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Caboose sat in the corner of the blue base, murmuring to himself. The base was dark and everyone aside from the estranged blue spartan was out, doing their daily tasks.
It was one of many times this had happened, so Washington didn't even try to interfere with his thoughts this time. He knew it wouldn't get him very far.
Incomprehensible mumbles and made their way out of Caboose's mouth as he curled into a tighter ball. Occasionally a loud wail ripped its way out of his throat when he thought of a particularly painful memory.
Caboose was thinking about Church again. He didn't bother to hold back any tears that found their way down his face, as more would follow anyway. All he could wonder was why Church left him if they were supposedly best friends. Why he just went away without so much as a goodbye. Why he had betrayed his trust so easily like that.
It didn't make sense. Not a lot of things made sense. I never ever really know what's going on around here, he pondered. Everything is so confusing.
He turned on his side and stared at the wall, counting the panels there. He got to about 13 but forgot what came after that and didn't feel like continuing. He closed his eyes and leaned his head against the cool wall as he tried to think of happy things but only came up with memories involving Church and Tucker - Tucker's armor color was too close to Church's, so he couldn't even think of him either.
There were the days before, when Church wasn't in his life yet, but that was a really long time ago. 11 years was like forever. It was difficult to remember even just a year ago. He couldn't even begin to imagine what things were like that many years ago.
Did he have friends, people like Tucker and Wash and Doc and the reds and... Oh. He was thinking about Church again. He just couldn't find anything else to think about that didn't involve his best friend.
A small sob escaped his lips as he laid on his back, staring at the ceiling. He realized that he didn't look at the ceiling very much, and quickly became fascinated by its boring pattern. He was as easily distracted as a squirrel.
He closed his eyes after a few minutes, momentarily forgetting why he was lying on the blue base floor before he remembered why he was sad.
"Stupid, stupid, stupid!" He said, sitting up suddenly. He was stupid for thinking Church was his friend, stupid for not being able to stop thinking about him, and Church was stupid for leaving him in this mess!
Caboose looked at the mirror sitting opposite him that leaned against the wall. "I DON'T EVEN RECOGNIZE MY OWN FACE!" He shouted, distraught. But he remembered what Wash had told him; his face and helmet weren't the same thing. He groaned, annoyed, and stood up to walk slowly over to the window.
He leaned against the side of the open window, remembering that Wash also told him that Church probably thought of him too. This comforted him, but only slightly. He looked out the window, noticing that Tucker was running laps again. Wash stood off to the side, shooting back insults at Tucker when he complained loudly as he passed him.
Wash was a good leader, someone Caboose could trust. He said nice things a lot, and tried to help Caboose when he didn't understand something or was sad. Church never really did things that were leader-like at all, like make them do hard exercises or actually train for things. Church also yelled a lot. But Caboose liked him because they were best friends, not because he was the nicest person ever.
He sniffled a little and tried to wipe away a few stray tears before he realized he still had his helmet on. It was too much work to take it off, so he let the tears come down his cheeks anyway. He didn't usually cry this much on one of his "off-days", but this one hit him rather hard.
He sat down in the windowsill, still watching Tucker and Wash's banter. The song he created a while back for Church found its way into his mind, so he felt compelled to sing it - if not to ease his pain, to bring joy to all who heard it. (That's likely.)
The first few chords were rusty with his stuffy nose and choked voice, making it hard for him to stay correctly on pitch.
"Remember that time that I saved your life? You were happy, I could tell." He sang loudly and confidently (despite his clogged nose), having poured all of his heart into creating the lyrics. It would be hard for even him to forget this part of their friendship.
"You said something about how I was smart and I make your life a living heaven." By now Wash had noticed Caboose's song as was looking up at him quizzically.
"We do everything together like hide and go seek, your favorite game." Caboose distinctly saw Tucker halt his pace and come to a complete standstill as he recognized the lyrics. Tucker didn't turn around, for fear of his realization being true.
"But I'm so glad that we found each other and I know you feel the identical way as me." Tucker very slowly turned around to look up at the lone Caboose in the blue base window.
"Church, I'm your best friend, that's what I am to you." Wash turned around to face Tucker, who was evidently transfixed as he stared up at Caboose, horror-struck.
"And we'll be together 'till the part when it's over, because we are brothers and not red." Caboose started to break down at this line, remembering that they were indeed not together, and their friendship was over. His brother and fellow not-red was gone.
"Brothers and not red." He repeated, but softly this time. He crumpled, tucking his knees into his chest and releasing all of his tears and wails go into the morning air.
"What... The actual fuck." Wash said slowly, watching Tucker as he still stood stock-still, continuing to stare at the window.
"He made that song for Church a few years ago. He sung it pretty much every day, and of course it annoyed the hell out of Church, but Caboose thought it was the best thing ever." Tucker finally looked away from Caboose to stare blankly at Wash.
"I didn't even know he still remembered it. He stopped singing it after a while because Church was ready to throw him off a fucking cliff and Caboose could kind of tell. So we just assumed he pretty much forgot about it."
"So he's really broken now, isn't he?" Wash said, turning his face up to the crying Caboose.
"Yeah." Tucker said. For some reason, this actually made him feel really shitty, kind of like as if his favorite pet had just died.
"Should we go talk to him?" Wash suggested, rather helplessly.
"No. I don't think he would listen, and besides, there's nothing we can do anyway." Tucker replied, turning back to continue his running, but mostly just to get away from this terribly depressing sight.
"Okay." Wash said softly. He didn't like seeing Caboose in this much pain. It was like not being able to comfort a child that you can't help in any way. You can almost feel your heart break.
Washington didn't even have the heart to tell Tucker that he needed to sprint, not walk. He also knew there would come a time when the reds would notice Caboose's wails, and he did not look forward to that encounter.
He pivoted around, standing his ground, as if he was standing guard over Caboose like a protector. Someone needed to watch over him.
After a while, Caboose's anguished moans ebbed and became quiet sobs, which turned into just the occasional sniffle. Wash glanced up at the window once more, and saw Caboose lying on his side, apparently asleep. Wash started making his way towards the blue base entrance.
A minute or so later, Wash stood, hovering over the sleeping man. He crouched silently beside him, putting his hand lightly on Caboose's shoulder.
"We're your brothers too, Caboose." He whispered, a quiet tear rolling down his face. It was rare to see Agent Washington showing strong emotion like this, let alone so much affection.
He shuffled over to the window ledge, sitting comfortably on it with his legs hanging out. He yawned, leaning his head against the wall beside him. In a few minutes, the usual sounds of their canyon and Caboose's light snores lulled Wash into a contented doze.
Even as he slept, he thought only of how he could best protect his team and the members of the canyon. But now, there was nothing more to do than to be a good leader to his broken team.