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Peter wanted to say he was used to nightmares by now. But that would be a lie. Ever since the war, they haunted him every night He couldn’t remember the last time he had a full night sleep without them haunting him.
As he sat on his bed in the Avenger complex, he stared at the wall, not wanting to sleep, to face them, especially not here. Maybe if he just stayed up long enough he’d get more energy, and he could just…go without sleep for the rest of the weekend – there had been a few school nights that had happened. Yeah, he’d just stay up, nightmares couldn’t come if he was awake, right?
Pulling out his phone, he started browsing, looking through different articles, watching videos, looking at memes. It worked…for a time. Every once and a while he readjusted his position on the bed, until he was lying down, his phone plugged in, a show about haunted buildings playing. Peter didn’t even notice when his eyes started closing until it was too late.
He was back there. Titan. Where everything had gone wrong. The planet he wished he could forget.
Chaos ensued, people that – in the day time Peter knew hadn’t been there – ran around, screaming and Peter ran, trying to save them, to make sure everyone was okay. His heart was racing, his breathe was coming in gasps, but he had done it, they won!
“I hope they remember you.”
The voice sent a chill down Peter’s spine and he spun around. The scene in front of him drove all of the air out of his lungs.
Tony, standing in front of Thanos, metal piercing his chest, slowly dying. Every inch of Peter screamed to run, but he couldn’t move, couldn’t yell, couldn’t do anything. And no one was around to save the day, to save Tony.
A quick pull, and Tony was on the ground, gasping for breath.
Tears sprung to Peter’s eyes and a choked whine escaped his mouth, he had to get to Tony, but he couldn’t. His mentor was dying and he couldn’t do anything to save him.
Tony looked up and for a moment, he locked eyes with Peter.
“I’m sorry…”
Then he was gone.
“No!”
Sweat was seeping through every bit of Peter’s PJs. His breaths came in fast and shallow, but his chest was so tight it felt like nothing was going in. His entire body was shaking. He couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe, it was like disappearing all over again, only this time he felt even more alone – the vision of Tony’s body plastered in his mind, playing over and over again.
Tony. He had to get to Tony. But his body wasn’t responding. Moving was near impossible, he fumbled to the edge of the bed but as soon as he was on his legs, they gave and he fell on the floor.
Tears built up in his eyes. It was too much, he couldn’t do it.
“Peter!”
The voice sounded distant, as if Peter’s brain couldn’t figure out why anyone out be saying his name, not when everyone was gone, when he was falling apart at the seams.
Something grabbed his shoulders and shook him quickly. Blinking, tears fell, clearing his eyes for a moment, showing him the worried face before him.
“T-Tony?” Even that one word was almost impossible to get out.
“I’m here, Pete. You’re okay, just breathe. In, and out.”
The instructions made sense, but each time Peter tried to follow, his body would start shaking and his breathe would catch in his mouth as he remembered seeing Tony on the ground, dying. And it hadn’t just happened in the dream either, Tony had almost died on Titan and Peter had seen it.
“Pete, you have to try, I know you ca-“
Peter lunged forward, wrapping his arms around Tony and holding tight as tears pooled in his eyes. “I-I saw you die and-“
His breathes started coming in gasps as the panic overwhelmed him again, as sobs started to mix in with his unsteady breathing.
Arms wrapped around him and held him tight. “I’m alright, Peter. I’m right here. You’re safe, I’m safe. It’s okay, just breathe.”
A hand rested on his head and pulled him close. He tried again. In and out, breathing through the sobbing, through the immense shaking of his body. Tony’s quiet reassuring words grounded him, even as tears continued to fall down his cheeks.
Then the rocking started. Just a little, nothing much. But it was what Aunt May had always done on stormy nights when Peter was scared, or on painful days when the sadness was too much. Closing his eyes, Peter felt another stream of tears fall, but that didn’t stop him from hiding his head in Tony’s shoulder, hiding from the fear, from the dreams, from the memories.
“I’ve got you, Pete, you’re okay.”
Peter tried to believe it, but that wasn’t as easy as it should be. However, as seconds passed, he felt his breath coming a little easier, his shaking calmed just a bit.
Then the singing started. Peter didn’t know Tony sang. Sure, they had sung along poorly to random songs they both liked, but this was nothing like that. This was quiet, peaceful, comforting. Slowly, the tightness that had wrapped around Peter’s entire body started to unwind. His sobs slowed down, his breaths came slower and deeper.
“Better?”
Despite the eased anxiety, Peter didn’t want to move, he didn’t want to risk facing the world again and all the dark memories it held. He forced himself to nod, but didn’t pull away, and he was surprised but grateful when Tony didn’t move either.
Silence filled the air for a little while, but then he couldn’t hold back a question that had slowly been forming in his mind.
“What song was that?”
“I don’t know…I never got the title, but my mom sang it to me when I was little…when I found out Pepper is well…you know…I figured I might as well start practicing.”
A small smile grew on Peter’s face, and he pulled back just a little. “I like it…”
“Me too…”
“Tony?”
“Yeah, Pete?”
“You’re gonna be a great dad.” Peter found the words coming out before he could think, but it was the first thing that popped into his mind. Because it was true.
Silence. A sigh. “Yeah…I guess we’ll see.”
“But…” Peter leaned back even more, wondering if Tony really didn’t realize what he had just done for Peter, and what he had been doing for years.
Tony quirked an eyebrow in question.
“You already are…I mean…you’re my mentor but you sat with me tonight, you’ve given me advice, and you’ve been there for me when Aunt may couldn’t be. When I lost my uncle I…I thought I’d just have to figure life out without a…father figure but then you came along.” Saying it aloud, Peter found his cheeks reddening, but he would take that over the panic attacks any day. But even just thinking of the fear hit him and he found himself blurting out one more thing. “That’s why I can’t lose you too.”
Glancing up, Peter saw Tony staring at him, his mouth slightly open, surprise lining every bit of his face. But then a smile grew on the side of his mouth. “I’m not going anywhere, Pete.”
Peter found himself matching the smile, then Tony gently slapped a hand on his leg. “Why don’t you say we go down to the lab. I was in the middle of a project when Friday alerted me to your situation. I can finish up then we can do whatever you want, okay?”
After a nod of agreement, Peter let Tony help him up and then they walked to the lab – Tony’s hand not leaving Peter’s side, stabilizing him even though his shaking had stopped a while ago, not that Peter minded in the slightest. Yes, Tony was going to be a great dad.