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Nico can remember his first crush. It was with a boy named Jack. Jack used to love to hear Nico talk in Italian, he would tell Nico that they were going to travel to Europe together and never leave each other's side.
Nico can also remember when he told him he had a crush on some random girl in school. Nico didn't like any girls, he only liked Jack but boys were supposed to have crushes on girls so he lied and told him he liked a girl named Ana. Turns out Ana liked him as well. Nico was sucked down a rabbit hole and it ended with him kissing Ana in a park.
His mind told him that this is what he wanted. That this kiss was electric, that this was perfect.
It wasn't though and all he could think about is how much he wanted to kiss Jack instead. He ended up going home and crying to Bianca about it.
He said stuff like, "How will I get into heaven?" and " What would people think of me? What would Mom think?" and "How can I make it stop Bianca?"
She was the only person he ever told. She was the only person he could trust. She never told anyone, but she helped him. She told him that, "God must have made you feel this way. He made everyone perfectly." and "It doesn't matter what others think as long as you are happy." and sometimes she was honest and said, " I don't know how to make it stop Nico."
Nico's biggest fear was death. He had heard his whole life that God hated people like him and that he would rot in hell. He kept wondering if it was true, even after he found out he was a demigod he was still religious. He figured that all religions were true in some way and he believed God was the most powerful one.
When he meet Percy and he instantly had a crush on him. He found the blue-eyed demigod beautiful but Percy clearly liked Annabeth. Then Percy didn't save Bianca. The one person he could trust was dead and the one boy he liked had let it happen. He didn't know what to feel. So he started to remember the music he grew up on. He sang it to himself.
Songs like ' I don't want to set the world on fire.' and ' We'll meet again.'
It was his coping mechanism. He couldn't sing to save his life but it helped him calm down.
When he was forced onto a ship with Percy and a bunch of random people he didn't know he sang to himself quietly in his room.
When Cupid, being the mother fucker that he is, forced him to come out to Jason he sang to himself all night. He knew Jason wouldn't tell anyone but he wasn't ready for anyone to know much less Jason.
Then he meet Will. Nico thought Will was really cute and he talked about how he dated a guy before. Nico had a chance and he wanted to take it.
His mind said otherwise, his mind screamed at him that this was wrong. It screamed at him and said he was a sinful piece of trash and God hates him and what he is doing.
" Nico?" Will was right in front of him. Nico pushed his thoughts outside of his head. He focused on Will.
"Sorry, you were saying something," Nico responded as he tried to remember what he and Will were talking about.
" Are you okay Nico?" He put a hand on Nico's shoulder. It made Nico tense up a bit. He did this every time Will touched him.
" I'm fine Will." He gave him a small smile, " Its nothing."
"You've been doing this a lot lately. Are you sure your fine?" He was looking straight into Nico's eyes. Their faces were surprisingly close.
" I've been wanting to tell you something, Will." Nico moved their faces just a bit closer together, " But I'm a bit scared."
"I think I know what that is."
That's when Will removed the gap from between their lips. He kissed him. It was soft and sweet. Nico could feel joy run through his veins. Then when Will pulled away he saw Wills face.
It reminded him once again that Will was a boy and boys don't kiss boys.
" I am sorry." Nico said as he fought back tears, " I have to go."
With that, he ran back to his cabin. He flopped onto his bed.
"I'm going to hell for this," He said as he cried into his pillow. " I'm such a freak. I'm such a freak."
Hazel came skipping into the Hades cabin, not an hour later. "Nico, its supper time."
She then noticed that Nico was in a pathetic puddle on his bed. " Nico are you okay?"
Nico snapped back at her, " I'm absolutely fine Hazel!" He screamed, " No, I'm not okay."
Hazel sat by Nico. " Is this because Will kissed you?" This made Nico shoot up.
" How did you know that?"
" Percy saw and told everyone he finally figured out your type," She chuckled, " Its okay Nico first kisses are embarrassing."
" So everyone knows that I'm a freak?" He asked.
This was great. Now he was going to hell and everyone was going to know how much of a sinner he was. How much of a scoundrel he was.
" Nico, what do you mean a freak? You're not a freak Nico." She told him.
" Do most boys kiss other boys?" He asked looking at his feet. Hazel was dumbfounded. She didn't know how to respond. She just looked at him trying to find a way around his weird logic. She was unsuccessful.
"No. Most boys don't kiss other boys." She admitted." Though most people don't become billionaires and rich people aren't freaks. "
" Being rich isn't a sin Hazel." He couldn't get his mind to stop telling him that. That what he did was a sin and that he was a pervert. He was a freak who deserved to rot in hell. What he was doing was unnatural and disgusting.
" Is that what this is about?" She asked. " Nico I grew up with the church around me. I understand what you're going through." She told him.
" Back when we were alive my relationship with Frank would have been considered a sin, by some. It would be considered unnatural and disgusting. You don't think there have been nights where I wondered if what I was doing was wrong?"
" Your relationship with Frank is different. Your relationship is natural. You can grow old together, get married, have children." He gave his rebuttal, "Now people know your relationship isn't a sin."
"Neither is yours!" She yelled, " People everywhere want to get rid of whats different Nico. Even if it's harmless they hate it because it's not like them and they can't handle that. It's the same cycle over and over again Nico. Guess what, history is kind to those who endure the hardship brought upon them. History isn't kind to those who hate."
She hugged Nico, "Nico I know its hard to accept but your not a freak. God loves you and made you this way."
They were hugging each other for an hour. Hazel ended up suggesting a sibling sleepover which basically meant they would make a pillow fort and talk till midnight.
"Is this what girls do at sleepovers?" Nico asked as he munched on some chips they got from the Hypnos cabin.
Hazel nodded, " This and talk about girl drama. Sometimes someone suggests a pillow fight or they bring a karaoke machine."
" The only music I know is from the 1940s" Nico laughed, " I doubt they will have any songs I know on a karaoke machine."
" I never imagined you liking that type of music. I always imagined you liking My Chemical Romance or something."
" Ya, I listened to them once and they were never really my thing. I guess I'm just a sucker for the classics."
" Way to be a hipster Nico," Hazel laughed and playfully threw a pillow at Nico. " but real talk what is your favorite song?"
Nico thought for a moment, " I don't want to set the world on fire." He smiled as if remembering the good memories he has had with the song.
" That's such a sweet song." Hazel cooed.
" I'm such a hopeless romantic," Nico replied sarcastically. " I really like it though. I always wished someone would say stuff like that to me one day. Willing to give up everything for me."
Hazel yawned, " That will come for you one day Nico."
Nico became an anti-social potato the next day. He stewed in a mix of embarrassment and sadness. He wasn't crying his eyes out, which was good. He knew if he dared to step outside he would either murder Percy for spilling his secret or cry in front of Will neither of which he really felt like doing.
He was doodling when he heard the knock on the door. He thought Hazel just forgot the key so he went and opened it. He wasn't ready to find a blonde haired Will right in front of him.
" Will, I um. I didn't know-" He was stuttering now. Gods, he was making a fool of himself.
"Nico, can I please show you something," He said as he closed the cabin door. He pulled out a ukelele he was hiding behind his back and looked at Nico, " I think you'll really like it."
Nico was awestruck. He couldn't find words so he just nodded, Will then strummed a few strings and started to play his favorite song.
" I don't want to set the world on fire,
I just want to start a flame in your heart.
In my heart I have but one desire,
and that one is you, no other will do.
I've lost all ambition for worldly acclaim,
I just want to be the one you love.
and with all your admission that you feel the same,
I'll reach the goal I'm dreaming of, believe me.
I don't want to set the world on fire.
I just want to start a flame in your heart."
He stopped and looked at Nico. He was red as a firetruck and so was Nico.
" Hazel told me about a few things. She didn't tell me everything, just the basics of what she thought I should know. She also told me that you really liked this song." He stepped closer.
" Nico, I understand how you feel. I have felt that way before, trust me. I understand if you want to take it slow or if you don't want to date me at all. I promise that if you do decide to date me, I won't push for something you aren't ready for because I never want you to feel anything less than perfect."
Nico took a moment to process everything Will was saying. He never had anyone tell that. He felt safe around Will and he knew he would be happiest with Will. That's when he figured out it was okay.
He saw that God wouldn't make him feel this unless it was true love. Nico realized only an idiot could say no to this man and he wasn't about to be that idiot.
Nico grabbed Will's hand and smiled, " I would really like that Will."
Will took a moment to enjoy Nico's hand in his. Then he asked the dreaded question, "So are we dating now?"
Nico laughed,"I hope so. I would feel ripped off if we weren't after that big gesture."
Will gave Nico a hug. " Okay, boyfriend."
They spent the rest of the day talking about Nico and how he never felt good about himself and how he had a lot of self-homophobia.
" I have a lot of baggage, sorry." Nico told Will.
"We are demigods who all have sociopathic parents and are constantly getting attacked by deadly monsters. I would be shocked if you didn't have baggage, Nico." Will commented.
Nico couldn't stop smiling that night. When Will went back to his cabin Nico felt like he was on cloud 9. He felt safe.
He felt free.