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"Fenris, you have an arrow sticking out of you, just let Anders have a look at it already!" - Aveline's concern sounded more like an order.
They were coming back from scouting the coast outside Kirkwall when they were met by a group of angry bandits. Not like they were particularly difficult to deal with, but in a moment of - he didn't even know what to call it... Idiocy? - he had jumped in front of Hawke when he saw the rapid arrow going straight to the man's head. It would have been quite a heroic feat, if it weren't for the fact that Hawke already had a protective magic shield around him, so the arrow wouldn't have hit him to begin with. Fenris' instinct was louder than his rational thoughts and now he had that thing pinned on his lower back. And it hurt. A lot.
He could just use his powers to remove the object himself, but there was no way he could stop the bleeding and tend to the wound when he couldn't even reach it.
The elf could see the silhouette of Garrett Hawke out the corner of his eyes; the man was looking at him... hopefully not judging him too hard for that unecessary action. It's about three years since they first met and Fenris had grown fond of the human. Hawke was a good man and a most pleasant company; he was the closest thing Fenris ever had to a friend, or so he liked to think. He had noticed though, that lately his thoughts were drifting more and more towards Hawke. When they weren't together, Fenris caught himself imagining what the man would be doing, who he was spending time with, remembering the sound of his voice and the way his skin formed little wrinkles around his eyes whenever he smiled. But when they were together it was even worse! More than once Fenris had to force his eyes to focus anywhere other than their leader... And if he let his thoughts wander too much, the most embarassing images would start taking shape and he had nowhere to hide until they faded to the back of his mind.
It was an odd thing... He always thought he would be immune to ideas of... intimacy. Being touched wasn't pleasant to him. At first it was the markings... when they were still fresh and unhealed, being touched felt like a thousand needles. Even putting on clothes or grabing objects would cause waves of pain, but that was a long time ago. It wasn't as bad now, even though they would still hurt from time to time, especially after using his powers. The lyrium demanded a lot of his body, but he learned to deal with it. He had to.
Maybe it was the warrior in him sending constant signs of danger, a self-defense mechanism to avoid being hurt? Or maybe it was just all the walls and bounderies he had build around himself that made him feel vulnerable and exposed if somebody stepped too close. Whatever it was, the fact remained that Garrett Hawke wasn't like anybody else. And if anybody would have to be touching him and looking at him, it'd better be Hawke.
"Not him", he glanced at Anders. He could hear the pain in his own voice "-Hawke."
"Are you sure? I'm no healer, Fenris.", Garrett stepped closer wearing a concerned look.
The elf nodded and said in a low voice that only they could hear "I would rather not do it here."
They walked away from the group, to a small entrance at the side of the road. It wasn't big enough to be called a cave, but enough to get some privacy.
It hurt to bend down, so Hawke had to help him sit on the dirt floor. One of his gloves brushed against his arm... It was a rough leather and he wondered if Hawke's hands would feel rough as well. People like them always had rough, callous hands, right? He let Hawke remove his chestplate and other armor pieces; he couldn't do much... by now it was becoming hard to move and even breath with that thing so close to his ribs. With the armor out, he could finally grab it... He twisted his arm backwards, reaching for the object. A flash of blue glow and the arrow was out.
"Well, that's handy!", Hawke joked, removing his own gloves and crossing his legs.
After a moment of numbness, Fenris felt the blood pouring out of the wound and soaking his already ruined shirt. He lifted it up halfway, just enough so Hawke could see it. It still felt weird to have someone looking at him... at those branded symbols he didn't even know the meaning to. He felt a little unerved for some reason... His chest felt tight and heavy at the expectation of Hawke's hands so close to his skin. He flinched in surprise when a cold wet piece of cloth was what he felt instead of warm fingers.
"It doesn't look bad at all. The arrow had a small head and it didn't go in too deep... You're not even bleeding much!", he sounded relieved as he started to clean off the blood that had dripped down the elf's back and Fenris let his body lean back a little. Hawke was so close, he felt little tingles in his ear when his warm breathing blew at his hair.
Fenris glanced back and immediately lauched his upped body forward. He hadn't realized he was almost *lying* on Hawke's chest! He felt his ears and face burning and his throat felt dry when he spoke.
"M-my apologies. I must be tired."
"I don't mind if you use me as a pillow", Hawke said with a delightful grin, "But I should really bandage you up first!"
Fenris cursed himself internally in every language he knew. How could he be so awkward? It's like being around Hawke was slowly making him lose all self-control!
"Thank you, by the way", Hawke said, grabbing more clean bandages and throwing a transparent liquid with a strong smell on them.
"You were never in harm's way... I forgot about the magical shield."
"Still, you jumped to protect me and I'm very thankful... You also picked me to take care of you. I'm not gonna lie... I'm very happy, but why me?"
"You're... different.", their eyes met for a second before Fenris turned them away. "You don't look at me like they do..."
"They? You mean Aveline and the others?"
"No. Just... People."
"How do people look at you?"
"Pity. Disgust. Fear.", the elf sighed before continuing "Like I'm some strange looking thing. A wild animal who is going to attack as soon as they turn their backs..."
The silence lasted only a few seconds, but to Fenris it felt too long. He had made things awkward again, hadn't he? What kind of response could Hawke even have to that? He shouldn't have said anything...
"Well, they're wrong. You're beautiful."
Fenris' mind went blank as he stared at the man smiling at him. Then all of a sudden inumerous incoherent thoughts started rushing in and all the blood inside him felt like fire.
"..And smart. And funny."
His body felt like it was seconds away from self-combust, the way every part of him felt hot and waves of shock released with each loud heartbeat! This couldn't be a natural reaction! It wasn't the first time Hawke flirted with him, why was he behaving so strangely now??
"... so, clearly, you've been talking to the wrong people."
"... And you're the right one?"
"I sure hope so!"
Hawke's laugh sounded reassuring and tender and Fenris was finally able to relax and smile.
"You enjoy teasing me, don't you, Hawke?"
"Maybe... But I mean it."
He pushed his shirt back up, letting the other man continue what he was doing before.
It was almost torture the way Hawke's arms were hovering around him, wrapping the bandage roll around his waist, never touching. Was he being so carefull on purpose? Fenris never mentioned anything about his aversion or pain before, so Hawke couldn't know... He wanted him to know though. He wanted to tell him everything. And do so much more. These new sensations and desires inside him were confusing, but maybe Hawke would accept him, even the ugly parts of him.