Chapter Text
Ty rolled over in his bed, suddenly more awake than ever when seeing who was in it. Kit Herondale was asleep next to him, with rivulets of drool escaping his open mouth. He snored softly, rattling the silence that distilled with the combination of the morning’s light gently wafting through Ty’s linen curtains. Kit’s hair tangled all around his head, splayed out over his pillow.
Ty thought that they must have fallen asleep together after marathoning Sherlock on his computer. It was a television show that retold the story of Ty’s favorite characters, Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson. Though it wasn’t true to the stories of the books sometimes, Ty didn’t completely hate it like he thought he would, but that didn’t mean that he would ever watch it again. Kit was the one who instigated the watching of television; Ty preferred to read about the mysteries that Kit’s show failed to deliver. Speaking of Kit, it had been a long while since he’d last gotten a haircut.
His head looked like a mop of blonde far past the base of his neck. The wispy thin tips licked at his collarbone and swept past his shoulders. Even though Kit’s hair was getting to the point to where he had to unironically carry hair ties, Ty still somehow liked it. Whenever Kit decided to put it up in a tiny bun or a ponytail, there would be millions of pieces of it that just fell out, due to his hair being layered the way it was- shorter underneath than on top.
There was something about the contrast between their hair length, color, and texture that just fascinated Ty over and over again. While Kit had long blonde curls, Ty’s hair was cropped, straight and black as night.
If there was one thing that Ty particularly enjoyed about Kit’s hair, it was entertaining the thought of a task that he would occasionally perform with his twin sister, Livvy. She knew how he appreciated repetitive tasks, how grounding they were to him, so there were times when he would sit on her bed with her beneath him on the floor- Livvy would pass him her hairbrush and let him go to town. Ty relished the way the brush could glide through her hair after a few gentle strokes. Sometimes Livvy would let this go on until she was drowsy at the mercy of Ty’s hands and the brush in her hair.
It had been so long, he thought, since he’d touched someone’s hair. Ty reached out, rubbing a tendril of Kit’s between his deft fingers. The piece was knotted and tangled; such indescrepencies didn’t stop it from being softer than Ty had ever imagined. For some reason, he thought it would be coarse and prickly like straw. Though that would’ve been an interesting feeling, he preferred touching this- just knowing that it was attached to Kit made him feel better than thumbing at a book’s pages or tracing the crystalized outer edge of a cup. He sunk his hand deeper into the mass of unkempt blonde. It felt like stringy velvet, long and golden and actively slipping out of his grasp as Kit moved to face him.
Kit said his name softly as if asking what he was doing. He was all but awake next to Ty, glowering in the direction of his eyes. Kit wiped away his drool with an exhausted fierceness that the other had no clue existed. Normally, looking at people’s faces and noticing their expressions was difficult for him to do, but with Kit everything involving people seemed so much easier. Kit wasn’t forceful like the people outside of his family when Ty did or didn’t do something, like making eye contact. He never seemed to mind that Ty felt it too strong of a sensation to keep a steady gaze or a stationary hand. He attempted to understand Ty, but never smothered him. There was an unspoken admiration between them, Ty had caught up on it before Kit. They were mutually bonded by their trust and ability to rationalize with each other’s complexities.
Kit placed his hand over Ty’s, sighing softly. There was a distinct gentleness in his touch, one that Ty could only match to Kit.
“I like your hair,” Ty remarked, withdrawing his hand. It fluttered impatiently beneath the blanket. Meanwhile, his other hand found the drawstring of his hoodie that he’d worn the day before, wrapping and unwrapping it around his index finger. Touching people and being touched by people was always hard, even if it was someone that he knew well and trusted. Even his older brother Julian’s touch gave him trouble if it was too sudden. Kit wasn’t related to him at all, but Ty found interacting with him to be a seemingly mindless task.
Kit gave him a look so peculiar that it made his heart jump. There were his curved eyebrows overshadowing his tired eyes; his lips were upturned in confusion. He was the vision of expression, vitality, and life. Sometimes Ty wished he could be that expressive, but knew that it would end up being too much to handle. Kit could handle showing his emotions to everyone through his ocean blue eyes (even if he insisted that no one could ever tell what emotion he possessed), but Ty wouldn’t know what to do with himself if people constantly knew how he was feeling. He was afraid that people would try too hard to understand- that they would infantilize him whenever his feelings grew to be too overbearing.
He didn’t like being treated as if he was younger or being held back from anything just because he had ‘autism,’ Kit had said. Ty thought he understood why Kit had told him about it. It might’ve been to make him feel less alone in his struggles, but Ty never felt alone in that sense. He only felt like everything was spinning out of control- like throwing a glass at the wall and trying to count each of the shards that hit the floor in perfect order.
Ty knew that as soon as Kit began to speak that he ought to pay attention, but he only found himself staring off into space. “You like it?” Ty caught just in time. He was suddenly grinning and it made the sun shine a bit brighter in Ty’s head. “I never would’ve guessed, since it definitely wasn’t in your hand and all.” Kit playfully rolled his eyes. The other recognized and noted his sarcasm, not bothering to laugh at Kit’s attempt.
“Yes, I do,” he said rather plainly. “When she- when Livvy was still here, she used to let me brush her hair, and I guess I just like long hair now.” His voice sounded far away, choked and wrong. Livvy was his pillar of support, his place of sanctuary when things got to be more than his brain could process. It wasn’t often, per say, but it was nice to have something to fall back on when the glass shattered loudly inside his head. Now that she was gone, Ty liked to believe that Kit stepped up to fill her role. He wasn’t the best at it most times but it meant a lot to Ty to know that he tried.
Kit turned over the phrase in his head. He looked at Ty’s endlessly transposing eyes and he was in the presence of a brilliant grey that was almost silver. He was amazed to find Ty looking at him, reading his every move. His eyes never quite caught his own, but it wasn’t like Kit was complaining at all. Ty didn’t like eye contact or sudden touches. He liked for sensations to be kept down to a minimum while his brain nibbled at the information his surroundings held, so he often would be seen with his headphone cables dangling from his ears with a symphony inundating quietly from them. “If you want- I mean you don’t have to do it if it was just you and Livvy’s thing- but if it’s ever something you want to do, with me, I’m totally for it.” Kit stumbled over his words, imagining Ty taking solace in brushing his hair. Sure, it wasn’t an ordinary thing to do, but then again, Ty wasn’t ordinary. Never in a bad way did Kit mean that. He didn’t think that he could ever say something like that about him.
Ty was radiant and always in motion. Maybe that’s what caused his body to be the way it was- that restlessness that always had him moving. While Kit was shorter, Ty was tall and lean. He was pale where Kit was tanner, sharper edges of trained muscle outshined Kit’s natural skinniness. He was a great climber, a bug and reptile enthusiast, a soon-to-be detective and Kit could find no words other than genius or amazing to describe him.
“I would like to,” said Ty, breaking Kit out of his trance. His clear-cut irises flitted on and away from Kit’s, not willing to lock again. “I just don’t have the brush.” He thought about where it might be and was immediately faced with the realization that it was on his dresser. It was one of Livvy’s possessions that he couldn’t bear to not have by his side. “It’s on the dresser over there,” he gestured in a vague direction, knowing Kit’s eyes landed on it as he spoke.
Kit’s nose scrunched when he noticed that the brush was all the way across the room. It wasn’t that much of a distance, it was maybe seven or eight feet away, but Kit had the bad habit of laziness on his side. “Are you really sure about this, Ty?” He inquired. His hands held the blanket firmly in place at his neck. Though he was more than willing to do this for Ty, Kit found that his drowsiness was getting the best of him.
Ty exhaled sharply, a tiny smile slipping past his guard. “You just don’t want to get up, don’t you?” Kit, after a moment’s hesitation, nodded. “It’s fine if you want to wait. I’m still tired, too. And besides, it’s not like you’ll cut it today. I know you’ve been debating it.” He had been observing Kit’s behavior for a significant amount of time. Ty could tell that Kit liked having long hair, no matter how much it got in his way.
The boy laying next to him gave an over-exaggerated gasp. “How dare you accuse me of that?!” He blurted, a hand drew up to his chest. Along with his hand, his voice was raised an octave, indicating that he wasn’t serious about the words he was speaking. Ty knew that he was kidding because of his overdrawn reaction. Kit knew how to keep him informed of his sarcasm and playful nature without outright saying it- it was just one of the things that he did well.
“Like I said,” Ty started, “we don’t have to.” He watched the progression of emotions on Kit’s face. He went from playfully angry to nearly unreadable. Before Ty could think of anything else to say, Kit was sitting up and tossing the blanket off his body. The mattress lifted as he launched himself into a brisk amble over to the dresser. Ty missed his warmth every moment he was gone. Kit was so far away, stopping only to gently take the brush from off the dresser.
It was normal-looking enough, plastic and black with thin bristles. But to Ty, it was a beautiful artifact, an unsung requiem of his sister.
Kit lowered himself back on the bed after making the trek back; he tapped the space next to him. He looked as Ty sat up, his lips spread thin into a grin. “I might have to brush your hair too. It looks like an explosion hit you.” Ty took a moment to grapple with his language (he had trouble understanding idioms and such, but luckily Kit didn’t use many), but he understood the point almost instantly.
Kit was joking once again. He didn’t want to mess up Ty’s perfect bed head. It stuck up in all directions- black spears rose from his scalp in unison yet also in an identical cacophony. He was reminded how much he liked Ty every time he looked at him. In fact, his heart tended to grow a few sizes whenever Ty did anything remotely normal but he thought it was always remarkable. There was an endless amount of admiration for Ty somewhere in his tiny heart.
“Don’t make excuses. I want this too. It’s a happy memory for you, and all I want is for you to be happy.” Kit’s voice was soft, but it affected Ty the same as a shout. It made his pulse rattle for a moment before he regained his composure.
He only nodded at Kit, scooting closer, to where he was behind the other. Ty took the brush and stole a deep huff of oxygen. He had one last chance to make an excuse so that Kit would not see his weakness. “But I’ll cry-”
“So cry then.” Kit spoke louder this time and it resonated through Ty. “It isn’t weak to cry. It isn’t something that I’ll judge you for, and it isn’t something that will make me treat you any differently.” He whipped around, and Ty could see it all. The remnants of sleep on his face, around his eyes, and on his lips. It was in his tousled clothes and still-tangled hair. And what stood out from it all was the accentuated passion deep in his voice. “I cried when I saw my dad go, and my relationship with him wasn’t even close to that of yours and Livvy’s. She was important to you-you love her, Ty; and I would never, ever judge you for crying because you lost her.” He stared into Ty’s eyes, rendering it impossibly uncomfortable for him to not pay attention to what he was saying. “And if you want to pretend that she's her in me for a little bit- if it could stand a chance at making you feel better, I would be okay with that.”
Kit took Ty’s wrists in his hands as he spoke, making him drop the brush onto the bed. The tough squeeze that he gave them was grounding, but it also scared Ty. He’d seen Kit do things like a teenage boy- rough and unforgiving, but he never thought that Kit was capable of doing such things to him. It was like Kit was always just a bit gentler when touching Ty, or just a bit quieter when talking to him. But seeing him now, speaking in the same defiant tone as to any unyielding adult made Ty nervous.
He felt his wrists and back involuntarily begin to shiver. There were streams hot and wet that slowly slipped down his cheeks. Despite this, Ty smiled. It was genuine and true as his lips quivered right along with the rest of his body.
As Ty began to shake, Kit was brought back from his tangent of a speech. Kit was digging past the guards of Ty’s eyes with his own, paving the way straight into his heart. He suddenly noticed that his grip on Ty was entirely too harsh and that he was probably scaring him. He felt his blood rush about his body as he recoiled completely from Ty, hoping that he wouldn’t be exiled for this behavior.
Instead of finding an angry Ty, Kit only found a sight he never thought he’d see. Ty was crying, but as Kit looked at him for not even a second more he saw the small smile that was on his face. Normally, Ty smiling wouldn’t be much of a big deal, but crying was a really big deal- Ty never permitted letting anyone see him cry. And the odd combination of the two set Kit askew.
“Ty, I-”
“Kit. Don’t.” Ty said. His smile had long faded as more and more tears fell down. They stuck to his dark eyelashes and some refused to let go. “I understand what you mean. Julian used to tell me that crying is okay, but hearing it from you means so much more. I feel like you’re always honest with me, Kit. Just like the way that Livvy was honest with me. You remind me of her so much-” his voice kept breaking; he was full-on weeping now. Kit noticed that he was practically vibrating in his place. “Livvy; I miss her so much- why did it have to be her? It could’ve been anyone else and it wouldn’t hurt this much-”
He rambled low and fast under his breath, and his hands were tangled in his hair and around his body, frantically searching for a place to land and never finding it. It didn’t even sound like speaking anymore, Tiberius was just mumbling incoherencies while Kit looked on, mostly unsure of what to do. He looked like a figure from an unsettling art piece of nauseating colors and blurs of movement.
Ty was falling apart in front of Kit. His head was wracked with the mantra of his sister’s name and the image of her face. She was everywhere except where she needed to be, which was right there in front of him, holding his hand whenever it was too much. Ty felt hot and cold at the same time. His lungs weren’t allowing for his control and forced his breath out and in faster and faster until he was hyperventilating. His heart was jittering and bouncing in his chest, launching itself painfully into his ribs. He felt his body start to fold in on itself as it did in these situations, but the familiarity of a meltdown was the least bit comforting. Ty tried to limit his field of vision with his hands and cover his ears to prevent sound all at the same time. He was choking on his wild sobs. Everything was suddenly too bright and too loud and it was all moving too fast. His breath was completely lost now, just a sound to add to the endless discordance of his thoughts and fears and the sight of Kit’s worried face swirling in and out as he cried and cried for Livvy.
He reached out to connect with something, anything that could be of help- and was met with Kit’s firm grasp around his body. Ty immediately locked his hands in Kit’s shirt and his hair, holding tight, tight and tighter still. Kit returned the gesture knowingly. He felt his heart thrum in time with Kit’s and knew that he was scared too, despite his initial calm. It was true that Ty was still as bad as before, but now in Kit’s arms, everything looked just a bit brighter. He sunk deeper into Kit’s hold with a quiet cry, soaking his shirt with tears and snot and sweat.
Kit felt himself losing his composure. Watching Ty go through this was heartbreaking at the best of times. He knew that eventually, he would be back to his normal self, but seeing this happen was worse than he could ever describe. Kit thought that if he was in Ty’s shoes, he would never be able to recover from the smallest sign of a panic. The first of his tears fell from his eyes as Ty buried his dark head in the crook of his neck.
The relief of finding each other washed over Kit and Ty, and they held each other tight until there was nothing left for them to cry about. Even in that silence, they were still in each other’s arms for minutes or hours afterward. They didn’t dare let go until they both felt safe and balanced again, while the sun shone brightly through the curtains.