Chapter Text
“Sev... Sev, are you awake?”
As soon as Severus heard that voice, that beautiful voice, he knew his fate. He’d finally slipped from that limbo, where he was aware but not awake, and had died. Though, it was more than just a bit astonishing that she was actually there. Surely, she would not have gone to hell. It was simply not possible.
Opening his eyes slowly, he had to blink several times. Blinded by the brightness of his surroundings, it took a while before he realized he was staring up at a sky so bright, it was like staring at an oversized sun. Sitting up he let out a groan that was solely due to the expectation of pain. Realizing that he didn’t even feel sore, Severus got to his feet in one fluent movement.
“Hi Sev.”
Severus twisted around and froze. There, right before him, stood Lily Evans. No longer the girl she had ones been, she looked as she did that fateful night. Beautiful and radiant, with flaming red hair and those emerald green eyes.
Looking at those eyes, he frowned slightly. Something about them was off, there was something missing. They were the same shape and the same colour, but the fire he remembered wasn’t there. Shaking his head to clear the errant thought, Severus held up a hand -making the kind of awkward hand gesture he had never even considered using while alive- as he whispered “Lily…”
“Yes Sev, it’s me.”
“Am I in heaven?”
She smiled at him as she shook his head. “You are at a crossroads.”
Looking around, Severus realized he was on a hill. A hill he recognized, one he could never forget. “This is where I told Albus. Where I begged him to safe you.”
Lily nodded “This is where you changed your life ones. I am hoping you will do so again.”
“How? I’m dead am I not?”
“Not exactly. You are in a sort of limbo.”
“How?”
Lily smiled, eyes softening. “Harry is much stronger than I ever was. I could only ever protect him. His sacrifice though, was strong enough protect all those he loves.”
“So he is dead then?” He wasn’t sure how he felt about that. Whether he should be proud of the young man for making such a sacrifice, or angry for the same reason.
“No, he’s fighting. Soon he will have won. You must decide whether you wish to go on or return, before he has a chance to recover your body.”
Severus let out a long breath. Undeniably glad to hear that the boy had survived, that he would win. Shaking his head, he gave Lily a tired smile “There is nothing left for me, there hasn’t been for so long. I want to go on, to have some peace.”
Lily put her hand on his cheek, shaking her head slowly. “We have some time. Will you allow me to try and convince you?”
He covered her hand with his and closed his eyes, trying his best to engrave that soft touch into his skin. Opening his eyes again, he looked directly into hers. Still, he couldn’t fathom what it was that was missing there, in those beautiful green eyes. Unwilling to consider the difference, he said “Alright, speak.”
Lily sat down in the grass, pulling at his hand to follow her example. As they both sat there, shoulders leaning against each other, Lily started to speak. “There are many things I need to say to you, maybe we’ll have time for some of that later. For now, I think we need to discuss this crush you have on me.”
Severus was about to protest, vehemently disagreeing with the term crush, but Lily held up her hand to stave him of. “I know you think you love me, and maybe you do, but you and I would never have worked. I love you Sev, but I was always meant to be with James. You and I, we may have dated for a while but we would never have lasted.”
“We would have if I hadn’t been such a foolish idiot.”
Lily shook her head. “You were never an idiot, foolish maybe, but never an idiot. As for our fight… Well, you made your mistakes, but so did I. My hatred for Dark Magic drove you to those idiots. I, like so many others, believed Dark Magic to be evil. It took my death to understand that Magic is just that, Magic. The classification of Dark and Light… It’s an illusion designed by people who need such things to decide what is good and what is bad. You were always a good man, Sev. Your fascination with Magic, light or dark, should have been encouraged not stifled.”
“I did some truly awful things, Lily. I wouldn’t be considered a good man by anyone’s standards.”
Smiling, Lily patted his arm “There is someone out there who understands, you know. You and I may never have worked out but that doesn’t mean there isn’t someone out there for you.”
Severus scoffed “And who’s to say that that someone isn’t already dead? Or maybe somewhere on the other side of the world.”
“You have already met him, and I promise you that he is still very much alive.”
Raising an eyebrow, he looked at Lilly “Him?”
She grinned at him “Don’t act like that surprises you. You haven’t looked at a woman since we parted ways.”
Severus huffed in annoyance. “Why are you doing this, Lils?”
“Because you deserve to be happy.”
“Why?”
Lilly let out an aggravated breath. “Because I say so. But if that’s not a good enough reason then how about this, because my son deserves to be happy.”
Severus shot her a look. “What does Potter have to do with this?”
“You are important to him, in many different ways. For better or worse, you have had a bigger impact on his life than anyone, even Albus.”
“I looked after him for years. I’m tiered, Lilly.”
Lilly patted his arm. “You don’t need to look after him anymore. You have done your job and you’ve done it well. But if you move on now, that’s all you’ll have done. If you go back… You will be so much more.”
“Explain.”
Lilly shook her head “I can’t. First of all, I don’t know exactly what will happen. There are too many possibilities and too few certainties. The only thing that should matter is that you’ll be happy. It may take a few years but if you go back, you will return here with more good memories than bad. Is that not worth any annoyance my son may cause you?”
Sighing, Severus looked at his long lost friend. “Can you guarantee that I will find happiness? Because if not, I cannot guarantee that I will be able to live the life you wish for me.”
Lilly padded his arm a few times before getting up. Looking down with a soft smile, Lilly nodded. “Stay at Hogwarts and he will come to you, though it may take longer than it would if you took a chance and went out ones in a while.”
“This is my last chance, Lils. If I go back I will not be risking it because I am not patient enough.”
“Just remember one thing. The debts you owe towards Albus, James and myself, whether imagined or real, they are forgiven. You have done well, protected my son over and over again. It’s your life now, whatever you do will be your choice and yours alone.”