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It was too late to be wandering the gardens at this time. The sky was black with almost no sign of it changing to blue, the only lights the tiny pinpricks shining through the palace windows and arching doorways. The cool air was welcome as Zuko hugged his arms around his stomach and slid down the tree to sit against it.
Mai was pregnant. It wasn't news now, she was quite far along. And actually fairly excited to have a baby. They'd been married for years now, the Fire Nation finally settled enough to a point that they weren't worrying about war touching their shores or a coup waiting just around the corner. And even though the pregnancy was a jarring shock (they were careful to take herbs and use protection to avoid this) it didn't fell like an all-encompassing sentence like it would have when they were younger.
It really was shocking to see how happy Mai had become about their future child. It shouldn't have been, when Zuko really thought about it. Mai absolutely adored her younger brother, and he had lived with Mai ever since her parents were arrested. There was quite a while when Mai and Zuko didn't talk a lot to one another. They needed time to grow up and grow into themselves. And when they finally came back together, they were no longer scared kids relying on each other because of the instability and fear of Azula and Ozai and the war looming above them. They were finally two whole people, coming together to make something new.
Mai loved him. And Spirits, Zuko loved her. He was absolutely crazy about Mai, had been since they were kids. And now that they were both stable in their lives and in their mental and emotional health, Zuko felt comfortable enough to bring a child into this small family they had begun building.
But the fear had not left Zuko. He didn't know if it ever would. He still had nightmares about Ozai looming over him, telling him he would never be worth the space he took. Too weak to do anything, too stupid to speak, a hand too tight on his shoulder, reaching out to wipe his tears away but it's too hot, it's too hot and it's burning and please dad, baba why are you-
"Zuko."
Long nails combing through his hair settled Zuko down enough to take a deep breath. He looked up to see Mai's impassive eyes meeting his. At least, impassive to those who didn't know her. She had become much more expressive after escaping from her parents oppressive teachings and coming into herself. She only became this blank when she was truly worried about something.
Zuko tried to give a small smile and took her hands in his firmly. "I'm sorry," he murmured, bending her fingers gently. "Did I wake you when I left?"
Mai huffed out a breath and rolled her eyes dramatically. "Yes. Help me sit down."
Zuko sat up on his knees and placed one hand on his wife's back with the other holding her hand. He lowered her to the grass, bulging belly sitting on her lap. Mai groaned and leaned against Zuko's side heavily. "Agni Zuko, I'm fat."
A small smile escaped Zuko as he laid his head on Mai's. "You're not fat, the baby's fat."
Like a shot, Mai yanked herself away and left Zuko unbalanced for a few seconds. "My baby's what, Zuko?"
There was real incredulity on Mai's face, and Zuko floundered. "Not fat! Um, she-"
"She?"
"Yeah. Obviously she's a girl."
"And who the fuck decided that?"
"I dunno, um, I just think that... that she's a girl, that we're gonna have a healthy baby girl that's not fat, just... uh... really... really healthy?"
For a few moments Mai was quiet as she assessed Zuko's stuttered answer before she huffed again and went back to leaning against her husband's side. "You're lucky that you're cute."
"Thank you."
"And for the record, we're having a boy."
"Are we?"
"Mm."
"And you know this definitively?"
"Yes I do."
Zuko suppressed a small laugh and wrapped his right arm around Mai's back and rested his hand on her stomach. A smile worked its way to his lips as he rubbed softly and Mai hummed in content.
"Why did you come out here?"
Zuko was quiet and his hand stilled for a moment before it began to rub at her stomach again. He didn't want to say, but the two of them had worked too hard on their relationship to throw it away because he was too stubborn of an asshole to talk to her.
"Ko?"
"Sorry."
"Stop apologizing, Zuko. Nothing to be sorry for. Just talk to me."
Zuko took a deep breath and looked to his right. "Fuck, I love you."
Mai looked up and smiled too before craning her neck up to brush their lips together. "Love you too, Ko. Tell me, please?"
It was a minute or so later that Zuko finally found the right words to express his thoughts. "I was having a nightmare," he finally said. "About Ozai. Except, I was Ozai this time, and our daughter was prostrated on the ground. I was yelling, and spitting, and she looked up and-" Zuko's voice cracked and he paused before trying to finish. "And she had my scar, Mai. She was crying and asking me why, and Agni Mai, you were screaming. And I didn't care. I had become my father, and I had hurt my baby-"
When Zuko didn't continue for several long seconds Mai spoke up. "You will never be Ozai, Zuko. You are such a good man, Ko. And you already love this child more than the world. You could never hurt him. Her. It doesn't matter, boy or girl. You will dote on this child, just like you did with Tom Tom. I know you, and if there was any doubt that you would endanger this child I wouldn't stay. And before you think I'll have nowhere to go, I will remind you yet again that you are not Ozai, and I will never be put in the same place that Ursa was. I have friends and connections outside of the Fire Nation. Ty Lee, Suki, Sokka, Toph, Katara and Aang, and so many others. And if something happened between us, they would not hesitate to put this child before either of us."
Silence reigned for some time. Zuko still rubbed her tummy and Mai had took his other hand and began tracing invisible lines along his palm.
As the sun began to lighten there was a small nudge against Zuko's hand where the baby was. Mai let out a sigh. "Rising with the sun. Like a true firebender."
Zuko chuckled and shook his bed. "Might just be a Fire Nation thing."
"Mm. Think baby's a bender, Ko?"
"Doesn't matter. She'll be loved in any way, shape, or form."
Mai smiled and reached up to kiss her husband once again. "Of course."
The content couple curled together against one another and watched as the sun lazily crested over the horizon. Baby kicked again and again, but they stayed silent as fox-mice.
"But she's definitely a girl."
"Oh, please."