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Bilbo twirled the delicate blue forget-me-not flower between his finger and thumb as he stared up at the night sky above him. The feeling of woolen clad work calloused fingers comforting as they trailed up and down the soft flesh of his neck. “My mother loved stargazing.” the hobbit sighed as he brought the flower and his hands to rest on his chest as he snuggled his head further into his toymaker’s chest where it was pillowed.
“Is that so?” The halfling smiled into the soft fabric before gazing at his lover’s face meeting his eyes before staring back at the sky.
“She used to take me out when I was a fauntling and we would lie on our backs in the grass and watch the fireflies and she would point out the different shapes in the stars. She always told me that Varda had put them there especially for those that wished to see more. A special gift to those that were willing to look just a little harder.” His heart ached slightly in his chest at the thought of the happy times as a child with his mother. She had been the one to plant the seed of adventure in his mind when he was young. “I miss her so much at times.”
Bilbo felt the dwarf’s lips drop a gentle kiss to his curls and let them linger there as he spoke. “Where is she now? She sounds like a lovely lass. Is she back in Hobbiton?”
Bilbo blew out a soft breath, a mixture of sorrow and comfort filling his chest. “No….she passed away several years ago, both she and my father. They are now safe and sound in the arms of Yavanna."
The dwarf hummed in understanding. "My mum and da have gone on as well." Bofur's voice was soft and gentle as he continued too trace nonsensical patterns, now on the palm of the hobbit's hand.
"I'm so sorry Bo." Slowly the hobbit lifted his head up to be met with the sight of the dwarf smiling down at him; his eyes shining and his cheeks dimpled with the fondness of his gaze, and earning him a soft squeeze around his shoulder.
"Nothin to be sorry fer. Tis all part of life. Besides. I have my ways of dealin with the sadness when I miss them."
"How........if you don't mind me asking?"
Bilbo watched as the dwarf smiled and gazed back up at the stars. "Well, ya see, when I was a wee lad my da would have to go on mining trips for days at a time. And I used to miss him terribly and would cry while he was gone. So one day when my father was gettin ready to go he and my mum sat me down and they taught me a special song to sing when I would start to miss him. So I would sing the song and my father would sing it while he was gone and it was our lil comfort fer each other."
Leaning up on his elbow the hobbit stared deeply into his beloved eyes that were brimming with tears, but a smile shining on his face and leaned down to press a kiss to his weather chapped lips as everything began to grow dark. The sound of quiet sobbing and sniffles filled his mind.
Blearily he opened his eyes to his tiny nephew; sapphire eyes rimmed red and swollen, and tears streaked down his flushed cheeks. The older hobbit scooched over and pulled the coverlet back to allow the boy to slowly and sadly climb up into the bed where he promptly buried his face in hiss uncle's chest and continued to cry as Bilbo sang softly to him.
"Don't look back when you reach the new shore,
Don't forget what you're leaving me for,
Don't forget when you're missing me so,
Love must never hold,
Never hold tight but let go.
Oh the nights will be long,
When I'm not in your arms,
But I'll be in your song, that you sing too me,
Across the sea,
Somehow, someday, you will be far away,
So far from me and maybe one day,
I will follow you,
And all you do,
Till then send me a song."
Bilbo stroked the younger hobbit's hair as he sang and placed a kiss in his curls. It had become customary over the last years since his return to sing his beloved Bofur's song to the child when he missed his parents.
"where did you learn that song uncle Bilbo?" The child had asked the first time he sang it to comfort the lad.
"Well, someone I care about deeply taught it to me on my adventures. His mum and da taught it to him when he was your age and he would sing it when his father would have to leave to work." He explained in a soft voice, desperately trying to control himself as the words squeezed their way past the lump in his throat that grew every time he thought of his beloved Bofur.
"Who was it? Where are they now?"
Smiling weakly at the boy he kissed his forehead again. "Someone that is far away and most likely better off now. But don't you fret about that my boy. I know in my heart that your momma and da can hear you sing that song where they are in the arms of Yavanna on the white shores."
The young boy still clung to his night shirt, but his breathing had evened out as he had fallen back asleep. Bilbo sighed as he pulled the blankets up tighter around the boy; The beginnings of fall making the nights cooler, as he let his own tears stream from his eyes as he could still hear his sweet love's voice in his mind singing the rest of the song, filling his heart with sadness and longing til he fell asleep. "How pathetic am I? Still crying over a dwarf who is most likely married with a babe of his own no doubt. Why would he even spare time to write to the betrayer?"
***********
"You enjoy your quiet Mister Bilbo." Bell smiled brightly at him as she took Frodo's overnight bag from the hobbit; Sam and Frodo bouncing bedside her.
"Now Frodo, you remember your manners and you listen and obey Miss Bell. Is that clear?"
The young hobbit rolled his eyes as he continued to bounce. " Yes, yes uncle. I promise."
Chuckling to himself he bent down and kissed the boy on the cheek, "Good boy. I will see you and Sam tomorrow for tea and stories. Yes?"
The two boys cheered, "Yes!" Before dashing down the dirt lane leaving Bilbo and Bell giggling at them.
"Thank you again Bell. I appreciate you letting him stay over."
Bell looked at him then with sad eyes and squeezed his hand softly before she turned and walked away. She had taken Frodo at the same time every year since his return. Allowing him quiet to mourn the friends he lost in battle and the love he had to leave behind.
Sighing to himself he watched the trio disappear out of sight as the sun began to set, before silently wandering to his garden. Gently he touched the petals of the forget me not flowers that were beginning to write in the early autumn air. He had planted them on his return, to always remind him if that night under the stars with Bo. His Bo.....no. not his anymore. He gave up the title of lover when he stole the arkenstone and got himself banished and earned the hatred of his friends.
Gently he knelt down beside the flowers and began to pick them, planning to press them between the pages of his journal where he had begun to write down his memories of his adventures. Pain filled his chest as it tightened in sadness. Four years ago today he had watched his dearest friends struck down in battle and killed despite his efforts to save them, and a part of his heart died that day when he left the battlefield; determined for home, unable to stand the carnage of the dead piece the battle was over. And he needn't see the hatred in the eyes of the survivors.
Tears clung to his lashes as his voice cracked and struggled as he sang,
"When the sun sets the water on fire,
When the wind swells the sails of your hire,
Let the call of the birds on the wind,
Can your sadness and loneliness
And then start to sing too me,
I will sing too you.....
.........if you promise......to send me....a song....."
Bilbo clutched the flowers to his chest as he wept, unable to contain his sorrow any longer, til he was startled by a soft voice, barely heard reaching his ears. A familiar voice.
"I walk by the shore and I hear, hear your song come so faint
And so clear,
And I catch it, a breath on the wind,
and I smile and sing you a song.
I will send you a song....
....I will sing too you.....
.........if you promise to send me a song....."
Slowly he turned his head, not believing his own ears that recognized the familiar lilt in the singer's voice to the sight of his dreams. There standing in the garden gate was his Bo. But he looked indeed now, worn, with more gray in his hair than the hobbit remembered. Before he could stop himself Bilbo was dropping the flowers on the ground and running toward the dwarf and wrapping his arms around his neck as tightly as he could, terrified that he would disappear as he often did in his dreams.
Strong warm arms wrapped themselves around him in return as the dwarf continued to whisper his name before pulling back and placing his hands softly on either side of the hobbit's face, tears in his eyes. "I'm so sorry it took me so long. I thought you had died in the battle. I have been mourning you in Erebor since that day." Tear filled eyes searched his face, taking in every detail. "I thought I had lost ye. Til Gandalf came to visit Erebor and spoke of you in the Shire. I couldn't believe my ears and packed up and headed here the very next day. Can you ever forgive me for despairin?"
Bilbo let out a watery laugh as he stroked the dwarf's sad face, more wrinkles on the once cheerful face. "There is nothing to forgive. Can you forgive me? For leaving and expecting the worst of the company. I was sure you all hated me after my stealing the arkenstone....and then Thorin.....and Fili....and Kili....."
The hobbit was silenced by a kiss as the dwarf ran his fingers through his hair and cradled his head as the kiss broke as they rested their foreheads together. "You were the bravest being I've ever known Bilbo Baggins. And I love ye with all my heart and soul. You have nothin to apologize for. If you will have this worn out old dwarf, I would like nothing more than to spend the rest of our days together till the gods call us home."
"I would like that, more than anything. Both myself and Frodo. I'm sure Frodo will love you to pieces."
"Frodo?" The dwarf pulled back slowly in confusion.
"My nephew and heir-son. When I returned it was too the bed that my dear cousin and get husband had drown in a boating accident. We have been each other's life lines over the years." Bilbo tried to fight the panic that was rising in his chest. would Frodo change the way that Bofur felt about Bilbo? but the panic melted away as that brilliant smile that the hobbit loves so much broke across the dwarf face.
"I can't wait to meet him. I will be happy as long as I can be with you, and even happier with a wee one to love......I love you Bilbo Baggins. I'm sorry it took so long for your song to reach me."
"I planned in sending songs till I faded away. Only for you....always for you. My heart belonged to no one else."