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Tim stared at Lisa. Lisa stared back and arched her eyebrow in a way that only those who’ve spent too much time in the presence of Alfred Pennyworth ever learn how to do properly. He should know, he spent hours practicing.
This is a battle he was determined to win. Tim can stare down Batman, he will not lose to a seven-year-old. At least bathtime hadn’t been this challenging. “It’s bedtime.”
Lisa made a face but didn’t back down. “But you always say bedtime is a suggestion, Uncle Timmy.”
He did say that. And now it’s coming back to bite him in the ass. His status as favorite uncle was at stake here. How the hell did this happen?
Oh, right. Jason decided that leaving his daughter with him while he and the Outlaws went galivanting around the world for a mission of their own was a good thing. Especially since Wayne Manor was a hotbed for the flu at the moment and heaven forbid Lisa catch it again. Damian was the culprit the first time, much to his dismay and protests. His perfect genes didn’t keep him from becoming patient zero, the bearer of the plague.
And since the last thing Tim needed was a round of the flu himself, Lisa was scrubbed clean, all her stuff carefully washed and otherwise decontaminated, and brought to his mostly sterile apartment. His apartment that was sadly lacking in anything remotely appropriate for a child’s entertainment aside from his video game consoles. He didn’t even have the right movies in his Netflix queue, a fact he and Lisa quickly rectified.
Tim sucked in a deep breath. He was going to win. “We’re both going to bed. I have work in the morning.” He was more than capable of dealing with WE on less than a handful of hours of sleep but Lisa didn’t need to know this. As the supposed adult figure here, all he had to do was tuck her in, make sure she was sleeping, and then he could get a few more hours of casework in before he passed out.
This was why coffee and energy drinks were invented.
“Am I going with you?” Lisa’s green eyes bored into Tim. She seemed excited.
Tim hedged. On one hand, there’s school, which Jason was a stickler about. But on the other hand, he remembered how excited he was the first time his dad took him to the office with him. Sitting at his dad’s desk and in his big leather chair, running to the copy machine for him, and generally following him around like a little wide-eyed duckling. It wasn’t like Jason had a traditional job.
And Bruce would probably give him the betrayed constipated look that meant he was having feelings and didn’t know how to express them without frowning at everyone because Tim thought of this before he did.
It was a no-brainer. Really. Who knows, maybe it would get him out of there faster.
“Yeah. You’re coming with.”
Lisa wrapped her skinny little arms around Tim’s waist, her eyes shining with excitement. “You’re the best, Uncle Timmy!”
It was music to his ears.
~*~*~*~
If Lisa was coming to work with him, then she had to look the part. He eyed her clothing and frowned.
“What’s wrong, Uncle Timmy?” Lisa’s voice sounded small as she stood beside him. “Daddy helped me pack.”
“I know, sweetie.” Tim gave her a loose hug, trying to alleviate her concern. “It’s just that you need something a bit dressier for the office. Jason packed school clothes.”
“Ohhhh,” the little redhead replied knowingly. She then made a face. “Do I have to wear a dress?”
Tim already knew Lisa had a thing against dresses. Jason didn’t even bother fighting her on it and let her wear whatever she wanted. There’s a picture floating around in the family where Lisa was wearing a poofy purple tutu with pink and black camouflage leggings and a white shirt with a Wonder Woman symbol on it. She even had on a tiara.
It was blackmail gold that Tim fully intends to save for Lisa’s teen years. He wasn’t sure if Jason had thought quite that far ahead but he already had plans. Just in case.
“No, you don’t have to wear a dress,” Tim replied. “Do you have anything dressier at home though?” There was a good chance Alfred had already resolved this little problem and all they need to do was take a quick field trip to Jason’s loft.
Lisa’s little face twisted in thought, and she tossed her head from one side to the other as she stared at the outfits laying on the guest room bed. “I think so? Daddy brought home something from Great-grandpa and it was in a plastic bag and he put it in the closet. He said I only had to wear it if I really wanted to.”
Tim resisted the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose. That had to be a formal dress and one too dressy for a day at the office. He glanced at the clock. It was already two hours past Lisa’s bedtime.
Time to call in reinforcements.
“I’m sending Aunt Steph a message to have her take a peek in your closet. If anyone can find something for you to wear tomorrow, she can.” Tim already had his phone out and was tapping in his text. He’d call Stephanie as soon as he convinced Lisa to go to bed so she could lecture him about what a bad idea this was.
He gave the little redhead a gimlet eye of his own. “Now, let’s get these hung back up so you can go to bed, missy. You’ve already won a couple hours and you’re skipping school tomorrow. I’d call that a win.”
Lisa grinned impishly at him. “Only if you do too, Uncle Timmy. Daddy says your bags have bags.”
“Your daddy talks too much.”
~*~*~*~
“You’re gonna be in so much trouble,” Stephanie sing-songed in Tim’s ear an hour later. “Make sure the cameras are on in your apartment so Cass and I can get some popcorn and watch.”
Tim could already feel a headache brewing. “No. And I won’t be, not if I manage to spin this the right way.”
Stephanie laughed, her disbelief loud and clear. “Lisa’s already playing catch-up with school, so that’s one strike against this idea. The second one is that Jason will kick your ass.”
“He can try.” But Tim’s already running contingency plans just in case it came down to an actual knockdown fight.
“Big words, Nerd Wonder.”
“Are you going to help me or not?” He didn’t want to get up earlier in the morning than he absolutely had to, but he would. There was a store they could stop by on the way to WE he thought had the right clothes.
“I already have. Check your balcony.”
None of Tim’s sensors had gone off. Color him impressed. “Aw, you didn’t want to come in?”
“I didn’t want to accidently wake up Lisa. And you need to get to bed.”
Tim bit back a comment about how he’d sleep when he’s dead. That kind of joke never went over well in this family, even if Jason made dead jokes all the time. One day, someone was going to smack him for it and Tim wished to be there to see it.
He stepped outside and sure enough, there was a small backpack sitting next to the door. “Okay, okay. Consider me lectured.”
Stephanie laughed again. “Honey, I can lecture you until I’m blue in the face and it won’t do a bit of good unless someone’s switched out your coffee for decaf.”
Tim picked up the bag and brought it inside, resetting his security. He was paranoid at the best of times, but doubly so with his niece sound asleep in his guest room. “Do I even want to know how often you guys do that to me?”
“Probably not.”
~*~*~*~
Tim managed to get six hours of solid sleep. It was amazing and, as he slowly woke up to the sound of his alarm, he wondered why he didn’t do this more often.
“Wake up, Uncle Timmy!” Lisa shouted from the hallway.
Groaning, Tim rolled over and gave the little girl a bleary look. She took that as her invitation to enter his room and jumped on the bed, bouncing slightly before she settled in next to him. “I’m awake,” he mumbled into his pillow.
“No, you’re not,” Lisa said, poking his cheek. “You have pillow wrinkles on your face.” She started chattering about the backpack Aunt Steph brought last night and how there was a dress in there, but it was okay because she also brought leggings. And a sweater. Apparently, dresses were only permissible if leggings and sweaters were involved. And her shiny purple shoes, which were a gift from Aunt Kori and did he know that Aunt Kori’s hair lit on fire?
How on earth did someone have this much energy in the morning? Tim listened with half an ear, making appropriate noises as needed. For that matter, how did Jason put up with this? He was a grouch and a half at the best of times, but wow, parenthood must have really mellowed him out. It made Tim wonder what Bruce must have been like before taking in Dick.
Ugh. Bruce. Work. Office.
Tim rolled over again, this time to turn off his still blaring alarm. There should be coffee brewing already. It’s on a timer.
He shooed Lisa out of the room so that he could shower and get dressed. Tim Wayne had to look the part of a billionaire’s son whereas Tim Drake would much prefer to schlump around in gym shorts and a comfortable t-shirt. Or a hoodie. He loved oversized hoodies, especially ones belonging to Dick, Kon, or Jason. The claims that he’s a bit of a klepto when it came to other peoples clothing were not entirely unfounded.
By the time Tim emerged from his room, fully dressed save for his tie, jacket, and shoes, Lisa had somehow managed to get herself breakfast. She grinned proudly from the counter where she’d dragged over a chair from the dining room to reach. There was peanut butter smeared all over her face and her hair looked like a bird’s nest sans all the twigs. Tim vaguely remembered it being wet when she went to bed.
Shit.
Coffee was needed before he could deal with this.
Only to find that he hadn’t set the timer the night before, nor had he prepared anything ahead of time. Tim whined pitifully which made Lisa giggle.
This had to be a sign. But he couldn’t miss this meeting. Tam would lynch him if he did. Why did he think this was a good idea again?
Big green eyes blink up at him. “Are you okay, Uncle Timmy?”
Right. That’s why. Small wonder Jason went soft.
Tim got his coffee started and marched Lisa right into the bathroom to wash her face. They then spent some quality time with her hair, making liberal use of the detangle spray and the comb. By the time the little girl got dressed, Tim managed to finish half a cup of coffee and a bagel (the breakfast of champions). The rest he poured into his extra large travel thermos.
As he got Lisa buckled into her booster seat in the back of his car, Tim was glad for the fact he no longer had to play at wearing braces and using crutches for an injury he never had. He was already running late.
The drive across town sucked. Immensely. Even Lisa’s commentary didn’t help.
When he pulled into his parking spot in the underground garage at WE, Tim took a moment to lean against his steering wheel and sigh. This was bad. He was already tired, even with most of his coffee gone. All he needed to do was get through this meeting, show Lisa around, let her sit in Bruce’s office (perhaps send a picture to Damian; it would piss him off royally to see someone else sitting in Bruce’s chair), and then they could leave.
Game plan set, Tim got out of the car and helped Lisa out of her seat, making sure not to forget her backpack. He refused to leave her alone with a secretary during his meeting, so she needed entertainment – coloring books, crayons, and a tablet with some games Tim had made sure to mute the night before. How he remembered to do this and not prep his coffee was beyond him.
He took her hand as they walked towards the elevator. “I know I don’t have to say this, but keep close. If you can’t hold my hand, you can hold on to the back of my jacket. There’s going to be a lot of people here and I know they’re going to gush all over you. It’s okay to be shy.”
The little redhead looked a bit nervous, but she held Tim’s hand firmly. “You’re not gonna leave me alone, are you?”
Tim shook his head. “Nope, that’s why we have your backpack. Some of what I have to do today is very boring. Even I don’t want to do it.”
“Then why do you have to?” They reached the elevator and Tim let Lisa push the UP button.
“Because that’s what adults do sometimes. A lot of the times. It’s called being responsible.” Tim didn’t want to go into the whole Bruce left WE to him and it’s his responsibility now even though Bruce was fully capable of running it on his own. 18 years old was way too young to be in charge of a multi-national business conglomerate, something the board of directors were all too keen to remind him of. Thank God for Lucius.
“Daddy says that too,” Lisa nodded sagely. “But I think he was saying something about taxes. And he said a bad word about you.”
Tim knew exactly what Lisa was referring to. Jason had cursed him out because his new identity really did require him to pay taxes. He couldn’t wait to see what curveballs his older brother tried in a few months to get out of doing them himself and foisting it all off on him. Because he totally will, that’s just Jason.
Inside, the cooing started almost immediately. Tim and Lisa were stopped by everyone, from secretaries and security guards (one of the latter made a little visitor’s badge for Lisa, which had her face lighting up in excitement as Tim clipped it onto her sweater) to the senior executive staff, most of whom hardly gave him the time of day.
Their cover story was easy enough. Jason was a good friend of Tim’s and had to go out of town for work. He left his daughter with Tim for the few days he was gone. No need for an elaborate story when something so simple would work.
Tam Fox, on the other hand, knew it to be bunk and called him out on it as soon as they were tucked away in Tim’s office. Lisa immediately ran to the desk chair to start spinning around.
“Tim, what are you doing?” Tam asked plainly, one eye on him and the other on the child. “I am not paid enough to be a babysitter.”
“No, and I don’t expect you to be,” Tim grinned. He loved riling her up, he really did. “We’re having a little take-your-kid-to-work day.”
“She’s not your kid.”
“No, really?” Tim gave her a mocking look of disbelief. “I never would have guessed.”
“Tim,” Tam said warningly. “I’m pretty sure this is not what your brother had in mind when he asked you to babysit.”
“I know, but I figured it can’t hurt. It’s not like Bruce can bring her here without everyone thinking she’s his newest love child.”
That made Tam laugh, so Tim knew he’d won. “Okay, fine. I assume you’re going to try and bail as soon as possible today?”
Tim nodded. “After that meeting with accounting you’ve been harping on for the last two weeks.”
“Fair enough.” Tam looked over Tim’s shoulder to Lisa. She was still spinning. “I’ll order lunch for the three of us. Anything specific I should avoid?”
“As long as it can be drowned in ketchup, Lisa will eat it. Vegetables are still a work in progress.”
“I’ve got a trick for that.”
“Oh?” If he could be the uncle to solve that particular problem, Jason would crown him king. Or make him dinner, which was just as good in Tim’s book.
“Smoothies. I know just the place too. Now get to work.” Tam winked at him and left the office.
Lisa was very dizzy when Tim helped her out of the chair. “It’s all wobbly!” she said, clearly not able to walk in a straight line as she bumped right into the desk.
“That’s what happens when you spin and spin, silly.” Tim got her set up on the other side of his desk with her coloring book. “You sit here and be good for a little bit while I get some work done.”
“’Kay!”
Tim managed to get a solid hour in before his phone rang. The ring tone belonged to Jason. Considering he’d called the night before to check on them, him calling again so soon could not be good, at least not for Tim. He wracked his brain trying to figure out why Jason would be calling now.
Lisa’s eyes lit up in excitement. “Can I answer it?”
Tempting. But it could be work related, which Lisa didn’t need to hear. “I’d better do it first. But you can talk to him when I’m done.” Tim eyed the phone again and swiped the screen. “Hey, Jason. What’s up?”
“Don’t what’s up me, you little shit. Where’s Lisa?” Jason growled. He didn’t sound happy.
“She’s fine,” Tim replied, standing up to take the call a little closer to the window. He didn’t exactly want Lisa to hear her dad rip into him. “What makes you think something’s wrong?”
“Because I got a call from her school that she didn’t show up this morning. Why isn’t she at school?”
“Ah, that’s what I forgot,” Tim pointedly turned and winked at Lisa, hoping the message came through loud and clear that Jason was fine. “I didn’t have my coffee until I was almost out the door. Since when does Lisa make her own breakfast?” He asked the question hoping to turn the tables on his brother.
It didn’t work. “Why did she have to make her own breakfast, Timmers? She’s seven.”
“I made my own breakfast at that age all the time,” Tim tried, but even he knew the excuse was weak. “It was just toast. And peanut butter. A lot of peanut butter.”
“Your parenting skills suck. Why isn’t Lisa at school?”
“I’m not a parent, I’m an uncle,” Tim responded glibly. “I get a pass. We’re having a take-your-niece-to-work day. Lisa’s coloring right now while I try and get some work done. And if I’m lucky, she’s going to charm the pants off the VP and directors from accounting later so we can leave early.”
That’s the plan at least.
“Tim…” Jason said warningly. “You better not be using my daughter to get out of work.”
“Of course not,” he replied. “I used it as a bribe to get her in bed last night. My normal methods of persuasion didn’t work.”
“Tim…” Jason growled again, but Tim was done with this conversion.
“Hey, Lisa! Your daddy wants to talk to you!” He waved the phone at her and the little girl came flying over to take it.
“Hi, Daddy!” Lisa said excitedly. Jason was putty in her hands, she’d defuse this situation soon enough. Tim had the utmost faith in her.
“Uh-huh, I got to stay up two hours late!”
Traitor.
~*~*~*~
Tim was still a bit peeved later on when his meeting started. True to his word though, he brought Lisa with him into the conference room and set her up in the corner with the tablet. “Now, I need you to sit here and please be on your best behavior. Some of these people don’t like me, but I have to work with them anyway.”
“Why?” Lisa blinked innocently up at him. “Is it part of being an adult?”
Out of the mouths of babes…Tim nodded, a wry smirk appearing briefly before he caught it and put his neutral face back on. “It is. But let me tell you, sometimes it sucks being an adult.”
“But you don’t have a bedtime.” Lisa pouted at him. Jason had given her the bedtime lecture and when she handed the phone back to Tim, he’d gotten the same, plus the Lisa-better-be-in-school-tomorrow-or-else one.
People started filing into the room, so Tim stood up instead of making his instinctual retort about coffee and sleep. “I need to get to work. Please, keep quiet, even if it sounds like these guys are shouting at me.”
Her eyes widened in excitement. “Are they going to fight you? You can beat them all, Uncle Timmy! I know you can! Can I help?”
Jason was going to have his hands full with this one. Tim shushed her quickly. “No. And no. Just stay here and play your game. It’s only one more hour and then Tam will get us lunch. And then we can go.”
“Aww…I want to see you fight.” There was that pout again.
“There will be a fight,” Tim said with a sharp grin. “Just with words instead of fists. Watch and learn.”
The meeting was one he’d been dreading for a long time, if only because he had to justify why the R&D budget was so massive compared to other parts of the company. It was hard to hide the line items that provided funding not only to the equipment that kept all the Bats rolling in top of the line toys, but also to maintaining the Justice League satellite. But verbal sparring was a skill Tim exceled in, even in this arena. There was a reason why Bruce left this company to him and even if his education didn’t quite meet expectations (he was damn proud of that GED he’d gotten last month), he made sure others knew he wasn’t the same brainless Wayne that they were long used to dealing with. His name was Tim Drake-Wayne and anyone who had ever met his mother Janet would know within thirty seconds that they were dealing with her son.
By the end, Tim was exhausted and doing a damned good job of hiding it. The accounting department was cowed for at least another year though, so he considered the meeting a success. After the others left the room, Lisa caught his eye and he nodded, indicating she could get up. She’d been quiet as a mouse the entire time.
“They really don’t like you, do they?” Lisa asked.
“Nope.” Tim tucked her in under his arm and gave her a loose hug. “But they weren’t as obvious about it as I expected, probably because you were here. What made you pick up on it?”
Lisa’s face scrunched up in thought. She was so expressive, it was simply adorable. It reminded him of Stephanie and her take no prisoner, give no shits attitude. “They just…I dunno. One of them kinda seems like Ryan in my class. He’s always mean to me, but he never gets caught.”
Tim made a mental note to look this kid up and check out his family situation. “What else?”
“They…I dunno, but it felt like they were being mean and not saying mean words.” Lisa looked so confused, but Tim felt so proud he could burst.
“That’s exactly what they were doing to me,” he said, tightening the hug. “And I did it right back to them.”
“Do all the adults here fight like that? I don’t like it. I’d rather fight like Daddy and just punch someone.” She’d done it before too. Tim remembered laughing his ass off when Jason called that night, ranting about how Lisa got sent home from school because she’d punched some kid right in the jaw for stealing her apple sauce. Those self-defense lessons were paying off.
“It’s certainly easier,” Tim agreed. He released her and strode across the room to pick up Lisa’s tablet. “But it’s not nearly as much fun.”
Lisa made a face. “Adults are weird.”
“No arguments there. Come on, let’s get lunch. I’m hungry.”
“Are you gonna eat your vegetables? Daddy says I have to, but I don’t like them. If you don’t, then I don’t, right?” There was a hopeful tone to her voice, but Tim knew exactly what path he was being led down already.
The battle of the veggies was one he would win.
With Tam’s help, of course.