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Laurent was fixated on the small box he’d found in Damen jacket. He quickly pushes it back into the pocket as he hears footsteps rounding the corner.
“Are you ready, love?” Laurent feigns a small nervous smile as his hands went to Damen’s neck to fix his tie. Damen leans in to quickly kiss his temple.
“Stop fussing love. It's fine. Besides, it's Auguste's big day. We need to worry more about him and not be late.”
Laurent pulls Damen down to brush their lips against each other before pulling back again.
“I know! I’m the one who helped pick the date and organized it all.” He snaps before rushing out the door. Damen grabs the keys off the small table and follows him to their car.
❈❈❈❈
Damen drove along the coastal highway, following the waves as they flew down the coastline. He followed the road they had taken when they first looked for a venue for the big day. Auguste and Damen had fallen in love with it instantly.
Laurent had pictured himself spending this ride nervous for his brother’s sake, but now his thoughts keep returning to his boyfriend and the box in his jacket pocket. Laurent felt sick to his stomach, thinking of all the ways this night could go. Laurent was so lost in thought he didn’t hear Damen repeating his name until a warm hand slides over his own. Laurent looks on at the profile of his boyfriend and squeezes his hand back.
“Laurent, it's going to be fine. Don't worry baby.” Damen takes a few seconds, looking away from the road to flash a warm smile at Laurent.
Damen then releases Laurent’s hand to turns up the music and dramatically sings along. Laurent smiles at his ridiculousness and sings along to the song on the radio.
Wouldn't it be nice if we could wake up, In the morning when the day is new? And after having spent the day together, Hold each other close the whole night through, Happy times together we've been spending, I wish that every kiss was never ending, Wouldn't it be nice? Maybe if we think, and wish, and hope, and pray, it might come true, Baby, then there wouldn't be a single thing we couldn't do, We could be married, And then we'd be happy’
Damen rolled down his window and continued to sing along
“Damen, my hair!”
“Shit- Sorry forgot.”
Laurent sighed dramatically. “It’s fine, I’ll just have to redo it when we get there anyway. And just because you let the idiot hairdresser cut off all your hair doesn't mean I stopped caring about my appearance.” Laurent reached up and placed his hand at the base of his neck, feeling the soft bristles that were once the long curly locks that he’d loved.
“I miss your long hair.”
Damen shivered as Laurent ghosts over the hair. “Sorry love. It is my hair and it was annoying me, so I wanted it gone. Plus it’s just hair; it’ll grow back.”
Damen looked at Laurent for a second, flashing his smile, dimple and all.
Laurent left his hand there, playing with the soft, short hairs. Sitting back, he allows himself to relax, letting his mind wander as he listened to Damen sing along with to next song. The wind rushing against his face as his long hair flew and tangled behind him.
❈❈❈❈
The next few hours went by in a blur. Telling everyone in the event staff what to do as the wedding planner was running late. Greeting all the guest and making sure that everything is perfect. A sudden hand on his shoulder stunned Laurent for a moment.
“It's just me,” Damen kissed his forehead, “the groom is requesting you.”
“But the idiot wedding planner just got here and nothing has gotten done! The band has a flat tire-” Damen’s lips suddenly against his stopped his ramblings short. He pushed Damen away hating when Damen does that to stop him from talking.
“I know love, trust me. I can take it from here. Auguste needs you now. Go to him, I think you need him right now too.”
“But nothi-”
“Go now or I will lock you two in a room together until it's time for the ceremony. Trust me, I’ve got this.”
Laurent kissed Damen once. Then again, and again. Eventually, he finally finds the will to pull back.
“Now go.”
Laurent let his fingers linger for a second on Damen’s hand before he turned to go find his brother.
Laurent barely had the door halfway open when he got pulled into a crushing hug.
“Laurent, where have you been? I needed you a while ago.” Laurent could hear the worry and stress in his brother’s voice.
Laurent hugged him back and squeezed slightly before pulling away. “I know, I'm sorry, everything has just been going so wrong today.”
Laurent stepped back to look at his brother dresses in all white with gold trim. The suit looked fantastic on him. “Auguste, I have missed you.”
“Same. It feels like years since I’ve gotten to spend any quality time with you. I know the move was sudden, but these past couple months living with her have been a dream.” Auguste looked longingly at the door, knowing that his soon-to-be wife was just across the hall.
Laurent blushed. “It was sudden, but you seemed eager and happy. That’s all I could have wished for you. We’ve talked about this. If I didn't want to live with Damen I would have gotten my own apartment closer to your house, but it was only logical that we could both save money by living together.” Laurent tried to keep his voice even and aloft.
Auguste snorts. “Oh, and it's only logical that you two share the bed and everything else.”
Laurent’s cheeks went red as he looked away from his brother.
“It's nothing to be ashamed of Lou. Damen really loves you, and there is definitely no shame in that.” Auguste’s hand raised and pushed the hair out of Laurent’s face.
“Let's not talk about Damen and my love life. Today is a celebration of your love for Claire. How are you feeling about this? I know it’s a once in a lifetime day.” Laurent smiled up at him.
Auguste looked back at the door. “It's a big day for both of us.”
“Yeah, sharing and showing one’s love in front of everyone must be nice for some people. It’s not really my cup of tea. I sure hope no one else tries to steal the spotlight from you two today.” Laurent let the sentence drop off in a silent warning.
Auguste seemed to give something away in the second-long reaction before he tried to hide it.
"What do you mean?” asked Auguste, giving it his best shot at deceiving his brother.
“Come on, I know you know. Damen is smart but he couldn't have hidden it without someone's help.” Laurent stared back at his brother searching him for clues.
“When?”
“Today.” Laurent looked down at the floor, he should have figured it out sooner.
“Laurent look at me.” Laurent reluctantly looked up. “Laurent are you okay?”
Laurent breaks away once more from his brother’s warm blue eyes. He stood and walked over to the window. “Honestly no. I don't think I'm ready… Damen is still my first boyfriend,” Laurent looked at the window, knowing full well he can't stop the blush on his cheeks.
“He is my first ...everything.” Laurent sighed. “I love him, I really do, but everything has been going so fast. We’ve only known each other for a short while before you practically forced me out of the house. Now I've been living with him for about 4 months and it’s been-” Laurent realized that he was rushing and probably not making sense.
He turned to face Auguste after he has slowed down and collected his thoughts. “It has been everything. I never dreamed I could be so happy with someone,” Laurent let his voice go quiet and his eyes dropped to the floor again. He had never talked to Auguste about Damen like this. Damen did always say he talked more when he was relaxed or nervous.
“I never dreamed I would have a life like this. All this happiness and joy. I feel so anxious all the time because at any moment I know things could go terribly wrong. I'm so worried and I feel like this is the one thing that I can't talk to Damen about but he is also the only one I want to talk about this with and I just don't want things to change again after everything has been going so well.”
Auguste pulled Laurent close in a tight embrace. He has always done exactly what is needed when Laurent gets too caught up in his mind. Laurent nuzzled into the gold vest, trying not to cry as his thoughts were becoming too much to bear.
“I know it's scary, Laurent. Change always is. Our past makes things like this harder for us. You were there for me when I was losing it over Claire. We have each other for all the ups and downs of life. God only knows we have had lots of them. We still have each other and the family that we can choose from now on.”
They stand together in a close embrace as silence falls upon the room. Laurent soon pulls back. “Are you really okay with Damen doing it on your wedding day?”
“I trust Damen. He has made some mistakes in the past but this will not be one of them. Now stop working yourself up. I should be the one freaking out, I mean today is my wedding day, is it not?”
Laurent collected himself before giving Auguste a cool calculated glance. “How are you being so calm about all of this? The wedding planner was late. The band will be late. Claire's dress almost didn't fit and she has been sick almost all morning. Not to mention, it's been cloudy, ugly weather.”
“Well thank you, captain obvious. If you're so smart, think about it.”
Laurent stared at Auguste. His mind racing to try to find the missing link that Laurent had obviously been missing. The room stayed silent between them as Laurent thought hard on the problem.
Auguste broke the silence and Laurent’s thoughts “Claire is pregnant.” His eyes shifted to the door.
“Auguste that's wonderful!” Laurent felt slightly hurt that his brother has kept this a secret for so long. “You fucking kicked me out of my house to make a nursery and I didn't even realize it. Why didn't you tell me before?”
Auguste's eyes rest on the door again. “I didn't want you to judge me. Plus you were too love drunk off of Damen to notice anyway. I half thought you had already known when you agreed to move out so quickly and help with the wedding.” He laughed and looked back at Laurent.
“Auguste, you know that is no excuse for not telling me. Things like this are important. Damen’s stupid engagement plans are one thing but a child is not something to keep hidden.”
Auguste’s reply was cut short as a knock on the door interrupted them.
“Auguste, Laurent, it's time.”
“Let's go, and out that door, our new lives begin.” Auguste smiled and let Laurent smooth out his jacket in the mirror before heading out the door.
❈❈❈❈
Laurent found himself standing in the position of the best man, his eyes and thoughts split between his brother and Damen. Laurent watched on as the ceremony continued. He began to relax and think once the ceremony, the pictures, and the cocktail hour had finished and the reception has started. Both Auguste and Laurent agreed that there was no need for a best man speech and he was never more thankful that at that moment he realized that the hard part was over. Everything had gone as planned. But the most difficult thing he would ever have to do was about to happen.
He had been avoiding Damen almost all afternoon and now evening, but Damen didn’t seem to hold it against him. He performed perfectly during the wedding celebrations. He knew when Laurent needed space and knew not to push in such stressful times. Damen had even attempted to keep people Laurent openly hated away from him.
Once the foot traffic of people wishing Auguste luck and the main dinner was over, Damen stood up.
“Would you care for a dance?” A warm smile spread across on his face, the dimple drawn in deep.
Laurent couldn't bring himself to reject Damen’s offer. Damen loved dancing even if Laurent didn’t like having everyone's eyes on him. He took Damen’s hand wordlessly and stood up following Damen out onto the dance floor.
Damen took Laurent’s hand and waist before swaying them to the music, slowly rotating in a circle to the rhythm of a slow song.
“Laurent, love, are you alright? You’ve been avoiding me. Did something happen? We can always leave early if you aren't feeling well.”
Laurent leaned his head against Damen’s chest and placed his ear against his heart, it was beating rapidly. Laurent listened to the lyrics for a second as he swayed with Damen and considered his options.
“Can we talk in private?” Laurent muffled out against Damen’s suit.
Damen nodded before leading him through the big glass doors out onto the dimly lit patio. Laurent shivered at the unexpected cold but he was not as uncomfortable while they walked out to the river's edge. Laurent looked down and saw the stars reflected in the slow stream of water. They could still hear the live band: the sound slightly muffled, the crickets and cicadas fusing with the music. Laurent could feel Damen’s eyes on his back as they walked further away from the reception.
“Damen, I know,” he said revealing what had been bothering him for a majority of the evening. Damen’s hand rubbed at the base of Laurent’s back but still, he does not turn to face him.
Damen released a low sigh then a small chuckle, “I figured that you would work it out somehow. As you said once, deceit is not my strongest point, but I did try really hard to hide it. When did you figure it out?”
Laurent let Damen take his hand, to which he finally turned to face him. “This morning right before we left. I was straightening out your jacket...and I felt the box.”
“Has it been noticeable in my jacket all night?” Damen took a step back from Laurent to get a good look at him and a wide, wild grin on his face.
Laurent gazed slowly over Damen’s form from top to bottom. “That suit jacket fits perfectly.” Laurent steps closer and tugs at the lapels “A little too perfectly. I can see it when you flex.”
“Oh, so you have been watching me all night after all?” Laurent smiles until his hand comes to stop over the small box.
“Damen, I can’t let you do this. I don’t think-”
“Then don’t think.” Damen cuts him off, lifting his hand to his mouth, kissing the middle knuckle. “Just for a few moments. Forget about what you saw and what you know and trust me.”
Damen tugged gently on Laurent’s hand to lead him out onto the small boat dock on the river. Paper lanterns were hanging above them. “I had all this planned perfectly. I don’t think I would ever have gotten a better opportunity. Plus, I had this spot picked out long before Auguste decided to end his own long engagement to get married.”
“Claire is pregnant.”
“I know.”
Laurent felt that slight prickling of pain again and looked away from Damen.
“I can’t believe that you have been keeping all these secrets from me.”
“Laurent, just trust me.”
“I did and you have been lying to me. First Auguste and now you. What other things have you two been keeping from me?” Laurent pulled slightly further away from Damen.
“They weren't my secrets to tell, Laurent. They told me not to tell you. It was something Auguste had to tell you himself.”
“But we promised that we would never lie to each other, or was that just another lie? Is Auguste more important than I am to break our promise.”
Laurent could tell that Damen was trying to keep control of his emotions.
“I did not lie to you. Now please, let's just move on, together. It’s in the past now”
“Oh, it’s just the past now. Like if it’s in the past, it’s no problem right? Like Jokaste cheating on you is in the past, so it doesn't matter anymore! Like my past doesn't haunt me every night. Like the past still doesn’t sting you when my hand runs over the scars on your back. Oh, but none of that matters because it’s all in the past, right?” Laurent snapped at Damen.
Damen looked at him, his face showing his disbelief and shock. He grabbed Laurent’s hand to keep him from turning and running away. “Laurent-”
“No, Damen. I can’t do this. I know what will happen if I take another step. I’ve let this go on for too long as it is. I can’t go any further with you.” Laurent dropped Damen’s hand. Damen glanced down at his empty hand.
There was silence between them, only the gentle river ambiance filling the air. Laurent didn’t have it in him to walk further away from Damen so they both just stood there.
Finally, Laurent broke the silence. “Damen, I know this is something that you want, and it’s something that you have done before. But look at how Jokaste turned out after you proposed. She broke your heart and I can’t promise you that I won't do the same.”
“Laurent, you are nothing like Jokaste-”
“Just listen to me. I know myself better than anyone else and I can’t vow to you while knowing that I may hurt you later on. This is all still so new and too fast and I’m having emotions that I have never had before and I’m scared. I trust you with my life Damen, and I love you. That’s something I never thought was possible for me. But the thought of holding your life, your love, your happiness, in my hands after the things I know my hands have done. I can’t let you take that risk.” Laurent hadn’t noticed his own eyes watering as he talked.
Damen steps closer and gently wipe the tears from his cheeks. “Laurent love. It's okay. I know. I know everything and I still love you for who you are in this moment. We can’t change the circumstances of how we met, but I understand your actions and why you chose to do what you did. We can’t change the past, and it does still hurt at times. But we have our whole future together to create a new past the doesn't hurt so much. I just want to fill your days with happiness Laurent.”
“I hurt you Damen. I could have killed you if I was left unchecked. How can you still love me when the results of my actions are permanently scarred onto your skin?”
“I love you because I came to know you, for you. I watched as you grew in these past few months. I will fully admit to not loving who you were when we first met, but as you flourished my love for you did as well. I saw the changes you were making and it made me want to change too. Laurent, I know it is fast and I know that we are both still changing and learning and that there is a lot in this world that we can’t control. But I want to face the unknown with you. I want us to go and explore and experience everything together.”
Laurent pulled Damen close resting his head on Damen’s chest once more, muttering into the dark fabric. “Damen, I can’t! I’ve changed so quickly, how can I trust myself not to go back just as quickly? I hated everything so much that I just wanted it all to end. Everything has been happening so quickly and I feel like I just finally found my footing. Now you want to go and change everything again.”
Laurent stood there waiting for Damen to respond and leave him forever.
“You heard their vows today. They didn't promise each other the same thing.”
“I can’t-” Laurent began.
“Please, just hear me out.”
Laurent sighed as his words were used against him, but he listened.
Damen got down on one knee and Laurent felt as every muscle tensed up and froze in fear.
“Laurent DeVere. I love you and I am still discovering new things to love about you. This ring is not a promise of marriage and an easy happily ever after. It is just a promise to you that I will stick by your side for as long as you will have me. A promise again that I will never lie to you. I want to be with you and only you for the rest of my life. I have never loved someone as much or in the way that I love you. Laurent, will you do me the honor of wearing this ring to show that I belong to you and only you. This is a promise that I will never lie or keep secrets from you. This ring is a promise that you will have my heart to take with you wherever you go. ”
Laurent was speechless as he let his mind comprehend Damen’s words. Soon enough, he’s tugging at Damen’s hands, pulling him up off his knee.
“Damen, I love you and I am terrified still, with each passing day that I will do something that will make you stop loving me. I am scared shitless that I will change too much and grow to hate you again but I can promise you that I will wear this ring until that day comes.”
Damen smiled widely before pulling in Laurent for a long, sweet kiss. Laurent melted into the kiss and pulled Damen as close as he could to himself. Tears roll from both their eyes as they pull away to allow them to catch their breath. Damen drops suddenly back down to his knee, he fumbles with the ring box and almost drops both the ring and the box into the river. Laurent laughs as Damen slides the ring on Laurent's. Damen kissed it softly the metal still cold against him.
“You have always worn your heart on your sleeve, I feel honored to know I now wear it on my hand.”
Damen pulled Laurent into another kiss. He has always been better at expressing his emotions through action than with words. It was Damen that pulled away from the kiss and maneuvers them into another slow dance, just as the song in the distance changes. Damen begins to hum before singing along, as they slowly sway around in circles on the small dock.
“Well it’s been building up inside of me, for oh, I don't know how long. I don't know why, But I keep thinking, Something's bound to go wrong. But he looks in my eyes, And makes me realize, And I says "Don't worry baby" Don't worry baby, Don't worry baby, Everything will turn out alright, Don't worry baby, Don't worry baby, Don't worry baby.”
“You know, I don’t think I’ve ever told you, but I love your singing voice. It’s perfect for all those beach songs you love.”
“I don’t think you ever have. What else do you love about me?”
“Shut up.” Laurent could feel the blush as it colored his cheeks.
Damen laughed and went back to singing.
She told me ‘Baby, when you race today, Just take along my love with you, And if you knew how much I loved you. Baby nothing could go wrong with you. Oh what he does to me, When he makes love to me,’ And I says ‘Don't worry baby, Don't worry baby, Don't worry baby, Everything will turn out alright, Don't worry baby.’
The rest of the night Laurent found his and Damen’s eyes lingering on the small band of gold that was adorning Laurent's fingers.