Chapter Text
Group Chat: Slut Squad
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Clams: You ever see someone with a really nice facial structure and you're just like hi I like your bones
Jared: what the fuck
Jungrat: ya I get u
Jared: what the fuck
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Jared: call out post for min yoongi for being the perfect shape to cuddle
Jared: GOD HE'S SO CUTE
Jared: he literally fits perfectly in my arms
Jared: the perfect little spoon
Jared: my heart,,,,,,, she is WEAK
y'all finna play just dance or are you wasting my time: ok we get it ur gay
Jared: BUT MINNIE HE'S CUDDLE SIZED
y'all finna play just dance or are you wasting my time: look I never said you were wrong
y'all finna play just dance or are you wasting my time: I'm just stating the obvious b
Jared: we;l
Jared: ur not wrong
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Clams: Hi my name is Jared I'm nineteen and I never learned how to fucking read
Jared: pls let this die hyung
Clams: No
Jared: pls
Clams: This dies when you stop fucking vaping
Jared: I'll suck your dick
Clams: ... I'll consider it
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Clams: SO
Jared: babe no
Clams: BUT
Jared: we have all heard you rant about subway before
Jared: we know how it's the epitome of everythign wrong with the world
Clams: But
Clams: But it's just so bad
Jared: I know baby I know
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Clams: O yea hobis wearing his fuckin weed shirt callout post
Jungrat: this is why we call u jared hyung
Jared: IT’S IRONIC
Clams: Is it tho
Jungrat: but is it really
Jared: li s etn
Jared: ...
Jared: fuck
Jungrat: it’s ok hyung
Clams: The first step to recovery is admitting u have a problem
Jared: bitch I have a problem w u ya fuckin scrublord
Clams: I sign u up for stoners anonymous and this is how u repay me
Jared: I feel attacked
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Legg: Wait
Legg: Question
Sin Tin: Ya babe
Legg: Why is Yoongi hyung named 'clams'
Clams: Wait n
Sin Tin: Oh man
Clams: Hyung pls
Sin Tin: This takes me back
Clams: N
Legg: ????
Sin Tin: First time yoons got high he was like "lol ion feel shit"
Sin Tin: Then like ten minutes later he was like "k for some reason I can't stop thinkin bout clams is this what weed does to you"
Clams: n
Sin Tin: He also didn't realize he had to inhale
Sin Tin: He didn't realize you have to breathe in to inhale smoke
Clams: AT LEAST I DIDN'T HOLD THE LIGHTER UNDER THE PIPE LIKE IT WAS A FUCKIN CRACK BOWL
Sin Tin: SHUT UP IT WAS ONE TIME
Clams: AND SO WAS THE FUCKIN CLAMS BUT HERE WE ARE
Jungrat: mornin
Jungrat: the fuck did I wake up to
Legg: Don't ask questions
Legg: For the love of dog, don't ask questions
Jungrat: isn't it the love of god
Legg: Yeah but we're too gay for that shit
Jungrat: fair
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Clams: Tae and minnie just showed up at my house with a bowl of clam chowder and I wanna fuckin die
Jungrat: oh my god
Jungrat: where are they I suddenly have two dicks to suck
Clams: I crave the sweet release of death
y'all finna play just dance or are you wasting my time: YOU SAID IT TASTED GOOD
Clams: BUT AT WHAT COST MINNIE
Clams: AT WHAT COST
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P(r)i(nce)ss: Why are penguins considered birds
P(r)i(nce)ss: Aren't they more like fish
P(r)i(nce)ss: Like... fluffy fish
P(r)i(nce)ss: Or amphibians maybe???
P(r)i(nce)ss: But not birds I mean they can't even fly?????
Jared: tae are you drugs
Jared: wait that ain't right
P(r)i(nce)ss: What
Jared: are you under drugs
Jared: WHJAT AM I TRYIN TO SAY HERE
P(r)i(nce)ss: Oh my god I'm fucking dying
Jared: HIGH
P(r)i(nce)ss: I think u mean under the influence
Jared: r u high
P(r)i(nce)ss: Babe I think you're the one ""under drugs""
Jared: no ur high
Jared: I mean yeah I'm high but you're talking about penguins
Sin Tin: Why are you even awake tae didn't you go to bed a while ago
P(r)i(nce)ss: Yeah but after I fucked minnie I couldn't fall asleep and I just kept thinking about penguins
P(r)i(nce)ss: They don't make sense
Jared: u sure ur not high
Sin Tin: Hobi baby how high are you
Jared: don;t ask questions u don't want the answer to hyung
Jared: am so drugs rn
Sin Tin: ... I'm coming over
Jared: !!! snug me bitch
Sin Tin: That better mean snuggle
Jared: obvs
Jared: gimme love
Sin Tin: I do love u
P(r)i(nce)ss: Gay
Sin Tin: Yah
Jared: stp talking n come gay me up
Sin Tin: I'm gettin an uber chill
Jared: o sweet k
P(r)i(nce)ss: Wow
Jared: shsshshhhh
Jared: jinnie hyung
Jared: ur an eraser
Jared: good at fixing mistakes
Sin Tin: Awww
Sin Tin: Thanks? I think?
Jared: n taetae
Jared: ur like a pencil
Jared: good at making them
P(r)i(nce)ss: WOW OK THEN
P(r)i(nce)ss: BITCH
Sin Tin: I'm having the time of my life rn wtf
P(r)i(nce)ss: No love
Sin Tin: lol nah
Sin Tin: Hobi b there in five
Jared: YYYYAAAAY SNUGGS
P(r)i(nce)ss: Ok but back to me
P(r)i(nce)ss: What r penguins ???
P(r)i(nce)ss: Guys???????
P(r)i(nce)ss: ...
P(r)i(nce)ss: Rude
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Legg: Penguins can't breathe underwater so they can't be amphibians
P(r)i(nce)ss: YAY A USEFUL HYUNG
P(r)i(nce)ss: Hey I love you thank you for answering my questions
Legg: I love you too!
Legg: And they can't be reptilian because they're warm blooded
Jungrat: they're mammals so they can't be fish either
Legg: ... No?
Jungrat: ?
Legg: Penguins aren't mammals
Jungrat: what do u mean ya they are
P(r)i(nce)ss: No
Legg: Birds aren't mammals
P(r)i(nce)ss: Mammals have tits
Leggs: Exactly. And they don't lay eggs (except for the platypus but the platypus is a little bitch and should not be counted)
Jungrat: wait
Jungrat: birds aren't mammals???
Jungrat: I
Jungrat: I need a moment
Jungrat: what the fuck
P(r)i(nce)ss: So ignoring kookie's crisis, they're birds because they're not anything else?
Legg: Yeah I think so. Also they have hollow bones, which is an avian trait.
P(r)i(nce)ss: Huh. But they can't fly, and they can swim
Legg: Well swimming and flying are really similar
Legg: Actually, swimming is basically flying in water
Legg: Huh. Weird. I mean water is just like air but condensed into liquid state.
P(r)i(nce)ss: I guess that makes sense
P(r)i(nce)ss: I guess that means humans CAN fly??? Kinda???
Legg: Yeah?
Legg: If you think about it in the context of penguins then yeah, humans can fly
P(r)i(nce)ss: Whoa
P(r)i(nce)ss: That's wild
Legg: Love you
Jungrat: god I come back from one crisis and am launched into another
P(r)i(nce)ss: Love you too!!!
Jungrat: aight ignore my pain ok I see how it is
Jungrat: it's UR FAULT ANYWAYS
Jungrat: AAAAAAHHHHHH
P(r)i(nce)ss: Shhhh baby omg no we weren't ignoring you
Legg: You know I type slowly :(
Legg: We love you <3
Jungrat: awwww ily2
Jungrat: but I'm still havin a crisis here
Legg: I bring you some boba tea when I'm done shopping
Jungrat: wow suddenly everything is ok again
P(r)i(nce)ss: //whispers Cheap
Jungrat: shush up penguin man
P(r)i(nce)ss: GASP
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Sin Tin: Hey yoons
Clams: Ye
Sin Tin: Ladies call me subway because I'm a second choice and I lie about being six inches
Clams: Hyung
Clams: I fucking love you
Sin Tin: Ily2
Clams: So much
Clams: So fucking much
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y'all finna play just dance or are you wasting my time: jungkook..... is a cup
Jared: explain
y'all finna play just dance or are you wasting my time: cries when dropped on the floor
Jared: th
Jared: that is not the direction I expected that to go
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y'all finna play just dance or are you wasting my time: first time tae n kookie n I all fucked was a wild ride tbh
y'all finna play just dance or are you wasting my time: kookie kept saying "YEP" in a really high pitched voice whenever we asked him if it felt good or smt
Jungrat: ok but I was nervous
y'all finna play just dance or are you wasting my time: you were so cute
Jungrat: and don't think I forgot about what you did
y'all finna play just dance or are you wasting my time: ??
y'all finna play just dance or are you wasting my time: wait
Jungrat: jimin leaned down, three fingers in my asshole, and whispers in my ear,
Jungrat: are ya feelin it now mister krabs??
P(r)i(nce)ss: AHAHAHHA I REMEMBER THAT MINNIE WHAT THE FUCK
y'all finna play just dance or are you wasting my time: SHUT
Clams: Oh my god
Clams: I'm fucking dead
Jared: he is
Clams: Minnie baby what the fuck
y'all finna play just dance or are you wasting my time: look,.,,
y'all finna play just dance or are you wasting my time: ya ok I got nothin
P(r)i(nce)ss: Iconic.
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Sin Tin: I tried to call hobi a tomato whore and I misspelled tomato and I started crying
Legg: I have a lot of questions
Sin Tin: I'm having an emotional time ok
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P(r)i(nce)ss: I smoked a marijuana once and now I have a piss kink
Jungrat: is this what weed does to ur loved ones
P(r)i(nce)ss: Yes
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Legg: Wow I fucking love dogs
y’all finna play just dance or are you wasting my time: ok we get it ur a furry
Legg: Wait what the fuck n
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Jungrat: so I was playing ow as roadhog and I turned to say hi to the junkrat and rigt as I turned they got fucking shot and I s2g mmm whachya say played in my goddamn head
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P(r)i(nce)ss: Kook is fucking gay
Jungrat: ya
P(r)i(nce)ss: Love you
Jungrat: love you too
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Jungrat: u ever see minnie and ur like wow I wanna do disgusting things to u
y’all finna play just dance or are you wasting my time: I wanna do disgusting things to u too b
Jungrat: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) like what
y’all finna play just dance or are you wasting my time: stab you
Jungrat: I
Jungrat: I probably should have seen that coming tbh
y’all finna play just dance or are you wasting my time: yeah idk what u expected
Jungrat: lol ya
Jungrat: lemme eat ur ass
y’all finna play just dance or are you wasting my time: k I’ll be there in ten
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Sin Tin: yoongi
Sin Tin: is a vampire
Clams: Look u say u have a blood kink ONE TIME and suddenly you're a fucking vampire I see how it is bitch
Sin Tin: I was talking abt ur pale ass n fucked sleep but ok
Clams: Oh
Clams: I didn’t say that
Sin Tin: say what
Clams: Thx hyung I love you
Sin Tin: ily2
Sin Tin: dracula
Clams: BIT H
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P(r)i(nce)ss: How to tell if you're into vore
P(r)i(nce)ss: Are you into vore test
P(r)i(nce)ss: Do I like vore or do I just want to die
y'all finna play just dance or are you wasting my time: ok taehyung what the fuck
P(r)i(nce)ss: Wait shit I thought I was typing into google
y'all finna play just dance or are you wasting my time: how do you even ??? do that ??? how do u not notice
P(r)i(nce)ss: Look it's like three am and I got some pineapple strain yesterday I'm fucked minnie
y'all finna play just dance or are you wasting my time: wait u got that pineapple shit
y'all finna play just dance or are you wasting my time: omw I'm gonna pick up some food
P(r)i(nce)ss: I'm only letting you in if you bring cheesy bread
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Jungrat: mornin
Jungrat: wait tae what the fuck
Jungrat: is
Jungrat: is no one gonna mention that tae's into vore or???
Sin Tin: Let's just pretend that never happened
Clams: We already knew he's into piss are you really that surprised
Sin Tin: LET'S JUST PRETEND THAT NEVER HAPPENED
Clams: You can't deny that our boyfriend's into vore, hyung
Sin Tin: I DO WHAT I WANT YOONS
P(r)i(nce)ss: Wait n stop shhh
Jared: wait tae is this why you keep biting my shoulders
P(r)i(nce)ss: WaIT N
Legg: Let the boy live, jesus
P(r)i(nce)ss: I love you joon hyung
Legg: We all agreed for this to be a kinkshaming free relationship, so let's just let him vore in peace, alright?
P(r)i(nce)ss: I take it back bitch