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The evening sun cast a light orange glow over the small town of Derry, Maine. The wood on which Eddie sat creaked with every movement and for a brief few seconds, he thought that the platform would fall out from underneath him. Yet it held firm, just like it had done for the past thirteen years. A bittersweet feeling settled over Eddie as he brought his sleeve up to his eyes, wiping away some of the stray tears that had gathered there. The lights of the house he was looking into were dark, of course, as there was no-one home. No-one would be back until at least Monday morning, after all the events had passed and everyone was happy. Well… everyone except Eddie. As he pulled the jacket he was wearing more firmly around his shoulders, his thoughts drifted back to the events that brought him to where he was right now.
When Eddie was younger, he would often be the target for bullies thanks to the way his mother dressed him and made him out to be delicate. On his first day of kindergarten, he was pretty convinced that it would end in tears, with his mother coming to pick him up early because Henry Bowers thought it would be funny to stick play sand down his shorts.
Instead, his first day of kindergarten was the day Eddie met his best friend. His best friend who would grow up to become the love of his life.
It was the day that Eddie met Richie Tozier.
Richie Tozier was a ball of energy that burst into the room of Derry’s kindergarten, bringing nothing but light and joy into Eddie’s life. Richie was the total opposite to Eddie, they had contrasting personalities. Eddie was calm and composed whereas Richie was fun and outgoing.
They were the unlikely pair that fit so well together, regardless of how different they were. As they aged, they only grew closer, spending most of their time together in Richie’s back yard. In the summer before they began sixth grade, Richie’s dad had helped them build a treehouse in the Tozier back yard. It was firm, sturdy and the best thing the two boys ever could have hoped for.
The treehouse soon became a clubhouse, and as they got older, a safe place for them to meet and just...be.
It was where Eddie came out to Richie, just shy of sixteen, quiet and nervous about what his best friend would think. It was where Richie had pulled him into his arms and whispered that he was bisexual. It was where they opened their college letters and both realised they were heading to New York. It was where they decided to get an apartment together instead of filing for dorms.
It was where Eddie realised he was in love with his best friend.
Eddie fell in love with Richie when he was fifteen years old. They were hanging out in the treehouse, ranting about the English homework that Mrs Albert had given them, when Richie let out a hearty laugh. His eyes were bright, his curls falling just slightly into his face and a smile so wide it was almost splitting his face in two. Eddie glanced up and in that moment, the world fell from beneath his feet and he was left hanging for dear life.
Richie didn’t even notice Eddie’s change in demeanor, which gave him a chance to compose himself before their conversation continued. Even though Richie knew that Eddie was gay, and even though Richie himself was bisexual, it didn’t automatically mean that they should date.
So Eddie kept his feelings a secret.
He kept them a secret as they made their way through Senior Year, he kept it a secret at graduation and he kept it a secret when they moved into their shitty apartment. Somehow, a small part of Eddie hoped that they would cross that bridge from best friends to more, a part of him dared to believe that the lingering hugs and hand holding were all leading somewhere.
Then Richie started dating Jason. Jason was a year older than them, studying at NYU and worked at a local radio station at the weekends. He was the one that managed to secure Richie his internship, and then his permanent job after he graduated university. He was kind, funny and very much like Richie. All of their friends rambled on about how they were a match made in heaven and how Richie had scored his perfect man.
It was then that Eddie came to the awful and heart wrenching realisation that Richie was never going to be his. Not in the way he wanted him to be anyway. He was no longer Richie’s number one and a year into his relationship with Jason, Richie moved out.
Three years later, Eddie was living alone and very much single in a small one bedroom flat. Richie was still his best friend, he always would be, and they still kept their weekly Netflix and chill evenings every Tuesday night. The only thing that had really changed was the closeness. Gone were their lingering hugs and hand holding and in their place were one armed hugs and hair ruffles.
When they hung out together, Richie very rarely talked about his relationship with Jason. Whenever Eddie asked about it, the answers he would receive were short and to the point.
“Oh he’s fine.”
“Yeah, we’re doing great.”
“Life is just peachy, Eds!”
So when he received a phone call on a regular Thursday night in May, the news that Eddie had to process was not what he expected at all.
“I-I’m sorry Richie, what was that?” he whispered down the line, hoping and praying that somehow, he misheard.
“Jason and I are engaged! We’re getting married Eds, how amazing is that?!’ Richie’s voice sounded excited down the line, so full of life, whilst Eddie felt his heart plummet to the pit of his stomach.
Richie was engaged.
“I would really like it if you were my best man Eds, I don’t think I could go through all of this without you. Will you? Will you be my best man Eddie?”
Eddie should have seen it coming. He should have known that Richie was going to ask him that question, and he should have been more prepared. Instead he spluttered over his words, before finally inhaling sharply and whispering out a harsh, “Yes, yes of course Richie. Anything.”
The moment the words left his lips, Eddie wanted to vomit. By saying yes, he had just sealed his fate. Eventually, in a few months, Eddie would stand on the sidelines and watch the love of his life marry another man.
And he wasn’t sure he was ready for that.
Just because Eddie didn’t tell anyone about his feelings for Richie, didn’t mean that they weren’t obvious to some of their friends. Most accountability, Beverly Marsh.
Beverly had been their friend since Sophomore year of high school when she moved to Derry with her aunt. She was fiery, headstrong, smart and she integrated herself into their little group like she always belonged there.
He felt her slide into the booth opposite him at their favorite diner, sliding another milkshake in his direction. “I’m so sorry, Eddie.”
His head snapped up at her words, ready to deny whatever it was she was apologising for, when he saw the look on her face. She knew. She had always known. Instead of denying it, Eddie just tilted his head down towards his new milkshake, taking a few sips. “It’s fine.”
“No it’s not,” she answered back immediately, a hand reaching out to cover one of his own. “This must be so hard for you.”
“Yeah well, I’d rather not talk about it,” he whispered, voice laced with exhaustion. He was so tired. He hadn’t slept a wink the night before, mind too occupied, and emotions too ripe.
“If you do, want to talk about it, you know where I am,” Beverly squeezed his hand before she stood up from the booth and walked out of the diner. Eddie didn’t move for a long time, staring down at his hands before his throat closed up, tears springing into his eyes as a sob ripped out of his throat.
Burying his head in his arms, right there in the back of the diner, Eddie sobbed his heart out.
He had no idea how long it had been, but as the sobs died down to a few hiccups, he looked up to see one of the waitresses holding out a tissue for him. Extending his hand, Eddie accepted it and he wiped his eyes dry, scrunching the tissue up in his hands and handing the waitress the money for his original milkshake, “Thank you,” he breathed hoarsely and made his way to the door.
The waitresses voice calling after him, stopped him in his tracks for just a second, “I hope it all turns out well for you sir!”
It was a nice comment, yet Eddie knew that he wasn’t the one who was going to get a happy ending in this scenario. That much was for certain.
As he walked the short walk back to his apartment, the sky opened up and the rain fell as though it’s sole purpose was to make Eddie feel even more awful than he already did. Within moments, he was soaked to the core, his body trembling with each step he took. Even the sky was crying for him. When he finally made it to his apartment, he peeled off his wet clothes and threw them into the washing basket, grabbing one of his shirts and pulling it over his head.
Luckily, he had the weekend off, which meant spending most of the day wrapped up in a blanket, in his nightshirt, binge watching Orange is the New Black on Netflix. Usually, this was something that Richie would be game for, but since he was now an engaged man, spending time with Eddie was now shoved all the way down to the bottom of the priority list.
Which meant he was all alone with his broken heart, mentally trying to prepare himself for what being Richie’s best man would contain. He would have to organise the bachelor party, he would have to help Richie with choosing his tux, he would have to help with and attend the rehearsal dinner, he would have to provide Richie with emotional support and he would have to stand up next to him at the altar as he exchanged his vows with Jason.
Not to mention the speech he would have to give at the reception dinner.
At that thought alone, Eddie popped open the bottle of wine that was stored in his fridge. Nothing like a little alcohol to soothe a broken heart.
Surprisingly, Eddie didn’t wake up the following morning with a hangover. The bottle of wine was empty but he was feeling somewhat refreshed. The bittersweet feeling still lingered in the pit of his stomach, but it wasn’t as noticeable as it was the previous night.
That is, until the door creaked open and a familiar mop of dark curly hair popped through the crack. Richie was wearing a bright smile, holding up a bag that surely contained a bagel from the store down the street. He was dressed in one of his ridiculous hawaiian shirts and dark wash skinny jeans.
To Eddie, he looked like a dream.
“Hey, I thought I’d drop by with breakfast since I haven’t spent much time with you lately,” Richie spoke as he toed off his shoes and handed Eddie the bag with his bagel inside before flopping down on the sofa. “I feel like a shitty best friend, but things have just been so crazy lately.”
“It’s okay, you’re allowed to be busy. You have a good reason to be busy,” Eddie mumbled as he put the bagels onto two plates and passed one to Richie. He moved around the sofa, slowly, and sat down on the opposite end, putting as much space as possible between them.
“Is everything okay, Eds?” Richie’s voice was laced with concern and Eddie fought back the urge to pinch his nose in frustration. No, no everything is not okay. You’re getting married to someone else and soon you’ll be so caught up in married life you’ll forget all about me.
“Yeah. Yeah everything is fine Richie, don’t worry about me.”
In that moment, Eddie thought he deserved an award for how convincing his voice sounded. Usually, Richie could tell when Eddie was lying, but this time, it just flew over his head. He had to wonder though, if it was because Eddie had mastered the act of lying, or if Richie was just too loved up to notice.
He hoped it would be the former, but he knew deep down that it was probably the latter.
“Aw, were you watching Orange is the New Black without me Eds?” Richie whined, taking a bite of his bagel and pouting at him. “I thought we were gonna watch that together?”
“There was nothing on the television last night.” It was an excuse, Eddie knew that. He just didn’t want to admit to Richie that he wasn’t sure if they were going to finish the show together. “I only watched a few, you can easily catch up.”
“Mhm, don’t worry about it Eddie Spaghetti. I’ll live.”
“Ugh, Rich don’t call me that. I can put up with you calling me Eds, but Eddie Spaghetti? It has to go.” The truth was that Eddie loved all of Richie’s quirky nicknames. He just wouldn’t ever admit it out loud.
“You love it, really.” Richie said, sending a wink in his direction and running a hand through his curly hair. “There was another reason I came by this morning. You’re my best man.”
Yes, yes he was.
“I am,” Eddie agreed. “What about it?”
“Well, as my best man, I believe you deserve to know when we’re getting married,” Richie stated as he propped his feet up on the coffee table.
Oh. Right. Eddie was so focused on the fact that Richie was getting married, he hadn’t really thought about what the timescale would be. “Oh, right. So when is the big day?”
“May 4th,” Richie stated and Eddie almost choked on his bagel. May 4th. That was less than three months away. “And before you say anything, yes I know it’s soon, but we decided that we shouldn’t wait and plan a big fancy wedding. So it’s just going to be at City Hall, and we’re going to book out our favourite restaurant for the meal and then just hit the city for the rest of the night. Nothing fancy, nothing extravagant. Just simple.”
Even though Richie was speaking, Eddie wasn’t paying much attention to the words. All he could think about was, in three months time, Richie Tozier would be a married man. Married to someone that wasn’t Eddie Kaspbrak.
Suddenly, the alcohol from the night before was bubbling in the pit of his stomach and he had the urge to vomit. He covered his mouth with his hand and bolted from the living room to the bathroom, only just making it there in time for his breakfast and the wine to reach the surface.
Richie was behind him in a second, rubbing his back soothingly, “Are you sick, Eds?” He breathed calmly as he brushed some of his hair out of his face.
“Self inflicted I’m afraid. Finished a whole bottle of wine last night,” Eddie mumbled, wiping his mouth and flushing the toilet. He turned his body to face Richie, whose face was a vision of shock and concern. As he parted his lips to speak, Eddie beat him too it, “Don’t worry Richie, I’m going to throw you the best damn bachelor party ever.”
“Oh I don’t doubt it. If anyone can plan a great party, it’s you Eds.”
Richie sounded so confident, his faith in Eddie unwavering.
If only Eddie could have been so confident.
Out of all of their mutual friends, Beverly was the only person who was supposed to know about Eddie’s love for Richie. So it came as a surprise to him when Ben knocked on his apartment door as he was trying to figure out when and where the stupid bachelor party was going to be held.
“Oh, hey Ben,” he stepped out of the way to let him into the apartment, closing the door behind him. Ben was the most quiet out of the group, preferring to stay far away from any signs of drama. Eddie wished he could have been like Ben. He wished he could walk away before things got too much.
“Hey Eddie, I had a day off work and I was wondering if you wanted some help planning the bachelor party?” Ben’s voice was soft, timid even, and it didn’t take a genius to know that Beverly told him everything. As Eddie opened his mouth to respond, Ben beat him to it, “Just, hear me out okay? Yes, Bev told me about your feelings for Richie, and I know that must suck like hell, but at the end of the day he’s your best friend.”
Ben’s words struck a nerve and Eddie had to reach a hand out to grip onto the wall, “Ben I-” He inhaled once, before continuing. “It’s not that easy.”
“I’m not saying that it is, I’m not saying that you should just forget all about Richie and move on. I’m just saying that you should be happy for him. You should want this for him.” Ben put a comforting hand on Eddie’s shoulder, trying to send him a friendly smile but somehow, to Eddie everything just seemed forced. It felt as though Eddie was all alone with his feelings, that no matter what Ben or Bev said about being there to talk, they were always going to turn around and tell him that he should be happy for Richie.
“I am happy for him, Ben. I’m trying to be, at least. It’s hard, okay? I’m not gonna lie. When it all comes down to it though, it hurts that I’m not the one he’s engaged to. That I’m not the one he’s going to be marrying.” As the words spilled from his lips, Eddie felt tears from in the back of his eyelids. More tears. He walked over to the sofa and took a seat, leaving room for Ben to sit down if he wanted.
“You know, I was in love with someone who didn’t love me back,” Ben said softly, moving to take a seat next to Eddie on the sofa. He placed his hands in his lap, as though he were thinking over his next words. “It was in High School, before I met any of you, before I met Beverly. Her name was Hannah. She was smart, funny, witty and we were always project partners in English. I thought she was amazing, everything I ever could have wanted in a girlfriend. Yet, she was dating this guy called Jared. He was on the Soccer team and really hot. I was just this fat chubby kid who followed her around everywhere.”
“You were fat? I doubt that Ben, you’re one of the fittest guys in our group. You go to the gym twice a week,” Eddie responded, looking at Ben as though he were mad.
A chuckle left Ben’s lips and he shook his head, “Not in High School. I wasn’t fit, or slim. I was chubby and I ate way too much. I only started working out when I went to college and I realised that I needed to turn my life around if I ever wanted to be happy.” He sighed. “Anyway, I was in love with Hannah, but it turns out, she was only friends with me so I could help her graduate. I’m not saying that your relationship with Richie is the same, because I know it’s not. What I’m saying is, that eventually I realised that I was more in love with the idea of Hannah, than Hannah herself.”
“You think I’m just in love with the idea of Richie?” Eddie asked quietly.
“I don’t know, only you know the answer to that Eddie. Maybe, your feelings for Richie are there because he’s been with you your whole life?” Ben suggested. “Again, that might not be it, but Richie clearly loves Jason, or he wouldn’t be marrying him, and he wants you to be his best man.”
“I don’t think I can, Ben,” Eddie whispered, bringing his palm up to his eyes and wiping away the stray tears. “I don’t think I can watch him say I do. I don’t think I’m strong enough.”
Ben wrapped a comforting arm around Eddie’s shoulder pulling him into a hug, “I think you are strong enough Eddie. Out of all of us, I think you are one of the strongest. You can do this. Richie needs you, I don’t think he’ll be able to do any of this without you.”
As Eddie let his mind trail back over Ben’s words, he swallowed thickly. He was going to be strong and be Richie’s best man, the best man he deserves. He was going to be strong for Richie. “You’re right Ben,” he choked out. “I have to be the best friend that Richie needs right now, and that starts with the Bachelor party. Will you help me?”
Ben grinned, leaning back with a thoughtful look on his face, before it turned into a smirk, “Well…”
“Well what?” Eddie asked, curiously.
“Richie does love a good strip club.”
After his heart to heart with Ben, Eddie tried to act more like Richie’s best friend. He was right. No matter how Eddie felt, Richie was happy, and in love with Jason. The right thing for him to do was to lock all of his feelings into a drawer and throw away the key.
At least until after the wedding.
About a month after Richie had dropped the bombshell on Eddie, he was spending a night in. His plan was to order take out, go for a nice warm bath and drink oneglass of wine. It was going to be relaxing, as it would be his last free weekend for a while. With Richie’s bachelor party the following weekend, and then the rehearsal dinner and general wedding plans, Eddie wasn’t going to have much alone time.
Just as he had began to run the bath, there was a knock on the door. Eddie frowned as he made his way down the hall, curious as to who was visiting him so late. It couldn’t be the takeout, as he hadn’t ordered it yet. Convinced it was just his neighbour asking to borrow more sugar, Eddie opened the door with a fake smile.
But it wasn’t Mrs O’Neil on the other side.
It was Richie.
“Am I interrupting something?” Richie asked, crossing his arms and leaning his shoulder against the doorframe, a smirk on his lips that took Eddie’s breath away.
“Richie- what are you doing here so late?” He breathed, but stepped out of the way to let him inside.
“Jason is visiting his parents this weekend, so I thought I would come pay my best friend a visit. I even brought some wine, though I am tempted to only let you have one glass,” Richie teased, holding up the bottle as he kicked off his shoes. “I’m not interrupting am I?”
“No, no. I was just about to go for a bath, but I can take one later,” Eddie explained and closed the door before walking to the bathroom quickly and pulling the plug, turning off the water before he returned to the living room.
Richie was already sprawled out on his sofa, a lazy smile on his lips as he unscrewed the bottle of wine. Eddie padded past him and walked into the kitchen, taking two glasses from the cupboard. He handed one to Richie and watched as he poured the wine into the glass, sitting it on the coffee table before he poured some into the glass in Eddie’s hands. “Come sit with me Eds, I haven’t seen you in what feels like forever.”
That was because they went from seeing each other every day to barely seeing each other in the space of a month. It did feel like forever. Eddie brought the glass to his lips and took a sip, “This...this is really nice wine. Where did you buy this?” Out of the two of them, Eddie was the wine snob, not Richie, so the fact that Richie had brought some fancy wine peaked Eddie’s interest.
“It was an engagement present from one of Jason’s aunts in California. She makes wine and sent us this bottle. Jason hates wine though, and I know you love it, so I thought we could share it together?” Richie took a sip from his own glass and hummed. “Well, you are right Eds, it is fancy wine.”
Eddie sat down on the sofa, crossed legs. He was close enough to Richie that their legs brushed, and Eddie knew he should move further back, but they had sat closer than this before, much closer. Richie would surely find it odd if Eddie moved away now, and the last thing he wanted was for Richie to figure him out.
“Are you scared?” Eddie found himself asking, leaning his head on the back of the sofa, staring at Richie intently.
“Scared?” Richie questioned, copying his actions so they were properly facing each other. “Of getting married?”
“Yeah, of committing yourself to one single person for the rest of your life.”
Richie blinked, “Huh, I guess I haven’t really thought about it Eds. Everything has been so crazy, the planning, sorting out the license so we’ll definitely have it for the day. I haven’t had time to sit down and think about what’s going to happen once it’s all over.”
“You’ll be married, Rich,” Eddie whispered. “You’ll be a married man.” He brought the glass back to his lips and took a large gulp. “Look at you, doing adult things.”
Richie chuckled, but there was something that didn’t quite seem genuine, “You know I’m never going to forget about you Eds. Even though I’ll be married, you’ll always be my number one guy.”
Tears burned in the back of Eddie’s eyes and he laughed to cover up his emotions, “Okay let’s not talk about sad stuff okay? Getting married is meant to be a happy occasion, so let’s be happy!” He finished off the glass of wine and refilled his glass, topping up Richie’s.
“I’ll drink to that!” Richie grinned, his usual happy self back as he took a large sip.
As their conversations flowed, the faster their glasses emptied. Richie let out a chuckle when he tipped the bottle upside down, only a few drops falling out and into the floor. Eddie snatched the bottle out of his hands and placed it onto the coffee table, “Don’t worry,” he drawled out, “I’ve got another bottle, not as fancy as that, but it’ll do!”
As he stumbled to the kitchen, Eddie heard Richie’s cheer from the living room. He was always a lightweight, he was never able to hold his alcohol, always finding himself tipsy on a few glasses of wine. Now on his fifth, Eddie was getting well past tipsy and more towards drunk. He passed the bottle to Richie and he wasted no time filling up their glasses. “I can always count on my Eddie Spaghetti to pull through with my most desired wants and needs,” he teased, leaning back on the sofa. “So where are you taking me for my bachelor party?”
“Ahhh. That’s a surprise, Rich. My lips are sealed,” Eddie made a motion, locking his lips and throwing away the key, only to let out a screech as Richie tackled him to the soda. “Richie!”
“Come on, Eds, just a tiny little hint?” Richie begged, his face so close to Richie’s that he could see the gold speckling through his brown eyes. Eddie could very easily get lost in those eyes.
“No, Richie, that’s not fair,” he pushed Richie off him. “You’ll find out soon, and that’s the way it should be!”
Richie pouted, but sighed, letting Eddie move out from underneath him and they continued to sip at the wine until the second bottle was empty. At this point, Eddie wasn’t the only one who was drunk. Richie was flopped back on the sofa, his head in Eddie’s lap, staring up at him. His eyes were dropping as he fought against the sleep trying to claim him. “Eds, Edward, Eddie my love, you are my best friend. I love you so much,” he mumbled and Eddie felt his heart lurch.
“Richie…”
“You’ve been there for me, through thick and thin, even when I didn’t deserve you. You’ve always been there and I don’t ever want to lose you.” Richie continued, ignoring Eddie’s pleas for him to stop. He moved Richie off his lap, letting his head fall back onto the sofa and he pulled a blanket over his form. Suddenly feeling so much more sober, he put the glasses in the dishwasher and moved back to pick up the empty bottles. “Eds?”
Eddie turned to look at Richie, whose eyes were still closed, but he could see he was still fighting sleep, “Yeah, Rich?”
“I wish it was you I was marrying instead,” he mumbled, before giving in to sleep.
Eddie backed up, his heart hammering in his chest as he rushed into his bedroom. He only just managed to slip underneath the covers before he broke down in sobs.
Even though he didn’t mean to, Eddie avoided being alone with Richie in the weeks leading up to his bachelor party. It was clear that Richie didn’t remember the words that he had mumbled to Eddie before he passed out and Eddie wasn’t about to ruin everything by telling Richie the truth.
He made it this far without his feelings being known, there was no way he was going to willingly blurt them out over a drunken mistake. Because that’s what it was. Richie didn’t mean his words, he was drunk and emotional. He loved Jason and he wanted to marry Jason.
Not Eddie.
Currently, they were all packed in the back of a cab heading towards the strip club that would be the venue for Richie’s bachelor party. They being Bill, Stan, Mike, Ben, Eddie and Richie. Richie was blindfolded, rattling off complaints about why they couldn’t just tell him where they were going, but they all stopped as Eddie ripped off the blindfold. They were parked outside the strip club, the large neon sign flashing brightly in Eddie’s eyes.
“Aw you guys! You brought me to a strip club!” Richie had a hand placed over his heart before he straightened up and walked straight in. The club was a mix of both men and women, which made sense as their group consisted of both gay and straight men.
The first round of drinks was free, in celebration of Richie’s engagement and soon everyone was enjoying the dances, taking shots and enjoying themselves.
It had been a long time since they had all been out together, and Eddie missed it. A lot. Back when they were still sophomores in college, Eddie never would have imagined that out of the seven of them, Richie would be the first one to tie the knot. Personally, he always thought it would be Ben and Beverly would be the ones to take the step first. After all, they have been engaged for two years now.
A body pressed up next to him brought Eddie out of his thoughts and he turned to see Richie, staring at him with a frown. “You haven’t touched your drink. Is everything okay?”
Oh. Eddie hadn’t realised that he was still nursing the free drink from hours ago. A smile slowly crept onto his lips, “I guess I’m not really in the mood for drinking.”
“Eds, it’s my bachelor party. You’ve done a fantastic job! The least you can do it get a little tipsy!” Richie nudged his shoulder and Eddie brought the glass to his lips to take a sip, humouring him.
“Happy now?”
Richie didn’t say anything, he never got the chance to as he was being dragged up onto the stage by Bill and Stan and shoved into a seat. Eddie’s jaw dropped as he watched two men walk out as though they had been sculpted perfectly just for Richie. Just like that, Eddie’s face paled as he watched Richie laugh and move his hands over the men’s defined abs. Richie was attracted to the strippers more than he ever was attracted to Eddie.
Next to him, he could hear Mike laughing, he could see Stan and Bill doubled over in laughter and faintly, he could hear Ben’s voice from next to him asking if he was okay. Eddie realised in that moment, that he couldn’t do this. No matter how much he tried to be happy for Richie, to be the best friend that he deserved, he could be his best man.
Without another word, Eddie stood up and locked himself in the first empty bathroom stall. His breathing was ragged and for the first time in years, he yearned for his pointless inhaler, just to provide him with some sort of comfort. His back slid down the wall and he inhaled deeply, and then exhaled. He went through two motions of the breathing before the bathroom door crashed open and Richie’s voice echoed through.
“Eds? Where are you? Come on Eddie, talk to me?”
Shakily, Eddie got to his feet, unlocking the bathroom door and slipping out, his eyes red rimmed with tears. Richie was looking at him with such concern and worry in his eyes that Eddie felt the lump in his throat grow thicker.
“Eds?”
“I can’t do this,” Eddie whispered, taking a few steps back, heading towards the exit.
“What?” Richie spoke, voice filled with confusion as he reached out to take Eddie’s wrist in a light grip, “Eds, what does that mean?”
“It means, I can’t be your best man anymore, Richie,” he choked out, pulling his wrist from Richie’s grasp. “It’s too hard, it’s too much. I can’t.”
“Woah, Eds, Eddie talk to me,” Richie scrambled to turn around but this time Eddie didn’t stop. He kept walking, breaking out into a run as he grabbed his jacket and rushed out of the club and into the night.
He could hear Richie calling his name in the distance, but the further that he ran away from the club, the more faint Richie’s voice became. He didn’t stop running until he was at his apartment, locking the door and turning off all the lights before he fell into his bed.
His phone was buzzing on his nightstand, a sign that Richie was trying to get in contact with him, but he ignored it. Eventually, the buzzing stopped, but just for safe measure, Eddie leaned over and turned it off, leaving the room in complete silence, surrounded by darkness.
And for the first time since Eddie found out Richie was engaged, he felt well and truly alone.
Three weeks, it had been three weeks since Eddie had seen Richie, hell evenspokento Richie. The days following the bachelor party, Richie knocked on the door, begging Eddie to let him in. To talk to him. Soon, with each unanswered visit, Richie stopped coming by all together.
Now it was three days before the wedding and Eddie was staring at his reflection in the mirror of his bathroom. He nervously fixed the tie that was wrapped around his neck and he wondered why the hell he agreed to go out with everyone tonight.
When Bev had called, begging Eddie to set aside his feelings for onenight and come out with them for one last time as seven unmarried friends, he had hesitated. Yet Bev had a way with words and soon he found himself agreeing, promising that he would be there, promising that he wouldn’t let his thing with Richie affect their evening.
So he climbed into a cab, dressed up nice and informed the driver to take him to the bar that Bev had instructed him to meet. His palms were sweaty, his leg trembling up and down as the car drove through the busy streets of New York to its destination. Bev was waiting for him outside, a cigarette between her lips. Eddie sighed and slipped out of the cab, handing the driver a twenty and walking over to where she was standing.
“I was beginning to think you’d bail on us.”
“For a moment, I considered it.”
Bev just smiled and wrapped an arm around Eddie’s shoulders, leading him into the club where all the losers were sitting around a table, drinking and laughing.
It felt like old times.
As he approached the table, Richie’s head shot up and for a brief moment, their eyes met. It didn’t last as Stan jumped up, pulling Eddie into a hug as he sat down, squished between Bill and Mike. Eddie tried not to look at Richie, at last not unless he had to. The tension was thick in the air but if the rest of the group felt it, none of them mentioned it.
As the night wore on, drinks were consumed at a steady pace and as Eddie glanced around the table to see their empty glasses, he stood up. “It’s my turn to buy a round guys!” The piece of paper with their drinks list on it was passed to him and Eddie grabbed his wallet, making his way to the bar.
The bar-man didn’t even ask for him ro recite the drinks, taking the piece of paper from his hands and setting out to make the drinks. Eddie sighed and leaned against the counter, tapping his finger against the marble as he waited.
“You and your friends seem to be having a fun night out,” a voice spoke up, taking Eddie by surprise and he turned his head to the owner. He was a tall, broad man with dark hair and piercing blue eyes. He had a vibe around him that put Eddie on edge and he let out a nervous chuckle.
“Yeah, we having spent much time together, so we’re making up for it now.” Eddie rubbed the back of his neck, glancing at the bar-man who was still preparing the drinks.
“Can I buy you one?” The man asked and Eddie swallowed.
“Oh, I’ve just ordered, but thanks.” He took a step back this time, trying to put some space between him and the guy, but the guy just leaned closer.
“You’re pretty hot you know,” he drawled, moving his hand to grip Eddie’s upper thigh. “I think you would look good pinned under me, don’t you.”
Before Eddie could retaliate, before he could tell this fucker to get his hands off him, a fist came out of nowhere, colliding with the dicks face and sending him back a few steps. Eddie’s eyes widened as he turned his head, seeing Richie standing next to him with his jaw set. “Richie what the fu-”
Eddie’s words were cut off as the guy composed himself, pulling his fist back and punching Richie square between the eyes. Just as he made a move to return his hand to where it was, Eddie raised his knee, decking the guy right between his legs and watched as he crumpled to the floor. “Keep your fucking hands off me, asshole.”
Stan was helping Richie to his feet, the area where he had been punched glowing red. It was definitely going to bruise. Yet Eddie couldn’t find himself caring about how Richie was, as he stormed past them and grabbed his jacket. He had only made it a few steps outside the bar when Richie’s voice called him back.
“Eddie-”
“Shut up Richie,” Eddie snapped, spinning around to meet the shocked expression of his best friend. “Just, shut the fuck up and leave me alone.”
“Eds, I was just trying to help,” Richie raised his hands up, trying to calm Eddie down but he was far from calm.
“I don’t need your help! I can take care of myself! I could have dealt with that creep all on my own but no, you just had to go and play hero. Well guess what, Richie? I am done being your damsel in distress! I am perfectly capable of dealing with my own shit! You have a fiance that you can protect now, just, fuck, just leave me alone.” As Eddie spoke, his voice got higher and he turned on his heel again to walk away, but once again, Richie stopped him in his tracks.
“Why did you pull out of being my best man?” He asked, his voice soft, timid.
Eddie couldn’t take it anymore. He couldn’t take the secrets, the emotions building up in his chest. So he turned around, looked Richie straight in the eye and blurted it all out. “Because I’m in love with you! I’ve been in love with you since I was fifteen years old and I couldn’t be your best man because I couldn’t watch you get married to someone that wasn’t me!”
The losers had all joined them outside, their eyes wide with shock at Eddie’s confession. Richie though, Richie’s expression was what hurt the most. It was blank, empty like and Eddie realised just what a mess he had made, “Happy now?” He hissed out before finally, turning and walking away.
This time, Richie didn’t stop him.
Now here he was, wrapped up in an old blanket, in an old treehouse in the backyard of his former best friend. Maggie and Went were in the city, both wanting to be there to watch their son get married, whilst Eddie sat heartbroken, miles away. He refused to go and live with his mother, deciding that in the morning he would find a motel to spend the night in.
It took Eddie less than an hour to pack a bag and make his way to the bus station. He turned his phone off and packed it securely with his wallet and the keys to his apartment. He would come back next week, once the wedding was over and Richie was happily married, he’d come back.
As the sun finally set over the horizon, Eddie wiped his eyes, letting them drift closed as he fell into a dreamless sleep.
It was the bird that woke him up, loud and chirping in his ear. Eddie groaned and rubbed his eyes, glancing down at his watch to see the time was just after 9am. In less than two hours, Richie would be a married man, a happilymarried man.
Sure, maybe one day Eddie would move on, convinced by Beverly to go on some blind date that would turn into something more. He would get married in a small ceremony with his close friends and he would be content.
But right now, Eddie just wanted to wallow in self pity.
“You know, sadness never did look good on you Eds.” At the voice, Eddie’s eyes widened and he scrambled his body so he could look down the opening of the treehouse.
Right there, a few feet below him, dressed in a ridiculous t-shirt with a tux printed on it, was Richie Tozier.
“Richie…” Eddie breathed, confusion laced in his voice. “What- what are you doing here? You- you’re meant to be getting married in an hour.”
“Yeah, no. Jason and I decided that we just weren’t right for each other and called it off.” Richie hummed as though it weren’t that big of a deal, as though he hadn’t just driven all the way to Derry on his wedding day.
“What are you doing here?’ Eddie asked again, his whole body shaking with nerves. There was no way...right?
“Well, you see, two nights ago I punched this guy for making the most important person in my life uncomfortable, and then that same person told me that he was in love with me. Before I could even get my head around it to respond he was gone, and his neighbour kindly informed me that he had went back home for the weekend.” Richie looked nervous now too, leaning against the bark of the tree. “I went to your house but you weren’t there, so I assumed you were here. I wanted to apologise.”
“You- you didn’t have to come out here, just to apologise Richie. You could have waited-” Eddie started but Richie held up a finger, his hands moving to the ladders he he began to haul himself up.
“Not just to apologise. The thing is Eddie, you are my everything. You are my heart and soul, my best friend, the only person that I have ever really, trulybeen in love with. Yes, in love with, because I do. I love you. I just never thought that I everstood a chance with you. Turns out, maybe we were both oblivious idiots, well maybe I was a little more oblivious but that doesn't matter. What matters is that when you told me you loved me, nothing else mattered. Not the guy who punched me in the face, not the losers watching us, not even Jason. Just you.” As he spoke, Richie climbed up the treehouse ladders until his face was mere inches from Eddie’s. “Only ever you. I love you Eddie Kaspbrak, and if you’ll have me, I promise to give you the world.”
Tears made their way down Eddie’s cheeks, except this time, they were happy tears. He felt Richie reach out and brush them away, causing a noise between a sob and a laugh to leave his lips. “I don’t want the world, Richie. I just want you.”
The smile that took over Richie’s face then was bright enough that even a blind person could see. Carefully, he ducked his head and moved into the treehouse, wasting no time pulling Eddie between his arms. The feeling of finally having Richie, in the way he had always wanted, was overwhelming, causing more tears to track down his cheeks.
They lay there in each others arms for the whole day, just enjoying being with each other. Then, when it got too cold, they made their way into the house for some warmth. As Richie shoved a frozen pizza in the oven, Eddie couldn’t help but wrap his arms around him from behind, feeling the need to be close to him. “Richie?”
“Mhm?”
“You remember that night, that we got drunk on really fancy wine?” Eddie mumbled and he felt Richie stiffen in his arms.
“Was that the night I got drunk and told you I wished I was marrying you instead?” He asked quietly and Eddie swallowed, nodding his head. “I was so embarrassed, I wasn’t sure if you remembered-”
“It’s okay,” Eddie whispered, and smiled up at him when Richie turned around.
“I meant it, I meant it. I wanted it to be you, I always wanted it to be you. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Actually speaking the words out loud to Richie was a feeling that Eddie wasn’t prepared for. His heart lurched and a wide smile took over his face. “I love you.” He breathed again. “I love you, I love you, I-”
His words were cut off as Richie cupped his cheeks in his large hands, bringing their lips together in a soft, gentle first kiss. Eddie let out a breath, moving his arms around his neck as Richie wrapped his own arms around Eddie’s waist, lifting him up off the ground just a little. Their lips moved together gently, as though they were always made to kiss one another.
Even though this was only their first kiss, and they still had multiple things to work through, Eddie knew one thing.
This was forever.
Three years later, when Richie got down on one knee and proposed, Eddie said yes.
And this time, Richie definitely said ‘I do’.
Duh.