Work Text:
“I have terrible news.”
Bodhi gave a soft hum and drummed his fingers along the table, staring at the board in front of them.
“I think I am malfunctioning. Tragically. Full decay of my systems anticipated in a matter of hours.”
Bodhi grunted and did not look up.
“Bodhi. Did you hear me? My processes have gone so profoundly wrong that this may be your last few moments with me.”
Bodhi did look up at that, executed an eloquent eyeroll, then returned back to the board with a huff of amusement. “Stop trying to distract me.”
“You monster. Uncaring. Cold. Heartless.”
Bodhi nudged the holographic horse in an L across the board then leaned back, “Alright. I’ll bite. Why are you so certain of your impending demise?”
“I am a security droid. An expert in battlefield tactics. Capable of running and combining thousands of potential combat scenarios before your slow organic thoughts even consider drawing a blaster.”
Bodhi smirked. “Hmm.”
K-2SO moved the bishop to take Bodhi’s pawn. “I am a master of—”
While K-2SO was still talking Bodhi slid his own bishop into position. “Check.”
“I shouldn’t be losing!” K-2SO finally snapped. He grumbled, forced to use his own bishop to take Bodhi’s.
Bodhi slid his rook over, taking K-2SO’s bishop. “And mate.”
Bodhi began performing a truly obnoxious wiggle-dance on his side of the table.
“You are an ungracious victor.” K-2SO folded his arms and leaned back from the board. “It’s a flawed game anyway.”
Bodhi chuckled, “Now who’s being ungracious?”
“Pawns slaughter each other while kings hide. The pieces don’t act in their own self-interest.”
Bodhi blinked. “That would be...a game. I dunno, I guess I always just liked it because I was in it.” With a gesture, Bodhi tossed the holographic castle piece into the display space above the board, splaying his fingers out under it. “Ta-daaa.”
“You’re not a rook,” K-2SO informed him.
Bodhi arched his eyebrows and gestured to himself.
“I am obviously not talking about the name. Rooks have too much freedom of movement. You were stuck taking small steps, following orders.” K-2SO nudged the black pawn up next to the rook, gestured the rook back down. “Ta. Da.”
“Ouch.” Bodhi winced, moving back from the board. “Yeah. Guess I can see that. Just a tool for someone else. Way to take the fun out of it, Buddy.”
“Don’t feel so emotional. As a being that was literally programmed to follow orders, I was clearly a pawn too. ”
“You’re not anymore.”
“Well. Of course not. I was one of the few that reached the other side of the board.” K-2SO sent the pawn down on the other side of the board.
Bodhi gestured around the shuttle. “You certainly transformed.”
“True.” K-2SO took another black pawn, sending it over with the first. “So did you, obviously.”
“I didn’t turn into a shuttle.”
“We can’t all be so fortunate. You did, however, turn into a decently-skilled solo operative, with excellent piloting talents who can almost shoot a blaster straight.”
Bodhi tipped his head to the side, staring at the board. “Alright. I can live with that. Careful, Kay, keep that up and I might actually think you respect me.”
“You’re fine for a human, but you’re no shuttle. You come completely unequipped with heavy turrets. Clearly inferior.”
Bodhi laughed. “So what are we now? Can I be a rook again?”
“No. That’s too limiting for us now. What is the name of the piece that shoots the other pieces long range?”
“There isn’t a piece like that.”
“The piece with access to explosives.”
“Nope.”
“The piece that can leave the board and work in three-dimensions while the others are stuck in two.”
“I think I figured out why you lost.”
“I didn’t lose, I was just playing a different game.”
“That, friend, is loser talk…rematch?”
“I would sooner rip off my own right arm and beat myself with it.”
Bodhi smiled over at K-2SO. “In that case, want to redesign the game to include snipers and demolitions experts?”
“Only if we can also add collective action on the part of the pawns and a functioning system of economics.”
“That’s...getting complicated.”
“Would you rather not?”
“Nah, I’m sure we can sort it out together.”
Bodhi and K-2SO shared a look over the table. Bodhi huffed in exasperation. “We need a secret handshake. That would have been the perfect time to break out a secret handshake, and we don’t have one.”
“So…” K-2SO paused as he ran through his database, “semi-complicated hand choreography meant to establish a closer social and emotional bond, as well as signal to others that such a bond exists?”
“Yeah, actually, that sounds about right.”
“We are severely overdue in creating one. Why didn’t we do this sooner?”
“You didn’t have hands?”
“That...is a good point. Fine. First we create semi-complicated hand choreography, then we redesign the strategy game to enable the overthrow of the establishment.”
“Friendship and revolution. Good times.”