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They had been on the road for about three weeks now. They found this really nice pick-up truck abandoned in the middle of the road, three bags worth of stuff in the back – clothing, shoes, some water bottles... Even comic books and an iPod. “Alicia would’ve enjoyed that," Nick thought, smiling to himself as he remembered his sister and wondered where she’d be by now. The car had most likely belonged to a family, probably trying to escape somewhere, but Nick tried not to dwell on this too much, as the mental image of this whole family simply vanishing gave him chills. They really lucked out on finding this one, even if it was at the cost of someone else’s loss. But hey, this was the apocalypse, after all.
Their supplies were running out, however, and they hadn’t seen a house, gas station, or even another car for miles. Troy was starting to get anxious. Half a bottle of water and a questionable can of tuna could only last them so much. They were actually really starting to hate tuna at this point, but it was not like they had a choice anyway. Not to mention, driving through a never-ending desert will quickly cause even the sanest to start losing their minds; and the craziest part was, him and Troy were definitely not under that category.
“Nicky,” Troy called, reaching one hand to touch Nick’s shoulder. “Nicky, wake up, look!”
Nick groaned a little as he opened his eyes, waking up from a nap in the passenger seat. Still sleepy, he looked in the direction Troy pointed at with this head. A gas station. Finally.
As Troy parked just outside the gas station’s convenience store, Nick opened the car door, got out, and stretched. He had a big smile on his face, like he'd just won a million dollars, but really, it was just a gas station and the tiny chance that they’d find some water and food.
As they approached the shop entrance, a muffled cry could be heard coming from the inside. They looked at each other, a confused expression on Nick’s face as he grabbed the door handle, the other hand picking up his knife from his belt.
"No." Troy put his hand on Nick's chest, his eyes quickly scanning around the place "Wait here, I'll check if it's safe inside."
Nick opened his mouth to protest, but before he could actually do something to stop him, Troy was already inside, cautiously walking between the shelves, holding tight to his gun. The crying had stopped, almost as quickly as Troy had walked into that shop. Nick looked around outside one last time, then followed him in.
"I told you to wait, Nick." Troy angry-whispered, looking serious.
"It's safe." He rolls his eyes and smiles weakly. "And even if it's not, I'm not about to let you walk into a death trap all alone."
Troy chuckles and sighs, defeated.
"Ok, then you check the coolers over there for water, and I'll look for something, anything edible, okay? Everything packed for the car in five."
Nick nods and walks over to the coolers, putting his knife back in its place. He opens the door and starts to grab the few water bottles left, sighing in defeat. How many more gas stations and convenience stores were left for them to loot before they actually ran out of everything?
Then, a voice was heard coming from behind the counter. That crying again. Both of them carefully put aside what they're carrying, hoping they hadn't made much noise - they wouldn't want to grab the attention of an infected, if that was the source of the noise - and looked at each other from across the shop. Nick holds one finger up to his lips, and Troy nods, holding his gun up, prepared to shoot.
Nick starts to walk, slowly approaching the counter first, as he is the one closer to it. It's a soft cry, but an incredibly painful one to hear. He pokes his head, trying to see what's behind the register without actually having to walk over to the back, but all he can see is a pair of legs. Well, someone is there, but that was a given.
Troy's closer now, as Nick is already almost going over to the back of the counter. Although his eyes are filled with dread, he puts on a brave face as he inches closer.
"Careful," he mouths to Nick, his eyes wide in worry. He's holding his gun up.
Nick nods as he walks slowly, his fingers brushing the handle of the knife in his belt. Troy’s right behind him, ready to attack whatever jumps in front of them. Nick takes one more step.
"Please! Don't!" A woman pleads weakly, lying on the ground, her head on a little girl's lap. That's where the crying came from.
"It's okay, it's okay." Nick lets out the breath he'd been a little too aware he was holding and kneels down beside the woman and the little girl. "We're sorry, we didn't mean to scare you. You need help?"
The woman looks at the little girl's face, right above hers. She's still crying.
"Hey, sweetheart. Are you okay?" Nick softens his voice as he talks to the child, who slowly looks up at him, eyes red and puffy from all the crying. He swallows dry at the sight of this child, so young and already so broken. He smiles softly at her.
The girl looks over his head; her eyes widen, and she swiftly looks away, turning her head to the opposite side. Nick looks over at Troy.
"Troy! Lower the gun! It's okay!" Nick says, firmly.
"She's... she's infected, Nick." Troy looks at him apologetically and points to the woman's arm, which has been overtaken by a huge bruise. It's mostly dried blood and the awful obvious marks of teeth, but it's unmistakable.
Nick looks back at the woman and then at the girl. She's looking at Troy now, scared, and he's looking back at her. His heart aches at the sight of this, but he simply can't risk not being prepared in case anything happens. Not when it comes to Nick.
"Y-you... You have to take care of Lana. Please. She's my little girl, I can't let her die here with me. Not... not like this." The woman looks at Nick pleadingly. Her voice is weak, and he can almost see the last bit of life left in her ready to leave her body. He takes a deep breath and nods.
"We'll take care of her." Nick looks at her, his voice understanding, but his eyes filled with pain. He would never get used to this.
"Nick." Troy calls, his voice is deep and somber. His eyes are wide, and his lips are shut tight. Nick looks over at him, confused. The taller man motions for him to follow, then walks outside.
Troy puts his gun in his back pocket as he walks towards the entrance. He pushes on the door aggressively.
"What is it?" Nick asks, confused, noticing Troy's about to yell at him.
"What is it? Nick, are you out of your mind? We can't do this." Troy snaps back.
"What do you mean? Of course we can. She needs us, Troy. She's just a kid!" Nick furrows his brows, not believing Troy could actually be willing to leave this helpless child behind. Maybe the Troy he had met that first day at the ranch, but not this Troy. Not his Troy.
"I know, okay? We're not gonna leave her to die! We can get her help or whatever, give her to someone else, find a place... I don’t know. But we can't take care of her."
"Why not?" Nick shouts.
"We just can't, okay?" Troy yells back.
He turns his back and walks away a few steps, sighing in frustration. He's never been one to deal with his emotions, and he's never been one to take care of people. All of this at once was maybe taking too much of a toll on him.
Nick looks at him sadly; he couldn't bear to see Troy battle his own self like that. He had overcome so much since they first met; he had let so many walls down… It was just hard to see there was still so much for him to work within himself and to realize just how badly his father actually screwed him up. He walks over to him and places a hand on his shoulder. Troy shivers at his gentle touch.
"Troy... Look at me." The boy turns slowly, his blue eyes filled with sorrow. "What is it? You can tell me. You know that."
He hesitates for a moment. Never in his whole life had he thought there was something to be felt other than pain, regret, hate, sorrow... But then this boy came around; he came with his beautiful brown eyes, his heavenly smile, and his incredibly kind heart and sweet soul... And suddenly his mind was clearer, and the skies became a lighter shade of blue. Because of him, because of Nick.
He was never the same after those brown eyes, that’s for sure, and they both knew that. He had never been happier. Scratch that, he had never been happy. Period. Not before Nick and – even thinking about this possibility made his heart race – certainly not after, should that ever happen.
And that’s why he simply couldn't bear the thought of all the demons from his past coming back to haunt him, haunt him, and ruin everything. He wasn't good enough to deserve the life he had been living with those beautiful brown eyes, but he had sworn to himself to try his best every day to deserve it. He just couldn't risk it.
“I don’t have what it takes to help this child. This girl... She deserves better than to have someone like me take care of her.” He stared at the ground, unable to face Nick.
“Troy…”
"I... I just can't screw up a child like my dad screwed me up, Nick." His gaze shifts from the ground to Nick’s face. "I'm not fit for this kind of thing. I can't take care of a child!” He looks away again for a brief second, unable to say these words while facing those eyes “I can't... I can't take care of anyone."
Troy looks up at Nick, half of him expecting to be laughed at and, the other half, expecting Nick to simply agree with his statement.
Nick's eyes are filled with emotion, one which Troy cannot quite decipher yet. It kills Nick to look at him and see so much self-hatred when all he sees is this wonderful, beautiful - albeit a handful at times, even though he loves him for it - man.
Nick smiles sadly, slowly lifting his right hand, reaching so that he can place it around Troy's neck, his thumb caressing his cheek. Troy’s eyes close as he takes in the feeling of Nick’s touch. Nick leans closer and presses their foreheads together. For a moment, they stand there, so close that they can practically taste each other’s lips, even if they don’t ever really touch.
Troy's breath, which was fast-paced before, is now more stable. Nick smiles weakly to himself when he realizes this. He pulls away and looks deeply at Troy, who’s now opening his eyes too, in a much calmer state.
"You took care of me." Nick says in a raspy voice, looking deeply into Troy’s eyes.
“I di…”
“Yes, you did,” Nick says firmly, interrupting Troy’s attempt to argue. “You took care of me back at the ranch, even if I didn’t think that at the time. And you took care of me when I started using again.”
“Well… You did say it was because you thought I was dead, so I was partially responsible for that...” Troy’s voice was shaky as he tried to joke around in hopes of masking his pain and vulnerability.
Nick laughed softly as he put his other hand around Troy’s neck and stared intensely at him.
“You are not your father, Troy.”
Troy sighed. As difficult as it was for him to admit, and as much as his father had messed him up, they were definitely not the same person, and he was damn sure of that. Nick was right. He couldn’t… he wouldn’t leave that child.
Troy then placed his thumb on Nick’s chin, bringing him closer. Their lips brushed together slowly, not really kissing yet, just enjoying the gentle feeling of each other’s lips. And god, it seemed like they could stand like that for hours… Maybe days, even. Troy finally pressed their lips together, feeling a smile forming in Nick’s lips just before they drew apart.
He grabbed Nick’s hand from where it was around his neck and smiled softly.
“Let’s do it. We’ll take care of her.”
Nick smiled back at him, not feeling the need to say anything. In his heart, he knew that, despite his insecurities and all his wrongdoings of the past, Troy was trying his best to change, to unlearn all the wrong things Jeremiah taught him, and to finally be at peace with himself.
They walked back to the shop entrance, Troy being the one to open the door and walk in first, headed to the back of the counter. He kneeled beside the little girl, visibly nervous, but mustering every ounce of courage he had to just take that first step.
“H-hey… sweetheart…” Troy tried talking to the little girl the same way Nick did a few minutes earlier. He was never good with kids, but Nick clearly was, so maybe mimicking him was the best way to approach the situation. “Lana, that’s your name, right? I… I’m Troy.”
The little girl, who was facing the opposite way, still scared of the sight of Troy pointing a gun at them earlier, slowly started to turn her face to him, still looking frightened, but surely calmer than before. Nick just watched for a moment: Troy Otto, trying so hard to be nice to this child. He knew this was hard for him, but his heart felt warm seeing this sweeter side of Troy, and he couldn’t help but smile, even if the circumstances weren’t the best.
“Listen… Your mom asked us to take you on a trip with us.” Troy said, trying his best to sound friendly and nice, looking at the weak woman lying on the floor, barely able to talk at this point, but smiling softly at her daughter. Lana’s eyes started watering again, her face turning red.
“Hey, hey…” Nick kneeled down beside Troy “There’s no need to cry.” He caressed the little girl’s hair and she didn’t even flinch, she actually looked at him like she believed and trusted every word he said, even though they just met. Nick just had a way with kids. “We’re gonna have a lot of fun, yeah? And your mommy’s gonna be okay. Everything’s gonna be alright.”
The woman started to try and sit up, but she was too weak. Seeing that, Nick rushed to help her so she’d be sitting with her back against the counter.
“Come here, Lana.” The woman motioned for the little girl to come closer and, face still swollen, she did, standing up beside her mom. They held hands, both on the verge of tears. Nick and Troy looked at each other. “Listen… Mommy’s going to see you soon, baby… Okay? They are mommy’s friends… Mommy has to be alone now because she is sick and she has to rest.” She smiled sadly at them. “But they’ll take care of you and we’ll see each other soon.” She kissed her daughter’s hands “You have to be brave for mommy; can you do that, baby?” The girl nodded quietly, and then the mother pulled her closer for a hug and a kiss on the forehead. “Be good. Mommy loves you, okay?”
“I love you too, mommy.” The girl finally said something, her voice weak and shaky.
“Now go, baby. We’ll see each other soon.” The woman smiled and let go of the girl’s hand, who slowly turned to face Nick and Troy, with a scared and lost look on her face.
Nick reached out and offered his hand for the little girl to grab, a sweet and heartening smile on his face. The girl smiled softly, seemingly more calm and trusting now, and grabbed Nick’s hand. He looked at Troy reassuringly before smiling sadly at the woman and turning back to the little girl. The two of them started to walk towards the door.
“Let’s go! We’ll wait for Troy in the car now. We have a teddy bear in the trunk for you. What do you think?” Nick’s voice started to slowly fade away.
Troy looked at them leaving, a sorrowful smile on his face.
“You love him.” The woman suddenly spoke, her voice so low and weak that he could barely make out her words.
“What?”
Troy was taken aback by her sudden words.
“You love him.” She smiled. “It’s clear by the way you look at him.”
Troy looked at her, puzzled. He couldn’t really understand why the woman was saying what she was saying—this of all times, really.
“I do.” Troy sighed and smiled softly. “But with all due respect, ma’am, I don’t see how you can think about the way I look at him when you’re like this.” Troy gestured at her wound. Even at a time like this, he couldn’t help his attitude. She laughed.
“That’s why I trust you.”
“What do you mean?” Troy furrowed his brows, confused and not able to follow her thought process. Maybe she was losing it already.
“To take care of my Lana. That’s why I trust you.” She said, finally. “Anyone capable of loving that deeply has the heart to take care of and protect someone else.”
Troy found himself wordless for a moment. He always knew he was terrible at hiding his feelings for Nick, but dammit even a stranger could see it so well…
“I know I didn’t have much of a choice. I was lucky you two even showed up.” Troy’s trail of thought was interrupted by her words again. “But now I know I got even luckier, knowing that she’ll not only be alive and safe, but also surrounded by love.”
Troy smiled, speechless.
“Thank you. Really.” She smiled faintly. “You can go now; it’s best if you’re already far away when I turn.”
“I’m not gonna let you turn.” Troy answered quickly. “I mean… If… If that’s not what you want.” He stuttered, his eyes on the ground.
“I… I couldn’t ask you this much.”
“It’s just the right thing to do, ma’am.” He looked back at her and smiled faintly, almost sadly, as he kneeled down beside her, preparing himself to do what was necessary.
–
“We can go now,” Troy said as he opened up the door, carrying a box with the stuff they managed to sort out before everything got messy inside. It wasn't much, really, so it was no trouble picking it up. He just didn't want to risk the little girl going inside again and maybe seeing what was in there.
He put the box in the back and then stopped to catch his breath.
He had done it with a knife. He didn’t want the little girl to hear a gunshot and, looking at her now – sitting beside Nick, smiling as the boy held a teddy bear in front of her and made a funny voice – he was glad he handled things the way he did. Nick looked at him with a sad smile.
“Did you…?” Nick said, standing up and going over to the older boy.
“Yeah... It’s done.” Troy said, looking down at the ground as he wiped his bloody hand in the back of his pants, doing his best not to look at the Lana, who was clearly trying to overhear their conversation.
“You okay?” Nick asked, putting his hand on Troy’s chin and lifting his face up so he’d look into his eyes. Troy, however, looked at Lana first, sitting on the passenger seat, looking at them with curiosity.
“Yeah…” Troy sighed and then looked at Nick, deeply into those beautiful brown eyes and he couldn’t help but smile “I’ll be fine.” He said as Nick’s lips curled into a faint smile. “We’ll be fine. Let’s go. I’ll drive.”
“No. I’ll drive now. You should rest. Get on the passenger seat with Lana.” Nick said, noticing Troy’s eyes widen at his words.
He knew the older boy was about to panic a little. If he drove, he wouldn’t have to interact with the little girl for now, but if Nick was driving...
“Hey." The boy called out before Troy could panic again. "You just said it. You’ll be fine. Right?” Nick reassured him.
Troy sighed and looked at him. Damn, the power those brown eyes had over him.
“Right.” Troy answered, nervously.
Nick walked up to the other side of the car and got into the driver’s seat. He motioned for Lana to come closer and told her Troy was going to sit next to her. She slid over closer to Nick and looked at Troy, who was just looking at them from outside the car. She smiled shyly at him, but he felt reassured. It was as if the little girl somehow knew he needed her seal of approval to get closer.
He finally walked up to the car, got in and closed the door.
“Everyone okay? Seatbelts on?” Nick asked.
Lana nodded her head, as did Troy. And so they drove away.
Nick’s eyes were fixated on the road for a while as they went down a long path of abandoned cars, making driving tricky for a few miles. And you never know when someone might show up in the middle of the road.
When the road became better and freer of abandoned cars, Nick chanced a second to look to his side and caught a glimpse of Troy and Lana, both asleep. The little girl was holding her teddy bear and was resting her head on Troy’s chest, who had his arm around her. Nick smiled at that sight. Yeah, they were definitely going to be fine.