Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

(Soundwave's POV)

The battle is going badly. Megatron calls a retreat. So does Optimus. Wheeljack’s invention is about to explode. I have to get out, I have to get them out.

I can’t find them.

His contraption is smoking; I can barely see.

Sound fills my audials, and pain fills my circuits. I fall into oblivion…

o0o0o

My optics online as sluggishly as my processor. The first thought that ran through my CPU was for my symbiotes. They must have gotten out of the blast radius… I can’t lose them. I try to move, try to help myself, but I can’t. It hurts so bad… I can’t even think straight. I hold onto the thought of my symbiotes. I can still feel them, faint as always, but still there.

A garbled comm makes its way into my CPU. :Soundw- -port- -lo--tion:

The medic. I force out a response. :Status, disabled. Require, help.:

:Loca-on?:

A clearer comm cuts through the silence. :Boss, where - ya??:

Rumble. A sigh of relief makes its way through my broken frame. :Location, near device.: I send out a distress signal, unable to tell where the explosion sent me. :Hurry:

:En-ute. Stay -line.:

:Gotcha, Bo-: My optics flicker, I can see them reflected on the inside of my cracked visor. Dark violet against black. I can feel the life blood flowing from my lines. Rumble reaches me first, alone. I barely recognize him. He tries in vain to stop my bleeding. I appreciate the effort, but it doesn't help much.

:Rum...ble?: I comm him desperately.

:Yeah, Boss?: He’s crying now. His tears mix with the energon in my chassis.

:You’re safe… good...:

:We’re all gonna live. Zee got his leg blown to shrapnel, but the rest of us are whole.:

I cough painfully. :Good…: Knockout comes up; the tingle of a scan pierces my internals. I can see the red blob kneel next to my chassis. He jacks into me, and I fall back into the black…

o0o0o

When my optics next open, I’m surrounded by the familiar grey of the medbay. I wince from the pain I’m left with. Laserbeak sits next to my helm. I stroke him, then try to get up. Rumble jerks from his seat on the next berth.

:Stay down.: I lay back, my helm pounds. I’ll listen to her for now. Frenzy pokes his helm up from behind the others.

“Hey, Boss.”

:Are you okay?: I almost can’t ask.

“Yeah, I’m good. It’s just a leg. How about you? You got scrapped real good.” I shudder.

:I feel like death.: Ravage curls next to my helm.

“You looked it when you came in.” Frenzy sounds so sad.

:I know.:

“Ya look better now.” Ravage moves his paw onto my shoulder, making me wince. Ravage gets his paw back off me quickly.

:Dad?:

:Sorry Rav.. I’m still in pain..: Ravage presses his helm against mine softly.

:I know, Dad.: Another cough racks my frame.

:Status, tired.: I fall into the black again.

o0o0o

(Ratbat’s POV)

I can’t believe he’s injured again.. I curl by his peds, scared for his life. I can never sleep if he’s not around. Daddy shifts, sighing. :Come on Ratbat. I know you’re there.:

I crawl quietly up by Laserbeak, pressing my faceplate to his. A spindly hand soothes over my spine. Tears slip from my optics. :When will it be over??: I cry, :I don’t want to see you hurt anymore...:

:When I’m healed… Which could take a while.:

:And then what? You’ll go into battle, or Rumble, or me. We’ll end up right back here.: Daddy slips his mask off, setting it nearby.

:That’s war, Ratbat.:

:That’s my point, Daddy. What are we even fighting for?: I whimper softly. I know why we came into this war, and that was valid, then. But now? How can we fight for equality on a dead world??

Daddy sighs, :I don’t even know anymore. I only fight to keep from getting pounded by Lord Megatron.:

I frown. Ravage cuts into our comm, :We could run, you know we could.:

Daddy sighs heavily, we’ve been through this before. :I know, but I want to protect you all. Here you have shelter, energon… You know this.:

Ravage is persistent. :I’ve done the math. Between the two of us, we can generate enough energon for all of us, and while you're getting better, Laserbeak and I can scout out somewhere for us to stay.: I look up at Daddy, hopeful to get us away from this mess.

:Carrier?:

He shakily stands. :This conversation is OVER.:

I don’t want him to leave. He’s obviously not healed. He’s going to hurt himself more. Ravage stands, trying to make some barrier, to not let him leave. Daddy stumbles past him. Knockout also doesn’t want him to leave. The medico tries unsuccessfully to block his escape. I curl up tightly, not wanting to see Daddy hurt himself.

Chapter Text

(LORD Megatron’s POV)

Ripping into dummies has never felt so good, not when each one looks like that foolish ‘inventor,’ Wheeljack. Each one I cut down feels like the smallest bits of revenge. In this small way, I can show compassion, reveal my feelings without them being acknowledged. I cut off the last helm as a comm slices through my own. :Lord Megatron, Soundwave has left the medbay.: I immediately send an acknowledging ping back. A moment later, it sinks in. Soundwave left the medbay, before he was released. I have to retrieve him. I ping the Nemesis for his location. Finding him to be in the control room, I forced my way through the locked doors. My spark breaks to see him so broken, collapsed on the floor, barely able to move.

I go to one knee beside him, and try to hide my anguish in disappointment. “Soundwave.”

“Mas..ter..” my TIC chokes out.

I keep my cold tone, hoping to hide the inflection. “You have not been given leave to exit medbay.”

“I… know…” he whispers. He coughs once, forcefully.

“Then why are you not there?”

“Temper, lost...”

My spark weighs heavily in its chamber. Why? “Can you get back on your own?” Bless his spark, he tries so hard. He can’t get himself to his peds, though. I stand and heave him up. He collapses against me, and I take his weight so he doesn’t fall. His optics dim dangerously. Gathering my strength, I pick him up into my servos. He’s so weak. Another cough forces his frame to seize. I rush him to medbay as fast as I can without running.

:Thank you… Master...: His comm slips into my helm like silk. I touch his helm as soft as I dare, trying to convey my appreciation, and my care. :Master..? Will you… stay?:

:Yes: An easy answer. Of course I will stay. I nearly smile from the brightness it brings to his face. A moment later I start. One of Soundwave’s data cables trails around my wrist, making sure I can’t move away. When Knockout re-enters the room, he’s also surprised, but ignores it, hooking Soundwave up to several machines. I space out for a while, until Knockout brings me a chair. I pass out soon after.

o0o0o

Soundwave gently squeezes my wrist, waking me. :Soundwave?:

:Master.:

Carefully, I stroke his helm. It's almost cute, the way he tries to press into my hand. His symbiotes ping me, one after the other, wanting to see Soundwave.

:Can you handle your symbiotes right now?:

:I... I don't know..:

:What about just one? They're worried.:

:They were the ones who drove me out in the first place.:

:What happened?:

:They think they and I should run. But I'm caught between my loyalty to the decepticons and the loyalty to my family:

Pausing to really think about this, to let him know I'm not taking this lightly, I respond, :As Lord Megatron, I should force you to stay; you're an amazing asset. As your friend, your master, I should tell you to examine how YOU feel. Weigh your options, if you will... What's important to YOU?:

:I don't want to leave... I'll die for the Decepticons.:

I should have known he'd take that stand, to force me to guide him. :I know you would, but is that more important than the lives/wellbeing of your younglings?:

He ponders that for a while. :I'm going to ban them from going into battle. They'll hate me for it, but they'll get over that.:

I think back on all that I'd done, everyone I've screwed over, to try and protect those I cared for. :I wish I could just kill the Prime and be done with this Primus-forsaken war...: I wish the Prime would have stayed with me. Stayed dedicated to my cause. And now we're both alone.

Soundwave responds, but I don't hear him. My processor runs back in time to my first Pit fight. I was fighting to save someone then too. Three of the youngest sparked gladiators were thrown together with three of the ones gathered from youngling centers. The other sparked gladiators were a pair of twins, my best friends, of a sort. Both are long deactivated now, but I'll never forget their faces. The other three... The other three were nothing, no one. Our handlers told us that only gladiators would leave the arena, sparked or no.

To prove we could be gladiators, truly, we needed to kill. I was a killer, but the twins weren't. I helped them fool the handlers. Worst mistake I ever made. I should have killed them myself. They died in their second match. It was long, drawn out. I could have saved them the pain, the humiliation. But I was easily fooled. They said they could learn to kill. They were wrong. The creaking of the medbay door brought me back, back to my latest failure.

"Boss?" a quiet voice calls.

Chapter Text

(Soundwave's POV)

My lord goes dreadfully silent. He's flashing back, I can tell. I wish I could help him. All I can do is hold on...

The medbay door cracks open, and Rumble's helm peeks in. "Boss?"

I still can't speak. I don't want to speak to them right now. Don't want their ridicule, or their compassion. :Go away, Rumble.: He looks spark broken... I want to hold them, comfort them. I can't, I won't open myself to breakdown so soon.

:I just wanted to check up on you. ... I didn't do anything, don't know why you're turning us away.:

I want to cry as he leaves. It seems I do, because Megatron gently brushes tears away. He's so close...

I gently draw him closer. He surprises me by pressing his forehelm to my own. The gap between us is so small I can feel his measured vents on my faceplate. I swiftly close the gap and press my mouth to his.

I hold my breath. He pulls away, I turn my helm quickly to hide my face. His optics are still on me. I tremble as his face comes close again.

My optics FLY open as he kisses my cheek, right over my scars. I gasp, and just as quickly, he pulls away. He likes me back! That was much more than a pity kiss. Those hurt. It wasn't a family kiss either, those don't have the … to them.

I guide his face back to mine. Looking into his optics until the last moment, I kiss him for real, tentatively and gently. I melt when he starts kiss back. This is what I've been waiting for...

He pulls back just enough to get his hand on my faceplates. I tremble as he touches the prominent scars. He traces them almost reverently, or is it proudly?

:When?: Of course he asks about them.

:Do you really want to know?: I don't really want to recount it. I'm horrified by what happened.

:Yes.: I hope he really cares.

:I will tell you.: I don't want to. I don't. But he needs to know.

He waits patiently for me to start, tracing a scar from my chin to my optic. :In the pits, I begin, I was up against an opponent more than twice my size. Way out of my league, I had no business fighting him.: I pause; even the memory is painful. :He got in so many shots, I was covered in more energon than armor. I got in one shot, right before I passed out. I burst his spark chamber with one of my data cables.: I tremble with the memory of spark residue covering the energon-soaked armor.

:You're strong,: he comments. No. I'm weak. I wasn't even in control when I struck him, I was running solely on battle protocols. :You don't need to hide them.:

:I do.: I need to hide them from anyone who doesn't know my weakness.

oOoOo

Something tickles my leg. I don't know what it is until he noses his way under my arm. "Is this why you won't leave?" Ratbat whispers.

:Rabat??: He startled me. I didn't know he'd gotten that good at sneaking. :What are you doing here?:

He looks up at me with those sad, injured turbo puppy optics, :I couldn't sleep....: How can I say no to that? Seriously, somebot needs to tell me how to say no to Rabat and those turbo puppy optics!

:Fine...: Immediately, he snuggles into my hurting side. Sighing warmly, I move him around until we’re both comfortable. Soon, Rabat starts purring in that high pitched whirr he has. I glance to Megatron, is he uncomfortable with my youngest here?

:It's fine.: Apparently not. Sinking into the berth, I respond to Rabat.

:Yes, he is.: Even to myself I can barely admit it. And he kissed me back!

:I knew there was more of a reason.: I hear the energon rushing to my face as I blush fiercely. Ratbat snuggles into me, completely happy in his new-found knowledge.

I tilt my helm back until it touches the berth. :I love you, Ratbat.: But regardless of how much I love them, :Megatron, lock the doors, and make sure all vents are sealed.:

:Love you too, Daddy. ... Can Rumble bring ZeeZee in?:

:Not yet, little one.: I have to tell them first, let them steam and cool down before they come to see me. I comm Ravage and the twins.

:As of right now, all of my creations are banned from battle, unless I approve.:

:Dad, you wouldn't...: Ravage's reply is expected, but not welcome.

:WHAT???: I almost smiled at Rumble.

:I promise to not even try.: Frenzy's 'until my leg is fixed' went unsaid.

Ratbat pouts at me. :But Daddy....ZeeZee wants to be with you too!:

:Later, Ratbat.:

:I'm not kidding, you will remain out of battle unless necessary.... or do I need to ban you from seeing me if I get wounded as well?:

Ravage is the only one who responds. :If you were serious, you'd tell us to our faces.:

Under normal circumstances, I would. :You have no idea how serious I am right now.: A few seconds later I hear a click-fizzle of a broken comm link.

Flustered, I spit static from my vocalizer. :He BLOCKED me!:

Ratbat cringes away from me. I need to get away. I need to run. I need to hide. Get away, run, hide. Get away, run, hide. A hand stops me when I try to move. Words are spoken, orders given, but I don't hear them. Get away, run, hide. The same force presses me to the berth. Pain shoots through my chest. I gasp, trying to relieve it.

"Do you understand??" Megatron was the one pushing me down. It hurts so bad, make it stop, make it stop! :Master, STOP!:

When he lets go, I pant, the pain not going away. "Soundwave?"

:Affirmative...: He pulls back and I curl up.

"Daddy?"

"Soundwave?" I can hear the worry stemming from both of them. If I could soothe them, I would. It hurts so bad. I have no comfort to give. I don't know if I'll even survive this.

Megatron, Megatron, he has to take care of my younglings. :Tell my... children.... I love them... let them in... Please..: When I open my eyes for a klik, Megatron is holding Ratbat.

:You will not deactivate, Soundwave.:

Chapter Text

(LORD Megatron's POV)

I will not allow him to deactivate. Knockout can't handle sparks, he's tried and failed before. Setting my jaw, I comm Starscream.

:Starscream. Go steal Ratchet.:

:Why don't we just ask for him?: I hate my Second.

:Because I said so.: I growl angrily.

:Why do you want him?:

That's enough! :DO NOT QUESTION ME!!:

:I'm going, I'm going!: Ha, he’s a wimp. Even more without his trine to back him up.

I go to the command center to watch his mission.

oOoOo

(Starscream's POV)

That idiot has me out on another half-clocked mission. Why? To get another fragging medic. We have a medic, but apparently we need another. Frag if I know!

Lucky for me, and Megatron I suppose, the medic is out with the scout, playing with their swords. I hide myself behind a giant green and brown organic thing until the ‘scout’ finds me with his optics. He, of course, alerts the medic. A groundbridge opens nearby. Peppermint runs through first. I follow the pair of them, with the bug flinging a couple of potshots at me before I catch my prey.

I shove one of my missiles into his back. Nobot moves. I glance around, seeing the little femme with her pet human. “You’ll get him back. Our illustrious Lord Megatron needs his services.” That doesn't inspire movement. Oh well. I activate the mod Shockwave installed and immediately go back to the Nemesis.

The trip makes me sad, and in pain. Frag Shockwave flying.

“Take him to medbay.” That’s all the thanks I get. Whatever. I prod the white medic. I miss my trine mates... He walks compliantly to the medbay.

“You’re not a prisoner.” Eh, maybe he’s good company?

“Seems like it to me.” Maybe not.

“If he’d listened to me, like he should, you’d be here voluntarily. But would he listen to me? No. He had to send me to get shot at and drag you up here. Somebot important must be dying. Somebot he doesn't trust that idiot medic we have to fix. I barely trust him myself.” Not all of that is entirely true, but what the Pit? I miss my monologues when somebot would actually listen… Oh well. When we get to the medbay, Ratchet walks in like he owns the place, ripping the tools out of the red medico’s hands.

“What the frag are you doing here?!? Get me an anesthetic, a proper scalpel, and his connecting wires! Now!” Knockout looks shocked for a moment, then scurries to obey. At last someone puts him in his place.

The Autobot medic takes Knockout’s place by the patient. As each of the items is given to him, he makes use of them, sometimes himself, sometimes ordering our medic around. Soon he pulls out several pieces of metal from the silent one. TC was always quiet. He would always listen to me. Warp got me in trouble more often than not. They made me complete.. Trine. I will always wish I ignored TC and followed them into the Well… I can’t give up now. Megatron will have won. I’ve put too much into defeating him to just give up. I can’t, won’t, give up now. I’ll have his helm in a cube. Torment him with the knowledge of me leading the Decepticons far better than he ever could.

“Starscream, here, now.” What now? I move to the white medic. I know he won’t hurt me, this deep in his coding.

“What?”

o0o0o

(Ratchet’s POV)

I barely know what I’m doing. Why am I helping arguably the most fearsome Decepticon? I’m in full medical protocols now, I could hardly stop if I tried. I subconsciously pull back from the patient, protocols don’t allow room for emotion. I ask for, and receive, tools, supplies, and records as I need them.

Soon I need a strong spark. I run spark strength algorithms and figure out Starscream has the strongest spark. Flyer, sole survivor of a trine… Strong. That’s not a word I would generally associate with Megatron’s SIC. I call him over, and he hesitates. The medical protocols allow my emotions to resurface and I realize something. I have to do this. I have to save my most feared enemy. If I don’t, regardless of the circumstances that lead me here, I will be no better than those I has spent my whole existence fighting. I’ve always fought for what is right. From the Towers to the slums, I’ve fought. And today I will add one more blow. It may not be enough, may never be enough, but I will live with the knowledge that I’ve tried.

“Starscream. Plug in and help me stabilize him.” That seems to be enough. He takes the cable and plugs himself in. Soundwave’s levels rise, but not nearly to the extent they should have. I’ve repaired everything I can see from here, but… I run a special scan over his spark. My emotions bubble up again and the protocols shove them back down. “Fraggit anyhow!! Are you equipped for spark surgery?” The Decepticon medico nods like an idiot, like we have time for him not to understand. “Get it out, there’s shrapnel INSIDE his spark!!” I regulate Soundwave’s spark much lower than it should be; the less it spins, the less it tears itself. Knockout finally understands me and gets this equipment faster than he’s gotten any other. I work on autopilot hooking up the machinery and getting out the twisted scrap metal. I come back to myself as his sparkrate plummets. “Don’t. you. fragging. dare.” I grunt out. My spark rate drops as I pull Soundwave's spark out of the gutter. Starscream's drops with mine, falling forward onto the berth. I hold a cable out to Knockout, who immediately braces himself and plugs in. Between the three of us, we manage to get his spark back into the proper pulse.

Soundwave begins to wake as his spark stabilizes. He tries to sit up before his optics even online. “Soundwave?” I gently, but firmly press his helm back to the berth. He falls back, opening his dim optics. I automatically run a scan over him. It comes out clean, low sparkrate and temperate, but that will regulate with time. I watch his face as I save some of the scans I took.

:Don’t even think it.: The Decepticon TIC is creepy. I step back slightly.

:Stay out of my processor.:

:Not in.. your processor.: He coughs violently, and I switch back to medic-mode.

:Try not to cough.:

:I will try…: I nod softly, concern coming out for a fellow Cybertronian, not a Decepticon. An injured member of a race doomed to extinction. I find compassion. :Where’s Ratbat?: And with that compassion, I remember he is a creator…

:I saw him with Bucket-helm on the way in.:

:I want him. I want them both.: What does he think, that I have his personal comm number? I sigh. Oh well.

I send out a short range comm burst that should reach the whole Nemesis. ::Megatron and Ratbat, please report to the medbay, Megatron and Ratbat to the medbay.:: Even with Soundwave partially offline, I can still feel him watching me. I hate being watched. Turning to clean and put away the tools does nothing for it either.

It takes forever for them to reach the medbay. When they do, Soundwave reaches for his kid, and Megatron places him next to his arm. The creator curls his arms around his youngling, and I sneak a quick picture. There are so few of our families, so few sparklings...

Soon after, Megatron tells Starscream to take me away. The stupid seeker proceeds to warp me above the Autobot base and drop me. The aft.

I land near Cliffjumper’s cairn, and I stop. I remember Cliffjumper vividly. His bright optics, his cocky attitude, his mods. Those mods where Pit to maintain, but he used them well, and it paid off. Until the end. His end. He never even called for backup. He would have been a decent Wrecker. I softly touch the rocks, waiting to see if the aerial would leave. He didn’t, so I dropped into the base through the elevator. “Honey, I’m home...” I mutter dejectedly.