tony never drank tea, claiming it was for those who weren’t strong enough to handle coffee.
So no, Pepper was absolutely not snooping. She was just curious about what on Earth had gotten the man to consume tea and the note was the only thing that would give her the answer.
“Hey Mr. Stark,
Happy said you were in the hospital? He said you got into some sort of accident? Was it another ‘retreat’? I hope it’s nothing too bad. I looked up was reading an article the other day that said that a moderate amount of caffeine speeds up the post-op process. I um remember Happy mentioning how much you love coffee. And yeah I saw you chug insane amounts of coffee in Berlin. I don’t think the doctors are giving you that much coffee now? Or maybe they are? But yeah I sent you some tea anyway. Because it’s got the appropriate amount of caffeine and all that. Get well soon Mr. Stark!
Love Best,
Peter Parker”
Vision knew that all the Avengers thought he had developed a soft spot for Wanda. They weren’t exactly wrong. However, she wasn’t exactly the first person that Vision had felt warm towards. At first he had ascribed it to the fact that the man had been instrumental in his creation; but that hadn’t exactly added up. After all, as much as he liked Dr. Banner, it didn’t compare to the warmth he felt towards Tony. It took him some time to figure out, but finally, it turned out to be pretty simple. Tony treated him like he would any other person. And while the others were never less than cordial, they approached him with some trepidation and then later awkwardness. Tony just made a passing quip and moved on. At least the ease with which Tony interacted with him wasn’t as much of a puzzle – the man named his bots – but it made Vision feel welcome nonetheless. Made him feel like he had a friend. And therefore, like all friends, Vision worried. Worried when he saw Tony randomly retreat into himself sometimes. Or when he poured himself drink after drink every time Sokovia made it to the news. Or when he took it onto himself to get the Avengers to agree with the Accords. Vision thought he had got the worrying covered. Then Pepper Potts had called him one night, frantic and incoherent, and Vision realised that he had never truly known what worry was.
It was this worry that took Vision to the MedBay, and yet he approached it with some apprehension. Because it wasn’t worry alone that had been troubling Vision – there was also guilt. He thought he’d never cease to be amazed at the ability of all these emotions to co-exist and wreak havoc all at the same time. He wondered how humans did it. Of course James had reminded him time and again that what had happened on the airfield was not his fault - it was a fight and mistakes were bound to be made. However, that did nothing to assuage Vision’s guilt; he was a bio-android for Christ’s sake. Mistakes - if any at all - ought to be few and far in between. They should definitely not be made on the field. Of course, when he voiced these thoughts, James levelled him with a single stern look to silence him and left him with yet another variant of ‘Everyone is allowed to make mistakes’.
It was during one of these conversations that Vision realised that if he was struggling with this magnitude of guilt, Tony Stark with his planet sized guilt complex probably had it worse. This in mind, he decided to go speak to Tony. However, as he stood at the door of the MedBay, his resolve seemed to weaken. Unbidden images of Rhodes falling, of Tony’s palpable anguish, of a battered body in a Siberian hospital came rushing to his mind. He still wasn’t quite used to how sometimes guilt felt like the air being knocked out of your lungs. Maybe that’s why he never noticed James wheeling himself out on a wheelchair.
“Go,” he said encouragingly, nodding towards the entrance.
Well, here goes then.
Vision, even with all his social naïveté, knew that it wasn’t the best idea to sneak up on a man with a history of PTSD, making sure to use the door to the MedBay instead of the wall. Tony startled anyway – almost instinctively clenching his fists into a defensive stance. And while Vision may not have actually seen the footage from the HYDRA facility, Pepper’s stony glare every time it was brought up and James’ worried, near protective glances towards his best friend helped him wager a guess. Adding on Tony’s sudden tendency to startle even more easily than usual only served to reinforce his assumptions.
“I was wondering how long you’d avoid me for,” Tony said in way of greeting.
“You didn’t exactly seek me out either,” he pointed out.
“Touché.”
They stared at each other for a beat, neither quite sure of what to say. Both plagued with guilt, both ready with apologies that they thought wouldn’t quite be adequate. Nevertheless, apologise they did.
“I’m sorry Vis. For the airfield, for Wanda, for dragging you into this.”
“You didn’t drag me into anything. I believed in the Accords and I chose to defend them," he said, shrugging slightly. "I, however, should apologise. For James. For allowing myself to get distracted on the field. He can barely walk and I just – I can’t belie-”
Tony cut him off with an impatient wave. For a man who seemed to be waging his own war against guilt and self doubt, he certainly couldn’t stand to see others do the same. It would have been amusing had it not been for the severity – for the sheer wretchedness – of the situation. Vision had always wondered how the other Avengers were so quick to call Tony egotistical and self serving. Sure, he may have been around for less than half a decade, but that was enough time to form an impression of the man. And narcissism never seemed to make it to his list.
“I know Rhodey went through the whole speech with you. In case it wasn’t clear already, I’ll say it again – Not. Your. Fault,” Tony enunciated. “It was chaos. Any one could’ve faltered.”
Vision sighed. Apparently neither men were going to accept his apologies – both sure that he had done nothing to apologise for. He blamed the odd mix of relief and frustration for the words he said next.
“You used to wince every time I spoke, you know?”
Tony opened his mouth to protest – but suddenly, seemingly unsure of what to say, he shrunk back against the bed frame.
“I thought it was because of Ultron,” Vision continued, suddenly desperate to make the man realise that he wasn’t avoiding him or blaming him for anything.
“Because I reminded you of everything that went wrong. But then Sokovia happened - we finally defeated Ultron – and yet the wincing didn’t stop. It took me a while to put it together. It was when I heard Ms. Potts talk about J.A.R.V.I.S that I finally figured it out. I reminded you of him. It’s part of the reason I stayed away. I didn’t think you’d want to deal with that along with everything else.”
Something Vision couldn’t quite place flickered in Tony’s eyes. But it was gone almost as fast as it appeared. His lips twisted into some approximation of a wry smirk when he said, “I am not mourning an AI, Vis. Just the memory of the 84 hours straight – bolstered on caffeine and crazed determination alone – that went into its creation. But next time I’ll keep my face in check.”
Vision sighed. Again. It seemed to have become a trend for this conversation. He knew exactly what the AI meant to Tony, and while he didn’t expect the man to admit it, he should’ve expected him to fall back on his favourite coping mechanism - making jokes about it. Although, even his jokes didn’t seem to have as much as bite as before; somehow, that, more than anything else made something gnaw at his gut.
So even though he expected yet another quip from the man, Vision couldn’t help but say, “I know you have James and Pepper, but that doesn’t mean you can’t tell me what’s bothering you.”
There was a beat when neither of them were sure of what to say. Tony was looking at anywhere but Vision and Vision seemed to be sure that this was the end of the conversation. Just as he was about to get up and leave, Tony cut in.
“It’s the voice,” he mumbled in a voice so soft that it would’ve gone unheard had it not been for the overwhelming silence of the room. Vision only tilted his head in the slightest – an acknowledgment that he had heard Tony, encouraging him to say more.
“I spent a frankly insane amount of time perfecting it. Listening to all the clips I had of Jarvis speaking until I was sure that I had the closest possible approximation of his voice. And I know that it couldn’t really replace, or even accurately represent, the man who pretty much raised me, but it felt like having a part of him around.”
Vision knew that Tony was prone to rambling only when it served to hide what he was actually thinking. He also knew - from that one evening where Dr. Banner recounted with equal parts fondness and exasperation the time when Tony had decided to turn him into his own personal therapist - that the rare times that Tony did give in to voicing his tumultuous thoughts, he could go on for a while. So, not daring to interrupt the man, Vision gave the barest acknowledgement of listening, already deciding that he would be Tony’s sounding board for the night if that’s what he needed. It was the least he could do.
“I had promised Jarvis that I’d make him a bot one day, so that he wouldn’t have to single handedly wield the responsibility of keeping the Stark household up and running,” Tony said, a ghost of a grin appearing on his face.
“That’s what Dum-E was. He wasn’t - isn't - the cleverest of bots, but he made Jarvis’s day. I never showed him to my father. Teenage angst, poor parenting, the works. Instead, the first thing I did was show him to Jarvis. He cried that day. And took me out to dinner to celebrate my first bot.”
Tony’s smile was an odd mix of resigned and grieving and Vision could already tell what was coming next. He could almost see the exact reel of memories flashing behind Tony lids every time he closed his eyes. It almost made him want to tell the man to stop – to never relive those moments again. But instead he only listened.
“And that was what it was like for pretty much all the other milestones in my life – ignoring my dad, Jarvis crying, eating dinner with him and Ana. I was 21 when shit went down. I lost all of them one after the other, so fast that I barely had any time to think or process. One week I was going from one party to another, the next I was drinking myself into oblivion and the next I was running a company.”
“One month in, I made my first big merger after taking over Stark Industries; and for the first time ever, there was no one to ignore and no one to cry and no one to go to dinner with. It made the idea of them being gone more real? And I needed to do something about it. I wanted to forget. And drinking had stopped working. So I thought maybe I'd try and remember instead. I locked myself in my lab, and when I came out close to four days later, it was with J.A.R.V.I.S.”
“And somehow I managed to fall into step again. I spiralled less often. Programmed into J.A.R.V.I.S. that particular brand of English snark and silent care that was characteristic to, well, the other Jarvis, that it made things a bit easier. And I know that the AI couldn’t possibly be sentient enough to do that, but it felt like it stopped every time I thought of doing something too reckless. And then Ultron happened. And it felt like losing Jarvis and Ana and mom and dad all over again”
“And God it’s so stupid – but I keep thinking of what it would’ve been like if I had J.A.R.V.I.S. with me at the airfield or in Siberia. Would he talk me down? Give me better ideas? And it’s been driving me nuts. This whole mess of missing him and watching mom and dad’s-”
It’s just around then that Tony seemed to realise that he’d said way more than he had intended to and he stopped so abruptly that the lack of sound made Vision startle. The first thing that Vision notices is that all the storminess, all the grief in Tony’s eyes is gone. In its place is an eerie blankness. As much as Vision longs to say something, to do something, he knows that nothing will be quite enough. And God it makes him feel so inadequate.
Just as he’s about to come up with some paltry words of comfort, Tony surprises him with a smile.
“It was nice. Getting that off my chest. It’s different from telling Rhodey and Pep. Probably because they were around to witness most of that mess first-hand. You’re a good guy Vis.”
“From what I know, so was Jarvis. And so are you.”
And then, because the moment was bordering on overwhelmingly sincere, Tony said, “Yeah maybe next time I’m going to get a guy with an actual degree and couch and coat tell me that.”
Their stay in the hospital lasted four days less than it should have. Pepper considered that a personal victory, what with both men hell bent on getting out pretty much as soon as they stepped in. Getting them to stay, if only for two weeks, had been a challenge. So being discharged only four days early? All in all a victory. After all, Pepper Potts knew when to pick her battles. And currently, said ‘battle’ had found its way to her office at the compound in the form of one Natasha Romanov. Blonde haired and blue eyed, but Natasha nonetheless.
Of all the Avengers, Pepper seemed to have gotten along with Natasha the best. At first because of the shared annoyances of working for Tony Stark and later as they bonded over the challenges and victories of being women with authority. Of course, all of that had flown out the window when she had decided to skip town to run from Ross and support the other Avengers. And while Pepper did not expect the spy to actually harm her, she did not count on this being a very friendly visit either.
Well, if anyone could surprise Pepper Potts it would be Natasha.
“How is he?” she asked softly.
Pepper’s eyes flashed momentarily before she said, “Fine. No thanks to any of you.”
Natasha sighed but didn’t try to defend herself; for while this may not have been exactly her fault, she too had played some small part in the falling apart of the Avengers.
“Can I see him? I wasn’t sure if he’d be in the MedBay or somewhere else, so I came to you first.”
‘And you didn’t want to ambush him if he wasn’t up to it,’ Pepper thought, easily understanding what the other woman hadn’t said. After all, Natasha had never been particularly forthcoming about her feelings, leaving everyone to learn to read between the lines. Finally softening towards her, Pepper nodded towards the room Tony was in. There was a disagreement and sides were bound to be taken, but she was here now and that couldn’t be said for the rest of the Avengers.
Over these four years, Natasha had known Tony Stark to be a lot of things, but quiet wasn’t one of them. So even now, barely recovered and most definitely exhausted, she found him in his lab, carrying out an inane conversation with Dum-E while music blasted so loudly out of the speakers that it made her wonder if they were really that effective in drowning one’s thoughts. She knocked on the door, something she probably would have done Before. She smiled wryly at how it was Before now, like the Accords were some kind of landmark in their shared history.
Somehow, even in all that noise, Tony managed to hear the knock. Occupational hazard - a by-product of the ever present anxiety that came with the weight of saving the world. He schooled the surprise on his face in an instant. Natasha managed to see it anyway.
“You never actually supported the Accords.”
That was not the first thing she had planned on telling Tony Stark after she had turned her back on him, but somehow the words just tumbled out anyway.
Tony’s mouth twisted into some approximation of a smirk. Truth be told, it looked more like a grimace.
“Of course not. It was a way to buy time. I supported the idea of us having some sort of accountability, not the idea of being some sort of glorified puppets.”
She remembers seeing a file for amendments on Pepper’s desk, and the pieces of the puzzle that had been falling into place not long after she’d left the compound finally formed the whole picture. She cursed herself for not seeing it earlier – before the entire mess went down. She didn’t ask why he didn’t tell them - she knew the answer already. Between Peggy’s funeral and the attack and Barnes reappearing, there really hadn’t been the time to sit down and actually discuss the Accords.
“For what it’s worth, I’m really sorry. About everything.”
Tony looked at her with a tilt of his head, and she was struck by how he looked at pieces of tech the same way, with thinly veiled curiosity.
“Yeah well that’s not going to get Ross off your back.”
The statement was delivered with a ghost of Tony’s usual snark but Natasha accepted it for what it was – an offer for truce.
“I know. What did you think the whole blonde hair, blue eyes thing was for? Hitler?”
Scoffing, Tony rolled his chair away from the desk, switching off whatever he had been working on – but not before Natasha caught a glimpse. It was blueprints of the Raft. He was trying to find a way to get them out. Her own words echoed back at her – textbook narcissism – and she shifted uncomfortably. Apparently, when it came to Tony Stark, she’d been wrong one too many times.
“So you’re hacking into the Raft’s security measures again? Ross isn’t going to be happy.”
Tony shrugged.
“He’s never been my biggest fan anyway. And while Rogers has the whole super soldier serum thing, it didn’t do much for his brain. Someone’s got to lay the groundwork before he goes charging into the facility to bring his friends out.”
Even though there was some bite in his words, it was the general weariness that stood out. Like he was tired of doing this. And for the first time, Natasha realised what it must be like being Tony Stark. Spending all your energy and resources to do what you thought was the best for everyone and instead of receiving any form of acknowledgement for what you do, all your mistakes are shoved in your face. Natasha had the sudden urge to hug him. Damn it, Stark was making her go soft.
“You’re doing good,” she said instead. And damn, if the look of incredulity he levelled at her didn’t make the guilt twist into her belly a little more.
“Wanda’s a kid. Legolas and Lang have kids. And Wilson. He has Redwing I guess.”
“Yeah we can all agree that Birdman’s got the roughest end of the deal.”
When the two locked eyes before bursting out laughing, it felt a little like old times. Maybe things would get better after all.
It had been three weeks and Tony couldn’t remember the last time he had been left alone. Pepper had pretty much taken to living in the compound full time. Ruffling Tony’s hair as she walked by him, talking a mile a minute on the phone with some stuffy suit or another - leaving little Post-its reminding him to take his meds or actually eat something before he passed out – crawling into bed next to him to watch a movie.
When he wasn’t with Pepper, he was helping Rhodey with his physical therapy or tinkering in the lab, working on his leg braces with him. Even Happy occasionally dropped in, if only to tell him about Peter’s shenanigans. Tony would have known whether or not Happy told him – all the kid’s messages and voicemails were forwarded to him too – but Happy seemed to like having an excuse to check up on him, so Tony indulged the man. Nat made good on her promise on visiting him too, and after pushing past the initial awkwardness it had been nice to have a conversation with the spy. And when she left quietly, her eyes shifty, Tony worked even harder to get her a pardon.
But today, somehow, there was no one. Pepper had been called in for an emergency meeting, Rhodey was sleeping off his exhaustion, Happy was visiting family and well, he never really knew where Nat was hiding.
“Boss, Steve Rogers has broken into the Raft,” F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s voice sounded.
Well, it was about time. Tony had been expecting this for the most part of the day. And yet, at the mention of Roger’s name he felt his hands go clammy and his chest constrict. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t quite get rid of the image of the man bent over him, pushing his shield through his chest. The image of him admitting that he knew about his parents. Every time so much as Rogers’ name came up, it brought with it a storm of emotions – the sting of betrayal, a faint anger, worthlessness (well that one he blamed more on Howard than Steve himself), thrumming anxiety.
“There has been a considerable spike in your heart rate, should I call Ms. Potts or Mr. Rhodes?”
Tony managed a small smile. He knew that he was a mess. And God, did he have things he needed to work on - his issues with the Captain being only one of his many troubles. But even though this was the first time he had been alone in weeks, he wasn’t really lonely. He always had Pepper with him, putting out fires, silencing anyone who dared say anything against him with a stony glare and sharp smile, and above all else, coming back home to him. He had Rhodey, who was there to pull him out of his funks and call him out on his shit. He had Nat and Happy (and Peter?). He had people in his corner, and that was more than enough.