Chapter Text
Nardole looked up at the Doctor with all the seriousness and sternness his face would allow. He spoke not just with the weight of Testimony, but with the authority granted to him by River Song. “Don't die. Because if you do, I think everybody in the universe might just go cold.”
The Doctor looked away from Nardole and asked a question he’d been asking ever since he was in his Confession Dial. “Can't I ever have peace? Can't I rest?”
He wasn’t asking Nardole or Bill that question. No. They were Testimony now. They represented the Universe and as usual, the Universe had picked forms that he would respond to. He was asking the Universe. He was more than a little surprised when the Universe answered using Bill’s voice. “Of course, you can.”
Nardole chimed in. “It’s your choice.”
“Only yours.”
Nardole finished, “We understand.”
At that, the Doctor had to speak. He desperately wanted – no needed – them to understand. “No. No. You don't. You're not even really here. You're just memories held in glass. Do you know how many of you I could fill? I would shatter you. My Testimony would shatter all of you. A life this long, do you understand what it is? It's a battlefield! Like this one. And it's empty. Because everyone else has fallen.”
Bill offered a bit of a smirk and shook her head at him. “I think I’m the only person who’s gotten to say this to you this often, but you’re wrong, Doctor. Because it’s not empty.”
She and Nardole gestured to the battlefield and after a moment, shimmers of light started to appear all over the place. Each one moved closer to the trio and the Doctor could make them out as they came closer.
Katerina was first. The Doctor hung his head. “Of course, of course. It would be you.”
He raised his head to meet her eyes and raised a hand as if to touch her. She stepped into his touch as he spoke. “The first one I failed to save. I promised to always remember you as one of the Daughters of the Gods.”
She smiled up at him. “But you did save me, Doctor. And because you taught me the importance of saving others, I was able to save the lives of all the beings of the Solar System. You believed that back then, what happened?”
He shook his head at her. “If you think this is a good way to convince me to change, to go on, then you are very much mistaken. This isn’t real! None of this is real. None of you are real!”
“We are as real as you need us to be, Doctor. Surely you can work out that much?”
The voice of a young man. Another who’s death the Doctor still blamed himself for not stopping. He turned to face him. His breath caught in his throat at the sight. “Adric.”
The lad nodded. “You said your Testimony would shatter us, but that’s what you don’t understand. Your Testimony is what allows us all to be here. Our Testimony only exists because yours does.”
“Doctor,” it was Romana who spoke now, as she was when she was first assigned to him when they were searching for the pieces to the Key to Time. “You know better than anyone that in the end, the Universe claims all of us.” She stepped closer to take his hand. “But that doesn’t mean you didn’t save us.”
He was getting overwhelmed now. He gazed out across the battlefield and saw dozens upon dozens of people – all who had travelled with him at one time or another. He lowered his head and whispered to Romana. “Please stop. I… I want to stop now.”
“Hang on, Professor, just a little longer.” That was Ace and his head snapped in the direction of her voice. “Because there’s a question you’ve been asking, ever since you very first left Gallifrey and you’re never going to understand the answer without us.”
The Doctor’s expression was the picture of confusion. “What question? What are you talking about?”
Liz Shaw came into view. “The question that you knew you could only answer if you left Gallifrey.”
The Doctor’s resolve was breaking down. He had been wrong. His Testimony wouldn’t shatter them, it would shatter himself. Liz smiled at him. “Come on, Doctor, we’re both scientists. What was the question?”
Leela then stepped forward. “Even a stupid savage like me can ask the question, why can’t you?”
The Doctor reached out to her. “I learned to see past that. Don’t call yourself that, please.”
“Then what is the question?”
He shook his head, still confused. Then, the Master came into view. The Master with the greying hair and the goatee. The one who taunted him time and again when he was stuck on Earth in his third body. “Perhaps he needs a clue? Look at me, Doctor, do you remember the question now?”
The Doctor backed away from him. He and Missy had come so close to getting it right this time, he had almost forgotten that she had been like this.
“He does indeed remember. Not sure why he refuses to put it into words. Come, come, Doctor, we haven’t been friends as long as we have for no reason.”
That voice made one of the Doctor’s hearts skip a beat. Finally, he chose to speak. “Brigadier.”
Alistair nodded curtly once in reply and the Doctor swallowed hard. “I needed to know... What keeps the balance between good and evil in the universe?”
When he finally asked the question, there was a bright flash of light and he was standing again in the Chamber of the Dead. Professor Helen Clay, now in glass again, was in her seat at the top of the long flight of stairs. The Doctor approached her slowly. He stopped about mid-way up the stairs. “Why do you care what my question is?”
“We don’t really.” The Doctor turned around at the Aussie sounding voice and actually managed a smile to see Tegan. She continued. “We’re far more interested in your answer.”
He waved her off as he sat down where he was. “I don’t have one yet. Over two thousand years and I’m no closer to having an answer.”
He heard someone coming down the stairs. Then he felt a small hand upon his shoulder. “Maybe you’re looking for the answer in the wrong place, Grandfather.”
At the name he hadn’t heard in far too long, he looked at the hand on his shoulder, then up the arm it was attached to, and finally into the face of… “Susan.”
He spoke her name as a breath. She smiled and then sat down next to him. She looped her arm through his and hugged it tightly. He reached with his free hand and cupped the side of her face and encouraged her to lean her head against his shoulder. “Oh, my dear child. I have waited so long to see you again.”
“I know. We had to wait. If I had been used first, there would have been no doubt, no question for you. You wouldn’t have given us a chance.”
“A chance? What chance?”
“To help you answer your question.”
He slowly looked over at her. His breath caught in his throat all over again. “How can you help me to answer it?”
Susan smiled her impish little grin and raised her hand. As before, all the bubbles of memories started to come out and move around them. But they were different this time. It wasn’t a Testimony against the Doctor. It was a Testimony on his behalf. He didn’t recognise any of the memories this time. And it took him a few minutes to realise what he was seeing.
He was witnessing how his companions spoke about him when he wasn’t around. Or after they had left him. He saw Ian and Barbara in their sitting room, telling their grandchildren about the Doctor and how it was important to always help others. He saw Jamie telling his fellow Highlanders that there was more to being a Highlander than fighting. They had to fight for a good cause. He saw Turlough as a leader of his people, helping them to find peace and prosperity. He saw Mel Bush helping Glitz learn how to be more than a space pirate.
The Doctor couldn’t see any more for the tears that clouded his vision. Susan waved her hand again and the bubbles dispersed. She hugged his arm tightly again. “That’s what Nardole meant about the Universe going cold. All of that is down to you. It’s still your choice, of course. But consider all of that before you make your final decision.”
He had pulled out a handkerchief and had started to clean himself up a bit before he nodded his agreement.
“And Grandfather? One more thing.” He looked over at her again as she continued. “Whatever you decide, I’ll still love you.”
He leaned his head to rest on top of hers. “Thank you, Child. That means more to me than you can possibly imagine.”
There was another bright flash of light, the Doctor had to close his eyes against it. When he opened them again, he found himself on that same battlefield. Only this time, it was just him, Nardole, and Bill. He stepped closer to them, he had one last thing to say. One last Testimony to give. “Thank you. Thank you both, for everything that you were to me.” He managed a smile. One last smile for his friends. “What happens now. Where I go now. It has to be alone.”
The three of them hugged and Nardole murmured, “Cuddle.”
And then, Bill and Nardole were gone and the Doctor was again alone. He looked around briefly. It was entirely empty, not even the soldiers were around any longer. The Doctor sighed and encouraged himself. “Time to leave the Battlefield.”
With that, he entered the TARDIS.