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'It's over, Draco,' Harry said. 'I can't endure so much pain anymore.' Draco seemed a little bit curious. He stood there so tall, beautiful and cool but less distant than usually. So Harry continued. 'You didn't stay with me the night of the anniversary of the Battle, the nightmares were horrible. You didn't come to my birthday. You didn't visit your mother with me.'
Now Draco winced. Silver turned to stormy grey. But Harry continued. 'I have these dreams about you. You're standing with a crown on your head and a scythe in your hand. And behind you there is a long line of skeletons: people you used, hurt and abandoned. And in these dreams you keep telling me that I can't run away from you even if it leads me to death. And that I would never leave you of my own free will.'
Draco blinked. And again. Harry waited but no words came from the lips so pale now. Still, he continued. 'I know that and I am not ashamed to admit that I love you more than you like me. Yeah, it's not about my pride. I lost it around you. You are my everything. You're the love of my life... I opposed everybody who dared to think I shouldn't have stayed with you. I would fight the world for you. But I cannot fight the truth. And the truth is that you don't care about me. I don't mean much to you. And the pain that realization caused at last pierced through my illusions.'
Now Draco looked at Harry with all his attention as if he saw him for the first time. How bad that it is so late , Harry thought and smiled sadly. 'Draco, I know that I may not survive this, I may die inside me without you. But the risk is still better than dying every day over and over again. I'm too tired to try again. It's over. Good bye, be happy'. Not a word in response.
When Harry turned over and walked slowly towards the door, the silence was overwhelming. Then he heard as if something delicate and metal hit the floor and rolled, clinking. But there wasn't such thing in Malfoy's hallway. I'm getting mental , he thought.
*
That night he dreamt that he was dancing in a great ballroom. Alone. The mosaic on the floor was plain black. He was so free it hurt. And he woke up, crying out from pain and sorrow. Alone he was and lonely. Wildfire burnt him down. And every night it was like that. Loneliness, pain and tears. He was losing his mind.
*
There were fresh daffodils in Narcissa's hospital room. Plenty of them. And she sat on her bed so happy. Harry understood at once. Draco had visited his mother.
'Oh, Harry, so good to see you. I must tell you everything. Draco and I talked for hours. He opened himself. Now I know why he wasn't visiting me. It was so hard for him to express his feelings. But after a while he told me he just felt so scared that I may die one day and that the fear paralysed him totally. He just couldn't push himself to come here, to watch me, to seek the signs of my passing away. You know, Harry, sometimes love so big is too scary for us to live with. And we try to deny it, sort of postpone it, diminish it, otherwise we fear it could destroy us.'
Harry's facial expression had to be strange for Narcissa because she added: 'Oh, I know it's not a Gryffindor thing, such a feeling, don't take me wrong, Harry, but not everyone is as brave as you! For example Lucius was hard for me and he never admitted how much I meant for him. Now, when our lives are almost over I am sure he loved me truly. But it had to be War to reveal it!' A shadow crossed her face so Harry decided to change a topic.
'Did Draco say anything else that interesting, Narcissa?' Harry managed to say it as lightly as he was able to.
'Oh, yes. He told me he visited his father. I was very surprised. You know, Azkaban is so depressing. And Draco doesn't like to be depressed. Not after the war. All he wants is to play and have fun. I realise it must be sometimes too much for you, as Auror and all your serious life, isn't it, Harry? But you have so much patience for him, you're really the best for him. I'm so glad you are together, darling.' So Draco didn't tell her, coward! , Harry was shaken. Well, let's keep this farse a little longer, she's so happy today , he thought.
Narcissa seemed not to notice Harry's confusion. Then she laughed loudly and said: 'And you know, he was very mysterious, that son of mine, and told me a riddle or something like that. I didn't understand. He told me that he had to regain his crown he lost in a revolution because he was a bad king. Do you know, Harry, what he meant by that? Harry? Why are you smiling, darling? Do you know the answer?'
I might know it, oh yeah, we'll see. Now it's time for the king to move on the mosaic of a chessboard.