Chapter Text
Keith's helmet beeped from his forgotten spot on the floor, he didn't even bother to move from his hunched position in his piloting chair. The screen began projecting a message, Lance being the messenger.
"So, uh... Hi. If you got this video I probably did something stupid that got me... killed. Hunk helped me set this up, this video would be sent to you if my armor reached a critical point. I guess it did."
Keith raised his head slowly upon hearing the voice, his face full of tears and his hair disheveled. He let out a trembling sigh as he paused the video. Lance was sitting inside his lion with his signature army green jacket. His expressive eyebrows furrowed as he played with the zipper in the jacket. His skin looked perfect as always, slight curls falling over his forehead softly. Keith un-paused the video.
"So, Keith. What would I tell you if I was dying?" The Latin boy tried to lighten his own mood with a silly pensive face. "I know you think you're not really a part of our family, but you are. I don't think you understand how much you mean to us. Believe me when I say that we notice all the small things you do for us. Like that time you let Pidge beat you at sparring cause they were feeling insecure." The boy paused and cocked his eyebrow at the camera, trying to communicate a silent "Yes, I noticed" as if he was reading Keith's mind, his face fell as he set the next example.
"Or when... I had a nostalgia breakdown because I missed home and Pop Rocks, and rain and silly band-aids" He made a teasing face towards the camera before continuing "And a Mickey Mouse band-aid, showed up in my nightstand the next day. I want you to know that I kept it" Lance grabbed one lapel of his jacket and opened it to reveal a red band-aid stuck to the fabric inside. "I'm not even going to ask how you got it, heaven knows all the stuff you carry around in your fanny packs."
"Anyways, I guess what I’m trying to say is that I care about you, I care about you a lot, and I never got to tell you." Lance looked at his lap and twirled his thumbs around. "I think... I think you are the coolest guy I've ever met, you're the best pilot in the world and you're incredibly smart. I want you to know that even if your family was never what you deserved, you'll always have a family with us" He skipped a beat "With them" He coughed awkwardly.
"The point is" He let out a soft sigh and encouraged himself "It's not that hard McClain" He made eye contact with the camera and muttered softly "I like you Keith, I’ve liked you ever since I saw you and your stupid mullet in the Garrison halls, you were the only student that made that ugly orange uniform look decent" Keith paused the video to process what he heard. Lance liked him, had liked him for the past two years. He rewinded the video.
"I like you Keith"
"I like you Keith"
"I like you Keith"
The words kept swimming in his mind. He felt overjoyed that Lance liked him back until he looked down at his hands and noticed they were soaked in blood, he could still hear his team screaming in the middle of all those explosions. Hot tears streamed down his cheeks as he unpaused the video, virtual Lance sighed and visibly relaxed.
"You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to tell you that" He adjusted his position in his chair to cross his legs under him, placing his hands on his ankles.
"I considered cutting the video there "I like you Keith" and BAM cut to black screen, dramatic huh?" He smirked at the camera. "But it wouldn't be fair, for neither of us. I'm recording this the day we came back from meeting Nyma and Rolo, being handcuffed to that tree gave me lots of time to think. I thought that if things were the other way around, I would be very sad, but I would also have lots of questions" Lance raised his pointer finger and fished out a folded piece of paper from one of his many jacket pockets.
"So, question number one"
Lance unfolded the piece of paper and skimmed over the list “How long have you liked me? We got that outta the way, first semester at the Garrison” His cheeks reddened slightly at the memory and Keith felt his eyes well up with tears again. “Número dos: Why didn’t you tell me?” Lance lowered the sheet of paper, shameless to the fact that his blush deepened “Well Keith, because you don’t like me back…” Lance paused, his eyes followed something off-camera. A dopey smile appeared on his face along with a dreamy look, he quickly changed the combo to a smirk accompanied by a wink. “That was you… God, I hope you never get this video, that was so embarrassing, I need to ask Hunk to cut that out” He scratched the back of his neck before clearing his throat and picking up the list again.
“Did you ever try to tell me?” Lance pursed his lips before answering “Yeah… I mean no, God this is so embarrassing” he covered his face with his right hand before continuing “Listen Keith, listen.” He uncrossed his legs and waved his hands in the air as he explained “I thought about doing it so many times…” his mood brightened dramatically as he narrated, Keith stopped paying attention to Lance’s speech and focused on him instead, as if it were the last time he’d ever see him, it probably was.
He watched him talk animatedly, it was incredible how much Lance used his hands when he talked, the Latin ran his hand through his hair nervously causing Keith to sniffle subconsciously, he wished that hand was his, he’d spent so many hours staring at that soft hair, wondering what it would be like to run his own hands through it, what it would feel to push it backwards and kiss his forehead softly. Virtual Lance chattered on as Keith dried the tears on his cheeks. He rewinded.
"I thought about doing it so many times! But I just couldn't, you always looked so grumpy when you were with me." His voice acquired a happy tone "Hunk says it could be like, "amor apache" I don't know if there's a term in English for that. It's kinda like, when you like someone so much that you forget how to act when you're with them, so your first instinct is to attack them. That's not what I have with you at all." The Latin boy chuckled nervously.
"Anyways! Last question! Did the others know? Uh... Yes? All of them I think, Hunk and Pidge have always known. Coran and Allura caught me... Talking about you in a very enthusiastic way..." The boy's blush returned as he tried to move on quickly "I haven't told Shiro, but he's always giving me silly excuses to go talk to you, so I guess he figured it out on his own" Keith's eyes widened, all the memories where Shiro tried to convince Keith to reveal his true feelings to Lance came flooding to him.
"So, I’m sorry if this is awkward, I don't know if you would've preferred to remember me as your dumb rival that could never beat you. But I’ve got nothing to lose, I just wanted to know that you know instead of taking it to the space grave." The screen faded to black. Keith sat in his chair in shock, thinking about how dumb he'd been, he wasted his time with Lance.
Keith paused the video and stood up from his pilot chair. He leaned against a wall and forced himself to stop crying, he let his body slump down to the ground until he mirrored Lance's position on the screen. There was no reason for him to keep watching, it would only make the whole process more painful. Seeing Lance with his bright smile and his deep blue eyes made his chest hurt in a way that he'd never experienced before. He curled up on the ground and cried until he fell asleep.
xxx
A loud bang woke him up, he moved to press a button on his panel, eyes on the floor to avoid Lance on the screen. A futuristic whoosh, came after metal clanging, letting the visitor inside the red lion.
"Keith... You've seen it?" Hunk's soft voice came from the door, his cheeks were stained with dry tears and his eyes were puffy. "Allura made us all come out of our rooms to eat something, I figured you'd still be here. Shiro uh… left to find him as soon as he left you here." He carried a plate of green goo in his hands. Keith took it silently "I'm sorry" Keith said more to himself than to Hunk, the youngest of them opened his arms and the Korean walked shyly into them, they cried together until Hunk regained his senses, he let go of Keith and asked "You haven't finished it, have you? Pidge refuses to watch theirs, Allura already memorized hers. I made Lance add some comforting things at the end of yours, you should listen to him" Hunk pointed to the forgotten plate of food. "Eat something Keith, you need it" He began walking out until Keith's voice interrupted him. "Hunk, does everyone have these... These emergency videos?" He asked in a quiet tone. "No, it's just us. Lance, Pidge and I" Keith remained silent as Hunk exited. He sat back down and unpaused the video.
“Okay I’m back, Hunk said I should add some nice things at the end. So here I am” The boy stood up, gazing at the unfinished video.
“So… I’m sorry… I died? I’m sorry if you hate me now, you were a really nice friend and I really wish I could have told you all this in person”
“Unless I already did!” He furrowed his brows and gazed downward intensely. “Ay Dios, I didn’t think this through”
“Listen, let’s make this quick” Lance straightened in his chair. “If, I confessed to you and you kicked my ass, sorry I’m gay for you, please stop watching now” The Latin sighed heavily and smiled cheekily.
“Keith, babe, light of my life, star of my constellations. If, I confessed to you and you did not kick my ass, that can only mean…” He smirked before continuing.
“You are the most beautiful, most amazing boyfriend in the entire universe, you have no idea how much I lo-care about you” The boy backtracked. “You know what? Fuck it, I think I’m in love with you Keith” He said confidently. “I’m in love with you?” Lance repeated more to himself than the video. “I’m in love with Keith” He directed beyond the camera as he ran his hand through his hair, the video cutting abruptly after that.
Keith stared back at his reflection in the dark screen. He made eye contact with himself as he felt tears stream down his face, neglecting the urge to wipe them, since they would be replaced with a new batch in less than seconds. He wanted to move, he wanted to punch something, he needed to hug somebody, he needed Lance.
He stood up from his chair, moving on autopilot, fixing his gaze on the floor to avoid everything that reminded him of Lance.
Blue’s hangar, where they’d found out even their lions were sick of their bickering. The training deck, where they’d fought countless times, trying to beat each other. The kitchen, where they fought over the best flavor of pizza rolls. He walked past the dining room without looking up, he knew that if he peeked into the room, his mind would provide Lance sitting in his used chair, smiling like they weren’t fighting an intergalactic war.
“Keith”
He heard Allura’s voice come from the room he passed, he stepped back to look inside, immediately regretting his decision. His teammates sat there, a mountain of used tissues before them. Allura sat at her usual spot at the head, Lance and Keith’s chairs empty next to her. He knew they didn’t have good news based on their expressions.
“Shiro-“
“I know princess” Keith interrupted, lifting his right hand to stop her speech.
“It won’t do you any good to be alone” Allura spoke softly, fearing that a wrong move might scare Keith away.
“Nothing will do me any good”
He walked the long halls of the castle alone, lonelier than he’d ever felt in his life. He’d never needed anyone. It was the Keith Kogane lifestyle. Even when he lost Matt and Shiro, he knew they were out there, fighting together. Lance was a different story.
He stopped pacing once he reached his room, Lance’s around the corner. A small voice inside his head insisted that this was a bad idea, but he did it anyway, common sense thrown out the window. He walked through the door, the familiar whoosh behind him.
The first thing he noticed as he walked in were the numerous items hanging on the wall, various Earth flags were stuck to it, a small post-it note pinned under them, the following list scribbled on it: Samoa, Italy, Korea, Japan, Cuba.
Italy had a small checkmark to its left, Korea had been underlined many times with different colors of ink. The rest of the wall was covered with different Earth ads, some in languages he couldn’t understand. Keith took in all the posters before moving to Lance’s bedside table, the only item on it was a tiny piece of paper, enough to fit in a wallet. He took it in his hands, fresh tears left his eyes as he realized it was a picture.
It showed Lance front and center, where he belonged. A toothy smile on his face, he held an envelope in his left hand, his right clutched a signed message. Keith recognized the seal, it was his Garrison acceptance letter. His family stood behind him, a couple of kids in the front. He started at Lance’s smile and selfishly pocketed the picture.
His eyes shifted to the unmade bed, as if he’d left in a rush. His characteristic jacket laid outstretched near the foot of it. It was the only thing in the entire room that seemed to be placed with care, almost as if it was his most prized possession.
Keith grabbed the lapel Lance had opened in the video, the Mickey Mouse band aid still stuck in it. The boy wiped his tears as he removed his own jacket and slid into Lance’s. He sat on the bed, drowning in the jacket, in his scent, on everything that made Lance Lance. He wrapped his arms around his knees, unable to stop the tears that ran through his face once again.