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Robbie doesn’t realise where he is until he sees what’s his name. The nurse. Fetch? He’s had quite a lot of drugs and everything is fuzzy and slow. He looks down and feels instantly sick. The fracture is visible, bone sticking out and everything. Sodding Patrick and his dodgy tackles. He hopes his team got a penalty. They were trailing 5-0 so it won’t do much good, but still it’s the principle of the thing. Bloody ex-firefighters. Why did they still have to be so in shape? It wasn’t fair. He looks down again, this time at his ever expanding pouch. It might be time to cool it on the beer, he muses, vision a little blurry.
Time stretches like toffee. He doesn’t know how long he’s been here, lying on a bed in a corner of Serena’s old ward. Was she still in charge? He knows she’s back in Holby from the copper grapevine.
He swallows around a dry mouth, and grabs a young nurse by the arm. She stops by his bedside with an unimpressed raised eyebrow.
“Can you ask Serena to come see me? Serena Campbell?” He asks with his best smile.
The nurse doesn’t smile back. She looks stressed and busy, but she nods. She’s pretty.
“Thank you, nurse…?” He asks, leaning awkwardly towards her.
She takes a step back with a frown.
“It’s Doctor, actually. Dr McKendrick. I’ll see if she’s available,” she says before leaving without a glance, her arms full of files.
Rude, Robbie thinks as he settles back onto his pillow with a grimace of pain. Ah well, most women aren’t immune to the infamous Robbie charm. Which reminds him to check his Tinder. No new matches. He sighs.
Before long Dr McKendrick is back, and Robbie smiles when he sees Serena behind her.
She’s changed. She has silver hair he’s not too sure about. Her clothes are brighter and she’s…he can’t quite put his finger on it. She looks amazing, whatever it is. He’s never seen her look this good.
“Serena,” he breathes out, a little shell shocked.
It must be the drugs. Serena reaches his bedside and smiles. The young doctor pins him down with a glare before leaving them. Serena looks amused.
“Not making friends, I see,” she says dryly.
Robbie smiles.
“I thought she was a nurse,” he explains.
“Ah. Well, she has been growing a little backbone, so you better be on your best behaviour,” Serena replies.
He’d forgotten how easy it was to talk to Serena. He tries to sit up, but the pain is too great and he gasps. Serena makes no move to help him.
“Nasty fracture. We’ll take you into theatre very soon. Mr Duval has explained the surgical procedure?” Serena asks as she looks over his chart.
Robbie nods. Her tone is cool and professional, nothing pointing to their history. He tries to hide his disappointment. Is it something with her skin? She seems radiant, softer.
“All right, well. I hope it goes well,” Serena says, about to leave.
“Wait! You’re not going to do the operation?” Robbie asks, a little panicked.
Serena looks surprised, as if that was the last thing on her mind.
“No. This is an orthopaedic procedure. Besides, I’m not on shift today,” Serena explains, and she’s clearly distracted.
Robbie really doesn’t want her to leave, so he grapples for a topic, anything to keep her here.
“I was sorry to hear about Elinor,” he says.
He knows it’s a mistake as soon as the words leave his mouth. Serena slowly turns to look at him, her back straight, her smile fixed and devoid of warmth. Robbie shivers.
“Yes, thank you. I got your flowers,” she says evenly.
He should stop there. But Serena looks so beautiful, and he’s missed her.
“I wanted to reach out, when it happened. But I didn’t know if you…well, one never knows what to do in those situations, do they?” He says, and he thinks he’s being reasonable.
Serena’s smile turns icier.
“No, that’s true. Then again, you were never one for a crisis, were you Robbie?” She says.
It’s a miracle the windows don’t have frost on them, even though it’s June. Serena’s eyes are hard and unflinching.
“Uh…” is all Robbie manages to say.
Serena’s eyebrow does that thing, the one that makes him feel like he’s two feet tall. The last time he’d seen it, he’d left the toilet seat open.
“Come on, I know we left things a little…” he starts to say, to defend himself.
“You quit when things got hard, so spare me the doe eyes,” Serena cuts in.
Robbie shrinks back. He feels offended, because that was unfair, to have his dream retirement snatched away. He doesn’t know many blokes who would’ve done any differently. He never asked to look after someone’s autistic nephew. All he wanted was a nice cottage, a beautiful woman, and a hot tub. Granted, he could’ve called Serena to find out how she was doing, but some men would have done worse, he knows. He’s one of the nice guys.
“It’s just not what I signed up for,” he says, hating how defensive he sounds. “But I hope it’s going well, with Jason. And, uh, that you found someone. Are you…seeing anyone? At the moment?”
He thinks Serena isn’t even going to answer, but she smiles that brilliant smile that he’s only seen a handful of times. It makes her eyes sparkle, and the room is suddenly much warmer. Robbie has to look away for a moment because she’s like the sun.
“Yes. Yes, I am,” she replies simply.
The words seem too small to explain how happy Serena looks.
“What’s his name?” Robbie asks, a little surly.
Serena looks like she’s two seconds away from laughing in his face. It’s not a good feeling.
“Bernie,” she replies, her mouth curled in an almost dreamy smile.
There is a light in her eyes that Robbie has never seen before. Serena looks 10 years younger. She looks at him for a beat and then just walks off after a polite smile.
Robbie scoffs. Bernie. Probably a much older bloke. Surely someone without many prospects, to take in a woman’s adult nephew. Poor lad.
The surgery goes well. When Robbie wakes up, he’s back on the ward and that young doctor is checking his chart. He groans and she goes to stand next to him, gives him some water, and reassures him that he’ll make a full recovery.
He goes to sleep again, head still heavy from the anaesthetic.
When he comes to, he feels better. The ward is quieter. It’s dark outside. He checks his phone. Messages the lads. He thinks about what Serena said, about how he quit when it became tough. It rankles. He was a police officer, he prides himself on being dependable and strong.
He’s always thought he was better than his friends with women. Always paid for dinner, held the door open, gave flowers. It doesn’t sit well, this accusation.
He intercepts the young doctor again.
“Do you know where Serena is?” He asks her.
She seems distracted. There’s another patient down the ward, an old man, that keeps removing his IV line.
“Uh, Ms Campbell? She’s on the 4th floor,” she says without looking at him, obviously concerned with the other patient.
“Right. Could I have a wheelchair or something?”
She looks a this wound, checks his dressing and his vital signs. Whatever she sees seems to satisfy her, so she gives him the all clear. He smiles at her, but she’s already gone, hurrying towards the irascible old man.
The wheelchair is clunky and veers to the right, but he goes off to the lift and to the 4th floor. It’s only when he sees the third pregnant woman that he realises he’s in the maternity ward. He frowns. Maybe Serena is doing a few shifts up here, or maybe a consultation.
He’s wheeling around without a clear destination in mind, when he spots a familiar face.
Jason.
The young man enters a room further down the hallway, so Robbie wheels over and peeks into the opened entrance.
It’s a big airy room, but only three beds are occupied. Serena is at a young woman’s bedside, her smile bright and a little watery. Jason takes the other chair next to her and holds the young woman’s hand.
A movement makes Robbie look up, and a third woman appears with a glass of water. She’s thin with messy blonde hair. She hands the water to the younger woman and steps behind Serena, and puts her hands on Serena’s shoulders in a very familiar way that makes Robbie’s skin prickle. A best friend? A family friend?
Suddenly a nurse passes him and enters the room. She is carrying something in her arms. Robbie cranes his neck to see better. The young woman reaches and takes the bundle and it all clicks. A baby. Jason was a father?
“There she is. A beautiful baby girl,” the nurse says.
Serena is beaming. Robbie can’t hear what Jason says, but they all laugh, and Robbie’s eyes widen at the sound of the blond woman’s honk.
The new mother passes the baby to Serena after a few minutes. Serena looks down in wonder, a soft smile on her lips. She looks at peace, like the Madonna in those religious paintings. The baby fusses and Serena kisses her head, her eyes closed.
The blonde woman still has her hands on Serena’s shoulders. She leans over and coos softly at the baby. Serena looks up at her, her eyes full of something that Robbie can’t quite put a finger on. It’s pretty intense. He squirms uncomfortably in his wheelchair.
Jason and his presumed partner are chatting, leaving Serena and the other woman to gaze quietly at each other.
And then, as if in slow motion, Serena straightens and kisses the blonde squarely on the lips.
Robbie sputters. His mouth hangs open. He dimly hears Jason scolding them, telling them it’s not very hygienic to kiss in a hospital.
“You should know all about this, Auntie Bernie,” he goes to say.
Auntie…Bernie?
Robbie looks on as Serena and Bernie separate a little sheepishly, but not before Serena swipes her tongue along Bernie’s bottom lip, Bernie’s cheeks an appealing pink.
Serena looks very pleased with herself.
Now that Robbie has the facts, they obviously look like lovers. Bernie constantly touches Serena. A hand on her shoulder, or fingers resting on the nape of her neck, or her hip flush against Serena’s side.
The baby gurgles and everyone looks at her. Robbie’s heart squeezes painfully. They look like a family. Is this what he could have had? Serena looks up at Bernie again and this time he has the words.
It’s love. There’s no denying it. He thinks back to earlier in the day, before this operation. Serena looks so happy and fulfilled. Love seems to shine out from within.
He steals one last look at the scene in front of him. There is no place for him here. And, remembering the look in Serena’s eyes, perhaps there never was.
He wheels away, forlorn, eager to get back to his bed and his phone. Maybe Tinder will have yielded some matches. He hopes so.
His life seems very empty all of a sudden.