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Each night it was the same, the same horrific nightmare that was woke him up, drenched in sweat, his heart pounding so hard and the fear still coursing through his veins as if what his mind had created had been so terrifying to him it kept him up. Each night since the attack on the USJ it had been the same. Each night, without fail, one by one he watched his students die and there was nothing he could do to save them. He would watch them disintegrate, screaming and reaching out for help, dismembered, drowned, set on fire, arms and lips ripped off, necks snapped. All their eyes staring at him asking him why, why did he not save them? Why had he not stopped the villains and why had he let them die.
Each day, he was falling asleep during the day for brief moments. One moment he’d be teaching a class, the next he’d be standing in front of them asleep. That week he had been found asleep in his classroom, in the teacher’s lounge, on the roof, by the gardens. Anywhere he could fall asleep, he would fall asleep. It wasn’t for very long, and he never felt rested afterwards. Not once had he woken up and felt like he could just jump up and run a marathon. Not that he would, he was never one for running.
That day, he was in the teacher’s lounge, a cup of coffee in his hands. His right eye was blurry, had been since the accident, though whether it was worse because of the chronic exhaustion from the nightmares, Aizawa could not say. All he wanted to do was close his eyes and sleep…but he was scared. So very terrified of what lay behind his eyes.
“Shouta…”
Aizawa lifted his eyes, so tired that they felt like they were burning and locked eyes with Toshinori. There must have been concern in his eyes, but Aizawa was just too tired to think straight, or clearly about anything. All he wanted was sleep.
Toshinori was kneeling in front of him, taking the cold cup of coffee from his fingers and setting it on the coffee table so it would not spill. His hand was on his cheek, brushing just below where the bandaged covered the gash beneath his eyes. “You haven’t been sleeping.”
“I sleep just fine thanks.”
“Shouta.” His voice was stern, annoyed with Aizawa’s attempt to deflect the conversation away from his clear state of distress. “What has been keeping you awake?”
Aizawa said nothing, just the thought alone was enough to get his eyes to start to water and Aizawa hated that, using the back of his hand to rub at the tears. He could play the off as being tired. Yeah, his eyes always watered when he got too tired. That was it, that was what-
“It’s your class isn’t it?”
Damn him. Damn him and his perceptiveness. It had been a long time since Aizawa had had a full class, even longer since he had had a class that he actually had taken a liking to. Yet he had watched as his students fought at the USJ, he had watched as they worked so hard to impress people at the Sports Festival. In each of them, he saw himself. He saw the tired students struggling to keep up their physical fitness while making sure to finish their homework each night. He saw the pride when they were able to successfully do something, and the sorrow when someone, often Midoriya, got hurt. In them, he saw himself when he was a student at UA, and how hard he had had to worked to prove that he was worthy of being there.
And that day, he had felt the pure terror at the thought that he would lose one of them, and how close he had come when Asui was nearly killed by Shigaraki, how close she had been to losing her life. If he had not been able to get his eyes on him, she would have died. If All Might had not shown up, if the rest of the teachers had not shown up…
“They are my students, and they are working so hard to reach their goal of becoming heroes. And I nearly lost all of them because I could not stop them. I had. I had been able to, but they were better than me Toshinori. They were better than me and I nearly lost-“ His hand came up to his mouth covering it suddenly overwhelmed by the sorrow and guilt welling up in his stomach.
Toshinori said nothing, just moved to sit beside him on the couch. His hands were gentle as he eased Aizawa down so he was laying with his head in his lap. Aizawa stared up at him, confusion in his eyes. “Rest. Close your eyes and rest dear Shouta. Know that it will all be okay, because I am here.”
Despite how tired he was, he managed to roll his eyes at Toshinori using his catch phrase. All the same, he closed his eyes. With Toshinori there beside him, stroking his dark hair, Aizawa was able to sleep for the first time in months without the horrific nightmares causing him to toss and turn, that brought tears to his eyes, and made it hard to function.
By the time he opened his eyes, it was the end of the day. “Why didn’t you-“
“Don’t, I spoke with Nezu when he came in and saw you asleep. I explained, he said to let you rest. Shouta you should have told me. I would have come and stayed with you. You are no good to your students if you are unable to sleep.”
“I don’t like asking for help, you know that.” Aizawa rubbed at his face, covering his eyes for a long moment. Between his quirk, and the nightmares, his eyes were constantly dry and tired. He pulled his hand back and reached up, tips of his finger tracing Toshinori’s features. They weren’t those of his All Might form, and really Aizawa found him just as handsome like this, maybe even more.
“Toshinori would you…”
“You don’t have to ask, I’ll stay with you.”
Aizawa gave him a small smile, and let his eyes close again, letting out a breath. Finally, he would be able to rest.