Chapter Text
As Shinsha takes their place next to Bort, the anxious chatter around them dies down, all heads turning in their direction. Shinsha quickly drops their gaze, but not before catching sight of a few surprised faces. They're close, so close that before looking down, Shinsha sees the traces of glue in the cracks under Amethyst's eyes, notices that Jade's hairstyle is messed up, one loop bigger than the other.
Under the stares of the others, it's hard not to notice how much Shinsha stands out. Only Shinsha is wearing shoes; it bothers them, suddenly, how worn out they are, barely holding up after a few decades of constant use. Save for Bort, everyone is wearing their summer uniforms in various stages of dishevel. Shinsha isn't sure what happened to their own. Did Red Beryl adjust it for someone else after Shinsha gave it back? Is it still on a shelf somewhere? No, fabric doesn't last that long. It's been a while; Shinsha can't exactly blame the Gems for staring.
Desperate for something to do with their hands, with themselves, Shinsha grabs onto their arm, shrinking in on themselves. Being surrounded by Gems after so long makes them hyperaware, their proximity being almost palpable. Shinsha nearly jumps when next to them, Bort puts their hands on their hips, subtly shifting their weight. It's not a big gesture, nothing outside of Bort's normal body language - though Bort has already shown themselves to be so different from Shinsha's fuzzy memories, not a trace remaining of the kid that followed Dia around - but it moves Bort into Shinsha's space, breaking the bubble that separates them from the rest. There is no trace of fear of apprehensiveness in Bort's posture, as if they didn't notice that their toes were close to touching the tips of Shinsha's shoes, or how easy it would be for Shinsha to grab onto their sleeve. They would only have to extend their hand, ever so slightly. To Shinsha's distress, the thought makes itself at home as soon as it enters their head; the tiny drops of mercury floating around their shoulders start to revolve faster, forming spiky stars, betraying what their face grew used to showing.
Bort's voice cuts the silence, demanding attention. They don't seem to pay Shinsha any special attention, as if standing this close was the most natural thing in the world - and as they speak, Shinsha feels the air around them starting to change. With the Gems turning their focus to Bort, the uncomfortable sensation of being watched lessens. Bort's tone is curt, but calm and confident; though the words escape Shinsha, seeming to reach them from far away, the sound of their voice overpowers and drowns out the vicious whispers of Shinsha's conscience, telling them to get away. Shinsha peeks through their fringe to catch Euclase smiling at them warmly, from nearer than they were moments ago. Jerking their head to the side to hide the blush creeping up their face, Shinsha realizes that the group has shuffled around, so that there were no gaps in their circle anymore. No way to tell that someone came in from outside.
Slowly, they turn to take a proper look at Bort, who is firmly reminding everyone of an agreed time - some kind of training, Shinsha finally understands. For a moment, Bort's eyes flick to their face, searching, before they return to telling Amethyst to not even think about showing up until their injuries heal over. There's a stern sort of kindness to Bort's nagging, though maybe not one Amethyst could notice, or appreciate, right now. It strikes Shinsha that they should say something - that they were thinking of doing so. That they could. Dragging them here was one thing, telling them to join the discussion, just like that, was a tall order, more than someone like Bort could probably understand, but -
Through their refusal to treat Shinsha like a threat, with the others picking up their cues, Bort has created a space for Shinsha among them. It was still small and uncertain, but for now, it's okay for Shinsha to be here. Shinsha's head spins from how easy it was; it feels like an illusion that would crumble away the moment Bort was out of reach.
"Hey," Shinsha stretches out their fingers to tug on Bort's robe, telling themselves that it's just to get their attention - stop getting flustered - but Bort hears them, leaving them with their hand suspended awkwardly in midair. "That's enough," Shinsha forces out, pointing at Amethyst with their chin.
Amethyst's eyes widen slightly. "Niisan...?"
It's just a formality - Shinsha isn't sure if Amethyst knows their name, how old were they again - but it shakes Shinsha all the same. Just in time, Euclase saves them from having to react by clapping their hands and speaking over the commotion.
"Alright - we've all had a rough day. I'd say we leave the rest of the serious talk for tomorrow, after we've had some rest. We won't get anywhere right now," they say gently. "Let's gather in the usual place come morning, hmm?" There's seriousness behind Euclase's smile, and from the look of their faces, everyone seems to understand what it means; though Euclase isn't blaming them, the situation is serious enough to require their full strength.
One by one, the Gems pick themselves up from the grass and begin to tidy up the white sheets spread on the ground. A few of them start hushed conversations, but most work quietly, communicating only with their eyes. A heavy cloud of fatigue sets over the group.
Soon, Shinsha (who didn't want to accidentally destroy the cloth) and Bort (who was recruited to help catch Rutile, as they were the only one strong enough to stand there and hold them in the air by the collar until Rutile stopped kicking and screaming) were the only ones remaining in place. As Shinsha fidgets nervously in place, one of the figures dragging the sheets towards the School looks over their shoulder and waves at the two of them with one hand.
"In a bit!" Bort shouts back, and quieter, to Shinsha, "So, you can talk."
Shinsha presses their mouth into a line, looking down. Bort sighs, almost inaudibly.
"No mind. There's a meeting tomorrow. Usual place. I should do something about this before then," they add in a mumble, looking down at their jet-black arms. They look washed clean, just as Bort's face and bare legs. Shinsha hasn't asked how Bort lost all their powder. Everyone else knew.
Before, Shinsha would dismiss it as not their business, but somehow, now, that they're here, it feels like it's their business too, now. A little voice in their head protests, wondering why do they suddenly have to care so much - it's stupid, it's just powder. It doesn't feel... that bad to care, though. Must be the buddy-buddy atmosphere of the School getting to them again.
"Usual place?" Shinsha repeats, trotting after Bort who sets off towards the School in their usual, brisk walk. Though Bort isn't dragging them by the necktie this time, Shinsha feels a strange, almost magnetic pull beckoning them to follow.
"Assembly hall," is Bort's short reply. "Same as always. You remember it?"
Shinsha nods sulkily. They weren't this ancient - Rutile and Euc were still around, weren't they? Their indignation turns to embarrassment as Bort looks back at them in expectation. They haven't seen.
I'm not senile, Shinsha wants to bite back, but words are oddly difficult to reach for, as if Shinsha used up the daily allowance. "Yeah."
"Good."
They don't run into anyone on their way to the infirmary. Shinsha isn't surprised to find the room empty. Bort doesn't seem to be bothered by Rutile's absence, either, not hesitating before climbing the ladder to search the shelves.
With a bowl of powder tucked under their arm, Bort looks them over carefully. "You got anything to...?"
Their fingers hover over the glue. Shinsha shakes their head no. For a moment, Bort looks at them weird, with a sort of... Respect in their eyes? Couldn't be, it has to be something else. Suddenly, Shinsha grows self-conscious about tagging along. It's not like there was anywhere else for them to go, but.
"I can help," they say quietly, motioning to the powder. They expect Bort to reject them - no one really wants Shinsha's hands near their skin - but Bort merely sits down on the operating table and shrugs off their white robe.
Shinsha picks up the powder brush with shaking fingers, grateful that Bort has their back to them. They hold onto the bowl for dear life, afraid of dropping it, but the easy, practiced motion of applying the powder calms them down.
"You're good at this," Bort notes as Shinshas makes it from one of their shoulder blades to the other. "Only Rutile is this quick."
"I fix myself up a lot," Shinsha admits reluctantly. "So Rutile doesn't have to..."
"Touch you," Bort finishes for them after a prolonged pause. There's nothing Shinsha has to say to that. They work in silence for a while, focusing on spreading the powder evenly.
"You care about them," Bort speaks up again, a statement without a question mark.
Shinsha grips the brush tighter. The words bubble up at their lips; no and yes and not your business and can't you leave me alone? but none make it out.
Unexpectedly, as they waver, Bort twists around to face them.
"Shinsha. Pair up with me." Bort meets their eyes with an intense, serious stare that seems to hold Shinsha in place. Unable to look away, they wait for the punch-line that doesn't come, reeling from the impact of the question. They've imagined it countless times, always different; sometimes, it was a voice in a restless dream, sometimes their own whisper on a lonely beach, to break the silence, test out the shape of the sentence. See how it sounds. Staring at Bort blankly, Shinsha wonders when did they give up on hearing it for real.
"What - why?" they stammer, miserable. Their voice shakes as much as their hands. "I am..."
"Strong," Bort declares, full of conviction. They almost manage to make it sound convincing. "We need to stick together now. Having you here would be a great help."
"Why do I have to - haven't you seen? What happens when I fight?" Shinsha asks bitterly, squeezing out words. "I can't help anyone." No matter how many times has it been, it's still a defeat, admitting it. Never easy, not really.
"If you controlled it better - "
"Easy for you to say - "
"You're afraid!" Bort shouts over Shinsha's already raised voice. "You're afraid of it, so it takes control of you! You panic and use too much, or can't choose if you want to attack or protect yourself! You need practice, but the poison disgusts you too much to try!"
"What are you saying that for..." Shinsha whispers weakly. None of it is pleasant to hear, but as much as they want to plug their ears, there's something fascinating about watching Bort like this, in their element, consumed by the thought of battle, that's like looking at a brightly burning star. Though the others saw Bort's passion as an obsession, Shinsha has always looked at them with equal parts fascination and envy. Bort had their own place here, one only they could fill. They were necessary - irreplaceable. A star, indeed.
"Because you can do it!" Bort exclaims exasperatedly. "If you learn how to use a weapon, you could use the poison to cushion the impact - if you use it as a projectile, there will be no need to smother the enemy with the huge wave - you could - " realizing they're rambling, Bort falls silent for a moment to compose themselves, before adding, "You're afraid of your power, but I'm not. I can figure it out. And I need you."
On a layer separate from blank shock, Shinsha struggles to decide what's more unreal, Bort talking so much at once, to them out of everyone, or what they're saying. It sounds... naive. Unbelievable.
Wonderful.
"What for?" The question slips out like a different kind of poison. "To get Dia back?"
Bort flinches. Shinsha feels an immediate pang of guilt. for a moment, they see the younger Bort, the one from the time when Dia was still dead set on pretending the three of them could be friends. The illusion quickly fades, though, and the vulnerable expression on Bort's face is replaced by the same carefully controlled mask.
"Whatever Phos had told them... Diamond decided to go. We decided to stay." Someone who hasn't known Bort since they were born could miss just how much that reply cost them. Shinsha doesn't think they believe it themselves. "For now, I need to protect our family. You do too, correct?"
Shinsha's gaze falls to the forgotten bowl of powder, resting precariously on the edge of the operating table. They push it back and nod. With Bort's words, a thought they've been pushing away creeps back. The sinking feeling in their chest is familiar, and yet, it seems worse now.
"I need to talk to Euclase first. There's something I have to tell them."
"Go then. I'll finish this." Bort takes the tools from them, taking care to not let their bare hands touch. The way they pluck the brush from Shinsha's hands is surprisingly gentle. The corner of Shinsha's mouth quirks up ever-so-slightly, in what is almost a smile, though it turns out lopsided. There was always an agreeable quality to Bort; they refused to overcomplicate things and understood more than they let on. That much didn't change.
"Is that okay?" Shinsha asks, just in case, "With your back still...?"
"The upper half is the hardest to reach. Just go already, or they may fall asleep."
Shinsha looks out of the window on reflex. The light has changed a bit, approaching late afternoon, but it still hasn't gotten dark enough to make it difficult to walk around. "Hey, doesn't it irritate you a little..."
"How much of a model student they are?" Bort snorts. "Totally. Remember what they said out there; Euc believes in teaching by example." Bort's tone says I hate my bedtime so much that Shinsha has to cover their mouth to not let anything show.
"So, same as always?"
"Pretty much."
Bort's chuckle is a rare, but warm sound. It makes Shinsha feel lighter. As they walk through the dim corridor - no one has set out the jellyfish bowls yet - they make sure to record it in their memory properly.
A hunch leads Shinsha to explore the ground floor before taking the stairs. The clicking of their heels against the stone carries far, but to their relief, everyone seems to have heeded Euclase's words, retreating into their rooms - or at least, the common areas higher up - for the day. Just as it seems that Euclase has really done the same, Shinsha stumbles upon them slumped down on a long bench with their eyes closed. The speech Shinsha has been rehearsing in their head falls apart at the seams. They freeze in place, wavering between speaking up and turning away, when Euclase stirs.
"Oh? Shinsha?" Euclase half says, half yawns. "I'm sorry, I just closed my eyes for a minute. I'm glad you're still here! Is there anything you need?"
"Rutile was wrong," Shinsha blurts out. Euclase's eyes open big and round in surprise.
"Pardon?"
"What Rutile said - about..." Shinsha's voice fails them. What they're about to do feels like letting go of a lifeline they've been holding onto for so long, but... perhaps it was the time to accept that that the person who used to stand on the other side wasn't there anymore. The thought doesn't bring pain, as much as emptiness. It's possible that they've already known, for a while.
There is no other way, Shinsha realizes. If they are to remain here, they have to do this. Their place is still precarious, borrowed - it's not fair to let Euc and the others lend it to them when they don't know the truth. Shinsha doesn't want to poison their new beginning.
"Easy, please. How about you sit down here with me and explain?" Euclase suggest kindly, patting the seat next to them. Shinsha crosses the room on stiff legs and perches on the bench a few steps away from where Euclase is sitting. "Maybe a little closer?" Euclase insists. Struck by an uncomfortable sensation of déjà vu, Shinsha reluctantly scoots closer.
"I was the one," they start, looking down onto their hands, "I was the one they came to first. Before they got kidnapped. It wasn't accidental - they planned it. Let themselves be caught." Shinsha's tone is dull, lifeless, but the words won't stop tumbling out of their mouth. Euclase doesn't interrupt them, just listens intently, leaning in. "They said... They're going to scout out. Already then, they wanted to take me there, but it was too dangerous, they said... I told them not to go, but they didn't listen."
Shinsha leaves out the desperation of the moment, along with Phos' ruse, but something tells them that Euclase is reading everything from their face. Slowly, as not to scare them, Euclase picks up their hand in their gloved fingers - Shinsha briefly wonders when did Euclase put those on - and holds it gently in both of theirs. "Go on."
"They showed up again. Just before... Before the others disappeared." Went with them. "Tried to persuade me again."
"I see..." Euclase hums thoughtfully. "I'm glad you are still here with us."
"But! I knew!" Shinsha exclaims frantically. Their shout echoes through the cavernous room. "I knew! I could've warned you - I could've stopped them - "
"We didn't give you much reasons to trust us, did we?" Euclase interrupts. They sound genuinely regretful. "Phos must've promised you something, too, right? But you still thought of us, and still chose us in the end. Thank you. You're welcome here."
Silver tears well up in Shinsha's eyes. They obstinately turn away, hiding their face; Euc releases them with a knowing smile and courteously pretends to not see anything.
"Still, it's been so long since we've last seen each other! I was hoping to catch up and all..." Euc teases, playful. The switch to cheerful and bright Euc they used to know is so sudden Shinsha forgets to cry. "Isn't there anything you'd like to ask me? You missed all sorts of things!"
Shinsha finally meets their eyes. Euclase shows them a grin.
It takes courage. "Tell me," they nod.
"Well, for starters..."
As they part, Shinsha feels as light as if they were floating. Their head spins from too much information, new stories stirring the surface of their memory and bringing up things long forgotten. While they were talking, the sun has gone down, shrouding the corridors of the School in darkness. Suddenly at loss where to go, Shinsha zones out, staring off into a distance, when to their side, something moves. Shinsha jumps, silvery substance seeping out from between their fingers and swirling around them protectively.
"It's me," comes Bort's voice, slightly colored with irritation. Shinsha flashes back to Euclase's reassurances before they said goodnight.
"How much did you hear?"
"Enough," Bort sighs. "You've been through a lot, huh? It's good that bastard didn't get you, too."
Just like that.
They step closer; Shinsha notices that they finished powdering up - and for some reason, put their day uniform instead of pajamas.
"Why are you here?" Shinsha asks, trying for brusque, but coming out mostly tired. From the way Bort furrows their eyebrows, they seem to catch it.
"Came to tell you to go up to your room. Get some sleep, we're getting an early start tomorrow."
"My room is... a bit..."
"Just go and see it!"
Bort spins around on their heel and storms off, heading towards the stairs. Looking at their back, Shinsha cocks their head to the side curiously. Bort was... flustered? With nothing else to do, Shinsha follows, bewildered. They find Bort again at the entrance to their room - or where it should be. Shinsha doubts they'd recognize the door had they been on their own.
"Where are the blinds?"
"There wasn't time to replace or repair them," Bort mumbles, doing everything to not look them in the eye. Bewildered, Shinsha walks past them and hesitatingly peers into the room.
"This is mine?" Shinsha whispers shakily, incredulously. The room is...
Clean.
Not completely - there are some stains from the poison left, here and there, but they're either small or hard to reach. The pools of silvery liquid that covered the floor are gone, and so are the ruined flower boxes, taken out to leave the empty space. The stone bed is laid with fresh linen; there's even a pillow, just one.
"How?"
"Two shovels, a hyperactive doctor, and caution," Bort grumbles, crossing their arms. "Once we started, Rutile got all into it. It was a bit of an improvisation, but we buried it outside."
"Are you crazy?"
Before they realize what they're doing, Shinsha strides up to Bort and grabs a fistful of their uniform. It seems undamaged, but in this light... "You could've gotten hurt - could've died! Why did you even walk in here, you brat - "
Bort doesn't budge. "This room was messing you up," they say bluntly, meeting Shinsha's furious glare with one of their own. "There's no way you could rest like that! I'm not letting my partner fall over on the battlefield because of something like that!"
"Who said..." Shinsha whispers, deflating like a punctured balloon. They let go of Bort's shirt, their arms falling limply to their sides. "It'll get dirty again."
"Then I'll clean it up again. It's nothing."
The way Bort says it, like the most obvious thing, is so compelling, Shinsha wants to believe it. Really badly.
The accumulated fatigue of the day crashes down on them like a wave, all at once, sending them stumbling back onto the bed. Though there's the same stone underneath, sitting on a duvet is so much more comfortable. Shinsha pulls up their legs.
"Okay," they finally manage. "Okay."
Bort picks up the edge of the duvet and throws it over their head. "Sleep. We'll talk in the morning."
Shinsha pulls the sheets around themselves like a cocoon, until they completely cover them from even the faint light of the moon. As the drift off, they hold on to the thought that someone will be waiting to see them when they wake.
Unknown to them, soon, Bort's footsteps come back soon after Shinsha falls asleep. Bort takes just one quick glance into the room, before retreating into the corridor and sitting down against the wall. Their sword is over their knees. They wait.