Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

By now, he was nearly used to it. The flash of light that hit him, the weird sensation of no longer feeling his own body, and what followed all of this. The scenes that unfolded in front of him were always different. Sometimes he’d open his eyes to see his own past. Moments of his life that he remembered well, and some that he tried to forget. Even some he had forgotten.

Sometimes it was moments of his mother’s life.  He had seen her as a child, as a soldier, as a mother. It made him learn more about her than he ever thought he’d get to know. And some other times, in the weirdness of it all, there were flashes of his future as well.

When it happened the first time and he realized it wasn’t his past – because he didn’t look like a child or a teenager, but maybe ten years older than he was now – he hadn’t been sure if he even wanted to see. But at the same time, he wanted to know if his future would prove to be better than his past, and where else would he ever get that chance again?

Back then, he had stared at his older self. He was taller, his shoulders broader. His hair was quite a bit longer than it was now, reaching the middle of his back, tamed to a simple braid. He didn’t wear paladin armor or blade suit, but casual clothes.

When Keith looked at the surroundings, it reminded him of the castle of lions, but it wasn’t quite the same. His older self was sitting in a chair, eyes trained on a screen with what he recognized as clearly galra writing. At the same time, he was talking to someone over the com.

What irritated him most about the scene, because if he was honest still being in space in ten or so years was the opposite of a problem, was the way his older self was speaking. Keith had always lived in the united states, so English had been his first language. His father though, had been half Japanese. So, when he still was a child, he had taught him Japanese.

After his disappearance and ultimately after being declared dead, Keith had always continued learning it, keeping the connection to his father alive. In the garrison, he had taken up Latin, because he had wanted to learn all the names of the stars. 

But this Keith, future Keith, wasn’t talking either of them. He understood a few of the words, because he knew similar words in Latin, and it dawned on him – Spanish. His older self was probably translating this galra text to someone on the other end of the com, in Spanish. And was apparently throwing in some small talk as well, because the person on the other end laughed. The voice on the com said something in Spanish as well, which in turn, made his older self laugh. Keith tried thinking hard if he knew that other person, but no, the husky voice was unfamiliar to him.

“Keith?” He opened his eyes, shook his head and found his way back out of his own thoughts. Krolia was holding his arm, her face filled with worry. “Everything alright?” He nodded and held his hand down when he felt something nudge his knee. “I’m okay, I was just thinking about how long it’s been since we arrived here” he reassured, the fingers of his right hand tangling themselves in the long, dark fur of his wolf.

He kneeled, petting his wolf with both hands now. She licked over his cheek playfully, making him laugh. “Nova, stop it. Sit.” She sat down in front of him, staring at him with her intense yellow eyes. “Good girl!” Keith opened one of his pouches, took out a piece of dried meat and held it out to her, watching as she chewed on it happily.

They silently continued their walk, picking up things for their camp. Krolia had made large carrying frames, that they had strapped to their backs. They used them to carry more wood back to their cave, both for the fire and for cover.

It had been a while since they arrived here, the wood slate that they carved tally marks into to count the nights already had to be turned on its other side. He wasn’t entirely sure about the number of nights, they only counted occasionally, but he believed it was about half a year now.

What Keith thought of quite often though, was how fast time was passing outside of the Quantum Abyss. Did time pass faster here, or slower? Maybe when they returned, the paladins of Voltron would be no longer? He shook his head, tried not to think too much about it. Maybe time passed faster here, and for the others it only had been a few days.

“It’s getting dark. Let’s head back,” Krolia said, looking at him with worry. “Probably better,” he answered, and followed her back to their camp. Nova kept trotting between them, not leaving them out of her sight. He was still surprised at how much she seemed to love them both, never leaving their sides.

In a way, he was thankful. Ever since she had followed them back to their camp and had slept curled up against him for the first time – and every night after that – his nightmares were much less bad than they used to be. Sometimes he still had them, but feeling Nova next to him, her warmth and being able to tangle his fingers into her soft fur usually made him relax much faster.

Back at their camp, they put the wood next to the cave for storage, taking some of them into the cave for the fire. Krolia had caught one of the crab-like creatures and made quick work of killing and preparing it.

“Keith? Can I ask you a question?” She said, while working her knife through the shell of the crab. “Sure.” “About your father?” “Is it about his death?” Krolia stayed silent for a moment, then let out a shaky breath, leaving no need for a vocal answer.

“There isn’t much I can tell you. I woke up one day and he was gone. He didn’t come back home for weeks. One day child protective services came and took me away. They told me that someone told them about his disappearance and since nobody was able to find him, court had ruled him dead. We had a funeral, but the grave you saw in my memories is empty. I don’t know what happened, where he went, if he ever was found. I… I always thought the entire thing was weird. Maybe the Galra came and he wanted to protect me and was killed… or... I don’t know.” 

He heard his mother draw another shaky breath. “The Galra never went back to earth after I reported back for duty. Trust me, I kept a close eye on earth. But you’re right, it does sound weird… When he told me what he was doing for a living, I was worried about him. Even without much knowledge about earth, I understood that putting out fires and saving people from their burning homes is a dangerous way to ensure your own existence.” Krolia sighed.

“When I left you on earth with your father, I was hoping for you to live your life in safety. If I wouldn’t be able to see you again because the war wouldn’t end, then I at least wanted you to grow up without knowing about it. I told your father that he should tell you about me, once you’ve become a man. So you’d know that I didn’t leave you for no reason other than how much I love you and want you to be safe. “

Keith had started to put flat stones onto the fire, to get them to heat up. “Actually… I’m glad I was able to meet you in person. When I found out about being half Galra, I struggled. At first, I thought it meant that I was bound to be evil. My issues when I was younger seemed to make sense. Maybe I was that angry growing up, because I was half part of this race that is terrorizing the universe, was what I thought.”

“Well, you probably weren’t just plain angry. It might not seem like it, but we are a very emotional race. Our emotions are much stronger within us, than any other race I have yet met. Not humans, not Alteans, nobody can compare. I think… judging from seeing your past … that this was what was going on for you. You’ve had these strong feelings and didn’t know what to do with them. You got worked up a lot easier than your peers. Also, add in that you didn’t know much about yourself and where you come from.”

Nova settled down next to Keith, demanding to be cuddled, while he listened to his mother’s voice. What Krolia said made perfect sense. He had often thought that nobody could understand his feelings. For a long time, he had shoved the blame to being a teenager and having been passed around homes and foster parents. But he was still only slowly grasping what being half Galra really meant.

He watched while Krolia put the meat onto the flat stones, sizzling noise filling the silence. She sat next to the fire, watching the meat cook. “That’s one of the things I blame myself most for. I hate myself for leaving you anyway, even if I did it with the goal to protect you. But knowing you had to grow up with so many uncertainties and so many things you probably didn’t understand about yourself…”

“Not everything is bad though. I mean, being ambidextrous kind of was an advantage in the garrison.” “am- what?” Keith looked at his mother, who stared back in confusion. “Being able to use both hands equally,” he said, with an unsure tone. Krolia flipped the meats over and hummed in understanding. “Ah yes, I remember. Your father was useless with his right hand. When I first realized he was mostly using his left I thought he had gotten hurt! But no, turns out humans are just weird people who have one useless hand. “

The younger blade laughed at the sound of Krolia just being utterly confused by this. “Yeah, that’s normal. I mean, there’s people that can use both hands, but they’re rare. That’s why I didn’t think I was half alien.” When the meat was cooked enough, they ate in silence. Keith carefully blew against a few pieces to cool them down, checking the temperature by holding it against his lips quickly. When he was satisfied that the meat wasn’t too hot anymore, he passed the pieces to Nova, who wolfed it down and wagged her tail happily.

Soon after dinner, Keith settled on one of the makeshift beds made from dried foliage and furs of creatures they’ve hunted. He felt Nova curl up against his back as usual, rolling herself into a tight bundle. Krolia was audibly working her knife against pieces of wood, giving a soft background noise combined with the occasional cracking of the fire. Keith closed his eyes and shifted one of his hands to pet Nova’s fur. He shifted again, this time getting more comfortable, and fell asleep after a while.

When the three of them were walking the giant space creature again the next day, Keith absentmindedly collected anything he saw. Feathers, berries, leaves, mushrooms… He had fixed a woven basket on his carrying frame, putting anything he found inside.

They had enough wood for a while, so they decided to spend their time looking for other materials and food. Both knew that there was no way to tell if there was some kind of rain or cold season on the space creature. In case there was, they needed to be prepared.

Krolia had started to smoke some of the leftover meats a few days ago, and Keith knew she was hoping to find something she’d be able to use to conserve food. Keith on the other hand, was checking water sources and stones for traces of salt. If he found that, and was able to extract it, they’d be able to cure and brine. But so far, his rock licking hadn’t brought any results, other than the occasional grimacing in disgust, much to his mother’s amusement.

Keith got on his knees to inspect a bush full of marble sized yellow berries. Eating here was a Russian roulette, they never knew what was poisonous. Before the former paladin could inspect them further, he found himself blinded by white light.

When he was able to see again, it was a place he’d started to get a bit familiar to. It was the not-quite-castle-of-lions-place, that looked oddly familiar like the castle but different enough to know it wasn’t it at the same time. This seemed to be the main bridge, considering it was built similarly than the one on the castle of lions.

Except that it seemed more… like a home, than a ship? There were chairs just like the ones where all the paladins sat on the castle, each upholstered in the signature color of their paladin. Added to the five paladin colors was a white one, and the other side of the room had broad couches, maybe for allies and guests?  

On one of them sat his older self. Neither dressed in blade nor paladin armor, but casual clothes. He seemed to have ditched his usual outfit, maybe even outgrown it – or maybe they just had the time to get a change of clothes, who knows. Instead his older self was wearing black pants with a white, long sleeved shirt, black leather jacket on top of it.

Keith hadn’t been able to see his own face clearly in the last vision he had. This time, he was able to get a much closer look. There was a mark on one side of his face, not completely the same but similar to his mother’s. And again, his hair was braided and fell down the right side of his shoulder over his chest.

His older self sat there relaxed, elbows on his thighs. Instead of the familiar feeling of being out of place, not belonging, and well masked anxiety he was surprised to see himself giving off an aura of confidence and sureness.

“Here you are. You know we’re supposed to meet the locals in like an hour, right?” “I do. And I know Allura expects me to give a speech.” Keith’s eyes darted to the entrance, where someone leaned against the doorframe. That someone, evidently, being older Lance.

Lance was still tall, definitely taller than he was now, maybe even around Shiro’s height? There was a new broadness to his form and new sharpness and maturity to his face, his hair a bit longer on the front and sides but it didn’t look like it was longer in the back. His voice had gotten a few octaves lower, and Keith wasn’t entirely sure but it sounded like the voice he had heard over com in another vision.

“Are you prepared for a speech then?” Older Keith groaned. “Lance, don’t ask me that, you know the answer.” “Will you ever get over your hate of public speaking?” The Cuban asked with a laugh. “Never. Never ever. Promise.”

Lance moved to sit down next to his older self, gently nudging his shoulder with his own. “You always act like that. Yet every time when you actually deliver, it’s great. But before that, you’re the big “I don’t want to” baby,” he said teasingly. “I just always think I’ll mess it up.” “You won’t. We’ll all be there, you’re not alone. Also, you know Shiro is always prepared for an impromptu takeover, in case something like the incident on Ikaron happens.”

Older Keith let his head fall back against the couch and made a long, frustrated noise. “You just had to bring that up, don’t you?!” Lance laughed. “Come on, that was ages ago! And nothing like that ever happened again. I don’t remember the last time you insulted a king by accident. I mean, except on Ikaron.” “Lance!” “I’m just saying. You’ll be fine. You always are.”

Lance smiled at his older self, patting Keith’s knee with one hand and then got up, turning around to leave. Keith was now also able to see that his hair was shaved in the lower back, in an undercut with an intricate design shaved into it. “Also, don’t forget to change. Allura expects us all in our formal attire. No battle suits, we’re on diplomatic visit.” “Understood, I’ll get ready in a bit.”

Next thing he knew, Keith was back in his reality. Still kneeling to inspect the berries. He couldn’t help but blush, cursing both Lance and himself.

Chapter Text

The days in the quantum abyss were probably the most peaceful both Keith and Krolia had in a while. They usually were uneventful. It was rare for Keith to be able to unwind. He used to be on edge, one way or another. So being here with his mother and his wolf did wonders for his troubled mind.

He worked his Marmora dagger against a slate of wood, shaping it in a way that would allow them to build a small roof. They were trying to make the slates slot together evenly, then fix the roof in front of their cave. It would give them a bit more space.

After the first rain, they built a makeshift structure to collect the rainwater. While there were small ponds and rivers all over the space whale, they worried about their water sources getting dirty. Collecting rain would allow them to have more clean water at their disposal.

Keith picked up one of the finished slates and tried to slot it into the newer one. It took a bit of moving about, but it held together pretty good. “You done with the glue?” He asked Krolia, who was slicing bugs and let their fluids drip into a bowl.

They had found them a while ago during one of their walks. Krolia had noticed that they were covered with a very sticky fluid. After some experimenting, she had found out that cutting them up got them to release even more of it. It held together well enough to be used as a glue for various things and would dry after a few hours.

Krolia handed him the bowl and Keith started to apply the glue with a thinly carved piece of wood. He applied the glue in a way that would allow the wood pieces to set together well. Another idea of his was, to cover the entire roof in glue when it was done. The fluid seemed to resist water well once it was dry, so they could use it to waterproof some of their things.

He made quick work to put together a sizeable part of the roof before setting it down to dry. Keith got up and stretched, muscles tense from working the wood. When he moved his neck, a satisfying crack moved everything into place again.

“The roof looks pretty good already. At this rate you’ll finish it in a day or two.” Krolia said, looking at her son with pride. The more time she spent with Keith, the more she had a hard time not embarrassing him with her pride.

When she first had seen him at the Galra base and recognized who he was, she had been happy already. Krolia was happy that her son looked a lot like her. In a twisted way, she was proud of his excellent fighting skills. She had wanted him safe, away from this war. But that couldn’t be helped anymore. So instead she settled on being happy that Keith knew how to defend himself well enough.

And really, what surprised her most about his fighting was, that it looked like she had taught him. The soldier in Krolia would have liked to do exactly that. But at the same time, she was glad she didn’t have to teach him survival skills. But in a very different way the mother in her screamed, that it would have been her job to teach him these things.

She was torn between those two. But it fascinated her how his fighting style looked like this, without being taught by her. Krolia had learned to fight from her father, who had been a high-ranking member of the Blade. Just like he had been taught by his father, and so on and on, generations over generations back. Inside the Blade of Marmora, Krolia’s blood line was well known for having brought forth some of their greatest fighters.

Seeing Keith fighting naturally in a style so very similar of the one her family had perfected over the years was really something else. She couldn’t help but think of his father, who would have been proud too. When Keith was still a baby, Krolia had thought that her galra genes didn’t come through at all. But talking with Keith, she realized that they did come through, but in ways she didn’t think about at first.

They had talked about how – different than most humans – he was able to use both of his hands equally and how his emotions seemed to be stronger. His appearance wasn’t Galra at all, save for the purple color of his eyes. During her pregnancy, she had spent a lot of time on wondering how their child would look. But back then, she had been sure that her Galra blood would come through stronger than her love’s human blood.

Watching her son, she only felt the ache of her own heart even more. Krolia was reminded more than ever of what she left behind and what she had lost. Seeing his small form stand in front of his father’s grave in one of the memories had been especially hard on her. She should have been there to protect them both. Or, when her love’s death was inevitable, she should have at least been there for Keith.

Yes, Krolia knew, thinking like this was no use. She had her child with her now. And she had to use this time. Reconnecting with Keith and building a relationship with him was her top priority. She wanted him to be able to rely on her, and know he was loved. Ever since they got here, she felt he started to understand her reasons. And maybe would be able to get over the hurt he had experienced for so long.
“Krolia?” Keith asked, igniting a tiny spark of hurt in her. He shouldn’t call her by her name. But she didn’t want him to call her “Mom” when he wasn’t comfortable with it. She hoped though that one day, she’d have done enough to hear Keith call her that.

She raised her head and looked at him, signaling she was paying attention. “I… I was wondering. Do you have family? I mean, other than me?” Keith furrowed his brows, then shook his head slightly at his own thoughts. “No, I mean… Obviously you have family. Of course, you have parents yourself but…” he sighed. He was frustrated at himself for not being able to phrase his question like he meant to.
“You want to hear about them? Your grandparents, your uncles, aunts…?” She answered with a fond smile, hoping she had guessed right. Keith looked at her curiously and gave a small nod in return. “Are... are any of them even alive? Is there any chance of ever meeting-? “the younger blade stopped himself in his curiosity.

Keith bit his lower lip, trying to calm himself down. He hadn’t meant to really ask the last thing. It was Krolia’s family, not his. In a way it was, of course, but they most likely didn’t know he existed at all. And even if they did… Krolia’s family might as well have given her one hell of a time over it. He had no right to intrude in her life like this. And most of all, he should be glad enough he at least had one person he was blood related to now.

His mother looked at him with a mix of worry and confusion, not sure what was going on in his head. “Never mind that last… It’s not possible, I know. I didn’t mean to…” Keith sighed, still frustrated about himself. “Now that I’ve found you again…” Krolia answered, a lopsided smile on her face. “They’ll be angry with me if I don’t bring you home to them soon, to meet everyone.”

Surprised at this, Keith stared at her. “What do you mean?” His mother hummed softly and replied: “When I called them on my communicator and told them I was pregnant, they were all very happy. I… after I reported back within the galra empire, after leaving you on earth… I went to my parents for a visit, to tell them everything that had happened. They were so sad they wouldn’t get to meet you. So was the rest of the family…”

“You… you told them about me?” Keith asked, still trying to comprehend. “Keith. You are my son. Of course, I did. Your father… he printed pictures of you. Of us, as a family, too. I took some of them with me and showed them to my family.”

Krolia laughed softly. “Your grandmother wouldn’t stop going on about how tiny you were. She was worried you weren’t healthy. Galra newborns are a bit larger, about the size you were when you were half a year old. Okay, I admit. I was worried at first too. Your father had to calm me down. He even took you to a doctor, only to assure me you were perfectly healthy.”

“Really?” Keith looked at her, still stunned by the revelation that he had more family, and people that actually wanted him. His mother nodded. “I had to promise them. If I ever got you back, I’d have to let everyone meet you.” “Weren’t they… I don’t know, upset?” “About what?” “Well, they probably expected you to marry another galra? And then you come forth with... dad and me.”

“Our family has fought in this war for a very, very long time. We aren’t all completely galra. Our blood line has mixed with various other races through the years. We may have still a large part galra blood, because we kept marrying back into galra lines. So, you being half human isn’t going to make them love you any less. Really, they will love you and be proud of you just as much as I am.”

“You’re proud of me?” Keith said out loud, before he could stop himself. “Of course. You’ve grown into an excellent young man, Keith. I’m aware that I didn’t have anything to do with it, but I am proud of who my tiny son has grown up to be. You have a good heart and are a fierce warrior if you have to be. It reminds me a lot of my father.”

The younger blade swallowed hard. Hearing his mother say she was proud of him was… quite something. Nothing he had expected to hear, and it made his heart ache in a good way. Slowly he started to see the kind of mother Krolia would have been, had she stayed to see him growing up.

Thinking back to when he first met her on his mission, it made him feel that she would be a fierce, protective mother. But at the same time, she’d give him the freedom to be who he was. And most of all, love him and be proud of him, no matter who he chose to be.

“When we get out of here, I would love to meet your family sometime. I still wonder how fast time passes here in relation to outside… I worry about the others.” “Who are they? You mention them sometimes, and some of their names, but you never really talked about how you met them or what you were doing with them. I mean, we seem to have been preoccupied talking about other things.”

“Ah, well. There’s Shiro, who kind of is like an older brother to me. I’ve known him the longest. He got me out of the orphanage and vouched for me, so I could get into the Galaxy Garrison.” “Your father talked about that, it’s a school that trains people for space missions, right?” Keith nodded. “Yeah. And thanks to Shiro I got in their piloting program.”

Keith continued by telling his mother about the Kerberos mission, and how Shiro went missing. Then he told her how he was expelled after he kicked Iverson’s face and about his year in the desert. “So, you found the cave where the blue lion of Voltron was, that’s impressive,” Krolia said.

“Well, when we freed Shiro and went back to the cave, Lance was able to bond with her. She took us out into space. That’s how I got out here in the first place. Then Blue brought us to the castle of lions, where we met the altean princess Allura, and Coran. We didn’t get along that well in the beginning, because they thought we were with the galra.”

Krolia laughed at that. “But that means Voltron is still around. There’s a blue paladin now. They should hurry up and look for the others, so they can win the war.” “You haven’t heard? Voltron has been active for a while already. I thought it had already spread through the entire galra empire.” “It is? Thank the stars! And no, I worked in one of the very edges of the empire, information gets through slowly there. Are you sure about that?”

The former paladin looked at her with a deadpan expression. “Yeah, pretty sure considering I was the red paladin, and for a while the black paladin.” Krolia stared back at him. “You were… That’s… Keith that’s impressive! My son, a paladin of Voltron!” Keith blushed, and rubbed the back of his neck. “Not anymore though.” “Doesn’t matter. I’m still proud of you. Paladin or not, Blade or not. It doesn’t matter to me. You’re my son, and I am proud of you no matter what.”

Somehow, the internal tension he had built up seemed to disappear. Ever since he had left team Voltron, he had felt like being a blade was the only way of still achieving something in this war. And no longer being a paladin had hurt him a lot. He had finally been part of a team, and he could help people. While his life before hadn’t had much meaning, he had finally felt like it had. But hearing his mother talk to him like this, made him feel much more at ease.

Suddenly, he was pulled against Krolia’s body, her arms in a tight embrace around him. “Don’t ever think you’re not good enough for anything, Keith. Because you are great. You deserve to be happy and you are loved. Never forget this, please.” She softly whispered to him, holding him close. Keith closed his eyes and hugged her back, nodding against her shoulder.
They stayed like this for a while, and Keith felt himself relax against her. He started to feel very tired and didn’t even realize when he dozed off.

Chapter Text

He flopped down on the floor inside their little cave, stretching his legs a bit. Oddly enough, they hurt occasionally. Could it be growing pains? Keith looked over to Krolia. She was sitting cross-legged and occupied with petting Nova.

It took him quite some time, until he started to realize, that he was getting taller. And apparently, his suit was adjusting by itself. When he had joined the Blade of Marmora, he knew there were only very few sizes of the suit. Kolivan had looked him over, tossed him the smallest one and told him it would fit.

Okay, if Keith was being honest, he hadn’t realized it on his own. It was Krolia, who had commented on it. He had laughed and said that he was a bit late for a growth spurt – back on earth he had been close to 19 years old after all. But he had to admit that she was right.

Especially, since he didn’t need to look up to her as much as before. He wondered if he’d get a lot taller still? As far as he could judge, his mother was on the small side for a Galra. Might be because her mixed heritage after all.

Briefly he wondered if his Galra heritage would become more visible. After a moment, he shook his head as he remembered seeing his older self. Remembering how he still looked completely human, safe for the purple mark on his face.

He didn’t need to worry about turning purple. At least not permanently. Keith didn’t mind being half Galra as much as he used to. But it was still a part of himself that made him insecure. He leaned back against the cave wall with a sigh. Sometimes he wondered, if he would ever become confident in his heritage. Would he ever be able to stand there, head held up high, and say that he was part galra?

“I’ll go take a walk for a bit,” he told Krolia, getting up from the floor. “Alright. Stay safe,” she answered, working a wooden comb through Nova’s fur. Nova looked up to him questioningly, as if she wanted to know if she should follow or could stay. “I’ll be back soon, you can stay if you want.”

Keith didn’t want to admit it, but he often went for walks not only to explore the area. Rather, he was chasing the thrill that was the white light. He had seen a lot of his past, but that wasn’t what he was looking for. Secretly Keith hoped to get as much knowledge about the future as he could.

Recently, he had seen himself fight Shiro. It scared him. He didn’t understand why there would be a need for this. He loved Shiro, he was the only family Keith had after his father had died and until he had met Krolia.

And, as much as he hated to admit, he did have a slight crush on him when he was younger. After all, Shiro was amazing. He was brave and smart, a skilled fighter, a prodigy pilot, trusting and caring. He had been the first good influence in Keith’s life after he had lost his father. And his looks were very far from bad as well.

But Shiro was quite a bit older than him, and he had been engaged before Kerberos. Adam, Shiro’s fiancé, was a good guy. Even though they had parted in a fight before Shiro left, they loved each other dearly.

When news of the missing Kerberos team broke, he had heard Adam’s desperate cries from inside the teacher’s lounge into the hallway where he had been in timeout. Keith had only seen him once before he got in a fight with Iverson and left the Galaxy Garrison.

Shiro and Adam had been the first real display of love Keith had seen up close. They were so in love, supporting each other through any hardships, until Adam couldn’t take it anymore. He could only hope to find someone, who would one day look at him the way they had looked at each other.

For a second, his mind wandered to caramel colored skin and deep blue eyes, but he willed his thoughts away. They weren’t like that, never would be. First of all, Lance was probably straight. After all, he only ever flirted with women. So, Keith didn’t think he might be Lance’s “bi awakening” or anything of the sort. And even if he wasn’t straight, Keith was very sure that he was as far away from the Cuban’s type as he could be.

After all, even his hair seemed to be a personal insult to him. He admitted, that he thought of cutting his hair a few times. When Lance’s teasing would get to him and he asked himself if it really looked that terrible.

But he just didn’t think it was that bad. He liked his hair longer. And considering his future self had much longer hair, he was probably set on keeping it. Warmth crept onto his cheeks as his thoughts wandered to older Lance. Even though Keith was getting taller, in the future Lance was still taller than him. Still all long, graceful limbs. Keith groaned and willed himself to stop thinking about it.

His dumb, gay thoughts weren’t useful in his current situation. Not that they were useful in any kind of situation, but even less alone with his mother on a huge space whale.

Keith sighed softly. He was happy with what little he could have. Lance and he had slowly started to get along better, and judging from that vision lately, it would still be like this in a few years. He wondered if he’d still feel like this about Lance then. Or would he be able to get over his one-sided feelings?

If Keith was honest with himself, he couldn’t see himself in a relationship. Not with Lance, not with anyone. Of course, there were times where he wondered what it would be like, to be Lance’s boyfriend. Lance was a romantic. He imagined what it would be like to kiss him or hold hands with him. What they would do in their free time. Would they go on dates?

But usually, his own reality came crashing onto him again. Keith didn’t know how to be in a relationship with someone or how to make someone happy. So even if he’d manage the first part of getting into a relationship with someone, he still felt that he most likely wouldn’t make that person happy.

Did he even know how to love someone? Of course, he had seen movies, he had seen Shiro and Adam, and his parents in Krolia’s memories. But he didn’t know if he really knew how to act. What if he did everything wrong? What if he’d make his significant other hate him? He wasn’t too good at reading people, so what if he did something his partner dislikes?

Keith assumed that he was just plain high-maintenance. He had too many issues. Who even wanted someone as broken as him? Sleeping in the same room or even in the same apartment probably wouldn’t be possible. He was aware that he had nightmares that caused him to scream.

Also, Keith was naturally untrusting. He feared being an overly jealous partner or snapping at his boyfriend for no reason other than his own insecurities. Nobody deserved being treated like this. So naturally, it would be the best if he’d just… He knew it was selfish, but the thought of staying completely alone for his entire life scared him too.

By the time his thoughts had stopped running as fast, he had reached a small creek. He sat down next to it, watching the water flow by. Keith picked up some small stones and threw them. They hit the water with a soft “flub” and sank.

Even though he came out here looking for it, the ray of white light surprised him. The scene in front of him seemed to be quite familiar, until he realized it wasn’t. The desert shack where he had spent his year away from the garrison had been Shiro’s and his hideaway when he was younger. When they went into the desert to race each other on the hoverbikes, they often stopped there to talk and watch the stars.

So, seeing Shiro and himself sit on the porch of the shack at dusk and talk wasn’t an unfamiliar view to Keith. But looking at them, he understood that it wasn’t a vision of the past. Shiro’s hair was entirely white. He sat there with his arms folded over his knees, his prosthetic arm looking differently than it used to.

Keith on the other hand, looked a lot like he did now. Maybe a little older, the purple mark already on his face. He sat sideways, leaning against the wooden support post. “You shouldn’t be scared to talk to him. You saw how he reacted, Shiro. He still loves you.” “I suppose he does. But still, sitting down to talk to him… I mean, he was right after all. He was scared I’d go onto the Kerberos mission and would die. What did I do? I died.”

“At least you didn’t say something like “Bold of you to assume this is my own body” when he was shocked to see you’ve lost an arm.” Shiro laughed, moving his bangs out of his face. “Right. He’ll personally kill me once he hears that story.”

“You think I need to sit down with both of you and menacingly play around with my blade?” Shiro laughed again. “Ha! Wait until we tell him you are half alien.” “Hey Adam, by the way, the kid we practically adopted is half alien. Explains why he was such a pain in the ass during puberty,” Keith said, holding his bangs in his face like Shiro’s and trying to imitate his voice.

“Keith, you’re the worst. At this rate, you’ll make me go gray. Never mind, already happened.” “I beg your pardon, that was Allura, not me. We should dye it like the gay flag.” “Adam would kill me.” “Dye it his favorite color, problem solved.”

Both laughed at this, enjoying the innocence of their conversation after all the war they’ve seen. It felt comfortable like this, being back to their brotherly bond. “Thanks, Keith. I think I’m calmer now. I think I’ll be able to talk to Adam.” “No need to thank me.”

“Who would have thought I’d ever go to you for relationship advice?” Shiro teased. Keith huffed and crossed his arms. “Not that I have any clue about that. I only said what I think.” “Maybe you should apply your new-found wisdom on a certain someone?” Shiro said with a grin, causing Keith to blush and stare at him. “Wha- what do you- nope, not going there, definitely not!”

The older man chuckled and shook his head softly. “Maybe one day one of you both will stop being oblivious. Until then, I guess I’ll have to join the others in their betting pool.” “W-what?! Shiro!”

Before he saw the end of the exchange, Keith found himself back at the creek. His face was flushed in secondhand embarrassment. Did that mean Shiro knew? How? Keith was very sure that love and dumb gay crushes weren’t something he talks about with Shiro. He may be like an older brother to him, but he’d be too embarrassed and awkward to talk about this to him.

But apparently, his future self gave half bad love advice. Wherever he took this from. Probably common sense, telling Shiro to just talk to Adam. Keith took a deep breath, cupped a bit of water from the creek in his hands and washed his face with it. He hoped the cold water would bring his flush down, so he wouldn’t look weird coming back to Krolia and Nova.

He got up and stretched his limbs, turning to walk back to the cave. Keith wondered how long they’d still have to stay here. He missed the others, it has been long since he last saw them. Did they… did they miss him too? Keith liked to think they did, even though he was never fully sure.

Pidge and Hunk had been talking about developing communication devices, similar to earth’s smartphones, last time he saw them. Considering he was stuck here with only the company of his mother and his wolf, he would have liked to have one of those. Not that being here with Krolia and having a chance of building a relationship to her was bad. But being able to check up on the others would have been nice.

Krolia had started to open up to him and vice versa. The younger blade liked being able to learn more about her and about his heritage. It made him feel calmer and taught him much about himself.
Thinking about his mother, Keith decided he’d ask her to tell him about Galra culture and customs. Maybe she would even teach him the language? He had seen himself being able to translate Galra writing after all. It would be a useful skill.

And somehow, he was slowly getting more and more comfortable with himself being part Galra, so he felt it was only natural that he should learn more about their culture. Maybe war and fighting weren’t all there was about the Galra. What if there were remnants from their culture before the war, that still were there. The more Keith thought about it, the more it started to genuinely interest him.

As the cave came in sight, he was greeted by Nova teleporting on top of him, throwing him onto the floor. He laughed and cuddled with her for a bit, until the cosmic wolf was satisfied and let him get up again. Taking the last few steps to the cave, he checked the small wooden roof, which showed no signs of decay after hanging in front of the cave for… weeks? Months already?

“You’re back,” Krolia said simply, looking up from the long strands of dried grass she was currently weaving together. Keith nodded and watched her for a bit, weaving the grass with nimble fingers into a growing square. “What are you doing with that?”

“Trying to make a mat to lie on. I’ve noticed that the weather is getting colder. I’m trying to make something sturdier than the leaf piles we currently use to sleep on. Might go and hunt for some new furs even, the ones we have are getting worn out.” Keith watched her for a while, memorizing the technique she was using, so he could be of help.

“We could try and dry some of that blue moss that’s growing near the creek. There’s tons of it and it doesn’t seem to be poisonous, I’ve touched it before. Maybe weave two parts out of the grass, put the moss in between. Then fur on top?”

Krolia didn’t look up from her work while answering. “Sounds good. We could go and collect that moss tomorrow. You mean the one that grows in large patches, right?” Keith nodded. “Yeah. We could make a fire outside the cave and dry it next to it, so it’ll be done faster.”

They spent the next hour or two discussing on what they’d need to do to prepare for the cold weather. Krolia decided they should also gather large pieces of wood to make wooden buckets to store their water. If temperatures would go below freezing, their water sources would get smaller, and having to melt ice all the time would make them use more fire wood.

And they were still having the slight problem of food preservation, not knowing which creatures and plants they still would be able to use during the cold. Krolia had done her best to start and smoke meat and store it, but it wouldn’t be enough. And as Keith grew noticeably taller and broader, he still was quite slim and probably malnourished, which bothered her.

She sighed softly, watching Keith lie down with Nova and getting some sleep. They would make it out of here alive, and she would damn well do anything for it. She had promised after all, to not leave him ever again. And Krolia was absolutely set on keeping this promise, and maybe one day be a mother that Keith could be proud of.