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Restless

Summary:

Hamilton kept getting nightmares. He doesn't know why. They're very peculiar, the dreams, they're all seemingly connected. The same names, same faces. He doesn't know what to think about them-But he does. Mama said that they're not real and can never be real.

Even if his past nightmares came true and it felt so much worse when you're living it-

Even if he half expects Eliza to be beside him in bed like always-never. Never.

He doesn't know any 'Eliza'.

Never.

(I'm so sorry, please, please, I love you, Eliza-)

Even if he keeps choking on sobs as Philip dies in his arms again-No.

Stop it.

Even if he can feel the bullet shattering his ribcage right after 10-No. He cannot. It's a dream.

Nightmare. You're fine.

He doesn't know what to think about them because he doesn't want to think about them.

 

"WAIT!-"

 

 

Or, Hamilton can see the future and is very deep in denial about it. It's mostly his mother's fault-and him for making so many terrible choices.

Notes:

Work Text:

"I imagine death so much..," Hamilton smiled bitterly. "But it's not my imagination is it? I just..-I just hoped." Everything started to get blurry, was he dead already? No, no, not yet, he would die tommorow on July 12th-

Hamilton gasped awake. He breathed heavily as his heart thrummed hard in his chest. His eyes quickly flickered around the room-shabby curtains, tiny window on the left, old squeaky door-and tried to slow down his breathing. "What-...what was that-nightmare, right." His palms were sweaty and he buried his face in them "Right." He moved to the bathroom and turned on the sink. He glanced at the red carpet-

Red red red- where? On someone, are they dead? No, still breathing, still talking-around his age. It looks like a doctor's office. "I did it exactly as you said Pa," He felt his hands holding on tighter to the other's-weak, frail-hand. "Shh, I know I know, save your breath son,"

"I aimed at the sky-"

"Please Philip don't die..,"

There were quick footsteps from the hall. "Philip!" He heard someone else's voice, a woman, has he heard it before?

"Philip, who did this to you? Alexander did you know?!-"

Hamilton blinked. He splashes some cold water to his face.

It has always been like this. Hamilton would get these nightmares all the time. He always wondered why it felt like it was the same people over and over, it's not like he has ever met any of them. When he was young though, he remembered dreaming of his father leaving and mother dying, the hurricane. It used to be the only nightmares he had.

It always felt so real, like he was actually there. The older he got the more he would see. He sometimes see them repeat like him getting shot in a duel, he had the absolute privilage to see that nightmare every other week.

It was-..weird. He asked his mother once about it and she said to not be afraid. They were just figments of his ima-

"But it's not my imagination is it? I just hoped it was, I just hoped that that wasn't what my life would be." He said to no one in particular, seeing as everything felt numb, he wouldn't even know if there was anyone.

"One, huge, tragedy." He didn't know if he actually made any sound, it felt impossible to move at this point.

-Just a figment of his imagination.