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The minute Peter Parker walks through his doorway in the compound, bubbling with nervous and excited energy, Tony knows that he has made a mistake asking him to come today. Tony sees Peter, in his geeky physics t-shirt, his eyes bursting with excitement, a shy smile on his face, with his backpack in hand- and Tony is overwhelmed with the cold, harsh, reality that Peter is only sixteen years old. He is reminded how young, how naive Peter is.
He shouldn’t have brought him into this mess, he isn’t ready, not ready for the colossal devastation of war- of conflict, of pain. Peter should have to deal with academic decathlons, school, his crushes, exams- anything but dealing with a broken billionaire and his problems. He shouldn’t have to deal with the weight of saving the world…
“Hey, Mr. Stark, what’s up?” Peter asks, awkwardly shifting his weight to one side- snapping Tony out of his thoughts.
Tony weighs his options on how to tell Peter that impending doom is coming, and that war with a space alien is rapidly approaching Earth. How the other Avengers are coming to the Compound tomorrow. How Tony is always anxious nowadays, how he still has nightmares of Steve wedging his shield in his chest, of Afghanistan, an infinite loop of Rhodey crashing to the ground, of his teammates dead, of Pepper falling to flames, of the wormhole- and now of Peter sacrificing his life. Nightmares of the momentous universe that surrounded them, of the vast magnitude of how much he doesn't know, but how he knew years before the threat of Thanos, that something big was coming- but how no one listened. How Tony is terrified.
But Tony can’t tell Peter this. Oh, young, innocent, untainted, Peter.
Peter who still loves Legos, and Star Wars. Peter who he has learned, likes squashed sandwiches with pickles, how he likes gummy worms, and Doritos. Peter who named his A.I, “Karen”. Peter- who loves to dance in the kitchen during the mornings, who makes Tony hot chocolate because it’s the only thing he knows how to, who always seems to see through his facade of fame and arrogance. Peter who has so much potential, who is brimming with innocence, intelligence, and eagerness. Peter with wide eyes, and still often calls him “Mr. Stark”- no matter how many times he tells him it’s “Tony”.
And, yes, Tony knows that Peter is strong- capable of more and beyond, and how he desperately wants to help the world. How Peter contains an infinite amount of compassion and courage in him. He knows how Peter has survived his parent’s death, his uncle’s, how much Peter has gone through- and how he still remains intact, with his token innocence and jubilance. Peter is the best superhero and kid he knows, and no one could tell him otherwise. Tony doesn’t want to be the one to break the kid.
Tony knows he isn’t the perfect “mentor”, but he tries- he tries so hard. He knows he messed up during Peter’s homecoming days, back when they didn’t hug, and when Tony always wore his sunglasses around him, back when Tony didn’t know Peter- except his identity Spider-Man, and how Peter didn’t know anything about Tony except for “Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist.” After the Vulture incident, and Peter refusing to be an Avenger (leaving Tony shocked, but humbled), it soon became normality to see Peter tinkering in his workshop, playing with Dum-E- or Peter watching a movie in the compound, chatting with Vision or Rhodey. After Peter’s aunt found out about Spider-Man, Peter spent most weekends at the compound, training, working, or hanging out with Tony.
Soon, every weekend was something to look forward to. Tony learned how to understand the kid, and Peter in return, learned how to understand Tony.
Everyone at the compound loves the kid- Vision, who spends days talking with Peter- little by little understanding humans and kids. Happy, who grumbles but when Peter isn’t looking- gazes at him with fond looks. Pepper, who practically fell in love with how precious Peter was, and his genius-ness. Rhodey, who came to enjoy the eager distraction of Peter Parker, talking about engineering, or their MIT college days, something to get Rhodey’s mind off his legs. Bruce, who had returned from space, who was timid more than ever, scared of the Hulk, not sharing what had happened- and Peter- of all people, with his wide eyes and charm, had gotten Bruce to love him and talk to him. Tony recalls, Peter, having just met Bruce, exclaiming to him- “Holy snickerdoodle, Mr.Stark! You didn’t tell me the Dr.Banner is here, I’ve been studying his work on gamma radiation for years, oh my god- I can’t believe it!” And, Thor, from the moment he came back, approached the starstruck “Boy of Spiders” with lengthy tales, and amused smiles. Even, Loki, had come to love Peter- who empathetically chatted with Loki, not even scared of him. And though Loki wouldn’t admit it, Tony knows he has a soft spot for the kid (but honestly, who doesn’t?).
And, Tony, well, Tony loves the kid. Day by day, he’s filled with increasingly more instinct to protect this small child from the world. So, Tony tries his best, for Peter. And here he was, standing in front of him, unknowing what to say. After hours of demanding work, and effort- he had figured out the Accords, a compromise- a better, more fair for everyone, revised version. As much as he wouldn’t like it, he needed Cap's Avengers to come- to help him prepare for the new threat. Of course, he has the so-called “Guardians of the Galaxy” now, and Bruce, Loki, Thor who have returned from god-knows-where, but they need as much help as they can get.
The "Ex-Avengers" would be excused, and they would reside in the compound- much to Tony’s anger. Tomorrow was the day they would come back from Wakanda...
But, Wanda, Steve, and Bucky are on thin ice with the government- one more misconduct and they’re done for.
He’s not ready to confront them- but he’s a Stark- he’s Tony fucking Stark, the Tony Stark who the press can’t get enough of- the Tony Stark who confronts everything fearlessly and yet is always arrogant and selfish. Because Tony isn’t allowed to be selfless, Tony Stark isn’t allowed to care for anything except for his reputation and himself. So, Tony puts up a facade, if people are going to assume things about him, he just abides. He’s done with having to prove he’s more than “a man in a suit of armor”. They can’t know that he’s just a broken man, who likes to fix things, to help improve things. Maybe the Iron Man armor is just a cocoon to shield from the world, but he is and always will be Iron Man.
Maybe that’s why Tony is drawn to Peter so much, because Peter shows him that Tony has the capacity to love, and to care. Honestly, most days, Tony believes it himself that he’s no good and nothing but a useless, arrogant, billionaire who just throws money at problems.
There’s always a small voice in the back of his head, chanting things, terrible things.
it’s all your fault.
everyone hates you.
textbook narcissism.
selfish, arrogant.
disappointment.
greatest creation.
genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist, nothing less, nothing more.
worthless.
merchant of death.
big man in a suit of armor, take that away and what are you?
But, when he’s with Peter, as cheesy as it sounds, that voice seems to decrease in volume. The other voice becomes more articulate, whispering to him. The one that tells him how he, Tony Stark, came out of an Afghan desert, broken, delirious with heat, blood painted on his skin and soul, and a glowing intrusive arc reactor inserted into his body. How he survived the betrayal of a father figure, as he taunted him, as Tony lay dying. How he survived poisoning, and “Natalie Rushman.” He saw through her from the start.
The voice that tells him how he saved New York, with a missile on his back and a heart full of sorrow. The voice that tells him how he lost Jarvis, and got Vision instead, and created mayhem because of Wanda’s visions. The voice that tells him how he wanted to be held accountable for the lives lost, tried to create a compromise. How he confronted Rogers and Barnes, and walked out, haunted and bloody. How all his teammates left him.
But, how he got a little spider-ling instead. How he maybe, just maybe, got some happiness. How he got mornings of hot chocolates and dancing. How he got movie nights, and days spent in his workshop with Peter. Life was good.
Until the Guardians came crashing on Earth, until the threat of Thanos impeded. Until the rest of the Avengers had to come.
Tony sighs. Peter shouldn’t live in ignorance, he deserves to know what will come.
“Do you know what the infinity stones are, kid?”
Peter looked at him questioningly, “No, what are those?”
Tony guides Peter over to the couch in their workshop, runs his fingers through his hair, and explains every, last, bit. How the Guardians came (Peter was excited to meet these aliens- of course he was), how the Avengers are coming the next day (Peter raised his eyebrows and looked up at him as if he could see right through him and his facade of being okay), and how Thanos is coming.
By the time Tony had finished explaining, Peter had his arms wrapped around his legs, timid and fragile-looking, deep in thought. One wrong move and Tony was afraid Peter would shatter like a porcelain doll. Tony was caught in between wanting to smother this child with hugs, or to take back every single word uttered from his mouth.
“Tony, will we be okay?” Peter looked up at him, with the biggest damn puppy eyes he had ever seen.
Tony caught his gaze, and didn’t tear away. He ignored the fact that Peter finally called him “Tony”. He clenched his teeth, trying to push away his yearning to take the easy way out- to put on his “Tony Stark” face and just lie.
“I don’t know kid. I don’t know. Thanos… He won’t stop until half of humanity is gone.” Tony exhaled a shaky breath, feeling more vulnerable than ever under the gaze of Peter. He continued.
“It’s my job to make sure that you’re not in that half. I know you want to fight, I know you won’t stop being Spider-Man, as much as I would rather ship you off to a safe place in the middle of nowhere- I know you won’t let that happen when people are in danger… But Peter, you gotta understand, you can’t- you can’t die. ”
Tony’s voice cracked.
“And whatever it takes for you to live, to stay alive- I will do whatever it costs, Peter.”
Peter solemnly gazed up at him, his eyes glistening with tears. He practically catapulted himself at Tony, who wrapped his arms around Peter.
Peter whispered, just barely, “It will be okay, right?”
Tony squeezed Peter just a little bit tighter, “Yeah, kid, it will be okay.”
He forced out a small laugh at the pure cheesiness of them- what was this- a Hallmark movie?
“I’ll always be there for you.”
And though Tony would never admit to it, as Peter fell asleep on his stiff shoulder, the both of them half sitting- half lying awkwardly on the twelve year old couch- Tony let himself be okay, to forget about his worries for the moment and to appreciate the kid smushing him on the couch.
His kid.
He’ll always be there for him.