Work Text:
stay puft martinshmallow man : For the last time Tim I don’t understand what my name means
dankmemelord69: have u never seen ghostbusters
stay puft martinshmallow man : Is it about ghosts
dankmemelord69: theyre trying to save the world but instead they accidentally summon a giant marshmallow man who tries to eat new york
dankmemelord69: and u mentioned u like marshmallows
dankmemelord69: and ur soft like a marshmallow
Sasha James: don’t we have better things to be doing at work?
dankmemelord69: yes like giving you a nickname in this chat
Sasha James: no like work
dankmemelord69 set the nickname for Sasha James to fun ruiner.
fun ruiner: i’m adding jon to this chat
dankmemelord69: NO
stay puft martinshmallow man : NO
fun ruiner: unless you change my nickname
fun ruiner: wait i can change it myself
fun ruiner set the nickname for Sasha James to the best archival assistant.
dankmemelord69: i cant even argue
the best archival assistant: thanks tim
the best archival assistant: now show us some of your fabled dank memes
dankmemelord69: u mean my dank meme stash or my “dank meme stash” ;)
dankmemelord69: bc plenty of ppl want 2 see both
the best archival assistant: tim. i am a lesbian
dankmemelord69: wait r u serious?
dankmemelord69: congratulations
the best archival assistant: congratulations?
dankmemelord69: i never kno what to say
dankmemelord69: bi the way if u havent already figured it out
stay puft martinshmallow man renamed the chat Congratulations On Being A Lesbian.
stay puft martinshmallow man : I go to the bathroom for three minutes…
stay puft martinshmallow man : We support you Sasha. Also I’m gay
the best archival assistant: thanks martin. i support you also
dankmemelord69: we need a trans person to complete the acronym
dankmemelord69: is anyone who works here trans
dankmemelord69: is JON trans
stay puft martinshmallow man : That seems like a really personal question to ask. I don’t think we should.
the best archival assistant: he just called me to his office want me to ask
stay puft martinshmallow man : NO
dankmemelord69: YES
dankmemelord69: i could seduce him and then i would find out
stay puft martinshmallow man : That’s, like, ten different kinds of sexual harassment.
dankmemelord69: who’s he gonna complain to?
stay puft martinshmallow man : Elias.
dankmemelord69: i could also seduce elias
stay puft martinshmallow man : Tim, you have the worst ideas.
dankmemelord69: i love u too <3
stay puft martinshmallow man : Do you want anything from the sandwich place down the street for lunch?
dankmemelord69: are you leaving now?
dankmemelord69: get me three cheese sandwiches i’ll pay you back
stay puft martinshmallow man : Three?
dankmemelord69: didn’t eat breakfast
stay puft martinshmallow man : Tim.
dankmemelord69: i like 2 live on the edge
stay puft martinshmallow man : Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.
dankmemelord69: the most important meal of the day is MY ASS AYY LMAO
dankmemelord69: sorry martin
dankmemelord69: i shouldnt have said that in a work gc
dankmemelord69: i feel bad now
the best archival assistant: one of all jon told me that i did good work on the mirror case so i’m justified in my nickname here
the best archival assistant: two of all he heard my phone buzzing and asked me who it was
stay puft martinshmallow man : Oh God.
the best archival assistant: i said it was a group chat with some friends
the best archival assistant: also @ stay puft martinshmallow man get me their corned beef
stay puft martinshmallow man : Got it, on my way out
stay puft martinshmallow man : Tim, don’t seduce our bosses while I’m gone.
the best archival assistant: timothy you sure did say some shit in the few minutes i was gone
the best archival assistant set the nickname for Tim Stoker to most important meal of the day.
most important meal of the day set the nickname for Tim Stoker to dankmemelord69.
dankmemelord69: how very dare u rob me of dankmemelord69
dankmemelord69: u have torn away my very soul
the best archival assistant: tim get your ass back to work
dankmemelord69: but my ass is busy being the most important meal of the day
the best archival assistant: “jon, can you fire tim please, he won’t stop talking about his ass”
dankmemelord69: ok ok ill finish writing up my goddamn reports ok
dankmemelord69: but it IS one of my better qualities
the best archival assistant: one of your better qualities is you being an ass?
dankmemelord69: AYYYYYYYYYY
dankmemelord69: u got me there
dankmemelord69: u should dab
the best archival assistant: it’s actually really cute how proud you are of me for dunking on you
dankmemelord69: cute is what we strive for here at the magnus institute
the best archival assistant: ha
dankmemelord69: i’m hilarious
dankmemelord69: lemme show you my folder of memes at lunch?
the best archival assistant: sure
the best archival assistant: thank you guys for making coming out to you a lot less scary than i thought it would be
the best archival assistant: i'd been planning to tell you for a bit but there it just sort of came out
the best archival assistant: (lol)
dankmemelord69: no problem
stay puft martinshmallow man : No problem at all.