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Remus held his breath and counted to ten, eyes briefly snapping shut as he tried valiantly to ground himself.
Why do I do this to myself? he wondered, fingers digging into the couch cushions while Sirius nuzzled the spot where his neck met his shoulder, giggling and slurring through a half-formed joke involving Slytherins and centaurs. Oh, right. Because I'm an idiot.
Remus used to think he was brave, a proper Gryffindor, for showing up to these parties and forcing himself to endure the torture that was Drunk Sirius Black. Now he was beginning to think he was just a masochist.
He took a sip of gillywater. Relax, Lupin, sighing to himself. To say that Drunk Sirius was a massive flirt would be a colossal understatement, and no one was more hyper-aware of that fact than Remus, possibly because he was the only one who stayed sober at these gatherings and possibly because he was hyper-aware of everything Sirius did. Remus wasn't a big drinker (that was a lie). Remus wasn't a big social drinker. He preferred downing a bottle of vodka alone in his bedroom at three in the morning, since he had a tendency to turn maudlin once alcohol kicked in, and that didn't make for a fun, lighthearted evening with friends. Besides, there was always the possibility of spilling every single one of his pathetic secrets as soon as a drop hit his tongue.
Honestly, he wasn't used to this much attention from Sirius. Usually, at this stage of drunkenness, Padfoot was singing along to the music and grinding his arse against James in a way that didn't appear entirely platonic or giving an equally hammered Wormtail sloppy kisses on the cheek. Remus was mostly gifted with Sirius ruffling his hair or throwing an arm over his shoulder while he made lewd jokes that made Remus blush and Lily laugh (a sober Lily would have hexed him rotten for some of those innuendos). Tonight, though..tonight Sirius was plastered to his side, laughing into his neck, biting at his shoulder, wriggling half-way in his lap while he drank obscene amounts of firewhiskey.
And Remus was losing his mind.
He'd pushed Padfoot away about a million times tonight in an attempt to preserve his last shreds of sanity, but Sirius always found his way back in a matter of minutes. Remus was beginning to lose his resolve. Keeping Padfoot at arms length in any sense of the word was impossible. He shifted uneasily on the sofa, half-hard from all of this prolonged contact, and immensely thankful that Sirius was too sloshed to notice.
Just as Remus was wondering how much more of this he could take, Sirius leaned in to whisper something to him, likely something nonsensical or bawdy, and Remus steeled himself for the inevitable tantalizing feeling of having Sirius's hot breath hover over his ear when Padfoot suddenly lost his balance, face landing unceremoniously in Remus's lap. He froze. Christ, the universe was a cruel bastard sometimes. After Padfoot didn't make any attempts of his own to move, Remus pried his fingers from where they were tightly gripping the edge of the sofa and pushed Sirius a safer distance away from his dick. This is torture, he lamented in the privacy of his mind, gritting his teeth as Sirius hummed contentedly, unbothered by the chain of events and infuriatingly oblivious to Remus's pure sexual agony. He had to look away to calm himself. It was in that moment he realized how alone they were in the sitting room.
Remus gulped. The music was softer now, and Wormtail was passed out in the corner, mouth wide open and drooling on his shoulder. James and Lily must have headed upstairs at some point. Remus's pulse stuttered in his wrist as Sirius traced lazy circles on his knee. Get up, Lupin! Leave! Instead, he tangled his hand into Padfoot's thick, dark hair and let the silky strands glide over his fingers, an indulgence he only allowed himself occasionally, when he was too weak to resist. Sirius made a soft, pleased sound against his thigh, and Remus's grip tightened instinctively.
“Hey Moony?” Sirius said sleepily, turning his head to fix Remus with what appeared to be a rather dreamy expression. He blinked those beautiful, thick lashes at him, and Remus's heart skipped a beat. You are absolutely pathetic, he sighed to himself.
"Yes, Padfoot?“ he replied distractedly, mentally planning his escape. The door was right there-
"Can I suck your cock?”
Shit.
-
As far as reactions go, Remus's wasn't very dignified. Choking on his own tongue, he scrambled for an explanation for what he'd just heard. Gillywater dribbled down his chin. Was he having a seizure or hallucination of some sort?
“You’re drunk, Sirius,” he stammered out, once he realized that yes, Sirius had actually offered to suck him off, and in typical Sirius Black fashion, he wasn't looking particularly sorry about it.
“No m’not, Moony. That’s s-silly.” Remus rolled his eyes at the slurred speech, reality crashing down around him at the reminder of Padfoot's inebriated state. Sober Sirius would definitely Not proposition him under any circumstances, and Remus had to remember that, no matter how shit it was. Sirius giggled into his thigh, and Remus tried to still his shaking hands.
“Please, Remus?” he pouted, sticking out his bottom lip in a classic puppy-dog expression, causing a pang to shoot straight through Remus's chest. He was a sucker for that look. It was almost pathetic. But this wasn't the same as sharing his chocolate frogs or letting Sirius drag him across muggle London. This was something else entirely.
“Padfoot, you don't know what you're saying,” he tried gently, but Sirius's eyes were focused intently on his lap.
“Let me suck you," his voice hitching in a way Remus had never heard before, and fuck if that didn't make him fully hard in an instant. Sirius continued on, unaware of Remus's complete and utter turmoil. "I want to. I really-”
Remus stood suddenly, half-panicked, dislodging Sirius from his lap and speaking quickly, an edge of hysteria to his voice. “Time for bed, Padfoot.” His cock twitched when Sirius cheered and reached up to pull at the hem of Remus's shirt. “Time for sleep, Sirius,” he hissed, swatting his hand away and blushing to the tips of his toes.
Huffing, Sirius flopped back down on the couch, and like moth to a flame, Remus's eyes darted to the place where Sirius's shirt was hiked up, revealing a trail of hair starting at his navel and disappearing...stop it, Lupin! Remus ripped his eyes away. “C’mon, Moony. I’ll be good,” Sirius whined. Merlin, Remus had never been so hard in his goddamn life. “I’ll be so good,” he continued, eyes lighting up as if he'd thought of something brilliant. “You can fuck my mouth.”
Christ.
-
In a daze, Remus had carted him to Prongs's guest room that night and tucked him under the blankets, ignoring his friend's wandering hands and casting a quick nox on his way out the door. He felt like thestral shit when he wanked as soon as he arrived back at his flat, but he couldn't help it. He'd used up the last of his self-control when he'd walked out of Prong's front door.
Hopefully, Padfoot wouldn't remember last night. Then they wouldn't have to have any uncomfortable conversations about how Sirius didn't mean it. Yeah, I know you didn't mean it, he'd be forced to say, and he hated that it was true. Because how could someone like Sirius ever be interested in him? The universe was simply taunting him at this point. Wasn't being a poor, gay, half-blood werewolf enough? Did he have to suffer through drunken, meaningless propositions from his unrequited love interest as well? Fuck the universe. It's never done him any favors.
-
"So, I was pretty drunk last night, wasn't I?"
Fuck, here we go. Remus had been carefully avoiding Sirius's eye ever since he trudged back to their flat in the afternoon, complaining of hangovers and Lily and James' sickening relationship, and for a single, shining moment, Remus thought that Sirius had forgotten about last night.
Apparently not.
"I know what you're going to say. It's fine. I know you didn't mean it."
It was silent for a long moment. Was Padfoot going to say anything? "What if-" Sirius started off, sounding uncharacteristically nervous, and Remus looked up from his book, surprised. Sirius didn't get nervous. "What if I did mean it?"
Remus stared back blankly. What the fuck was going on?
Sirius began to pace, sounding somewhat panicked. "Understand, Moony. I wasn't going to say anything. I really wasn't because we're mates, and we live together. Then, I thought maybe it would pass, but it's been two years. It hasn't passed, and last night you looked so- and then I was drunk- and now I think maybe I should say something because I'm starting to go mad-"
He closed the book and pushed it aside, almost giving himself a paper-cut in the process. His tongue felt heavy, and it took considerable effort to make it form words. "What are you saying, Sirius?" he asked, voice uneven, because it sounded a lot like what Remus had been dreaming of hearing since third year, and surely he was misunderstanding. This flare of hope rising in him was dangerous, and he needed to squash it down fast.
"I like you, Moony. I have for a long time now. Merlin, I think I-" Sirius stuttered, looking everywhere but at Remus, his cheeks turning a faint pink. Remus watched in amazement. Sirius was always so confident, so sure of himself, but now he looked decidedly wrong-footed and anxious. "I think I love you, Moony."
The chair screeched backwards across the kitchen floor, and Remus found himself suddenly standing, his voice caught in his throat and his head filled with white noise. Could it be? This was everything he'd ever wanted. Why couldn't he speak? "I don't know what to say," Remus finally choked out, watching in horror as a heavy, disappointed sadness clouded Sirius's face.
"You don't have to say anything. I know you don't feel the same way, so-"
What the fuck? "Are you mental?" he barked, suddenly finding his voice out of pure incredulity, but Sirius, misunderstanding the source of his anger, flinched away. Remus wanted to kick himself immediately. His need to reassure Sirius might have outweighed his fear, but his death-grip on the back of the chair tightened even more with the confession so close at hand. He focused on the tight feeling in his chest and let it expand. "Of course I feel the same way, idiot! You're the only person on the planet who hasn't noticed!"
Prongs would have laughed at the way Sirius's eyes widened almost comically. He took a step toward Remus before stopping abruptly, a bewildered look on his face. "You-"
And then Remus did something utterly un-Remus-like. He kissed Sirius, and maybe it took every ounce of Gryffindor courage inside him to do so, to mash his lips against Padfoot's, but he knew in an instant that it was worth it. Because Sirius was kissing him back, surprise quickly replaced with unbridled enthusiasm as he plundered Remus's mouth, and in no time at all, Sirius was moaning, a sound like honey and sex and everything Remus has ever wanted. He took a fistful of Padfoot's shirt and pulled him tightly against his own body. Sirius was always too close. Never close enough. Remus's hand tangled in his hair, an itch he could finally scratch. The strands were so smooth under his fingers, lips so soft against his, a counterpoint to the sharpness of Remus's teeth and how badly he wanted to sink them into Sirius's perfect, unblemished skin, to bite and bite and mark until Sirius was his in a way words couldn't promise.
Words. They needed to have them. Remus reluctantly pulled away, and Sirius chased his lips, whining in protest. Though tingles rippled across his arms and down his legs, he held his ground, letting go of Sirius's shirt and putting a bit of distance between them. "Two years, hm?" he said, half-panting, but he couldn't care less how he sounded. If Padfoot didn't know the effect he had on Remus by now, there really was no hope for them.
"Yeah," he admitted, pressing his forehead against Remus's with a soft smile. "What about you?"
He shifted uneasily. "I'd rather not say." Remus dipped his tongue across his bottom lip, hoping it wasn't as dry as his mouth suddenly felt, and Sirius tracked the movement. Remus blushed. "It's embarrassing."
"Longer than two years then?"
"Longer than two years."
And this time, Sirius kissed him, more tenderly than before, but no less consuming. Remus melted against him. He wasn't used to Sirius being gentle, but he would grow accustomed to it. More like dependent on it, he sighed, sliding his tongue along Sirius's. So smooth, so easy, the way they fit together. A feeling of rightness covered him like the softest blanket. "I do love you, you know? I really do," Sirius whispered with a kiss below his jaw, and a rush of pure joy spread through Remus's body, trails of lust flaring through it the way a potion shimmers and oscillates between different colors. Great. Now romantic declarations turn me on, as if there weren't already enough things Sirius did that drove him wild.
"I love you too, arsehole. Two years! You should have said something," he grumbled, but he was far too happy to be upset. There was no point in lamenting lost time when it was already a miracle he had Sirius right now. He mentally apologized to the universe for his previous ungratefulness. This was more than he deserved.
"I thought you had too much sense to shack up with me," Sirius joked, but Remus detected the faint traces of honesty underneath it. Sirius sounded that way sometimes, when he tried to joke about something serious, like his family disowning him, or how Regulus didn't meet his eye when they crossed paths in Diagon Alley two weeks ago, and it broke Remus's heart. He tried not to let it show. Sirius saw concern as pity, and he'd thrash against it the first chance he got. So Remus grinned instead.
"Clearly, madness is contagious. All these years putting up with you and Prongs has scrambled my brains," he muttered, and pressed a lingering kiss to Sirius's cheek that did nothing to hide his fondness.
Sirius crowed, any lingering insecurities drifting away in the wake of Remus's obvious affection, "I knew I'd corrupt you eventually." He ran his hands more boldly down Remus's sides. God, how was he expected to hold a conversation when Padfoot wouldn't stop touching him? Not that I want him to stop, he mentally clarified, praying the universe wouldn't take this away from him before he properly had it.
Caught in the feeling, he spoke without thinking. "Corrupt me? You haven't gotten that far yet," he replied cheekily, forgetting who he was speaking to until Sirius blinked up at him in surprise. A slight blush crept up Remus's cheeks. He wasn't exactly shy during sex, once he got going, but to be so forward with Sirius.. Well, he never would have dared before now.
A slow, wicked grin spread across Sirius's face, his grip tightening on Remus's waist. He cocked his head to the side. "Is that so?" he mused, a flirty lilt to his voice that usually had birds and blokes alike dropping at his feet. Remus wasn't fully immune either. "You know..." Sirius began, trailing his fingers down Remus's chest, a playful glint in his eye that Remus knew from years of pranking only meant trouble. He gulped. "I may have been drunk last night, but I think I had a few good ideas." Warm fingers dipped behind the waistband of his pajama bottoms, and Remus was embarrassingly breathless when he finally found his voice.
"Thank fuck for Firewhiskey," he groaned, crashing his mouth against Sirius's in a frenzied kiss.
Maybe parties weren't so bad after all.
~FIN~