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Being happy didn’t work at all like Monty expected it to. He had expected to wake up one day with a spring in his step or at least to feel...different. But happiness he found was so quiet.
And, despite his experience in other things, it was fairly obvious he had never been in a serious relationship before. He had never had anything valuable to lose before, not really, so at night when he tried to sleep, the image of losing Percy one way or another grabs hold of him and won’t let go until he’s cuddled so close he’s practically crushing Percy.
For now, he laughs it off, but eventually Percy is going to notice something’s wrong and get that concerned furrow in his brow and smooth away the hair from Monty’s face and ask what’s wrong. And Monty will brush him off and say he’s fine, but Percy is eventually going to get tired of that answer too. Monty knows he isn’t easy to be with, but he’s trying to be better. So he tells himself that when that day comes, he’ll let Percy go. He won’t be the choking vine in Percy’s life anymore. Until then, he’ll take whatever Percy is willing to give him.
His worry only intensifies when he’s at work and he overhears the men around him talking about what a chore it is being married or courting someone. Monty swallows his fears, since it’s not as though he can talk about his relationship with Percy openly. He won’t let Percy feel about him the way these men feel about their wives. He won’t have his parent’s marriage. His resolve in letting Percy go solidifies day by day.
He must not hide his worries well, though, because Percy notices (of course he does) after a few days of Monty being a little too cheerful, a little too chatty. He smooths Monty’s hair out of his face and makes Monty stop short. “What’s wrong, darling?”
It’s so much like his dream and it makes something in Monty break. “Just-you’re not miserable are you? Tell me you’re not miserable.”
Percy’s brow furrows, just the way Monty knew it would and his breath catches in his throat. “Monty-where is this coming from?”
“I don’t know,” Monty whispers, panic bubbling up inside him.
Percy sighs and sits on the bed, motioning for him to sit as well. “Have I been acting like I’m miserable?”
Monty hesitates. “No...but-” But what am I without the money and the parties?
Percy purses his lips and takes Monty’s hands in his. “Monty, my love-” he presses a kiss to his hands- “I am the farthest thing from miserable. Things aren’t easy, but we knew they wouldn’t be. Do you trust me?”
“Of course.”
“Then trust me when I say I love you. I wouldn’t have- I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.”
“Even when I’m a selfish brat with no remarkable skills?”
Percy raises an eyebrow. “You’ve always been a brat.” Monty punches his arm lightly and Percy laughs before continuing. “You’re not selfish, Monty. Not anymore.”
Monty looks down. “I just feel like I’m going to spend the rest of my life trying to atone for who I was.”
Percy tips his chin up. “Monty. No matter what you did before, you are allowed to be happy now. Needing things isn’t selfish.” Monty opens his mouth to answer, but Percy presses a finger to his lips. “Monty, what do you need?”
“Hold me?” Monty asks at last.
Percy takes him in his arms and Monty bites his lip to hold back a sob. Percy kisses his scarred cheeks and shushes him. “Let go, Monty.”
And it’s so strange that there, falling apart in Percy’s arm, Monty feels it. Happy.