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Seven p.m. found Komaeda standing in front of the mirror, buttoning his dress shirt and arranging it along with the tie that was hanging loosely around the collar. He looked at his reflection, unimpressed.
He could’ve probably done better.
He brought his hand up to his hair and tried fixing the mess of white curls, moving them to the back of his head– only for them to spring back forward and cap his forehead again.
Next looking down to his waist; he was wearing a pair of grey trousers, the fabric tightening slightly around the curves of his legs. His familiar chain accessory hung on the left side of his leather belt.
Was it really good enough? Would Hajime's parents be able to tolerate his dull appearance?
It wasn't like him to get anxious about interacting with new people, but it was his partner’s parents he was about to meet for the first time. He couldn't shake off his doubts and worries for the past week, the anxiety only seemed to grow as the moment approached.
But how wouldn't he? Hajime’s lectures about his parents always included stories of their extreme attention to detail and their critical judgment. Stories of how they pushed Hajime to get high grades as a child and how they pursued him to find a decent livelihood even during his highschool years; although it was probably not as bad as Komaeda feared.
He was after all, a very observant person of his own– and when it comes to his own personal qualities, he'd never been lenient.
Hinata knew him like an open book– a small smile made its way to his face as he observed his boyfriend struggling, trying to “hide his flaws” in the mirror– he was trying too hard, really. And Komaeda, too engrossed in his own reflection to notice the brunet advancing towards him from behind.
A small gasp escaped the pale boy's lips as he felt a pair of strong arms being wrapped around his waist. Hinata nuzzled into his shoulder, the snowy curls brushing against his cheeks. He didn't mind, he welcomed the sensation as he savoured the faint scent of cologne from Komaeda's shirt.
“We'll be late, Nagito. Stop worrying about it, you look great.” said Hinata and raised his head to look at their reflection, arms still holding his partner close.
Komaeda let out a lengthy sigh. “I can't help it, Hajime. You said they are really stern... I can't mess it up for you."
“You won't mess up, you're a great guy and they'll love you.” Assured the brunet, giving the pale man a soft squeeze between his arms for reassurance.
“There's always a possibility that I will, if my luck decides, it can lead to something worse to occur… Something might happen to your parents because of it! And I might end up losing y–” Komaeda's rambling got caught off by Hinata taking his hands in his, the sudden rebuke in his voice caught the white-haired completely off guard.
“Stop right there, I'm sure nothing bad will happen because of your luck, Okay? The worst that could happen is that they might not accept our relationship.”
Komaeda’s gray orbs were fixed in the olive pair the whole time, his heart thumping as he could sense the advent of Hinata's strong aura.
“And there's no way you'll lose me.” added the brunet confidently, a clear seriousness visible in his expression, yet his gaze as soft as his words.
An immense heat pooled Komaeda's cheeks at the statement. The contradiction between Hinata's determined words and his subtle gaze was something the pale boy could never understand, but he found it an incredible thing about his lover– and one of the main reasons he couldn't resist him.
“Thank you, I'll remember that.” He said and smiled shyly in return. At those words, Hinata finally let go of him returning the smile before both turned to leave.
~
The ride to the brunet's household was about an hour or so. The couple sat in the car making their way through the long highways.
Komaeda leaned against the window watching the moving traffic lights, his worries wandered off a bit while the cool breeze caressed his face, tossing his tressy hair.
Komaeda wondered what Hinata's parents are like–curious if they share similarities to their son, in both terms of appearance or personality. Thankfully enough, Hinata managed to arrange a meetings for today's evening after a very long time– which means tonight he'll finally find out.
It lead him to the question–how did they come to accept that their son was evaluating a romantic relationship with a man? Did they take it for granted, or were they shocked?
As clichéd as it may sound, he could've guessed that your everyday average parents who push their child to achieve the best possible accomplishments during their lives are unlikely to approve of their child deviating from the norms.
His hunch wasn't very far from reality, he was told by Hinata that his parents weren't familiar with it. When he explained it to them, it seemed they more or less accepted the fact their son came out as a bisexual, when they were aware he had a fifty percent chance of ending up with the opposite sex. But things seemed to turn out opposite to their expectations– They were probably incredibly stricken to hear their son has a boyfriend.
He found himself gazing at his lover who sat at the driving seat, eyes fixed on the road. He took this as an opportunity to admire his features– his brown strands echeloned around his forehead charmingly; his vivid olive-green eyes, his slightly tanned skin with a faint healthy blush adoring his cheeks. He was currently wearing his attire of white dress shirt and his favourite green tie arranged neatly, laid in a curved manner on top of his chest.
He was handsome, and of course it wasn't the main reason he loved him so dearly. As long as he could remember him, Hinata was hard-working, incredibly smart, caring and supportive; the best friend and partner anyone could ever asked for.
Though he might've been very straightforward and unintentionally harsh, yet full of hope and brightness that not many were capable of– and that was something Komaeda loved about him the most.
He still questions what does Hajime finds in someone like him. Never had he thought of himself to be attractive in any way whatsoever.
Whenever he looked down at his scrawny build covered by a thin layer of deathly-pale skin, he looked like nothing but skin and bones. He was sure that's not what people might consider alluring.
His personality wasn't appealing either– tactless, overly familiar and overbearing, with his carefree smile that made him look irksome whenever he talked.
Hinata hated it when Komaeda asked that question. Even after many times of trying to clarify Komaeda's good traits, things gone in one ear and out the other.
But that's just how Komaeda Nagito is, and Hinata was, for some reason, satisfied with that.
~
The ride passed by swiftly, the two found the place in relative ease. Luckily for them, there was a perfect place to park right in front of Hinata's former house.
It was an average building of presumably ten floors. As they approached it Komaeda looked around to examine the front yard– it contained a few sole meters of grass, with a number of bushes and planters. It was a normal-looking garden, but it was nice and dainty splendour to the architecture.
"It looks really nice. Must've been a fun place to live in." complimented Komaeda.
"Thank you, but it’s just another average house...I've pretty much grown used to living in a castle." Hinata replied, however his face showed clear flattery at the compliment. Komaeda giggled, amused at Hinata's bashful expression all the way until they reached the house itself.
They found themselves in front of the apartment's door. As he was about to enter his bygone home, the brunet caught a glimpse at the white-haired male standing behind him– his gaze directed downwards, lips pressed into a firm line.
Komaeda was clearly tense to finally encounter what is waiting for him from the other side of the door.
"Hey, look at me." Hinata whispered to get the boy’s attention, until the gray eyes met his.
"It's going to be alright, there's no reason for you to be afraid. They looked forward for so long to meet you. So cheer up, okay?"
He said as he squeezed the porcelain tinged hand just to make sure his point is clear to the other, which earned a faint nod of approval from Komaeda.
The brunet rang the bell, the buzzing sound echoed through the corridor followed by a few long seconds of silence, and ended as the couple heard the handle quaver.
The door opened.
A couple of elders–probably in their late forties– welcomed them with a polite smile. Both of them were dressed fancily for the occasion, eyes brightening as they lay on their son.
"Hajime!" Called happily the older woman– Hinata's mother– and pulled Hinata into a short embrace, which the brunet returned gladly.
"It's good to see you again, darling."
Mrs. Hinata was the shortest person of the forum, not tall enough to reach Hinata's chin. Her long, brown hair slips over her shoulders.
She didn't look too old for her age, there was almost no sign for wrinkles on her swarthy skin. In fact, she looked quite fair and elegant, it almost reminded Komaeda of his mother, and led him to wonder how she might've looked in menopause.
"I’ve missed you too, Mom." replied Hinata, laughing merrily as he pulled away from his mother's grasp.
He then tossed his head and greeted the older man "Hey Dad."
"Welcome back son." Greeted him the father, patting the brunet's shoulder in affection, his accidental roughness earned a brief gasp out of Hinata, who returned the gesture.
Mr. Hinata, unlike his wife, was taller than both mother and son. He had a thin body but a sturdy build, which was visible beneath the folds of his shirt.
If Komaeda was to compare both men, one could conclude that Hajime was indeed a younger version of his father; both tall and masculine. As well as the same pair of olive-green eyes, and of course, wild hair with strands sticking outwards in different directions.
Komaeda sighed in relief, they looked really nice people, he'd almost forgotten his reasons to worry in the first place. He looked at the three engrossed in their family reunion, before his boyfriend moved aside to allow him to be visible.
"Mom, Dad, this is Nagito." Hinata introduced and gestured his hand towards the taller boy, to which Komaeda responded by stepping forward.
"Hello Mr. and Mrs. Hinata, I'm Komaeda Nagito. It's a pleasure to meet you both.” Komaeda said in his usual melodic voice, adding a carefree smile as well.
The couple smiled back at him in what seemed to be a great fondness, or perhaps they were just being polite.
“The pleasure is all ours, Nagito-chan.” Mrs. Hinata's voice came out soft and inviting. “My name is Hinata Ushio.” she introduced herself, her hand moving elegantly as she spoke, drawing it towards Komaeda's to shake. The gesture was short, only for sole seconds before the Hinata woman drew back her hand.
“It's nice to meet you too, my boy. I'm Hinata Akatsuki.” Introduced Mr. Hinata and grasped the pale boy's scrawny hand tightly to shake.
Komaeda gasped quietly at first at the tight grip but soon felt more comfortable as the touch soften, turning out to be somewhat reassuring.
Hajime sure inherited lots of traits from his parents– He noted to himself.
~
After a short tour of the house, they all found themselves sitting in the living room on the leather couches around the kotatsu. Both boys sat next to each other chatting with the Hinata couple with two mugs of steaming coffee.
The living room was normal-looking, but roomy and welcoming as the rest of the house, Komaeda could say. The best part of it was Hinata's room; the pale boy couldn't help but laugh at how his partner marveled at the sight of his old room after such a long time. Hinata showed him his old books and games, pictures of his small album, memories he shared with his family as a child.
Komaeda adored the young brunet in every picture– childhood innocence gleaming in his eyes and a childish smile showing his missing deciduous teeth. It was only expected that this child will grow up to be the handsome man sitting right next to him.
He sighed sadly to himself–Hinata's life looked so full of wonder and exciting experiences he can share with someone. While he himself lacked those since a very early period of his life.
Komaeda never thought to admit it- he missed looking at something normal for a long time now.
“Hajime told us so much about you.” Mr. Hinata’s husky voice stirred him from his thoughts.
“I'm sure he did. Good things, I hope.” The white-haired boy’s reply earned a long session of chortling from all the three members of the Hinata family. With a grin on his face at his success to lighten up the mood, he took another sip from his coffee.
As he lifted his mug, the boy took his time to examine it– it looked an average modern Japanese glass, with a koi fish printed on each side. It looked cute, almost urging him to buy a set for himself and Hinata, to make his partner feel at home.
“So, Nagito-chan, tell us more about yourself.” Started the mother, leaning forward with full attention to Komaeda- who placed the mug back down.
“Oh, um… where should I start, is there something specific do you wish to know?” He asked, immediately regretting his overly-formal formulation.
“You know, your job, where you come from, your hobbies…. things like that.” Mrs. Hinata answered and crossed her fingers under her chin.
“Oh, well, as you may know… me and Hajime work together in the Future Foundation Bureau.”
“The Future Foundation?” Both parents repeated as the statement caught them in surprise, looking quite impressed with him already.
Afterall, working for the Future Foundation is considered a sought-after job, since their standards are very high and requires very precise criteria from employees.
“Hajime, you've never told us you work for the Future Foundation.” Said the father, eyes gazing at his son sternly; an expression to which Hajime didn't faze by for a bit.
“Didn’t I? Well technically I did say I work in an office.” Hinata replied nonchalantly, which raised so many questions in Komaeda's mind.
Hadn't Hajime ever told his parents of his workplace? That's odd they didn't know up until now.
He looked at his boyfriend who simply took two long sips from his mug, face calm as if sparing that information from his parents was something completely natural. It didn't suit Hinata to do such thing, but he decided not to push the topic any further at the moment.
“What's your role there?” questioned the father, eyes gazing back at Komaeda expecting him to give that information instead; Since he's the one who mentioned it.
“I'm responsible mostly for organization of files and doing debriefing for our cases. And Hajime does pretty much the same but he also writes a report each week for our division head Togami-kun.”
“Togami? As in the Togami family?” the father's olive orbs widen yet again as the name 'Togami’ was brought up.
“Yes, the head of our division is none other than the heir of the family himself, Togami Byakuya.” Said the white haired boy, confidence slowly building up in his tone as the conversation progressed smoothly. “He is… a very difficult person, but he runs things very well.”
“'Difficult’ is way too merciful to say about Togami. ‘Overweening’ suits him best.” Hinata interrupted with a snicker.
“Come on, Hajime! It's not very nice. Togami-kun is just doing his job... in his own way.”
"Yeah, the way of 'bow down before the almighty Togami, peasants!’ manner. How very effective way to motivate his workers.”
“Hajime!” scolded Komaeda, yet couldn't stop his own laugh like whenever Hinata gossiped about Togami, or about every one of their colleagues, for that matter.
A full hour of talking about their work at the Foundation passed within a short while. The boys elaborated about their colleagues; about how most of Hope's Peak alumni joined the Foundation not too long after they graduated, and how they found the perfect workplace to feel respected and appreciated in.
They told the story of their vice division head, Kirigiri, with her brilliant detective skills and how she solved the mystery of who ate all the cookies Hanamura made - which turned out the culprits were Owari along with Asahina, Souda soon admitted tearfully he was also an accomplice; as well as Nidai who didn't have to admit, since he spent half of the day in the restroom.
So far, the parents seemed to be enlightened and happy for the boys, and Komaeda was relieved to be accepted– as if he always hade been a part of the family.
“Oh, I need to go to the bathroom.” Hinata's voice broke the talking session “I'll be back.” he patted Komaeda's shoulder as he got up from the chair and disappeared in the corridor.
It took him full five seconds to register that he was left alone with his boyfriend’s parents.
He gave both of them a sheepish smile, hands clenched onto his lap as both parents stared at him in utter silence.
The situation was awkward, Komaeda felt the tension getting on his nerves. He tried to think of another topic to talk about, he soon dismissed it as Mrs. Hinata opened her mouth.
“You seem to be taking a good care of our son, Nagito-chan. He seems very happy with you.”
“You think so?” The pale boy started scratching his flushed cheeks with his finger. “You're exaggerating… I mean, it is me who should feel lucky to have Hajime!” He added, laughing in humility at the compliment.
“Don't be modest boy. Say, did you take Hajime to meet your family already? We should get to know them too someday!” As the question left Mr. Hinata's mouth, Komaeda's smile lowered at the mentioning of his parents.
“Oh, um… Hajime probably hasn't told you that, but my parents... Passed away.”
Both parents froze, faces showing clear remorse for questioning about such a touchy topic.
“How insensitive of us... We're so sorry to hear that dear.”
“Don't apologize Ushio-san! It happened a very long time ago, I don't even remember how old I was.” He hurried to reassure them, letting out a short, nervous laugh as he waved his hands dismissively to calm down the terrified quartet of eyes staring at him.
“May I ask...what happened?”
"They died in an airplane crash.” The boy answered with a wide grin that didn't match his words, shocking the elder couple even more. It was partly true, but he'd decided it's best to spare them the part where he witnessed their deaths with his bare eyes. As well as the part the plane was hacked at first, then was hit by a meteorite before crashing into the ground leaving no survivor except him.
Description of his crazy luck wasn't something he thought he should share with the people he was supposed to leave good impression on.
“I’m truly sorry to hear that...D-Did someone from your family helped you?”
“Well, no, I didn't have any relatives to take care of me except for my caretakers. But my parents left me with a large inheritance, so I've managed to get by.” The mother, although unsettled by his story- thankfully settled for his explanation and had finally let go of the topic.
"So, you two live together now, right?" She now moved on to ask about his and Hinata's partnership.
"Yes, the house Hajime and I live is the same manor I grew up with my parents. How about you'll come to visit? I'll gladly show you the house."
"That sounds great. I'm just…" her gaze narrowed downwards, pausing hesitantly to find the correct wording, before her hazel eyes went back to the pair of tensed pair of gray "I'm just surprised...that Hajime managed to find a place to live along with someone already. Well, he'd always been independent for his age. Then... how are you two getting along?"
"We are fine, the house is quite big so both of us our space. It even has a pool and two floors.”
“And how are you managing things? With such a big house, it might be bothersome to maintain it.”
“No not at all, we still have housemaids from time to time... But mostly it's just the two of us taking care of things dividedly. Hajime is in charge of cooking, since I'm such a disaster in the kitchen. The last time I tried to cook something the house almost got burned down." He said with a small laugh at the mentioning of the grotesque experience. "So I mainly take care of cleaning, though Hajime insists on doing it instead on the days I'm sick… it happens quite often, I'm afraid." He finished his sentence, tone saddening as his fists clenched even tighter in his lap, his tightening knuckles turning paler with each fasten.
“But it's nothing serious! I'm just… prone to get sick.” he added quickly. He'd never been very proud to admit of how weak his immune system is, as well as the fact Hajime end up doing most of the work in the house than him. But both of the Hinatas seemed to understand- unknown if it was out of pity or if they just didn't mind. Either way, it worked well for him.
“Is that true that you've attended to Hope's Peak too, Nagito-chan?”
Staring back immediately, it took his brain two full seconds to digest the question, before his smile returned to his face at the mentioning of his previous school. “Oh yes, I did. I was the 'Ultimate Lucky Student'.”
“Excuse me, dear… but 'Lucky Student’ was it?” The mother raised her brow questionably.
“Well, yeah... I’m aware how ridiculous it sounds. You see, Hope's Peak selects a Lucky Student each year by conducting a nationwide lottery. So the one who is “lucky” enough to win it, gets automatically enrolled.” He explained.
“I see… it indeed sounds strange, but surely Hope's Peak know what they're doing.” The Hinata lady murmured in response, not asking him to elaborate too much– which Komaeda was more than glad she didn't– and he tried to give a very concise explanation of how 'luck' might've been considered as a talent. Of how the amounts of good luck and bad luck one after the other and balance each other. The couple stared at him in sheer confusion, but embraced their minds to understand. Komaeda appreciated their efforts show some interest in his so-called qualification talent.
In his case, this luck had always been turning his life upside down, and not in a positive way. Bad luck cost him with his entire family and their dog kicking the bucket in the most disastrous ways, getting kidnapped once by a serial killer during middle school to spending a few years of his youth in a hospital. In exchange, his good luck let him survive anything, leaving him with another ticket to get richer.
His relationship with Hinata wasn't something he could categorize at first, but was presumed to be a good luck over the years. Komaeda's still afraid, until this very day, that another strike of bad luck will take the boy he loved away.
And surely enough, he couldn't bring himself to tell those kind people of what this "luck" truly capable of.
“Well, Nagito-chan. That was… enlightening to know.” The mother concluded before continuing her questioning session. “But I find it strange, since Hajime told us you've met each other back at the academy. And you know that Hajime… wasn't a part of the main course.”
“Yes, I know that.” He replied very shortly, a feeling of discomfort curling down his stomach.
“I still can't believe Hope’s Peak demanded such a high entrance fee from us just to get him enrolled. Poor Hajime, he'd always dreamed of going to this school. And all they've done is just putting him in this... Reserve Course..." There was a slight timidity hinted in her tone as she stirred her face to the side, avoiding Komaeda's gaze. Apparently she was not proud of it, and Komaeda could understand where she was coming from.
The Reserve Course Department existed at Hope's Peak for the favor of normal, talentless students to earn an education at the school by paying a huge sums of money.
Komaeda had always harbored great disdain towards the Reserve Course– Hope's Peak Academy was meant for the talented students who can embody hope in the future, so why would Hope's Peak accept talentless students who are belong to the utterly insignificant mob to get enrolled? The reserve course students were nothing more than arrogant defeatists who pride themselves on their status as students at the academy– fooling themselves into thinking they could ever become close to the ultimates.
At least, that was his opinion until he met Hajime.
“Anyway though, He'd never elaborate about it. Wouldn't you tell us how you met?” her tone changed swiftly from stern and shameful back to motherly kind.
“Haha.. why not? Well, we weren't at the same class. But we met for the first time in coincidence through my classmate, Nanami-san-”
“Ah! Nanami-san! We heard of her too.” The mother exclaimed excitedly, nudging the father who approved her assumption, before turning back to Komaeda. “You and Nanami-san were classmates?”
“Yes, you’ve probably heard that she became a gaming champion after graduating too. She doesn't like to show off her victories though–but I would expect no less from the Ultimate Gamer!” Komaeda said proudly, joining his palms together as he recalled of the his dearest friend and former class rep. He then mentally noted to himself to avoid deviating from the topic, clearing his throat quietly before continuing “Anyway, I was... surprised to find out that Hajime belonged to the Reserve Course... And his course never had any good reputation throughout the school... So I admit I wasn't very welcoming towards him at first.” Komaeda let out a nervous stutter, scratching his cheek with his bony finger, not sure if he used the gentlest word to describe his first impression of the “talentless and insignificant” reserve course student he'd grown to cherish. "But when I met him for the first time, I could feel that he is capable of a great potential and hope! And he have always been making efforts, trying to understand me... Even after how I used to treat him..." He gave a short, curious glimpse to the parents. And fortunately his words did earn a positive reaction– a small smile on Mrs. Hinata's face confirmed his words, allowing him to proceed.
“Ever since, we used to hang out just the three of us most of the time. And the more I was around him, I started to warm up to him more…” the memories of his developing feelings for the other boy brought a small blush onto his face as he recalled. "Soon Hajime started to spend more time around me, and we've gotten very close. And… we got together not too long before our graduation…” his pale face flushed with a massive shade of red at the last part, he almost slapped himself scoldingly of how he failed to hide his bashful expression. But luckily he managed to gather himself, straightening up and smiling calmly.
It seemed like they found the story endearing, but they were yet to be satisfied with it– And even that knowledge wasn’t enough to prepare him for what came immediately afterwards.
“Hey, just between us… Hajime sure changed a lot since the last time we saw him.” The father's husky voice cut the few seconds of silence like blade.
“Did he?” Komaeda asked, not quite sure what the statement meant.
"He’s much more carefree and relaxed than he was before. And while we're very happy for him... we hear now of things happening in his life not from him, but from you instead.” The older man ran his fingers through his wild hair, sounding perplexed at his words.
Komaeda’s smile dropped down slightly, his full attention directed to his boyfriend's father. By the sound of it, he felt the uneasiness grow, making his inside twist and crumple.
“Pardon me, Akatsuki-san. But I'm having trouble understanding what you mean.” The boy tried asking in the appropriate way possible.
“What we mean–” the mother interrupted. “Is that since the graduation from Hope’s Peak.. no, even before that, Hajime isn't as open as he used to be. And that concerns us as his parents.” She explained without turning her eyes away from Komaeda’s. The boy couldn't tell if she blinked for once.
“Hearing about you two working for the foundation is a new information.”
He knew this would be brought up, but never predicted them to be so soon. He could sense that something was off- he couldn't put a precise finger on it, but it felt to their questions were punctual, as if it was more of an interrogation rather than a small talk.
The boy couldn't grasp the situation he was trapped within, and he felt that the more he told, the more Hinata's parents were strained. The more details of his flawed self, the more he could sense the rigor atmosphere lingering like a black cloud above the table.
It was difficult to ignore the grimness gleaming in Akatsuki's eyes and the hesitation of Ushio’s tone– but how could he blame them? He'd just told them of his parents death, and about his so-called talent, about his low opinion of the reserve course where their son once attended in exchange for huge sums of money they worked so hard for– those details can't possibly leave any positive impression whatsoever, he could say so himself.
Komaeda's heartbeat thrummed under their scrutiny. For the first time this evening, he could finally feel that he was being tested thoroughly, not missing any hesitation or stuttering or expression he might've shown.
It may or may not occurred to him that the two pounced the opportunity to do so when their son wasn't around to defend him from any chance of doing something wrong, leaving him utterly vulnerable and defenceless. Was that really like he thought? He was probably overreacting due to his lack of confidence– he shouldn't let it make him be afraid of them, it's legitimate they'll ask these questions.
Komaeda's heartbeat thrummed under their stares, not missing any hesitation or stuttering or expression he might've shown.
It may or may not occurred to him that the two pounced the opportunity to do so when their son wasn't around to defend him from any chance of doing something wrong, leaving him utterly vulnerable and defenceless. Was that really like he thought? He was probably overreacting due to his stress– he shouldn't let it make him be afraid of them, it's legitimate they'll ask those questions.
“To be honest, I'm surprised that Hajime never told you those things. It's unlike him to do so. I deeply apologize for the confusion it caused you both. Hopefully I was able to calm you down, I assure you there are no other surprises.” The pale boy said honestly after taking a deep breath beforehand. He wished to end the evening in good part.
“I appreciate that, but there's another things I'd like to know.” The father words caught Komaeda’s attention and once more.
“why did you choose to be with Hajime?”
Komaeda blinked, stunned by the straightforward question. “What?”
“Again, excuse me for the sudden question. But there must be a reason of why you welcomed our son into your household. And we would like to hear it from you.”
The pale boy took a deep breath. For the first time this evening, he could finally feel that he was being tested.
to answer, he needed to bring his deepest feelings into words. That was easy enough.
So the question still stands- why did he love Hajime? well, the answer was obvious. But to answer, he needed to bring his deepest feelings into words. That was easy enough– Hinata Hajime was brimming with hope and kindness, he was no ordinary person once Komaeda got to know him.
But that wasn't quite it. After all, all of his former classmates were wonderful talented people full of potential to bring hope, and he loved them all equally. However, he'd never had been a part of their shining hope, he was only observing them from aside and accepted that he- Komaeda Nagito- wasn't worthy of it. But all of the sudden, Hinata came into his life and changed everything; he managed to reach parts of him that Komaeda had never dared to let anyone see. And before he knew it, Komaeda felt a great change had occurred inside of him, Hinata Hajime made him happier than he could ever be.
Hajime’s nature was warm and welcoming, like a sunny place in the middle of a merciless storm, and that was a place Komaeda knew he was safe in.
“Hajime is the best thing that ever happened to me. He's always working hard and treating me with kindness I’d never believed I deserved...” He started, and the both parents’ eyes were fixed on him in genuine intriguity. “I've never had someone like him before… I’m still surprised he still keeps up with someone like me.” He couldn't stop himself from letting that remark slip, he knew that if Hajime was by his side by now, he would've had scolded him for speaking poorly of himself or he wouldn't even let him to finish his sentence.
How he wished for Hajime to be here with him right now.
“Aren't you being too hard on yourself, dear?” The mother questioned. “Hajime probably wouldn't have stayed with you if he didn't believe you deserve any of it.” Her tone turned from softening to be firm and stern, as if she was scolding him. His mind jolted at the resemblance to Hinata's scolding him whenever he spewed an overly self-desecrating remark.
“That’s true, I’m truly lucky to have him by my side.” He said it, finally. He looked up to witness the parent’s faces glaring at him in stupefaction. They didn't reply, for too long, and Komaeda could tell that something was definitely wrong; as well as hundred percent sure that the two weren't very impressed with their son’s taste.
He just hated how insecure and doubtful he sounded when he was trying to express his genuine feelings towards his boyfriend, right in front of his parents. His confidence was shaken throughout their conversation, and they could sense it– even his perfectly constructed smiles couldn't fool anyone anymore.
Another while of shame was luckily spared from him as he heard the sound of a door opening and closing from the corridor, fast footsteps advancing towards the living room, announcing Hinata’s arrival.
“I'm back. Did I miss something?” the brown haired man asked cluelessly, confused by the bizarre looks of the trio.
And Komaeda, too ashamed and scared to face his boyfriend or his parents after the previous ordeal, politely asked for the direction to the guest restroom, hurrying along the moment Hinata finished instructing, leaving his boyfriend to be more puzzled than he was when he arrived.
He shutted himself in, not daring to move from his sitting position as a few minutes passed by.
He did it, he definitely messed up. The impression he left was probably anything but good or pleasant– so he thought as he cradled his face in his palms, nothing else fills his mind other than the scenario that just occurred in the living room. He tried shutting off his brain, to pretend he doesn't hear the faint, vague voices of the current conversation between Hinata and his parents occurring at the living room. He didn't want to listen, he didn't want to know what they were saying.
But why was he so surprised? He knew that his luck eventually meddle and mess it all up for him.
How could he think for a minute a trash like him could leave any good impression on Hajime's parents?
His lover's words before they came still echoing in the back of his mind;
The worst thing that could happen is that they might not accept our relationship. And there's no way you'll lose me.
How the boy wanted to believe these soothing words, to have more faith in what Hinata says like he was supposed too. Yet he'd just realized that the same Hinata was presumably hiding things from his own parents.
He felt a wave of guilt twinge in his chest for running away like an immature child when his confidence shaken a bit.
How ungrateful of him– not trusting his beloved’s words, and he knows how Hajime always tries to make him feel confident and secure; and running away from his fears would put all those efforts to vain.
The pale boy spent the following minutes focusing on calming himself down, mastering up his courage once more and go back to the living room. He couldn't hide in there forever after all, Hajime's probably wondering what's taking him so long.
He took a deep breath, finally regulated his steady heartbeat and ready to face the family. His slightly trembling hand proceed to open the door slowly, quietly closing it behind him. The voices from the living room became clearer, he listened every word as he walked through the corridor.
“We only want to make sure you know what you're doing.” Ushio's voice was the first thing he heard, he could interpreted she was trying her best to speak silently– which was unsuccessful.
“Yes, for the thousandth time, I am fully content with my choices! Why do you guys keep worrying about that?” His boyfriend's voice cut her off irritatedly.
Worrying about what? What are they talking about?
He slowed his pace until making a full pause where he was far from their range of sight, yet close enough to hear. His conscience scolded him for eavesdropping their conversation. His mind however– told him otherwise.
“Why did me and your mother hear from him that you work in the Future Foundation only now? And don't tell us it slipped out of your mind. We know better than that, Hajime.” Akatsuki's gruff voice castigated his son, to which the son hurried to respond.
“You're right Dad, my bad, okay?! But what does it all have anything to do with Nagito?” Hinata questioned back. Komaeda tensed up, his legs felt wobbly under his weight.
So they were talking about him– He thought bitterly.
The father let out short sigh before the mother voice emerged again.“Listen, Hajime, don't get us wrong… Nagito-chan is a well-mannered boy, and he seems very nice and everything, but…”
But–?
“But what?” Hinata spoke the words out of Komaeda's mind. The boy stood very still, tensing up in anticipation for an answer. Every second of hesitation felt like eternity which he could hear his own heartbeat ringing loudly in his eardrums.
“Are you sure he is the one you want to spend your life with?”
Even without being able to witness it, Komaeda could feel his boyfriend's face scrunching, opening and closing his mouth trying to find the right words in the mess.
“Of course I am!” The brunet's peremptory answer ringed through the pale boy’s head, endeared to hear that his lover was fully confident in his choice.
“Son, giving and receiving have to be mutual in a relationship. You know that, don't you?” The father started again, not seemed convinced by Hinata's resolved attitude. “But me and your mother both are given the impression that you are the only one holding this partnership together.”
Komaeda could feel his heart sink to the bottom of his abdomen, cold sweat slowly made its way down his cheeks, his senses were constantly pressuring him to turn back to the closed space of the bathroom where he couldn't hear the sounds of bullets of painful words. But instead, he simply chose to ignore them; and kept standing frozen in place like a mannequin, forcing himself to heed to the rest.
“Wait, let me get this straight… you claim that Nagito doesn't do anything for me? Nagito does plenty for my sake as much as I do for him. To remind both of you, he let me move into his house!”
“But did he ever questioned why you suddenly left your home and your parents without a notice?” The father yelled back at him, startling the brunet.
So it did the same to Komaeda. It's not that he'd never asked about it, but all Hinata ever told was that both of them are working until late hours, sometimes for days. That's why the brunet used to come to Komaeda's home and spend almost the nights together; and the pale man was completely content with that.
They did talk a lot about going to live together, but every time Hinata was reminded of his family the brunet’s face fell, said they're going to a long business trip and probably wouldn't mind him moving out.
Was that a lie too?
“Nagito-kun is a honest person, that's the least I could say. And according to how you two live it seems like you’re looking after him like a helpless child. The boy has no parents or close family to take care of him, so it's only natural he'd want you by his side.”
“Are...Are you even listening to yourself?” The brown haired boy’s voice came out broken as he desperately tried to mask his rage, his gaze helplessly averting to his mother's. “Mom, are you seriously rolling along with it?”
Mr. Hinata's short silence was enough for the realization to burn inside the brunet's conscious, yet made an effort and opened her mouth to explain. “I'm sorry dear, but I have to agree.” She stirred her head aside, avoiding her son's gaze. “Nagito is a sweet boy, but I can't tell if he's the right person for you.”
“God, please tell me you're joking..” the brunet's helpless protests cut in the middle of the mother's explaining, almost pleading her to stop. However Mrs. Hinata wasn't about to finish so quickly.
“From the way he talks, it sounds to me like he tries very hard to please you, but you can't expect us to be content with you disappearing without a proper explanation, and then contacting with us a year later declaring you’re settled already!” Komaeda could tell tears were choking her throat as she said the last part, her attempt to yell at Hinata ended up in a broken sob leaving her mouth.
When Hinata first came to his doorstep with his things packed, he remembered the smile of confidence and reassurance on his boyfriend’s face. Both were fully content with their choice to live together; to share a bed, to be the last thing they see before going to sleep and the first face to greet in the morning.
That would explain all those moments of sadness and frustration he found his boyfriend having every now and then; to think that while the two of them started a hopeful partnership, Hinata was shunned by his family.
He could never guess that this selfish decision of Hinata made him hurt his own parents, the same decision Komaeda was responsible for.
And now the brunet was forced to be reminded of that, and it was all his fault.
“Oh, now I get it.” Hinata let out a humorless laugh.
“I don't think you do-” The mother tried to protest before her son could finish, but to no avail.
“You guys are just mad at me for deciding for myself without your permission again, only this time you've decided to blame Nagito for it!” The brunet yelled back with wrath Komaeda couldn't recall hearing from him. “To remind you both, you've known that I planned it for a very long time! But you two were so caught up in your 'disappointments' of me that you didn't even want to meet him! And guess what– I've got tired of trying to convince you!”
“And what are we supposed to think of our son suddenly leaving us?!” Mrs. Hinata cries echoed through the house, Komaeda’s face scrunched upon hearing them.
“I-I just can't make any sense of what's going on in your head anymore! First you turn down the school's offer, a offer that could make up for all those goddamn astronomical fees we paid to get you enrolled to the school you've always admired, fine! Accepting that you have a boyfriend was hard enough… But then you just move out with someone we don't know?! Do you even understand what are we going through? Because of how selfish you are?!” Every word brought guilt and shame to trembling white haired, the woman's desperate cries made him paralyzed on the spot.
Despair.
There was no better word to describe the situation; this whole quarrel with Hajime in the center of it, and Komaeda having to hear all this. It was the worst thing that could happen, knowing that he was the main cause.
“And here I thought that we put all of this behind us, you guys didn't sound like that the last time we sorted it out… Man, for a moment I believed you actually wanted to meet Nagito! But now I understand that you just wanted to complain. And using my boyfriend as a scapegoat makes it even worse.” Hajime said bitterly with voice filled with venom, as if his mother's cries can't affect him at all. “Then let me tell you this– Unlike you two, Nagito supported me during my hardest moments and accepted me for who I am even though I'm nobody special. He makes me happy, I can be myself when I'm with him… And darn it, I finally free of feeling like I need to prove myself to feel like I belong!”
Komaeda didn't understand– why, why was Hajime defending him like that? He doesn't deserve it. Not at all...
What a foolish thought he had–Of course it was Hajime being kind enough to defend his loved one, even if its from his own family.
But instead of appreciating the noble deed; there he was– questioning Hinata's actions.
As much as he should appreciate what Hajime was willing to do for his sake, he couldn't turn a blind eye to all of this mess; It was too much for him.
“You’re right Mom, not telling you about my job, leaving the house with a short notice was selfish of me, and I'm not proud of it at all. But I told this already before; I'm not obliged to please neither of you, even if you're my family. If you two weren't so stubborn about it, I wouldn't have been hiding things from you… Everything could be solved peacefully without fights… but you.. you just don't get it!”
The brunet stuttered at the end, clenching his fists as he trembled in place. Every antagonizing statement that ever left his mouth against his own parents drained every energy left out of him.
The parents were left astonished, too overwhelmed to say anything back. The only reaction they let out were the exchange of broken gazes.
Their silence was more painful to the brunet than any scold or yell they lashed at him during the whole life. But the deed has already been done, after the mind wearing argument he just caught himself into. Even though he promised Nagito everything was going to be fine, and nothing could get worse.
Wait… he suddenly realised– How much time he wasted on arguing with his parents since the pale boy was gone?
Probably too long for Nagito to be in the restroom.
The realization hit him like a lightning, he hurried to walk away from the living room to find the white-haired,trying to ignore the couple of elders staring at him with remorse in their eyes. Komaeda, however, was two steps ahead of him– taking advantage of the silence in the living room to return quietly to the end of the corridor, advancing towards the living room with loud steps.
The brunet watched wordlessly as his boyfriend walked casually into the living room, the artificial lights radianting upon the nonchalant smile plastered on his pale face.
“Sorry for taking so long!” he called in strained glee like he couldn't sense anything wrong . But Hinata knew better, it was obvious that the boy was using the familiar facade.
“Nagito… I…” the brunet's mind was a mess, he couldn't form a proper sentence but a pathetic stammer instead.
Komaeda didn't hurry to answer, but instead pretended to study the atmosphere in confusion, taking a few seconds scanning the gloomy faces of the parents and widen his eyes. “Is… everything at order? you all seems… strained..” he asked in faked ignorance. He was eager to keep his mask on, but right now the task was harder than ever before.
The brunet opened his mouth, then closed immediately. Not able to think of something good to say.
“I'll just… go to the balcony a bit so you could… settle things! Excuse me...” The white haired then hurried along to disappear beyond the transparent door, where he stood under the black casing with millions of stars and city lights. The air felt fresh compared to the oppressing atmosphere back inside.
One evening that started up nicely ended up in a total mess of bitterness. Komaeda felt relieved that at least it didn't end up with a terrible accident or death. However, the truth revealed before him was no less of a worse kind of bad luck.
How could he think it would be any different? It was just inevitable. The cycle of good and bad luck made everything unsteady for him, and seems like it will keep taunting him to the very last moment.
Without thinking, his hands gripped the rusted handrail tightly. Hajime's parents had a clear point, all he adds to Hinata's life was just more and more mess.
Hinata was sweet enough to dedicate years of patience and care for him, however Komaeda had little to none to offer in return.
Maybe a big house, money and luxuries; but what else? Only a winding path of inconvenience and frustration.
“Nagito?” He heard a familiar voice emerging from behind him as he heard the door cracking open. He didn't hurry up to turn his head to the voice's direction, he stared with empty eyes towards the view of traffic lights surrounded by darkness.
“You heard us, didn't you?” Hajime spoke again, trying to gain his attention in the most straightforward way.
“I don't know what you're talking about.” It didn't sound convincing, yet he said it. He didn't hope the brunet would believe him, which proved itself to be true.
Hinata simply sighed “Nagito, please… Don't hide things from me, you can admit.”
“Well, you are the one who had been hiding things from me, as well from your parents apparently.” The pale boy let the accusing utterance slip.
The other male hesitantly stepped forward, brushing his hand on his boyfriend’s back, to which the pale boy flinched slightly, facing the latter without looking at him in the eye.
“Why didn't you tell me about this?” He asked, the lump in his throat hardened painfully upon his vocal chords.
“About what exactly?”
“About everything they said… Why?” The pale boy explained.
“That’s…” the brunet stammered, fear of breaking Nagito's already fragile spirit seized him.
“They weren't wrong about me, you know?” Komaeda tilted his head to the side, hoping that Hinata wouldn't notice the tears burning at the corners of his eyes.
“H-hajime, you're such an amazing person… you offer me a lot every day. But me…” his fisted hands trembled. “No matter what I do, nothing’s enough to show you gratitude… And.. and even when I have something, it just makes things worse for you…”
“What do you mean “making things worse”? None of it is true.” The brunet took a hold of Komaeda's shoulders. “Look Nagito, being with you is my choice, and I don't regret it for a second. What makes you say that?”
“Don't you get it? Because you chose to be with me you hurt your parents! The downfall in your relationship is my fault, isn't it?” Komaeda raised his voice furiously.
“It's my fault for never asking about this… because I was so selfish.. I was...I was so happy that you wanted to live with me, I let get into my head… That I didn’t say anything…” his voice grew louder and broke with every stutter, each followed by gushing tears at the edges of his eyes that he failed miserably to stop them from pouring down.
“And now… you three are having the worst time,and reached to a dead end. Heh.. Guess they were right about me after all.”
A warm touch took him by surprise, Hinata’s thumbs made their way trailing softly from his wet eyelashes down his cheeks, tracking the moisty path his tears left on his skin.
“That's wrong. I'm the one who decided to hide those things from them and from you… I'm sure that if you knew you'd do something about it.” The brunet said as he caressed Komaeda's wet cheeks, guilt and shame swirling in his eyes.
“Listen, about my parents… I admit that we had many fights and we had a really bad time... they were just too caught up in their expectations of me, and I didn't tell them things they deserved to know. And our mistakes brought everything to this. I am the one who screwed up here, and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Nagito, for everything that happened today.” The brunet apologized gravely, pulling the crying boy into a tender embrace, letting Komaeda relax into his shoulder.
“Don't go blaming yourself for all of this, okay? You've done nothing wrong.” Hinata added, tilting the pale man’s head so he could look into the grey eyes and give him another sign of reassurance.
“A-are you sure about this?” Komaeda asked in a quiet voice. “I just… the thought that you've been keeping everything to yourself… Why didn't you say anything? I-I want to be there for you as well… every time you were frustrated I didn't know what to do, I was so useless... I'm sorry too.” The pale boy murmured between sniffs and silent whimpers. So the brunet let him, stroking his hair and holding him close as he keeps reminding Komaeda how sorry he is and how none of it was Komaeda's fault.
After being calmed down, Komaeda sniffed and wiped his remaining tears “T-thank you. I don't understand how are you doing this every time.” his arms snaked up to wrap themselves around his beloved brunet’s waist.
“I still agree with what they said about me though… there's nothing I've done to deserve your attention...”
“You idiot, didn't you listen to what I said earlier?” Hinata scolded, pinching his cheek playfully. The gesture earned a small giggle out of Komaeda, followed by him looking at the latter questionably. “I'm sorry, I don't recall me doing something so remarkable.”
“You do, I said everything and I meant it– If we ignore what happened with my parents, I know I can talk about anything with you. You make me feel happy and I enjoy having you around.” the brunet cupped his cheek. “I know you are very appreciative of my efforts for you, so you should appreciate yours too. Even if it's hard for you to believe that, never forget that you’ve done and still do a lot for me as well.” The brunet intertwined his hands with Komaeda’s, his gaze never leaving his until the very end.
“I will. Thank you, Hajime… I really needed to hear that.” Komaeda thanked the boy, before planting a short, yet deep kiss onto the brunet's lips.
“Wait, what about Akatsuki-san and Ushio-san?” as tactless as it was, he had to remind his boyfriend of the “problem” they had.
“It'll probably take awhile for us to patch things up.” Hinata's smile died out for a bit as he looked to the closed door’s direction, watching the faint silhouettes of the elder couple from the other side.
“They'll learn to accept us one day, I'm sure of it.” He gazed back fondly at Komaeda. “How about we go home and try to forget about all this? Sounds good?” Komaeda’s eyes lighted up with joy at the generous offer; Hearing Hajime addressing the Komaeda mansion as their ‘home’ filled him with sudden happiness he couldn't explain.
“Yes, let's go home.” He replied never letting go of his lover's hand as they were about to leave.
His luck might have something to do with everything that happened today, whenever it's for the good or for the bad.
But one thing was clear to Komaeda Nagito now– It wasn't enough to take his sunny place away.