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„On occasion, I wonder whether I’m a terrible person“. Dorian looked up from his book and shifted his position so he was sitting more upright. He looked thoughtfully at Kurama, who was standing on the balcony overlooking Skyhold with his back to Dorian. “Well, you’re terribly handsome;” he got up from the sofa and slowly made his way over to Kurama. “Also, you’re a terrible flirt.“ He moved to stand beside him – “and, if Varric can be believed, a terrible cheat at Wicked Grace”. He looked at Kurama who was still looking out at the scenery, not having reacted to Dorians teasing. This might be more serious than Dorian had anticipated. Kurama had been quiet and thoughtful all night. “Want to talk about it?” he asked in a more somber tone of voice and shifted so he was half-turned toward him. Kurama leaned a little closer to him but did not say anything right away.
“Sorry. It’s just. This thing.” Kurama spoke quietly, almost hesitantly. Dorian leaned a little closer to him but did not reply yet. “Erimond,” Kurama finally said. “Are you nervous about the … execution?” Dorian asked hesitantly. As far as he knew, it was the first time the Inquisitor had imposed a death sentence. “Maybe, but… probably not the way you think.” Kurama finally said. “It’s. I know he deserves it, it’s not that. After all he did, with the Wardens, with Clarel… Still, it almost feels like we’re giving him exactly what he wants. Makes me angry, I suppose.”
Dorian stayed quiet for a moment, but no more seemed to be forthcoming. “That’s understandable. However, I do not quite see how that makes you wonder about your personal … morality, as such?” Kurama finally turned to face Dorian and for a second he seemed to consider leaning in – for a kiss? For a hug? But he held back at the last moment. He looked conflicted; his eyes far off.
“I wondered because, for a moment there, I questioned if death wasn’t too good for him. Too easy.” He paused for a moment, the unspoken alternative heavy in the air between them. He continued “and then, for a moment, I thought about what’s worse than death, about the worst thing I could think to inflict on a human being. Tranquility.” Dorian struggled not to react, not to question or blunder; he touched his hand to Kurama’s cheek instead and tilted his head slightly upwards. “And what did you think then?” “I thought that I almost wished I was the kind of person able to do this to someone. That he deserved it. Surely, he deserved it, didn’t he? And then I thought about Marian. Tobias. About. About Bjorn.”
Silence fell between them; only inches separating them. Kurama was silent, waiting. Apprehensive? “Maybe” Dorian said, looking directly into Kurama’s eyes. “It’s not our thoughts that define us. It’s our actions. You are allowed to have terrible thoughts, sometimes. It does not make you a terrible person, Amatus.” Dorian leaned closer and closed the distance, touching his lips to Kurama’s, softly, once; twice. After a moment he felt Kurama respond and parted his lips slightly, deepening the kiss. He moved his other hand to Kurama’s neck, to draw him even closer; and tried to convey his feeling without having to voice them. He could not say long it was until they parted. Slightly out of breath he said: “I happen to think you’re quite wonderful, in fact.”
tbc?