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It wasn’t so bad. Robert could do this. Be at a gay bar, have a beer, chat with locals. He was a different person now... no longer afraid to be who he was.
Robert feels a tinge if sadness thinking of the reason why he no longer is afraid to be who he is.
Vic’s at the bar with Venessa getting another round. Robert can’t help but chuckle at the presence of his sister and Vanessa at Bar West.
“Thanks,” Robert says, as Vic hands him his beer. “Ya know I always wanted to come here, see what it’s like.”
Robert nods. “Yeah... Aaron always wanted to come here together.” Robert looks down at his beer, starts peeling the wrapper. “Never got around to it.” He says regretfully. Knowing full well, he, at the time, didn’t feel comfortable enough with himself to come here. He can’t help but be full of regrets.
“What does it matter, Charity!” Vanessa barks into her phone.
Robert and Vic turn their attention to Venessa. Robert wondered where Tracy was. He knew there was something going on between Venessa and Charity and he wasn’t sure he was in the mood to deal with anyone’s relationship drama tonight.
“Yes... it’s a gay bar but it’s—-“ Vanessa stood there looking at her phone... in shock. “She hung up on me!” She shrieked, clearly offended.
Robert gave a shrug. “Sounds like she’s jealous.”
“Oh but Charity... Ms. I don’t do relationships doesn’t get jealous.” Vanessa was heated, even doing the quotation marks with her fingers.
Robert rolls his eyes.
“Really?” Venessa asks.
Vic pats her on the shoulder. “This is Charity we are talking about. Nothing is going to be black and white. Gotta read between the lines.”
Vanessa nods in understanding, like she gets this about her “kinda” girlfriend.
“All’s good between you two, you tell her you’re at a gay bar and what does she do?” Vic asks.
Vanessa looks at Vic, like she’s waiting for the answers.
Robert can’t believe he has to listen to all this on his night out, so he helps her out. “What did Charity say after you told her you were at a gay bar?” He intervenes.
“Oh right, she goes... why would you be there? Real chip on her shoulders like.”
Vic nods.”Then?”
Robert already knows the rest.
“Then you asked why it mattered and she hung up on you?”
Vanessa nods, taking another sip of her drink.
Smiling Vic says, “See! Jealous. She thinks you’re out on the pull!”
Vanessa looks dumbstruck. “Well... I’m not and if she’d have waited two seconds I’d have told her we are here to get Robert laid not the other way around!”
“Hey!” Robert scolds, like he needs help getting laid.
“Sorry... “ Vanessa looks up guilty.
Robert shrugs. “Send her a text or go call her. I’m sure she’ll understand.” He tires.
Vanessa seems on board with this idea. “Right... okay. When Tracy comes back tell her I popped out to make a phone call.”
Robert and Vic wish her luck.
“I came here to get away from relationship drama.” Robert half smiles as he makes his way to a seat at the bar.
“Right? Drama seems to find you where ever you go Rob! You’re a magnet for it.” Vic’s teasing him, but Robert can see the truth in there. A joke disguised as the truth.
“Can I get you another?”
Robert turns to his right. A man with dark brown hair, stubble on his face, and just enough resemblance to someone else he knows sits next to him offering to buy him a drink. Robert says yes, and right after he accepts he can’t help but notice his eyes are not blue but brown.
<<<>>>
Aaron was determined to show his commitment to Alex. He agreed to meet Alex’s friends and go out with them tonight.
Elliot and Ben, they were nice enough blokes. Elliot was a writer and Ben was a maths teacher. And here Aaron was a mechanic with grease still under his fingernails, the kind that never washed off. He felt completely out of place.
It’s funny though because he never felt like this with Robert... even with his expensive suits, even in the beginning when he was with Chrissie and he had all that money and material things. Maybe it’s because Aaron knew it was all an act. Yeah, Robert liked nice things but he was always just a man who grew up on a farm who liked the finer things in life and Aaron felt like one of those finer things.
Aaron tires to clear his thoughts of Robert. Making his way into Bar West behind Alex and his friends.
As Aaron made his way over to the table they picked out he noticed the very man who had been occupying his thoughts just a few moments ago.
Aaron halts in his tracks, stunned to see his husband in a gay bar and mentally berating himself for continuing to reference him as his husband.
He’s alone at the bar, beer in hand. Aaron has the urge to go over and keep him company.
“Aaron!” Alex, waves him over.
Aaron tears his eyes away from his ex as he makes his way over to Alex? His feet feel like they’re made of lead.
“So, Aaron you ever been here before?” Ben asks.
Aaron nods his head yes. “Yeah....” Aaron says, absently, can’t even be bothered to elaborate.
He looks back over at Robert noticing another man has made his way over to him. The hairs on the back of Aaron’s neck begin to stand on end. He doesn’t sit down next to him. He remains standing, handing him his beer. Aaron can see Robert accept it with a smile. Aaron’s heart begins to beat faster, his underarms begin to sweat.
“So what are you having?” Someone asks, Aaron’s not sure who. And before Aaron can even ask what they all want to drink, he’s up. “I’ll get the drinks.” He yells at them over his shoulder, as he starts walking towards the bar.
He can see the fucker who’s chatting up his husband lean in to say something in Robert’s ear, hand on his thigh. And Robert’s letting him. He’s blushing.
Aaron can’t decide if he’s going to be sick, cry, or punch this fucker, perhaps all three. He knows he’s being irrational. He knows this is not fair, yet he can’t seem to control himself and his emotions, so he just keeps walking.
Aaron is just a few inches from Robert when he sees him. At first Robert seems shocked then embarrassed, like he can’t believe Aaron’s seen this. Before Aaron or Robert can contemplate further Aaron takes a seat to Robert’s left. “I’ll take a beer please.” He tells the bartender.
“What are you doing here?” Robert asks nervously.
Aaron sees that Robert has moved his leg away from pisshead and Aaron feels like he’s not on the verge of homicide anymore.
“Here with Alex and his mates. Just having a beer...” Aaron asks, tapping the table with his thumbs. “You?”
“Just out with the girls... they’re around somewhere. Just having a beer.”
Aaron chuckles bitterly.
“Hi...”
Aaron looks over to see irrelevant has introduced himself. He doesn’t say anything back.
“Aaron this is Mike...Mike this is Aaron.” Robert introduces.
Mike extends his hand to Aaron and Aaron’s just petty and hypocritical enough not to take it.
Robert shakes his head sadly. “Don’t do this Aaron...”
“Sorry I don’t want to shake the hand of the man hitting on my husband.” Yes, Aaron went there. There’s shame and embarrassment hidden somewhere deep, he’s sure he’ll feel it later.
“Says the husband who’s here with his boyfriend!” Robert explodes before getting up to leave, angrily pushing back his chair, leaving Mike and Aaron sitting at the bar.
“That was awkward.” Mike says with a shrug as he gets up to leave, leaving Aaron alone.
<<<>>>
“You see everything?” Aaron asks tiredly, rubbing his hand over his face.
Vic is stood next to him, hands on her hip. She might be small but when she’s pissed she can scare off men twice her size.
“Ya know... I knew you could get jealous. Just never pegged you for the raging, crazy, irrational jealous type.” Vic pats Aaron on the back. She had witnessed most of what went down. Coming over to give him a piece of her mind.
“This isn’t fair Aaron... “ Vic says, taking a seat next to him.
“I know... I’m not sure what’s come over me. We’re over and I’m with Alex.”
Vic hums in agreement. “Yeah but do ya wanna be is the question... “
Aaron sighs knowing the answer.
“You can’t keeping doing this.” She reprimands him, “It’s not fair to either of ya.”
Aaron knows she’s right. “I know.” He gets up, positive that Robert is long gone, taken a cab home or something but he needed to find him.
“Hey!” Alex halts Aaron in his tracks, before he can make it to the door. “Where have you been? I thought you were getting us a drink?” He questions.
Aaron huffs. He doesn’t want to do this right now but he knows he can’t keep this charade up any longer. “Listen I’m sorry Alex but this isn’t going to work.” Aaron sighs, seeing the confusion on Alex face, regretting he put it there and led him on unintentionally. “I tired but it’s just... you’re just... “ Aaron sees the hurt flash against Alex’s face. “I’m sorry, Alex.”
“Is it because we went too fast? Meeting my friends?” He asks... still trying. And Aaron wants to scream. Scream that he’s not Robert. That this was doomed from the start.
Aaron shakes his head. “No, course not. It’s nothing to do with you or your friends.”
Alex nods his head. “It’s Robert... “ He says, no anger or bitterness in his statement, just fact and perhaps like he knew it was coming.
Aaron doesn’t deny it. Even if him and Robert never get back together, it still wouldn’t work out. His heart is already taken and Alex deserves better than being second best. “I wish you the best Alex... you deserve it.”
“I hope he knows how lucky he is.” He says.
Aaron nods. Not bothering trying to explain he’s just as lucky.
<<<>>>
It’s raining and Robert finds a dark humor in that fact. Of course it would be raining. Not only did he finally open himself up, go out to a gay bar and try and meet someone but the very person he’s trying to forget shows up and decides he has the right to get jealous while he’s there with his boyfriend.
And Robert can’t leave. His sister, Vanessa and Tracy are still in there. Sure he could take a cab but he wants to be sure they get home okay. So here he is, drenched outside in the rain, while his ex husband is inside with his boyfriend.
Robert kicks his car, screaming out in frustration. Yeah... he knows it’s not his car’s fault and he loves his car but Robert hurt the things he loves, why change the habit of a lifetime?
“Robert!”
“Robert!”
Robert turns around, not sure if he heard his name or not over his own screams and the roaring of the rain.
It’s Aaron, walking, rather fast towards him. Robert turns back around. “Go back inside Aaron. You’re getting soaked.” He says as he walks away from him.
“Robert! For fuck’s sake! Wait a minute!” Aaron yells from behind him.
Robert doesn’t listen, he continues walking away.
Aaron catches up with him, getting in front of him, halting his walking. “What the fuck!”
“What do you want Aaron!” Robert yells. Frustrated.
Aaron is up in Robert’s personal space, both are yelling.
“I want you to listen. I want to talk to you!” He barks back, like a bull ready to explode.
“Why?” Robert questions, not backing down. “You picked Alex again! I’m trying to move on Aaron! Then you go and do that! What do you want from me?” Robert’s face is inches away from Aaron’s.
Robert can see it, Aaron’s looking at his lips. He’s going to kiss him. He’s not sure who dove in first. Maybe they both did at the same time. It’s all teeth and extra wet and slippery from the rain. It’s messy and raw. It’s needy, angry and passionate. It’s months worth of not having this and it wasn’t long enough. Robert pulls back first, needing oxygen but missing it almost immediately.
Aaron looks down, not meeting Robert’s eyes.
“I’m sorry...” He says, panting. “I was jealous.” He admits.
“You don’t get to do this to me Aaron! You don’t get to have it both ways! You’re with Alex!” Robert’s backs away, needing space.
“I know! Don’t you think I know! All of this is hard for me, Robert. After everything... coming to terms with everything! I’ve realized that I’m tired... tired of trying to please everyone else. I want to do what makes me happy. And you make me happy. “
Robert isn’t sure he’s heard Aaron right. If the rain is causing him to hear things. “What?” He breathes out.
“Robert... it’s always going to be me and you and I’m tired of pretended otherwise.” Aaron’s making his way closer to Robert but Robert’s backing away.
Robert shakes his head. “No... you, you’re with Alex.”
Aaron shakes his head right back. “I just ended it with him. Tired of denying the inevitable.... “
Robert continues to shake his head in denial, like the words can’t filter in, like he can’t actually get what he wants in this life after all he’s done. “But... you deserve better than me.” Because Robert knows Aaron does. He deserves the best.
Aaron’s face crumbles at that. “Robert, when are you going to learn you’re good enough? You’re worth so much more than you give yourself credit for. I deserve you. We deserve each other.” Aaron’s stroking Robert’s cheek, “that is if you still want me...”
Robert rests his forehead on Aaron’s, “Always.”
<<<>>>
“It was a gay bar for men, Charity! And we were there for Robert! And if you’d have picked up your phone or read any of my text you’d have known that!” Venessa’s swaying on her feet, a little more than tipsy from her night out. Robert grabs her arm to steady her.
Robert was instructed that he was to bring her to the pub, even is it was 2 in the morning. She left no room for argument.
Yeah he could be doing so many other things right now but Aaron and him agreed to take things slow and they were having dinner at the pub and a movie at the Mill tomorrow, so he figured since he had nothing better to do after he dropped his drunk sister and Tracy off at home, he’d help Vanessa out. He was feeling giving all of a sudden. Sure, it might have had something to do with a certain mechanic.
Charity rolled her eyes. “Do you know what time it is?” She questions, only slightly annoyed. She looked over a Robert. “And why are you involved in all this?”
Robert with his hands up in a defensive gesture, “Don’t kill the messenger... I’m just doing what I’m told!” He says.
“You were jealous!” Vanessa accuses, finger pointed in Charity’s direction as she leans her body into the bar.
“Oh please.”
“Oh that’s right you don’t get jealous because you don’t do relationships? No! You don’t do relationships with women.” She accused, chuckling loudly.
“You’re drunk, Ness.”
Venessa shakes her head.
Robert wishes the floor would swallow him whole. He went to make his way out the door.
“Take Robbo here... bet he never thought he’d do a relationship with a man, and look, he went off and found his soulmate and married him!”
“And look how well that turned out! Someone always gets hurt!” Charity shouted.
“So that’s what this is about... you’re afraid of getting hurt?”
Charity scoffs. “What no... of course not.”
“You are!”
“No... I was jealous. Yep, totally jealous. Let’s go with that.” Charity babbles, trying to change the subject.
Vanessa makes her way behind the bar, “Awe, Charity. I can’t promise neither one of us won’t accidentally hurt the other... but I promise I’ll never intentionally hurt you.” Vanessa grabs hold of Charity’s hands. “Plus, I hate seeing you hurt, I like your smile too much.”
Charity laughs. “You must really be drunk.” She says. Kissing her lightly on the lips. “Whew babe, how much tequila did you have?” She teases.
Vanessa laughs. “One or two.”
“Come on let’s get you to bed.”
Charity goes to turn off the lights in the pub. “Hey! What are you still doing here?”
Robert was sitting in a back booth, half asleep. “Just making sure I didn’t need to take Vanessa home, if you two ended up in a yelling match. Plus, I’m too tired... “ he admits.
“Well sofa’s free... just for tonight and gone by morning. Don’t want Chas having a go at me! Ain’t worth the headache.”
Robert laughs, nodding his head in agreement as he gets up, contemplating his crazy day.
Slowly Robert makes his way to the back of the pub, memories flooding him.
Charity throws a blanket and pillow at him. And just as he’s about to doze off to sleep he here’s Charity helping Vanessa up the stairs.
“Admit it Char, you were jealous.”
“You’re damn right I was. How could I not be jealous at the thought of you going home with someone else?”
XxS