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No matter how much Xayah may have complained about Rakan’s antics, she did love him. No matter how many times he may have nearly gotten them both killed, she couldn’t sleep without him near her. However, sometimes Xayah needed her space, and sometimes Rakan really needed to respect that.
That was how Xayah found herself sitting in a forest clearing, with her cloak wrapped around herself and her knees drawn up to her chest, feeling incomplete. She hadn’t seen Rakan for quite a while and she was starting to get worried; they’d fought earlier that day, before noon. She’d told Rakan to give her some space and, as usual, he’d been joking around and not leaving, but Xayah was just so… she just wasn’t able to be around him. Not for any real reason, but she was just angry. Among other things. She was… tired as well, her struggle to restore the Vastyan lands wasn’t going well, she was close to breaking.
Rakan had just tipped her over that edge today.
Xayah usually felt a little better after their occasional spats; she would take a moment to let out of the anger that Rakan had induced over the last couple months, he would give her some space, and be back in an hour, with an apology and a minor change in how he acted. No major personality shift. Just fixing some of the little things. In turn, if he ever had issues with how Xayah acted towards him, or any “little things” that were causing issues, she would work to fix those.
But today’s fight had gone downhill, very fast. Xayah couldn’t even remember what sparked the fight, but Rakan had done something and that caused her to snap. She’d said a lot of things that she regretted, but now, almost half a day later, she was afraid. Afraid that she’d cause irreparable harm to their relationship.
Often times, Xayah was torn between hugging Rakan and never letting him go and slapping him. Sometimes, she would hug him and just cry. Other times she’d slap him, lightly, just a tap really., if he was being an idiot, then she’d hug him.
This time though, she yelled at him and backhanded him. At that moment a small part of her, felt a rush of satisfaction, she’d won whatever they were fighting about; she enjoyed winning.
It was only afterward when she was done being angry and was alone and tired, that she remembered the look of shock and the look of hurt on Rakan’s face, she had cried. Xayah didn’t like seeing Rakan hurt, causing that pain though, was terrible. It was worse, in many ways than watching someone else hurt him.
Then she had someone to blame, then she had someone to punish for causing the love pain, then she could take out all of her anger on someone. Now, the only one she had to blame was herself; she hurt Rakan. And that was why he was gone.
Xayah felt tears start to burn in her eyes, again. He was so far away that she wasn’t even able to feel the music that accompanied his soul, wherever he went. Usually, when he gave her some space, Rakan was still close enough for her to feel his soul.
Xayah swallowed hard, as the tears began to flow, from there it was only seconds before she started to cry in earnest. Silent and harsh sobs wracked her as she laid her head in her arms. As she sat, crying in the clearing, she missed the music, for only the second time in her life.
Then, there was a warmth surrounding Xayah, and a pair of strong arms around her, holding her close. A hand gently stroked her hair, “And here I was, worried about getting a pair of quills to the chest.” Rakan’s voice had lost some of its normal lightheartedness. “I am so sorry, Xayah. I’m sorry for running off, I--”
“Shut up.” Xayah told him, “Shut up and stop apologizing for something that is on me.”
“Xayah, this isn’t your fault.” He protested, “I was being an insensitive dumbass--”
“Rakan.” She said, cupping his cheek, carefully avoiding the bruise, “Stop trying to take the blame; I lashed out and hurt you. Don’t try to pretend that I didn’t, I saw your face.”
Xayah choked back tears once more, “I’m sorry. There is no excuse for my actions. Just… please. Don’t go. Don’t leave.”
Rakan gently took Xayah’s hand and placed it on his shoulder, before tipping her chin up, so she would look him in the eyes. “Xayah, my love,” His voice was unnaturally serious, “I would never leave you, no matter what happens, I will stay by your side.”
With that, Rakan wrapped an arm around her waist and tangled his other hand in her hair, holding her to his chest. Despite the day’s events, Xayah smiled and wrapped her arms around Rakan, burying her face in the crook of his neck.
Humans often said that home is where the heart is; if that was true, Xayah decided that her home was here, with Rakan.
Sitting there, with Rakan, Xayah went through all of the time they’d spent together. She remembered their first meeting, how Rakan had risked himself without any real reason. She remembered how he’d protected her during her battle with Zed in the temple, all that time ago.
Xayah thought about how much she loved Rakan, how she broke down without him. She never wanted him to leave. She thought back to a question that he’d asked a few years ago:
“Hey, babe?” He’d asked, “What you do if I died?”
She hadn’t even needed to think about her answer, “I’d burn this world to the ground.”
And that was true, she didn’t want to live in a world without him; she couldn’t see any way that the world would be worth keeping around without her charmer.
Xayah pulled away from Rakan a little, before kissing him. It was different from some of their other kisses; this one was gentle instead of heated, there was a lingering taste of salt from both of their tears. When they broke the kiss, Xayah and Rakan put their foreheads together, breaths mixing.
“Rakan?” Xayah whispered.
“Hmm?” He said.
“Marry me?” She asked a hint of a waver in her voice.
Rakan pressed his lips to her forehead, mumbling, “Of course. I thought you’d never ask.”