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Jungkook was always rational in every situation possible; calm, collected and always the voice of reason. He didn't think he was even remotely capable of feeling such jealousy over his boyfriend's Ex-Boyfriend; who the Love of His Life once loved and adored and - did he say love? His mind whirred. Insecurity kicked in and Jungkook felt like diving into a cold lake if it meant that the feeling, so foreign to him, would vanished.
You see, Jungkook had been in love with the man since the first time he laid eyes on the older man on his first day of college and Yoongi hadn't thought of him as more than just his junior, a little brother, until his then boyfriend shattered his heart to million pieces.
Jungkook was there to witness how Yoongi had fallen, broken, untrusting and heart completely locked up from being stomped on; from potential new lover.
A year of uncertainties, of shedding tears and comforting murmurs every time the older man so much as saw the man he once loved (and had given his all to) walking around with another person in his arm, looking at him with despise.
But Jungkook was also there to mend his heart, to cast his doubt, and Yoongi had welcomed him, a year and five months into their friendship on one of their many road trips, had opened his heart again to a newfound love and a fresh start. He had peppered his face with kisses and a promise of 'To infinity and beyond'.
He shouldn't have to question Yoongi's love for him. The man had been so open with his feeling all the damn time that Jungkook didn't think he would need reassurance.
Yet, as he opened the door to their apartment to find that the man standing in front of him was in fact the same man who had shattered Yoongi's heart to million pieces, and Yoongi flashing the man his gummy smile like the past had never happened, cheerful and welcoming, Jungkook felt like his heart had been stabbed.
"Can we talk? In private?" The man asked, eyes travelled towards Jungkook for a moment and the latter felt like he was naked, his imperfections on full display and scrutinized.
"Em." Yoongi looked at Jungkook for an answer and he wanted to shake his head and say no, but he didn't want to sound like a control freak so he just nodded. Yoongi turned to the man across the door, smiling yet again. "Okay, give me a sec. I'll meet you downstairs."
When the door was closed and the man was finally out of earshot, Yoongi turned to Jungkook and he pulled the latter's hand, lacing their fingers as he said, "Hey, I won't go if you don't want me to."
Jungkook felt like a douche for even doubting Yoongi of his love. "It's fine. I'm fine." He wasn't sure if he was trying to convince Yoongi or himself.
Yoongi gave him a smile then before pulling Jungkook down so he could kiss the man on the forehead, squeezing his hand, and Jungkook felt reassured, if not a little. "Text me if you change your mind and I’ll come back in full speed."
Jungkook snorted. "Call me if he tries anything stupid and I’ll come kick his ass."
Yoongi grinned and saluted. "Roger that."
When Yoongi was finally gone, Jungkook's legs gave away almost instantly, overwhelmed by jumbled of emotions and he collapsed onto the couch. For a moment he just stayed as he was with his eyes shut, willing the unnecessary thoughts to disappear.
And in that moment, as he was embraced by the comforting silence, his mind wandered to the very first time they met.
It was the first day of orientation, Jungkook had been the only freshman who didn't seem to know anyone because he came from far away, and Yoongi had been part of the Student Council committee; welcoming the freshmen with a smile so bright it was almost blinding. It was a wonder how no one wouldn't fall in love with him at first sight.
Jungkook had been lost on his way to find the hall the orientation was supposed to be held in and Yoongi was the first to speak to him, all smile and comforting. Jungkook had fallen in love with his smile and his deep voice. His comforting words was music to his ears and his hands around Jungkook's shoulders, friendly, felt as if he was being protected as he was ushered to the hall.
"What's your name?" Yoongi had asked and he had stuttered him name, Busan dialect heavy on his tongue.
"You aren't from around here, aren't you?"
"No, I'm from Busan."
"Thought so." Yoongi smiled and it was the sweetest smile he had ever seen. "Well, Jungkook, just loosen up and enjoy your orientation yeah? I can promise you'll like it here. Just find me if you have any questions."
When they met eyes, Yoongi flashed him a smile and while Jungkook knew it was just out of courtesy he couldn't help but feel like it was the start of something.
But they didn't spoke to each other after that fateful day because for one, Yoongi wasn't in charge of Jungkook's group during the orientation so he only caught a glimpse of the other man when their groups ran into each other. On top of that Jungkook wasn't much of a talker so he didn't so much as greeted hello to the senior whenever he saw him in passing, choosing to instead take different route altogether. Least to say, interaction was simply out of the question because for him he was just Jeon Jungkook amongst many others; insignificant and easily forgotten.
It wasn't until a few months later, just few days into Christmas. It was probably a mere coincidence or just fate playing with him but Jungkook was grateful nonetheless.
"Wow! 10 points to Gryffindor," said the voice beside him and Jungkook hadn't been aware of his surrounding, too engrossed with the colourful Christmas ornaments scattered around the isles that he hadn't seen someone approaching him.
His head snapped towards the source of the voice and he almost peed in his pants out of shock. "O-oh."
"Jeon Jungkook right?" Yoongi asked and Jungkook manage to nod, voice betraying him as the shock doubled because Holy Shit! He remembered!
"Hard to forget such name and good looking face," Yoongi said and Jungkook's face burned darkest shade of red because he'd said it out loud and Yoongi had heard him. "Nice shirt by the way. It suits you," Yoongi commented then, grinning as he adjusted his black and green checkered scarf.
"Thanks," Jungkook squeaked. He had been feeling Christmas-y that he changed to a red shirt before he went out and he didn't even realise he had picked his Gryffindor shirt out of his pile of shirts, a dark red hoodie with the Gryffindor emblem across the front. He cleared his throat and tried again. "Christmas shopping?"
"Just looking around. I don't exactly like celebrating Christmas and the likes. Isn't much different than any other day you know?" Yoongi shrugged. "How about you? Going back to Busan for Christmas?"
Jungkook's heart fluttered when he realised the man had remembered that little fact. "Nope. Just going to spend it at campus. Probably in the library or something," explained Jungkook,
"Ah the goody two shoes," Yoongi replied teasingly, grinning.
"No I’m just--" Jungkook promptly argued.
Yoongi chuckled and Jungkook almost melted into the floor with how wonderful it sounded. He was already too far gone.
"You know what, why don't we go out on Christmas? Just two guys hanging out, drinking coffee, watching movie. What do you think?"
"Are you sure? I mean," he asked, biting his lip.
Yoongi shrugged, "Why not? I don't have plans anyway."
"..Okay."
"Alright." Just then Yoongi's phone dinged and he looked at his screen before looking back up at Jungkook, his smile almost regretful as he said, "I have to go. Nice seeing you though."
They exchanged numbers before bidding farewell. Jungkook took a peek at exit and saw Yoongi with another man, his smile so bright and eyes full of love as he looked at the other man before putting him on a headlock and he almost doubled over in laughter over something the other man had said and Jungkook felt something foreign bubbling up inside him at the sight.
He looked down on his phone, at his contact list and the name that had just been added in: Min Yoongi, and he felt himself smiling, holding his phone tightly as if afraid he would lose it if he didn't.
Came Christmas and he was jittery all day, almost calling it off but he came anyway, not wanting to disappoint the other but mostly because he wanted to see the other man, maybe for the last time. Yoongi was going to graduate in a month after all and he was sure he couldn't see the man after that so might as well take it when the opportunity was laid out in a silver platter.
He waited and waited; fifteen minutes passed, then half an hour, and he could hear the ticking sound of the clock in the silence of the night. The cafe was bare of people except for his pathetic self. Jungkook almost gave up on waiting, he was sure the other wouldn't come but he waited anyway, anxious heart starting to feel the end of what he thought was a beginning of something. It was only after forty-five minutes of waiting that Yoongi came rushing into the cafe, almost breathless. He weakly waved when he spotted Jungkook before trotting towards the table the younger was seated in.
Jungkook was quick to notice his bloodshot eyes.
"I'm so sorry for being late. I had--things. Something-- Something happened. I'm sorry," Yoongi rambled, still out of breath.
Jungkook didn't know what possessed him but he didn't feel the need to refrain himself when he went to ask, "Have you been crying?"
Yoongi was probably taken aback by how frank Jungkook was because his eyes widened and he had turned quiet for a moment. When he finally spoke again, his voice came out croak. "I-- uh-- yeah."
"What happened?" Jungkook knew he was out of line; knew he was prying into a sensitive subject. It was bad enough that they barely knew each other; on top of that the man was also his respected senior. He kicked the thoughts out of the way before he could second guess himself.
Thankfully, Yoongi didn't seem to mind his bluntness as he cracked a smile but Jungkook could clearly see the implication of his smile. It wasn't the smile that he was used to, so foreign yet he could almost see, could almost feel the pain hid behind that smile.
"He broke up with me," Yoongi murmured and Jungkook didn't know who he meant but then his mind retreated back to when he saw Yoongi with another man, their intimacy, though subtle, still couldn't be missed. "I saw him cheated-- and when I confronted him he wanted to-- he breaks it off. He said he was-- he was tired and he got bored with me so-- I don't know what I did wrong."
"Clearly, you didn't deserve to be treated like this and clearly, he's an asshole," Jungkook snapped, hand clenched in a fist so hard it almost bleed. He didn't mean to sound mad or even felt the need to be angry but his inside was boiling with rage he didn't know he was capable of feeling.
Yoongi chuckled and it sounded hollow that Jungkook wanted so bad to hold his hand to comfort him. "He probably got tired of me a long time ago but decided oh why not plays a bit more because he must've thought I wouldn't find out that he was cheating anyway."
"All the more reason to call him an asshole!"
Yoongi gave him a smile and other times he would probably be smitten but he wasn't. "He probably took pity of my sorry ass because, well, Min Yoongi is all-around pathetic."
Jungkook's brows furrowed, arms crossing in discontent. "You look down on yourself a bit too much."
"I'm not exactly born with overflowing confidence."
"What matters is that you're a good person," Jungkook emphasised.
"How would you know that I am?" Yoongi sniffed, suddenly intrigued.
"Well, for starter, you helped me when I was lost on my first day."
Yoongi gave Jungkook a look, "I'm a student council."
"You also remember facts about me that I'd only told you once."
Yoongi shrugged. "I just have a good memory."
"And, well, you wasted your time talking to me the other day, who is merely a stranger, when you could've just ignored me and go by your day."
"I couldn't just ignore you. You're my junior," reasoned Yoongi
Jungkook's eyes narrowed then and he was quiet for a moment before he spoke. "Okay, I know what the problem is now. You're too nice."
Yoongi rolled his eyes. "Thanks for pointing that out."
"And clearly, you're fine now seeing that you're being snarky."
"All thanks to you."
"I can't really decide whether you're being sarcastic or sincere."
"I am being sincere. Genuine. From the bottom of my heart."
Jungkook gave him a sideway look, unbelieving.
Yoongi smiled then and it was the smile that Jungkook had fallen in love with. "No. Really, thank you, Jungkook. For listening to my own version of shitty love story and just, for being there for me."
But when they drank the night away, Yoongi had hid his face on Jungkook's shoulder and let himself cry and he kept on crying, a broken mess. Jungkook wanted to punch the man who had been responsible for such shit but he didn't. Not because he didn't have the courage but because he knew Yoongi wouldn't want him to because Min Yoongi was just too nice for his own good.
Jungkook's eyes shot open. He had fallen asleep amidst the jumbled mess that was his thoughts. When he looked at the time, it had already been three hours since Yoongi had left. He checked his phone and there was neither text nor calls from the other man. His mind whirred again.
He didn'twait any more second to dial the first number on his speed dial. It rang for a few seconds before it was transferred to voicemail. He almost cursed.
He sent the man a text asking where he was but as seconds ticked by, and then minutes and he still hasn't received any sort of response. He was beginning to worry, biting his lip as he waited for the bomb to fall. He fell asleep with a frown.
It wasn't until over an hour later that the door clicked open and Yoongi walked in, reeked of alcohol but he seemed sober enough that he greeted Jungkook who in turn startled awake.
"What the hell happened?" Jungkook almost yell, completely awake. "I called you, sent you a text and nothing! No answers!"
Yoongi scratched his head, grinning apologetically, "Sorry, I probably didn't hear it."
Jungkook walked closer to the older man and he took a sniff before his face twisted in displeasure. "Fucking hell, Yoongi. Just earlier you told me you weren’t going to go if I didn't want you to but now you come back reek of alcohol?"
Yoongi's brows furrowed, confused. "But you let me. You didn't say no."
"Doesn't mean you get to drink!"
He rarely got mad and especially not to Jungkook. Maybe it was the alcohol taking control of his emotion or maybe it was the exhaustion sucking all the energy out of him but he finally snapped. "Oh so now I’m not allowed to drink?" Yoongi's voice grew louder as he continued, "What else am I not allowed to? Hanging out with other men?"
"Certainly not with him."
"So just because he's my ex I can't hang out with him anymore? Is that what you're saying?" Yoongi growled, almost out of breath.
"So that's how it is," Jungkook snapped back. "Meeting him again after all these years...you must be happy right? Probably over the moon because he was the one who found you first and that's all that matters."
"What the hell are you saying?"
And Yoongi looked genuinely confused, gone was the flame in his eyes. His shoulders relaxed as he tried to understand the implication of Jungkook's words but the latter was too far gone in his own battle of rationality.
Jungkook rubbed his face tiredly. "Just forget it, Yoongi. I'm going to sleep. You can take a shower or sleep on the couch." But then, "You know what? I'll sleep on the couch."
He slumped down onto the couch, suddenly exhausted. His throat felt dry but he ignored it. Instead, he turned to face the head of the couch and closed his eyes, willing himself to sleep. But no matter how much he tried to sleep his mind was just too full with thoughts and he stayed awake.
He was still awake when Yoongi had put a blanket over him, pulling the comforter towards his neck and over his feet. He was still awake when Yoongi brushed his hair softly before he kissed him on the back of his head. "Good night, Kook."
-
Sorry I cried on you last night 🙇😣, the text read. Jungkook couldn't help but smile at the use of emoticon.
He typed in a reply. It's fine. Are you okay now?
The reply came instantly. Yeap, thanks to you (from the bottom of my heart).
He chuckled. His phone pinged again before he could respond.
Do you want to hang out again? No crying and snots this time ✌😉
Jungkook doubled over in laughter. I thought you'd never ask ☺
"You should start calling me Hyung, Kookie."
"I don't think we're in that sort of relationship yet."
"I bawled my eyes out on you the first time we hung out. I'd like to think we're already past the Sunbae-Hoobae relationship."
"Okay," shrugged Jungkook with a smile. "Did you regret it? Telling me all the things and crying your eyes out on me."
"Don't know why but I'm glad it was you. Now that you've seen my vulnerable side, you're bound to be by my side for life."
"Never planned to run away anyway."
"Good."
"You have something on your face," Jungkook said before he reached to wipe away whatever that was stuck on Yoongi's face.
"Oh," Yoongi's eyes widened all of a sudden. "Oh no."
Jungkook frowned. "What's wrong?"
"Remember when I laughed and read you this post about not liking someone in a romantic way and everything was cool and all then they do something small and you just--"
Realisation dawned on him and Jungkook's eyes grew wide. "Oh," he whispered, suddenly feeling warm in the cool Fall weather.
"I don't wanna mess up whatever we have now."
"So what's the plan? Avoid me at all cost until you've moved on?"
"I'm not ready yet."
And Jungkook understood the underlying message behind it. "You're not going to lose me too."
"What if you grow tired of me?"
"I didn't leave you then and I wouldn't ever going to leave you," Jungkook said it like it was a promise he didn't ever plan on breaking. "Also, we're in the middle of nowhere so you can't possibly run away now, can you?"
"Damn it. Why did I bring you here of all places! We could've gone to other places-"
"Yoongi?" Jungkook interrupted mid rambling.
"Yeah?"
"Shut up and just let me enjoy this moment."
Yoongi pouted but then Jungkook took his hand and intertwined their fingers, and Yoongi looked like he was on cloud nine. Jungkook knocked their heads together because Yoongi just wouldn't stop smiling.
Jungkook woke up with a startle. He was a second too late to realise that he was on their bed, probably had sleepwalked in the middle of the night because that was the only logical explanation for it. His eyes widened when he finally noticed that he had one arm wrapped around the older man and his head resting on Yoongi's chest. He was quick to pull himself away and out the bed before Yoongi could see his reddening face.
Walking towards the bathroom, he splashed his face twice before brushing his teeth. He then made himself a cup of tea with just the right amount of sugar. He also made hangover soup for the sleeping man who he was sure would wake up with a headache.
After putting his empty cup into the sink, Jungkook grabbed his phone and went out.
The one thing that would never change was the fact that he would go for a run to clear his head. There was just something about the adrenaline rush that would help unfold his muddled thoughts, and he needed it at the moment more than ever.
After a lap around the Han River Park; out of breath and a clear head, he took a seat on an empty bench and took off his earpiece. He let the last night event ran in his head, trying to figure out what went wrong and putting the puzzle pieces together.
When he came back, Yoongi was in the kitchen and he was so focused on washing the dishes that he didn't notice Jungkook had walked in. His face turned bright when he finally saw the younger man and he flashed him a smile.
"Had a nice run?" Yoongi softly asked and normally, Jungkook would laugh at the bird nest that was Yoongi's hair, and he probably would run towards him, putting him in a sweaty but warm embrace and fixing his hair into the right places, but he didn't.
Instead, Jungkook poured water into a glass and downed it at once before he responded, "I'm giving you the silent treatment so don't talk to me."
Yoongi found the whole situation amusing that he almost laughed but he refrained himself. "Thanks for the soup," he said instead.
"Shh."
"That's not how it works, Kook."
"No talking."
Jungkook moved to sit at the living room's couch and Yoongi followed suit like a lost puppy. The former didn't even so much as glance at the older man as he switched on the TV.
"Can we talk now?" Yoongi asked from beside him.
"No," Jungkook promptly replied but he didn't sound like he meant it.
"Just listen to what I have to say then."
Jungkook crossed his arms but he didn't say anything so Yoongi took it as a sign for him to continue.
"It's not what you think," Yoongi began but before he could continue, Jungkook snapped his head, eyes turning to slits.
"What do I think, Yoongi?" He questioned, voice came out harsh than intended. "That you've forgiven him? Yeah. That you and him will be back together again? And that you still love him? Yeah, that's all I could think about over and-"
"What," Yoongi interrupted, baffled.
"What?" Jungkook questioned, a little irritated at having been interrupted mid-sentence.
"This is- one big pile of misunderstandings," Yoongi breathed out, and he wanted to laugh at the absurdity of it all.
"It's not-"
Yoongi put his hand up and Jungkook shut his mouth instantly. "Okay, first of all, I know you hates him and his guts for what he'd done to me and yes he's still an asshole but that doesn't mean that I can't forgive him." He smiled then. "I've forgiven him a long time ago so I could move on."
Jungkook still didn't look convince but Yoongi could see his resolve slowly crumbling. "So why did he appear again after all these years? So he could win you back?"
Yoongi's face contorted into pure disgust at the question. "What the hell, no. He's married with a kid now, Kook. Knocked someone up so he's bound for good."
"You still haven't answered my question."
"We bumped into each other few days ago-" Jungkook shot him a look. "Don't give me that look. He wanted my help. He works at an insurance company so he wanted to sell one to me but since I don't need one I told him I’ll give him our old friends' numbers because, you know, for old time sake."
"You should've told me that you bumped into him," Jungkook remarked, unimpressed, but Yoongi just gave him a shrug. "So why did you come back so late last night? And you drank too."
"He wanted to apologise so I decided to hear him out," Yoongi explained. "But then he got so drunk and he started crying and bawling because he's miserable- he got another kid on the way but he's not doing well with his job so he didn't know what else to do. Said this is all karma for what he did in college. I couldn't handle the crying so I started drinking too. Didn't realise it got too late."
"You should've answered my call or at least send me a text."
Yoongi rolled his eyes. "Sorry, got my hands full with a crying adult."
Jungkook wanted to argue but his stomach grumbled then, eliciting a deep chuckle from the obviously amused Yoongi. Jungkook made a noise of embarrassment and his stomach grumbled again, so loud that Yoongi finally lost it and he doubled over in laughter.
"You should've fully prepared yourself before going on a battle, babe," Yoongi teased, wiping the strayed tears.
"Yeah, just laugh it off. Laugh it off-" But Jungkook couldn't help the grin spreading over his face or the laughter that finally burst out of him at the ridiculousness of it all, his resolve crumbling completely.
When his laughter finally ceased and he regained his composure, Jungkook looked at Yoongi in the eyes and he wanted to cry. "I'm sorry for getting mad at you over nothing."
Yoongi softly smiled before he pulled the other into a warm embrace, meaningful and comforting. "It's okay, and I'm sorry too for everything. Shouldn't have agreed to meet him in the first place."
Jungkook let go to look at Yoongi's face but the latter kept holding him in place. "Yoongs? I'm sweaty."
"Let me just use my human heater for a bit. Couldn't use it last night." Yoongi murmured against his shoulder. He then tiptoed a little and whispered, "And you look hot when you're sweaty."
"So you're saying you were cold even though my body was practically latched onto you last night?" Jungkook made a noise of disbelief but his face was a little red. He put his hands around Yoongi in a tight hug to hide his embarrassment and Yoongi's smile brightened incredibly.
"Habits just don't change overnight huh," Yoongi remarked. "I like it when you're jealous. You should get jealous more often."
Jungkook pulled away then. He looked unimpressed, eyes forming slits. "Not funny," Jungkook grumbled with arms crossed over his chest.
"You looked adorable while trying to stay mad at me," told Yoongi as he tousled Jungkook's hair, eliciting a groan from the latter.
"That's not normal," Jungkook reminded, not bothering to fix his disheveled hair into place.
Yoongi gave him a shrug. "It is when I love you."
Jungkook smirked then. "Smooth."
"Yeah?" Yoongi grinned before he pulled the younger's hand and put it around his shoulders. He played with the slender fingers that were on his shoulder as he leaned his head on Jungkook's shoulder. "Anyway, what do you want to eat for breakfast?"
"Are you cooking?" asked Jungkook curiously.
"If you want burned toast, sure."
Jungkook's face scrunched up before he pulled his hand off Yoongi's shoulders. "Let me just take a shower then we'll go out."
"Okay."
Jungkook walked off towards the bathroom quietly but then his steps halted in front of the bathroom's door and he turned to look at Yoongi, who was still standing in the middle of the living room, and with an expression of indifference on his face, he asked, "You coming?"
Yoongi grinned then and he leapt towards the awaiting man that Jungkook was afraid he would fall on his face.
An hour and a half later and they were finally out their apartment but Yoongi refused to drive so he could be as close to Jungkook as possible, arm around the other man's shoulder as they walked down the road to that one restaurant with the menu they already knew by heart, just few blocks away from their home.
"You should've kicked him on the junk," Jungkook said nonchalantly while sipping on his kimchi soup.
Yoongi gave him a look. "Kook."
"What?" Jungkook looked at him innocently. "He made you listen to his ugly crying all night and made me worry for nothing! He deserves a kick at least."
"He could sue me for assault, babe."
"Since he was dead drunk he wouldn't know it was you. And I could back you up, said you were at home with me or something and he was probably just hallucinating."
Yoongi laughed. "You could write a book with your brilliant ideas." His face then turned serious. "Did you cry though? If you did I might regret a bit for not kicking him."
"I might or might not have cried, just a liiiiiittle bit," Jungkook emphasised with his fingers.
"So Jeon Jungkook cries when he's jealous. Impressive," Yoongi remarked with a grin.
"Don't get ideas, Yoongs," warned Jungkook with a glare, but his words went unheard as Yoongi's grin became wider and a little wicked one might say.