Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Finn looks himself over in the cafe window, swiping away a ball of lint on his shoulder and re-tousling his hair for the fourth time. He glances at his watch, then at the shop clock through the window for any discrepancy. He’s not due at the fire hall for another hour and some, but it’s not his schedule he’s working on. The two teas he’s bought are steadily cooling on the window sill, as his fingers drum a harried beat on his thighs. Finn rises on his toes and looks from either side of the road to see if he can catch a glimpse of anyone approaching. No one is - well not the someone he’s been waiting for. The someone he’s always waiting for, and if he has to wait any longer he’ll be lucky if he gets a "hiya".

“Where are you?” he asks the air around him impatiently, his body bouncing on the balls of his feet. It’s been two months of this, him “accidentally” running into her as she heads to the tube past the cafe. Sometimes he really is on his way to the fire station for work, but a lot of times there’s no real reason for him to be there when she comes rushing by. And she is always rushing. Finn smiles as he remembers how they met.

---

He had been leaning against the counter waiting for his tea and toastie, when he heard a commotion at the cafe entrance behind him. Finn turned in time to see a man with coffee all down his trousers, and to hear a scattered “Fuck! I mean, shit! I mean, I’m so sorry sir!! For the cursing and the coffee! I’m really late - I know that’s no excuse. Let me help you!!” Finn had to tuck his lips between his teeth to stop from laughing at her apology, and the fact that she was absent-mindedly swiping at the still shocked man’s crotch with her hands. When she had pushed her way to the counter to order an Earl Grey with a splash of milk (Finn’s same order) and “whatever that man I just scalded got before” he couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped. What he didn’t anticipate was the reproachful glare and muttered “prick” he got in return, or the way her angry expression only seemed to make her more attractive. Finn couldn’t deny that when she had bent down to pick up the man’s now empty coffee cup, he had noticed the pert curve of her arse and the swell of her more than ample breasts against her distressed Stone Roses tee. Cute, feisty, and great taste in music he had thought to himself as she hurried out the door.

Over the next week he had found himself at the shop more and more, hoping to see her again. The first few days she didn’t show even brought on the thought that he would gladly take a steaming beverage to his legs if it meant her moving her hands into his personal space. After the twelfth day without any sign of her, he started to lose hope; cursing himself for the lost opportunity. Until one afternoon when he finally got his chance.

Finn was leaned up against the cafe wall smoking when he happened to spot her walking down the road towards him. He dropped his barely burnt rollie and practically ran inside to order two teas in time to meet her at the entrance with them. She had been thoroughly confused, even looking around to make sure he wasn’t offering the cup to someone behind her.

“What’s this?” she asked, voice wary, as she hesitantly took the proffered drink.

“Your tea,” Finn replied simply, his lips quirking at the ends.

“Why?”

“Because I’m not a total prick,” he stated, before shifting towards the door. He didn’t want to leave - quite the opposite actually, now that he’d seen her again he very much wanted to stay - but he needed to keep it light to not scare her off. Wanting to seem aloof, (as if he hadn’t just spent the last fortnight waiting for her) he turned his back and kept walking. He made it all the way outside and around the corner without her calling him back, his disappointment settling in, as he cursed himself again for wasting another chance. Then he heard her behind him.

“What exactly do you want in return?”

Finn forced the grin off his face before turning to her. “Your name.”

“Why?”

“'Cause otherwise I’d have to start calling you Earl.” He shrugged and pointed to the tea in her hand.

A minuscule pursing of her lips cracked her otherwise guarded demeanour and Finn wasn’t sure if she was trying not to smile or trying not to slap him. “Well that’d be appropriate seeing as that’s my name.”

“Huh?” Finn pulled his neck back at that. How could this beautiful, bold, spit fire of a woman be named after someone’s 90 year old grandad?

She smirked at his reaction. “My name’s Rae. Rae Earl.”

“Well then, Raymond. I’ll see you here tomorrow? Same time?”

To that she scoffed, affronted, before her tongue met the inside of her cheek. He wasn’t sure if he came off more prick-like or cheeky as he intended, but he detected the slightest up curve of her lips. Without giving her a chance to respond (half in fear she’d reject him) he turned to jog towards the fire station a cheerful pep in his step.

Since that day they’ve seen each other at the cafe a few times a week; him coming to or from either work or his flat down the road, and she from hers up the way. Conversation was always easy (and flirty) but never made it in the dating direction since she was always running off for the train. However Finn had learned enough to know that seeing Rae was quickly becoming the highlight of his days.

---

“Oi, you fantasizing about me Finnley?”

A quick shove to his shoulder brings him out of his reverie, and he looks up to find the very girl he’s been thinking about for the past 15 minutes (and eight weeks) stood in front of him.

“Planning your eulogy actually. Thought you were dead with how late you are,” he quips quickly, cheeks warm from being caught out.

“Yeah well, keep working ‘cause at this rate my boss’ll kill me. This is for me, yeah?” Rae grabs the cup from the sill and takes a sip before getting any answer. “Ta’ Finn, you’re a life saver. Get it? Fire-fighter joke?” she asks, playfully nudging him in the ribs with her elbow.

“Not your best work, girl.” Finn shakes his head ruefully. “I don’t think you deserve this tea,” he adds, moving to take the cup back.

She spins out of his reach until she is walking backwards and away from him. “Soz, you’ll have to take it since it’s all I’ve got time for.” Rae glances at her bare wrist and turns to walk forwards.

Finn jogs to her side, closing the distance between them. “No wonder you’re always late. You realize that’s a non existent watch you’re checking right?”

“And yet I still know your shift doesn’t start for another hour,” she shoots back, licking the tea from the corner of her mouth and raising her brows at him.

Finn bites his bottom lip and shakes his head, unwilling to admit it but, not at all surprised that she’s caught on to him.

“You’re a dickhead,” Rae says between laughs, before leaning in to plant a kiss on his cheek.

This halts Finn mid step, his feet forgetting how to walk as a fluttering heat creeps into his face, moving down his neck and warming him head to toe. Before he can recover she’s reached the steps and is descending down to the tube.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Rae!” Finn shouts, standing on the tips of his toes with arms extended as if it could bring him closer to her retreating figure. It’s meant to be a statement but it comes out as more of a hopeful question and he curses himself for sounding so pathetic, but he can still feel her lips on his cheek, and he can’t help his fingers grazing over the spot as a goofy grin plasters his face.

Chapter Text

It had been a week since the kiss on the cheek, but the simple gesture had Finn floating ever since, his hope lifting him like helium. His meet ups with Rae had gotten more frequent, the banter had reached rom-com level, and Finn’s fancy was at the point of daydreaming about cute dates and night thinking about horizontal kisses.

He’s on his way to work, ridiculously happy, having just escorted Rae to the tube station. By some gift from the universe she had been early today, and they had been able to actually sit and drink their tea. His smile grows impossibly larger as he thinks about how they’d been discussing music; her arguing with him so animatedly that she’d knocked over the sugar bowl and had to sweep the fallen crystals from his thigh. He gets a tingle in his fingers as he remembers how he’d tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear before wrapping her up in a lingering hug. She smelled like apples and Finn’s mouth had watered at having her so close.

After that he knew brief touches weren’t enough and he had felt the urgency to finally ask her on a date. She had blushed and, in true Rae fashion, teased him about having to “check her schedule to make sure she wasn’t already going out with some other bloke”. He knew it was just to push his buttons but he’d held his breath anyway. He wouldn’t be surprised if she had a dozen lads wrapped around her finger. In the end though she had agreed, leaving him with her phone number and an increased pulse. Finn’s not ashamed to admit that as soon as she was out of sight he'd done a celebratory joyful jig in the middle of the pavement for all pedestrians to see. He’s still grinning ear to ear as he walks into the locker room of the fire hall.

“Oh, I know that look! Saw the girl today, didya?” Chop yells from the other side of the room. “You realize you look like a lunatic with that face? People ain’t gonna trust you to lead them out a fire when you’re smiling like the fucking Joker.”

“Shove off, Chopper.”

“‘Ey mate, I’ll shove off when you grow some blimmin’ bollocks and ask the lass out. Archer and I got a bet going. He reckons it’s within the month and I say it’ll be a week from never!”

“What makes you think that?” Finn asks, suiting up.

“Mate, usually with the ladies you’re in and out…literally.” Chop pauses to make his brows dance lewdly. “But you’ve been going on about this girl for ages and nothing’s happened. She’s got you all twisted up. Face it, you’re meant to wank not spank with this one.”

“What’s the wager?”

“A night of drinking at the pub.”

“Well I hope Archie’s liver is ready, ‘cause I got a date this weekend.” Finn winks and saunters out of the room.

Chop’s hot on his heels and he claps him on the shoulders. “Fucking finally! Now you gonna tell me her name or do I keep calling her the ‘pussy unicorn’?”

Finn shoots him a scowl and shakes out of his grip. “First of all, never call her that again.” He points a warning finger at Chop’s chest. “Second, it’s exactly that kind of shit that makes me want to tell you nothing.”

“So serious, Finny boy!” Chop holds his hands up to placate him. “This lass has really done you in, ey?”

“Mate, you don’t even know. I haven’t even kissed her yet and I’m half in love.”

Chop stops walking and pulls Finn back. “Love?! Fuckin’ hell. If she’s got you thinking of the L word she is definitely a mythical creature. Scratch 'pussy unicorn’, how about 'sex siren’?”

Finn considers that, tilting his head to the side. “She is pretty fucking sexy.”

“Yes then! Now she just has'ta stay interested in you long enough for her to meet the gang. Think you can manage that lad?”

“Don’t worry, if it’s up to me, she’s gonna be around for a long time.” Finn wiggles his eyebrows and pushes Chop off him.

“Alright, then when are you gonna bring her 'round?”

“Dunno! Week from never?” Finn shouts over his shoulder as he walks forward.

Chop throws a pair of gloves in his direction. “Yeah you better hope so knobhead! The stories I could tell her!” Chop yells after Finn who’s moved to the next room.

Finn pops his head back into the hallway. “Alright, a month from never then.”

---

Rae adjusts the needle on her record player and tries to busy herself with tidying up her crates of vinyl. It’s completely non-laborious; she is literally only moving her fingers and shifting from foot to foot, yet she feels the gentle sheen of sweat on her brow. She’s aware of how unfit she is, but even this is ridiculous. Cause to blame? Finn fucking Nelson.

It’s Saturday, and their date is supposed to start in precisely 37 minutes but she’s been ready for ages. At this rate though, she’s going to need another shower and a change of clothes. She can’t help it, the sweating. Finn makes her so nervous she feels like she’s caught in his own personal fire; of which only he can put out. That leads to thoughts of him in uniform, which leads to her imagining peeling said uniform off, which leads to images of them both naked and glistening with more than just sweat. Yep, definitely another shower. A cold one.

She glances at the clock again and scolds herself for counting minutes. On the outside she’s been bold and flirtatious, but on the inside she is completely bricking it. Rae’s still stunned that this hunky, sweet, funny, frustratingly irritating, fucking firefighter is interested in her. She’s convinced he belongs in those calendars women claim to buy “for charity” where he’s topless under the suspenders and posing suggestively with his hose, not in a tiny tea shop flirting with the chubby girl who spills everything. Fuck, imagine that. 12 months of Finn in various states of undress. That hose wouldn’t be necessary with the literal flood in her knickers.

Looking at the clock again she thinks sod it, she’ll leave now and take the long way to the shop where they’re supposed to meet before she’s completely dehydrated from perspiration and arousal.

*

Rae pauses after exiting the lift. She’s surprised to say the least when she spies Finn on the other side of the glass doors of the foyer. He’s pacing back and forth, brows furrowed, as he mutters to himself. He fails to notice when she tentatively pushes through one of the doors, and now she’s close enough to hear his words.

He seems to be giving himself a personal pep talk, as she hears him say, “Alright, calm the fuck down. She’s just a girl. A girl you can’t stop thinking about, but still. A human woman, not like a unicorn or mermaid or whatever the fuck Chop keeps calling her. A beautiful, funny, music loving human with…amazing tits - SHIT. Do not say that in front of her!” He shakes his hands at his sides, as if trying to loosen tension in them, and screws his eyes shut as he continues his monologue. “Just say, 'hey Rae, wanted to come pick you up’. No, too eager. 'I just happened to be passing by’…no. She knows you live on the other end of the road, knob'ead.” Finn’s shaking his head at himself, as he glances at his watch. “Fuck, still so early. Alright maybe another circle around the block.”

Rae bites her lip and chuckles, flattered and charmed by how flustered he seems. The sound makes Finn’s head snap up and his eyes fly open in alarm.

“Rae! Shit, uh. Hey. Er…I was just…um…” he trails off, one hand coming to rub the back of his neck, face and ears and collar all burning brightly.

God, what a sexy dork. “Hiya,” Rae answers, her own cheeks crimson. She feels bad for embarrassing him, but his display of nerves - for her of all people - has lessened her own anxiety. “Thought we were gonna meet at the cafe?”

“Right yeah, we were…but I…” Finn clears his throat and looks down at his feet. He takes a deciding breath before admitting, “Look, I was excited for the date and I just…couldn’t wait to see you. Hope that’s okay?” Finn’s voice is bashful and the tail end of his sentence is so endearingly tentative that Rae is surprised she doesn’t drag him in the building and throw him on her bed.

“Yeah. It’s definitely okay.” She gives him an encouraging smile and Finn beams as he walks to bring them closer.

“At least I got all the embarrassment out of the way, yeah?” Finn chuckles awkwardly.

“I don’t know, Finn. The date has barely started. Did it feel like enough for the whole evening?” Rae teases, bumping shoulders with him as they begin to walk.

Finn huffs a breathy laugh out of his nose. “Trust me, it feels like enough for our entire relationship. That just became my new answer to when people ask what my 'most embarrassing moment’ is.” He shakes his head at himself, stuffing his hands in his pockets as he watches his feet.

“Hmm…and how long do you plan for 'our relationship’ to last?” Rae asks cheekily, using air quotes around the term.

Finn turns a deeper shade of red and begins to stammer, “Wha - I. I just meant…well -”

“I’m just teasing Finn,” she assures him, before looping her arm with his. “If it helps I thought it was cute.”

Finn stops walking and turns to face her. “Really?” He’s sucking his bottom lip and his eyebrows have vanished behind his fringe and Rae doesn’t understand how he can’t see that everything he does is devastatingly cute.

She nods shyly and drops her arm from his, only for Finn to grab her hand and intertwine their fingers. The gesture catches her off guard and her breath stutters, but she clears her throat and answers, “Yeah, but I’m still glad it was you and not me.”

“Right.” Finn laughs as they begin walking again. “If it was you, you might have made me hopeful that you really fancy me.”

Rae hums through her lips that she’s pressed together to stop from smiling too wide, and gives his hand a squeeze. “Don’t worry. There’s hope.”

Chapter Text

It’s their fourth date in three weeks. If it was up to Finn there wouldn’t have been a day without seeing her, but his work schedule keeps conflicting with hers. He loves his job but it doesn’t exactly afford him enough personal time. In fact after tonight will be a four day stretch of 12 hour shifts, all of which will keep him away from Rae. Finn hates that. They’ve only just gotten into a groove with one another; to a point where she doesn’t hesitate to touch him and he’s stopped profusely perspiring around her. Finn worries the time apart will make them lose momentum from the direction they’re hurtling. And he means hurtling. Finn’s never wanted to move this fast with anyone before. He can’t get enough of her, doesn’t think he ever will. It’s absurd that even when she’s right there, hand in his, he’s thinking of ways to get closer, and closer still. They haven’t talked about labels or exclusivity, but to him there’s no one else and he hopes to whatever higher power there is that it’s the same for her.

They’re walking to Rae’s from dinner after a lazy afternoon of browsing through the record shop and stealing kisses behind album covers. In all his brooding about being away from her, Finn hasn’t realized he’s been silently frowning at the ground.

“You alright?” Rae shakes their joined hands a little to get his attention.

“Yeah, soz.” Finn gives her a smile before dropping her hand to tuck her right into his side. “Just thinking how shit it’s gonna be not seeing you for a while.”

“It’s barely a week.”

They’ve reached her building and Finn spins her so she’s angled on the stone wall, hands moving under her jacket to cup her waist. “S'too long,” he mumbles against her skin as he nuzzles into her neck. “Mmm. Maybe you’ll just have to set fire to something to get me to come rescue you.” He peppers tiny kisses along her jawline and when he feels her hands thread through his hair he circles his arms around her to pull her tight against him.

Rae moves both hands to his neck and uses her hold to push his head away so she can look at him. He’s sure she must feel how his blood is rushing through his jugular. “Are you asking me to commit arson, Finnley?!” she asks with dramatized indignation.

“Mmhm. I’d visit you in jail and everything. Think of the conjugal visits.” Finn waggles his brows at her and she throws her head back in mirth, affording him another chance to assault her throat. He feels her laughter rumble through his chest and he’s certain he’s never been this happy.

“You’re awful.” Rae giggles, before playfully biting the apple of his cheek.

Finn wrinkles his nose and pulls her even closer. Always closer. “Awful…ly cute? Fit? Handsome?”

Rae shakes her head, lips caught between her teeth to keep the grinning at bay. “Nope, just awful.” Finn pouts so Rae presses her thumb to his bottom lip before leaning forward to capture it between her own. It’s meant to be chaste, but then Finn’s tongue snakes it’s way into her mouth and it’s anything but quick. Rae’s the one to pull away, taking a steadying breath with her. Finn touches his forehead to hers as she plays with the lapel of his coat. “Do you want to come up for a bit?”

He’s never been inside her flat before, and he finds that all he can imagine about it is the various pieces of furniture he could lay her down on. It makes him nervous to think about her chairs, her sofa, her bed. Finn’s never thought twice about sleeping with a woman he’s been dating before, never worried about the first time being just right, but this is different. Rae is different. She’s not some first meet fuck; far from it. Their first kiss after their first date had made him rue the fact that he needed oxygen. He was certain had he not had to breathe he would have happily stayed attached to her for hours. It was worth a thousand embarrassments, and he had gained another when she gently chuckled at his awestruck wordless staring after he’d regretfully pulled away. He knew then that Rae was the last of his firsts: dates, kisses, loves.

“Finn?” Rae’s voice is quiet now, hesitant even, and he realizes he hasn’t answered. “It’s alright if you don’t want -”

“I do! Fuck, yes. I really, really do,” he rushes out, words tripping over reassurance. Smooth, Finn. He pecks the tip of her nose, a physical full stop to his declaration, then moves to kiss her on the mouth so her eyes will close and maybe she won’t see how flustered he feels. Rae kisses him back in kind, and Finn wonders if he’s imagining the tiny tremble of her lips.

Rae leads him upstairs with a quick hello to her elderly neighbour from the floor below, Mrs. Dewhurst, who shoots Finn a warning glare before shuffling down the corridor. Once they’re behind her door Finn’s nerves go into overdrive. He knew she was brilliant, but being in her space proves that Rae is his actual soul mate. The place is so her, and it’s uncanny how much of her is just like him. They have the same posters, the same vinyls in the same crates, the same brand of beer, the same issues of the same magazines stacked on coffee tables from the same shop. The idea that someone who fits him so perfectly has existed this whole time is ridiculous, and he finds he’s irrationally frustrated with the universe for not meeting her sooner.

They talk and laugh until the evening turns to stars but Finn doesn’t spend the night. As much as he wants to stay, he won’t let their first time be followed by him rushing out for work. He tells himself it’s for her sake, but he knows between them she is the stronger one and he couldn’t – wouldn’t – leave her come morning. He does, however, reach for her hips and dips and lips but his hands are hungry for much more than that. Finn figures maybe if he holds her tight enough his volition will press into her skin like his fingers do and she’ll feel what he does. So he allows his mouth to do the convincing; kissing her into her chairs, her sofa, her bed and eventually, reluctantly, the front door.

---

“That was the side, and you fucking know it!”

“Are you blind, mate? That was the corner!”

“I reckon it was the edge.”

“Well does the edge count as the surface or the side?”

Finn shakes his head and chuckles at Chop and the other lads who have been arguing over a game of table tennis for the entire duration of Champagne Supernova playing through his headphones. He saw the rally and knows Chop deserves the point but decides to let them squabble, returning to the notebook in front of him. It’s the second round of his 12 hour shifts and he’s spent his down time compiling a track list for a mixtape. Finn tells himself it’s just another one targeted for a certain mood, but can’t deny the only mood he’s been feeling is head-in-the-fucking-clouds happy. He defends himself internally over the fact that more than half the songs are about a woman, but when one of the others passes too close he snaps the notebook shut anyway. He doesn’t need the ribbing. Chop had given him enough of that when bloody Archie had told him about Finn’s night with Rae. Apparently they had that bet (or in the case, lack there of) going as well. Wankers.

The alarm blares overhead and all games and lists are abandoned for coats and helmets. They pile into the truck and it’s warning sound peals loudly as they veer out of the garage. Finn inhales deep and focuses on staying calm.

When he first signed up for the brigade at 18, it was just a job. He wasn’t interested in uni and his GCSEs made the requirements. The physical test had been a breeze and he was always good with his hands. His dad had been thrilled that he was helping the community, and his nan would boast to all her friends that her grandson was saving lives. It was all well and good until the first fire.

It was a tiny home on the outskirts of town. An elderly man living alone had forgotten to shut off the hob and a grease fire broke. They had managed to save most of the house, but the man had passed in hospital from smoke inhalation. Finn had nightmares for weeks; the images of fumes and flames and blackened skin haunting him. It was a reality kick to the bollocks, but instead of quitting Finn had buckled down, trained harder, learned more, determined to do whatever it took to never have that outcome again.

Now, years later, his death count is still at one and it isn’t just a job anymore, it’s a duty. One that requires him to remember that anything could be waiting at the other end of the siren.

“Quick ride this time, boys,” Chop announces from the driver’s seat.

Finn glances out the window and notices familiar surroundings. His stomach twists uncomfortably as they pass the cafe and head up the road. “Where?” Finn asks. The others exchange worried glances at the shake in his voice. “Chop, where?”

Chop rattles off an address and Finn’s chest starts to heave. “Who called it in?!” he demands.

Chop gives him a concerned look through the rear view mirror before glancing down. “According to dispatch it was a tenant named Rachel Earl.“

No. NO. Nonononono… Whether he’s voicing it out loud or it’s just screaming in his head Finn’s not sure. From the looks of the others it’s both. His mind is swirling with possibilities as he recalls all of his stupid jokes about eulogies and fake fires and he might actually vomit at the thought that it could be real. Finn senses panic rise like bile in his throat and he feels like the fire is right there, inside the truck, because his lungs are burning and he can’t breathe. Wide eyes are cast to him all around and he sees creased brows and moving mouths but all he hears is his pounding heart and the deafening cry of the siren.

Chop pulls over and Finn pushes his way out. He feels tears prick his eyes as he looks up at Rae’s building, the air blurred with smog and an angry orange glow illuminates the windows of her floor. Finn feels hands grabbing for his arms but all protocol is out the window as he pushes them off and runs towards the building. People are yelling and crying and running all around him but it’s only one face he’s looking for.

"Rae! Rae! RAE!!” His voice sounds foreign to his own ears, jarring and desperate, and reflects the frenzy he feels. He doesn’t see her anywhere and his frantic eyes only catch a glimpse of a livid Chop coming towards him. He can’t stop now though. Not until he finds her. Not until she’s safe. Not until he knows she won’t be number two.

Finn darts for the entrance, only pausing to hold it open for a woman and her child who come running out. He’s taking the stairs two, three at a time searching every corner for anything, anyone. The higher he climbs the hotter it gets. The air is so thick with heat that he’s practically choking but he can’t tell if it’s on smoke or fear.

When he reaches her floor he nearly topples back down the stairs from the sight. Aggressive flames lick the length of the hall as fumes curl tightly in the air. The flats have their doors wide open and he takes it as a good sign; they’d left, escaped. He knows he should turn around, get back to the crew, back to safety, back to cleaner air and cooler temperatures, but then he sees one shut door and the need for reassurance wins out as he stumbles towards it.

Rae’s door. The same door he’d kissed her against but two days ago. Finn tests the handle and finds it hot but not unbearable and he kicks at the lock until it gives. His eyes sting as he takes in the room. The atmosphere is acrid with melted plastic and for a nanosecond he mourns the loss of the vinyl but his next thought is that he would gladly destroy his entire collection to know Rae was safe.

“RAE?! RAE?!” If his voice was different before, it’s unrecognizable now. It’s rough and raspy and claws at the dense air demanding an answer. Finn moves where he can, watching all the things that were so her, and by extension him, catch and crumble in the flaming waves. He’s coughing now, dizzy; the room and his lungs deprived of oxygen. Suddenly he hears his name, loud and almost as desperate. Finn turns to find the source only to see a support beam come crashing from the ceiling blocking his exit. He hears his name one more time, closer now, before his vision goes black and his body succumbs to the pulsing heat.

Chapter Text

Steady beeping through muted ears, alongside pinpricks of light despite heavy lids are Finn’s first sensations. Next comes the horrid taste on his equally weighty tongue. He thinks he could be sick if his mouth wasn’t so dry. Gradually, his mind registers the state of the rest of him: the soreness of his muscles, the fogginess in his lungs, the gentle sting of his skin. It’s as if his body is learning how to feel again, but at least he can feel.

Finn figures this must be the result of having walked through hell and back and…Oh. Might not have been hell, but there was definitely fire. He winces as he tries to adjust so there wasn’t so much pressure on his spine and he hears an audible gasp, followed by a chair scraping against the floor. He opens his sticky eyes to find a very dishevelled, very sooty, very angry looking Chop.

“Good, you’re awake. Now I can murder you!” Chop glares at him before rolling his eyes to the ceiling and running his hands through the short hairs on his head that look even flatter from his helmet.

“Hey, mate,” Finn offers weakly.

Chop turns incredulous eyes towards him, finger up accusingly. “Oh no, don’t you ‘mate’ me you daft son of a -” Chop cuts himself off, shaking his head and turning away, muttering under his breath. Finn thinks he hears the words “just came back to life” repeated throughout.

“Chop, I-”

“Do you have any idea how much danger you were in?! How much you risked running in there? Not just yourself but - but the crew and the people Finn! The fucking tenants! You – did you think about them?!” Chop is pacing the floor, arms flailing wildly. “No, of course not! You didn’t fucking think AT ALL!” he answers himself, head shaking.

“Chop…”

Chop turns to him then, his gaze unwavering. “I had to pull you from the fucking wreckage, Finn. I thought…you could’ve - ” Chop takes a hard swallow before continuing. “Do you know what it was like having to call Gary? Hm? Having to tell your da’ that his dick of an only son is unconscious ‘cause he ran into a fucking burning building without so much as a word?” His voice has quieted, but it’s no less calm. It’s worse, Finn thinks, because it’s so full of meaning and he’s sure he sees Chop’s lip quiver against an emotion bigger than anger.

“Chop,” Finn starts but pauses, expecting another outburst. Chop just stands there chest rising and falling heavily, eyes bracketed with tears. “I’m sorry,” Finn finishes lamely.

Lame or not, it’s apparently what Chop had been waiting for. His tense shoulders sag and he surges forward to wrap Finn in a fierce embrace that conveys even more than his words had. Finn twines his arms around him as well, recognizing that this is different from any other slap-of-the-back hug they’ve shared before.

“You’re a complete and utter bellend and I’ll never let you live it down,” Chop promises wetly in Finn’s ear. After a beat he pulls away and plops back in the chair he’d abandoned, rubbing at his face roughly. “Gary is just grabbing summat to eat, so while we’re alone you can tell me what the hell you were thinking.”

Finn swallows his own emotional lump, a new pain recording itself tight in his chest. Rae. “It was her Chop,” is all he gets out before he has to clench his lips and fists against the returning panic. He can hear the beeping on his heart monitor increase, and hopes Chop won’t notice.

The room is quiet for a long moment before Chop asks, “Pussy unicorn?” Finn looks up at that, the tiniest smile momentarily cracking his lips despite it all. Chop grins back, knowing full well how his cheeky response would deflate the tension in the room, before his expression grows serious again. “I figured that much, lad. Knew it had to be someone you cared about.” When Finn doesn’t respond, he adds, “We’ll find her mate. It’ll be alrigh’.”

---

It wasn’t alright. It’s been two days since the fire and Finn’s still not seen nor heard anything from Rae. Chop had used his charm on Izzy, – a nurse at the hospital who Chop’s not-so-secretly in love with (and Finn’s pretty sure she fancies him right back) – convincing her to look up Rachel Earl in the patient system. She hadn’t come up, which was simultaneously reassuring and unnerving. It could mean she was safe, fine even, but then where was she? And what if she wasn’t fine to the point where she couldn’t tell anyone her name? What if she was alone, labelled a random Jane Doe? Finn had thrown these same questions at Chop, who then had to physically restrain him from barging into every room in the burn unit.

It didn’t help that Finn was making himself sick over the fact that he never gave Rae his number. At the time he hadn’t even thought of it since he always called her first, but now he kept staring at his phone willing it to ring, though he knew it wouldn’t. He’d even taken to dialling her number sporadically, as if the irregular attempts would surprise it into answering, hoping to even just hear her voice through the message on her answering machine. But at the back of his mind sits the image of said machine crudely melting in her front room and he knows it’s useless.

Finn’s hope that she would show up at his was purposeless too, seeing as although Rae knew he lived on the same stretch of road, she wouldn’t know what building it was. That didn’t stop him from chain smoking on his balcony on the rare occasions he was home, hoping to catch a glimpse of her on the street below.

To top it off he’d been suspended from active duty. The chief had been furious at his stunt, going on the same rant Chop had, and Finn knew he deserved it. He was surprised he hadn’t been sacked actually, concluding he’d probably looked pathetic enough to warrant some leniency.

Doctors and his dad had insisted on bed rest but Finn was too antsy, adamant that he would work a desk job until his suspension was over. He didn’t need to be at home drowning in anxiety. It felt better keeping busy, when he could feel the aches of his joints and the roughness of his healing skin against paper. The physical discomfort both a reminder and a welcomed distraction. Plus at his desk he had resources, and he’d spent his time phoning every hospital and clinic in a 50 mile radius to no avail.

He’d started sleeping at the station too, even going as far as to bring in a set of clothes and a shower caddy. He told the lads it was easier to not commute, but no one bought that flimsy excuse. By now the whole brigade knew what had happened; about the missing girl Rae, the flame to Finn’s proverbial moth. There was no need to mention that the true reason he’d set up camp was because it was the only place he figured she could find him. Which she had to do, because he would not accept any scenario of her not being out there, somewhere.

*

“Mate, you should go home. Get some rest.” Chop is perched on the corner of Finn’s desk, arms folded and ankles crossed.

“M'fine here. Busy,” Finn replies without looking up, making a show of shuffling papers around.

“Finn -”

“I’m not going home,” he interrupts defiantly, biting back the she can’t find me at home that wants to chase after his words. Finn looks over at him with finality and Chop exhales heavily, scrubbing at his face.

“How about you run a little errand then? Grab some drinks and sandwiches from the cafe for the crew. You know, see the outside? Get some fresh air or summat.” Finn starts to protest, reaching to grab for a file folder but Chop’s hand lands on it first. “You can come right back and I’ll be here the whole time, alrigh’? It ain’t healthy for you to be cooped up for so long.” Finn just stares at his hand on the file so Chop stands and opens the top drawer to pull out Finn’s Walkman and headphones, tossing them on the desk in front of him. “Go for a walk and listen to the bloody music you’re always on about. Need you out of my arse for a tick.”

Finn sighs dejectedly and stands. “Fine. But I’m coming right back, and I’m getting you the tuna mayo you hate.”

Chops flashes him a gap toothed grin. “Wouldn’t expect anything else, lad.” He claps Finn’s shoulders and steers him towards the exit.

*

“Bloody Chop,” Finn grumbles to himself, as he opens the door to the cafe.

It’s crowded everywhere as it’s just gone noon, and he’s frustrated that this is going to take longer. He stares at his feet until he’s up next at the counter, avoiding eye contact to prevent any small talk. After he orders he secludes himself at a table in the corner away from the bustling customers, headphones on, Pulp’s Something Changed playing loudly. He can’t help but think of the list he’d been making for the mixtape that wasn’t about Rae (but was completely about Rae), this song in particular being the first track. Finn has to shut his eyes for a second to check his emotions and when he opens them he notices the woman behind the counter saying something, clearly annoyed, so he pauses his cassette to hear.

“Two teas?”

Finn is about to resume the song since he’d ordered much more than tea, but then she repeats herself.

“Two Earl Greys with a splash of milk, for Raymond?”

Finn nearly pulls all the muscles in his neck he pivots so quickly. He knows that order, and he knows that name. Then he sees her, Rae, emerging from the crowd on the other side of the cafe. She looks fine, perfect even, and he’s so shocked and confused he can’t move for a second. Worries she’s just a mirage his sleep deprived mind has cooked up from his subconscious; a hologram of his hope projected in real life.

Rae picks up the teas, smiling down at the name scrawled on the sides of the cups. She looks up then and her eyes lock with Finn’s. Her mouth falls slightly, and a soft vulnerability overtakes her face. Finn thinks that maybe she’s about to cry and he knows this must be the real thing, because the Rae in his head never has a reason for tears. The table wobbles on it’s legs and his chair topples to the ground as he trips over himself and air to just get to her.

“Finn. I was just heading to the station -” Rae starts, but the rest of her words are knocked out of her, along with the drinks in her hands, when Finn crashes into her body, grappling her to him.

Their trousers and shoes are soaked with hot tea but Finn doesn’t notice; doesn’t care about anything but the girl he’s constricting. Hands and arms and all of him greedy for her. His sole focus is the fact that she’s there, right there. Real. Alive. And holding him just as tightly.

The gap between their bodies is nonexistent, yet it’s filled with so much: apologies, gratitude, relief. Finn buries his face in her neck, inhaling that same apple scent, wishing they weren’t in the middle of a crowded room. He wants a wall or a bed or any applicable surface that he can press her into until she’s permanently moulded against him like a second skin. He feels the small area he’s tucked into grow humid from his panting breaths and tears he hadn’t known were falling, and the lack of oxygen reminds him of the fire and all his questions.

“What the hell happened Rae? Fuck, I – When I saw your flat, when I heard it was you… I was so fucking scared! And then I couldn’t find you, and I thought…Where were you?”

“I’m so sorry Finn,” Rae whispers urgently, as her hand cards through his hair. “I was helping Mrs. Dewhurst move some furniture when it happened. We got out before it reached her floor but she was so shaken up I had to take her to her sister’s house, which happens to be right by where my mum lives and when she found out about the fire she went mad 'cause she didn’t want me to move in the first place saying how unsafe it was in the city and she made me stay. Basically locked me in like a prisoner! Like I was the one who burned the bloody place down! I wanted to talk to you but I didn’t have your number or your address and I’m so so sorry.” Rae’s explanation runs together, pleading for him to understand but Finn can only shake his head against her throat. “But it’s okay. I’m okay. We’re okay.”

Rae’s words quake in his ear and the last time her lips trembled they were against his own, and he needs to taste her now. Needs to feel them both shake with something other than worry. Finn kisses her lips, cheeks, eye lids, forehead, chin, jaw, coming back round to her tongue. Messy open mouthed kisses that, for Finn, are still not enough. He latches on like she was water and he’d been parched, which in a way he was. He’d been starving for days and now he was going to devour her; swallow her whole so he’d always know where she was.

“Oi, you trying to eat me?” Rae asks against his incessant mouth, and he has to laugh because of course she would know what he was thinking. Of course that’s something she would say. Of course she could ease all the tension in his body with a handful of words that cause a smile that takes over his entire being.

They part without really parting. Foreheads, noses, torsos still fused together. Finn moves his hands to grip her face between his palms, thumbs stroking her cheeks adoringly. “Hi, girl.”

Rae’s eyes close at the endearment and Finn wipes at a tear before it tracks down her skin.

“Hiya, Finnley.” Rae smiles small, before leaning into his touch and placing a gentle kiss to his palm. She looks down at the mess of tea and laughs through a fluttery breath. “Look at us. S'like we pissed ourselves.” Shifting her eyes to the side, they widen as her grip on his shirt tightens. “And people are watching.”

“Let them.” Finn licks over her bottom lip. He wants everyone in here to see this. Wants them to go home and tell their friends and families that they witnessed something so odd and beautiful and confusing that they’re not sure if it was real or just a scene from a movie. Rae laughs and it’s the same vibration through his chest and finally Finn’s happy again.

“Nice to be learning your kinks, but I think I’d rather be alone with you right now.” Rae wipes away the moisture from Finn’s cheeks. “Think it’s time you show me your place, hmm?”

*

The next time Finn kisses Rae it is just the two of them, but his rhythm is different. Stronger yet softer, with a tender harshness; contradictions of want and need. It’s the most aggressive gentleness he’s given to another person and he hopes she can taste his intention behind his teeth and on the tip of his tongue. He pulls her closer, and closer still, and when he wakes in the morning in a tangle of limbs, it’s with the memory of another perfect first.