Chapter Text
“He’s doing it again,” Michael pressed himself against his locker, mumbling to his friend with an uncharacteristic scowl.
“What? Seriously dude, they don’t acknowledge us unless they’re being assholes, you’re just being paranoid,” Jeremy fumbled with his books, trying to make room in the overstuffed locker before Michael took pity on him and opened his own to share. He always was surprisingly organised, Jeremy suspected this was because it was easier to find and hide weed than it was in chaos.
Michael shook his head, “No, bro, I’m telling you Jake keeps staring at me. It’s fucking creepy, it looks like he wants to eat me,” his friend rolled his eyes
“Maybe he just thinks you’re nice to look at. It’s not like it hasn’t happened before. Remember that weird girl in seventh grade, had that thing with the horses?”
“Okay- first off, gay, second off, nobody who likes horses that much can be trusted to have an accurate opinion on anything, so that doesn’t count, third off- he just did it again Jeremy, how are you not seeing this?”
“Oh- shit dude, yeah, I saw that time. He totally thinks you’re hot,” Michael punched him on the arm as he snickered behind his hand.
“That’s not funny, asshole, he looks like he’s planning something, he’s probably going to eat me. How can you joke at a time like this?? Someone is planning to cannibalise your best friend, you heartless bastard,” Michael put his hand to his heart in mock hurt as Jeremy tipped his head back, humming in thought.
“I mean if they were going to eat either of us it would be you, there’s nothing on me,”
“I dunno, I hear weedy twink is a delicacy in some circles,”
They turned from their lockers and started to the cafeteria, continuing the conversation as they went, “I saw on Discovery that sharks sometimes eat each other in the womb to survive, you think popular people are like that? Maybe he sees me as a threat. I am pretty fuckin’ rad,”
“Michael you know damn well neither of us are cool enough to be on his radar like that,”
“Do I? I happen to think we’re both pretty fuckin tubular, my dude,”
“No, he’s right, you’re both a couple of losers,” a cocky voice interjected from behind them, they looked back and down, both of them inwardly sighing. Fucking Rich, “Hot tip free from me to you, don’t fuckin talk like that and people wouldn’t think you were so…. you,”
“Do you want something?” Michael asked, already irritated. He stepped in front of Jeremy instinctively, he could take a punch better and they both knew it.
“Awfully fuckin quick to get rid of me, aren’t you? I’m just here to hang out with my buddies, there’s no need to be a dick about it,” he was so full of shit. Michael knew they were planning something, “Yeah though, matter of fact I do. Did you do something to Jake, four eyes?” he raised a pierced eyebrow, looming up at the taller boy best he could. Regardless of the almost ridiculous height difference it was still intimidating.
“Is that a joke?”
“Do I look like I’m joking, Michael?” he didn’t.
“If you’re talking about all the creepy staring shit, I don’t know where that came from. I haven’t done anything,”
Rich tsked and crossed his arms, “If you’ve used some kinda gay crystal voodoo shit on him I’m gonna pound your ass,”
“Is that a threat or a promise?” fuck, instant regret, immediate regret, he felt Jeremy tense up behind him
“He didn’t do anything Rich, j-just,” the lanky boy attempted to interject, Michael grabbed his friend’s hand absent-mindedly, it was second nature now to calm each other down. This didn’t go unnoticed by the shorter boy, who made a disgusted face and backed off, getting one last insult in before bailing.
“Whatever, faggots. Have fun boning in the school bathroom, just don’t fuck with my boy,” they were silent a few seconds after he left.
“...Like he’s never fucked in a school bathroom,” Michael grumbled
“Are you okay?” Jeremy asked quietly, glancing for a second at the pride patch on his friend’s arm with concern. Michael just sighed and nodded, running a hand through his hair.
“Not the worst he could do,”
“That doesn’t make it okay,” Jeremy frowned, giving Michael’s hand a reassuring squeeze
“Whatever, let’s go. I actually remembered my lunch for once,” he squeezed back before letting go.
They sat down in their usual corner away from everyone and people watched, as they usually did at lunch. Jeremy was unsurprisingly watching for Christine, but Michael instead of just watching for anything interesting in general, was searching for Jake. Maybe this staring thing really had made him paranoid- Jeremy had definitely noticed..
“Would you though?”
“What?”
“Is he your type?”
“Who- Jake? Dude, ew, no, that guy’s a jackass, I have standards Jer,”
“So why are you so bothered by this?” Jeremy raised an eyebrow, lips curled around the straw in his milk carton. He was lactose intolerant but life is an empty screaming void and the only certainty in the universe is uncertainty so who cares really, “‘Sides, if a popular dude likes you you might get less shit for liking dudes yourself,”
“I don’t care if people give me shit for that. They’re just missing out on all the other delightful things they could be dragging me for that only you are privy to,” Michael grinned at him with a wink. It was only a partial lie- of course homophobia in general bothered him, but the opinion of some random assholes? Not so much.
“You mean like that three hour lecture you gave me on why The Big Bang Theory is irredeemable garbage and how you were an expert on the subject because you’d hate-watched every single episode?”
“Yeah, exactly,” truthfully he’d just been high and couldn’t find the remote, but as Jeremy had been all too happy to point out, he could have just gotten up and turned it off, “Anyway, I’m bothered because there’s no way he does like me, and there’s nothing good that can come of this. He’s fuckin planning something Jeremy, I know it,”
“Why don’t you ask him?”
“Why the hell would I-”
“He’s coming over here right now,”
Michael went to make a mad scramble to hide under the table, but he’d already been seen. That didn’t mean he had to come out though, he could just live down here, make a living his own way. He’d play styrofoam cups for change and live on vending machine snacks he bribed people to fetch for him with his music. He would become a lunch table fae, legend and protector of sick styrofoam beats, it was perfect.
Ignorant to his friend’s masterplan, Jeremy squeaked out a nervous hello to the newcomer.
“Hey Jerry, what’s uh...”
“Michael?” he didn’t bother to correct his own name. He’d just forget again anyway. Douche.
“Right, what’s Michael doing... later?” Michael squinted at that. Was- was Jake asking him out through Jeremy??? Did he not even know his name? He peeked his head out from under the table, a skeptical look on his face.
“If I say no are you gonna kick my ass?”
“Hey, I’ve never kicked your ass, that was Rich,” the taller boy pointed out with a disapproving frown.
“You never stopped him,” Michael was unimpressed, moving into what he hoped was a sophisticated looking crouch rather than a particularly ungraceful gargoyle stance, arms crossed on the table in front of him.
“I… yeah, you’re right. Sorry dude, I just- do you wanna go play hockey later? Or something?”
“Uh, no?” Jeremy snorted into his milk, he knew Michael had never seen a Sports Ball in his life, “Is that all you wanted, we’re kinda busy here,” they weren’t doing shit and even Jake probably knew that. He’d expected this to be some stupid practical joke, it wasn’t the first time someone had asked one of them out as a joke but Jake had actually looked… genuinely disappointed. What was happening today.
“Okay bro, I’ll just, uh, bye then,” and with that, he walked back to his own table, looking uncomfortably like a kicked puppy.
Jeremy just shook his head at the awkward interaction, “What the fuck, dude,”