Chapter Text
Imelda entered her room to find Héctor in the center of her bed, petting Marco with trembling hands. He didn’t look up as she entered, and her eyes widened with shock as she realized that he was afraid. Not of her, she knew, because it was a far too late for that, but of what she would do. This was the first time since he had been accepted into the family, that he had done something that he deemed wrong. Sure he had made a few mistakes, but nothing that truly upset anyone.
“Héctor,” she said, it physically pained her to see him flinch at the sound of her voice. She walked over to the bed, and sat down facing him. She reached for his face with her hands, knowing it was the only way that she was going to get him to look at her at that moment.
“I’m not mad at you,” she assured him. “I wasn’t even that mad at the twins, but if I let them off easy they would take advantage.”
“Promise?” he whispered.
Imelda would have promised him anything that it was possible for her to, at that moment, no matter how ridiculous, so it was easy for her to simply tell him a truth. “I promise.”
His trembling gradually stopped, as he found the honesty that he was looking for telling him that he wasn’t in trouble with her, but she could tell that there was still something on his mind.
“Héctor what’s the matter?” she asked gently.
“It’s silly,” he answered, looking down, and watching his fingers displace Marco’s fur, as he pet the wolf, and letting himself be distracted by the clash of his slightly yellowed bones on the gray fur of his alebrije.
“If it is bothering you, it’s not silly,” she assured him.
He sighed. “The twins took me somewhere special today; somewhere fun.”
Imelda waited for a moment, but it didn't seem like he was going to elaborate on the thought without prompting.“Did something happen?” She asked with a puzzled frown.
“No, nothing bad happened, I actually had a lot of fun, it just… well it seemed like they were trying to apologize without saying it, and there seems to be a lot of that going around lately. I know it’s stupid. I’m where I wanted to be for decades, and I should be happy, I mean, I am happy, I really am, but sometimes I… I think that everything that happened since that day, is some kind of cosmic joke, and the punchline is right around the corner.”
Imelda paused to take in his words, taking a few moments to consider them, and what they seemed to break down to mean. What she realized was something heartbreakingly simple “You don’t trust us,” she said finally.
He stopped breathing, which admittedly was still worrying even if they really didn’t need to breathe, and he just looked at her with a mixture of shock, and despair. He seemed like he was about to deny her statement or change the topic of the discussion altogether.
“No, listen Héctor, that is the problem, and that isn’t your fault, it’s mine. The twins, and I, you knew in life, time has changed us, but you can still read us fairly well, since we all still have habits from back then, the others aren’t like that for you, you never knew them, so you have nothing to which to compare their actions. That can easily muddle the line between kindness and pity.”
He seemed to visibly deflate at her words. “I know up here,” he said pointing at his head with one finger, “why things were the way they were, and how things are the way that they are now, but knowing that is different from how it feels. Everything has just been so sudden, and it’s just everything I wanted, so it’s too good to be true.” he admitted.
She understood. More than ninety years she had denied him in one way or another, that was done, and couldn’t be erased. His family, were practically strangers to him. Less than six months had passed since he had been allowed into the family home, that wasn’t even a month for every decade he had been denied the comfort of his family due to her stubbornness. Time was the only way to truly fix the situation, but she wished there was another way.
“Héctor, I understand. You lived all these years without this family, and I know you don’t like me to, but I want to apologize for that. I was so foolishly stubborn, and so stupidly convinced of your wrongdoing that I never spoke to you, I created this rift, and the longer I went without you, the more I tried not to care. I said the words when I sang on stage that day, 'no dejaré de quererte', I meant them. I never stopped, and that’s what made me so angry. I prided myself on sticking to my choices, and this was one that I couldn’t abide by. That was my reasoning, and it will never excuse what I have done, but I can’t do anything to change what was, what I can do is control my actions from now on, and try to make sure I never do anything that harmful, ever again,” she said. They sat in silence for a moment, before she spoke again.
“I have no right to ask this of you, but will you talk to the others about this?”
“I don’t want hurt them,” he whispered.
“I know, but I think it will help. I think if you talk to them, either one on one or all together, it will let you see that having you here was something they agreed to because they wanted to, and not because it was something that they were forced to accept. You don’t have to do it right away, but promise that you will at least think about it.”
“I will.”
~
He thought about it, a lot, he just… couldn’t find it in himself to bring it up with anyone. For years, outside of his attempts to cross over the marigold bridge, and the consequent arrests resulting from it, he had spent his afterlife staying out of trouble, and presenting as a carefree trickster of sorts, it was his default setting, and it was hard to go against that.
They were happy, he was happy, and he didn’t want to ruin any of that with his stupid insecurities. Imelda seemed to disapprove, if the few glances she gave him from time to time were anything to go on, but in this, she didn’t intervene.
So of course, a week later, after a he had just returned from a day out in Shantytown, he went into his room to find a four letters in front of the same number of bags on his bed. The first had the pretty, slightly slanted, writing of Victoria.
Abuelo,
It has come to my attention, that our past relationship with you or lack thereof, has proved to be a hindrance in cultivating our new familial relationship. I wish you to know that I will endeavor to do whatever I am able to do so that we may repair that which has been broken.
Your granddaughter,
Victoria
Héctor debated the merits of looking in the bag, versus reading the next letter, and decided that he would do it in pairs. Reading the letters, and checking the bag given by each person.
In the bag from Victoria, was a book. It was old, and clearly well-loved, and read many times. He frown wondering why she had given him such a prized possession of hers, and then it came to him. She was trusting him with something valuable to her, trying to show him how much she was willing to invest in the relationship that they would have in the future.
His breath hitched at the realization, and he decided to move on to the next set, lest he get overwhelmed.
In the next letter he noticed two slightly different sets of writing.
Hermano,
It took us a few days to figure out what was wrong, and why you were acting the way you were around us all, we apologize for that, however we would like to blame Imelda a little since she wouldn’t tell us.
We understand that you didn’t want to talk about this, and we are sorry that we discussed it with the rest of the family against your wishes, but we knew, from experience, that you would never talk to us on your own about this, you have always been hesitant to seek help when you feel the cause is a trivial matter, and we just want things to get better.
We want to get better as a family.
We know the past won’t disappear in a day or month or year, but at the same time, we have to start somewhere, apologize for what has been, and try for a better future. We were wrong, the others never knew you, so they had no reason to believe anything other than what they had been told. We knew you, we should have listened to you, and if you do not wish to see us as your brothers because of this mistake, we ask that you at least consider us your friends.
We are sorry, for everything we did that we shouldn’t have, and for those things that we should have done, but didn’t. We hope that you will someday forgive us for what we have done.
Signed,
Felipe y Oscar
In the bag behind that letter was a blanket. Héctor recognized it from when he was alive. Imelda and the twins had lost their parents when they were quite young, and Imelda had long since been a parental figure for her brothers. One of the first things she made them, was a blanket that was big enough for both of them well into adulthood. It was a multitude of colors, because she had used all the spare material that she could scrounge up, but it was one of the twins most treasured possessions.
This hit Héctor hard as well, and he moved to the next bag and letter, hoping that this next set might provoke less emotion, and give him a distraction that would last long enough to gather himself.
Of course, he was wrong, the next one just served to unbalanced him even further. It was written in a flowery script that he knew from a few writing samples belonged to Rosita.
Papá Héctor,
When the twins told us what they thought was bothering you, I knew that they were right, because in retrospect it was quite clear. I was very upset though. They think I have no cause to feel guilty, but I do. I could have reached out to you. Coco told me about you, what she could remember of you, and I just…
I’m so sorry. I thought things were advancing too fast, but I didn’t want to question it, I thought that we could just leave the past in the past, and start anew. I know that was foolish, and naive, but that’s what I thought.
You have all the reason in the world not to trust us, we didn’t believe in you, you needed us, and we left you alone and forgotten. I’ll do whatever I can to mend this rift, and to gain your trust. We have a long road ahead of us, but I know with love we can make it through, and emerge as an even more tightly bonded family.
Love,
Rosita
In the bag behind that heart wrenching group of words was a stuffed animal, it took him a moment to recognize the little bear as one that he had made for Coco. In the bag with the bear was a picture. A young Coco, maybe in her late teens, stood next to a young girl, who when he looked closer, was identifiable as Rosita. The bear was held between them.
Coco must have given it to Rosita as a present, and a sign of their sisterhood. Héctor smiled, it was good to know that Coco had made such a wonderful friend.
Even through his smile though, he couldn’t help the building tidal wave of emotion, because while he had known that Coco had clung to his memory, he hadn’t known that she had managed to keep anything that he had made or sent to her. Imelda’s purge of his memory was well known to him, and the knowledge that his daughter had managed to save even one thing was enough to break the dam that had kept his tears at bay.
He wiped at them frantically, knowing that there was another letter to go, and he wouldn’t do it the dishonor of going unread. With shaking fingers, he grasped the last one, careful not to let harm come to it, even with his unsteadiness, and was introduced to Julio’s writing.
Papá Héctor,
I have never been good with writing letters, but I needed to write this one. The others let it be known what they were doing, and I felt that I needed to do this as well.
I said before I knew only of your abandonment, and of Coco’s feelings, and that was the truth. What I didn’t say was that I know what it is to be separated from one’s daughter, and so I share the blame of not reaching out to you. I am deeply ashamed that I did not contact you in anyway once I had died. I should have spoke to you, not only to get your version of events, but because my wife loved you, I was just to timid to do it.
There is nothing I can do to change that. What I can do is focus on the here and now. All I can offer are apologies, and promises, but if you accept either I will be grateful. I hope that our mistakes have not ruined any chance we have of being your family in a way that is more than just on paper .
Your son,
Julio
Opening the final bag revealed a box, and inside it was a plain silver ring, and a little note.
This is one of my most treasured items. Coco gave it to me a few years after we had met, and I didn’t learn until later, from Rosita, that Coco had intended it as a promise ring. She had given it to me in an effort to get me over my nerves, and propose to her. It was something she never stopped teasing me about.
Héctor carefully put all the things away in an empty drawer, making sure not to damage the items or the notes since they were all his treasures, each of them more precious to him than he would ever be able to say, then he sat on his bed, trying to breathe deeply so that he could avoid another round of tears.
They were trusting him, letting him hold on to things that were so very important, and if they wouldn’t be insulted, he would have given everything back, because they shouldn’t have had to do this. They didn’t need to work for his trust, he didn't deserve that, because in the end he knew that somehow he would just end up disappointing them or hurting them. Already, he had broken the promise he had made such a short while ago. He was upset, to the point where the others had taken action, without him going to any of them to talk the problem out. Perhaps he really was nothing but a curse.
~
Downstairs Marco was resting on Victoria’s lap, enjoying the story she was reading to him before dinner. She noted the pup was a little fidgety, but when she asked if he was bored or wanted to be let down, he refused to move, so she just ignored it.
Then he turned invisible.
She could still feel his weight on her lap. Her fingers still were in contact with his fur, the pup was simply not able to be seen.
She carelessly sat aside her book, took hold of Marco, wanting to be sure he would be safe, and then, quickly headed up the stairs. The others, worried by her sudden departure followed her.
She stopped at Héctor’s door. “Abuelo?” She asked her voice urgent.
The others looked at her, and she held up the still invisible wolf. “Marco suddenly became invisible,” she said quickly, and she saw understanding pass over all of them. If something funny was going on with Marco, it more than likely had something to do with Héctor.
Worried by the lack of response, Victoria knocked again, before simply opening the door. At first she couldn’t see him, then she noted the lumpiness under the blanket on the bed.
The others shuffled in, all of them were too worried to stay away even though it was a tight fit having all of them in the room at the same time. They would leave if he were to ask it of them, it was his right, and they would respect that, but until then, until he sent them away, they were going to be here.
“Abuelo,” Victoria said again coming a little closer to the bed.
The figure beneath the blanket began to shiver, and all of them could hear the slight whimper of a person holding back tears.
“Héctor,” Imelda said gently, remembering how he had responded to her when he had been ill, “can you tell us what has you so upset?”
The sound of choked back tears became louder, before going nearly silent again. Then in a small nearly inaudible voice, Imelda’s question was answered with one, barely audible, word. “Scared.”
It was a start, and fear did explain Marco’s state, but it also raised a lot of questions, however there were only two that really needed to be answered. One, what had scared Héctor so badly, that he was reduced to shivering under a blanket, struggling against tears? The second being, did they need to go and make someone pay for his current state?
Imelda came closer, and rested her hand on his shoulder. “Héctor can you explain a little more, just a little, we just need to understand.”
They waited, and the more time that passed, the more they were certain that he wasn't going to answer the question. Then he spoke.
“I…ruin…everything. I…lose…every…thing.”
The pain in the room was nearly tangible, as they were all hit with his words. Nobody knew what to say, because as much as they wanted to reassure him, any words they might have offered would have been empty. None of them knew what he had gone through for all those years, they didn’t know the friends he had lost or the bridges he had burned or how many people had hurt him.
“Enough of this!” Imelda said strongly, making everyone in the room jump. She yanked the cover off her husband and tossed it aside, and then proceeded to yank him up with the same ferocity, pulling him into her arms.
Héctor looked at her, eyes wide with shock, as did all the other members of the family.
She paid them no mind, and walked down to the dining room, at a steady pace. “You know we have breakfast, and dinner together, everyday, unless something happens to prevent that, so for causing so much of a delay, you get no dessert.” She declared.
“Imelda,” Héctor whined voice rough with his unshed tears, and she was pleased to note that he was distracted enough by her actions that his depressed state was temporarily aleviated.
“No, I will not relent in this, Héctor,” she decreed, keeping the silliness going as she placed him gently on his chair at the table. She put her hands on her hips before speaking again.“If you argue with me, I’ll let Pepita chew on your bones,” she threatened.
It was as empty a threat as could be, and everyone knew it. Months ago, such a threat would have caused Héctor to scurry off quicker than a startled bunny, because he had been terrified of the large alebrije, but since that night where the big cat had guided him back home, and let him nap against her, the only fear he had was of upsetting her. So now instead of running, he only whined, “Imelda,” once more, like a petulant child told that he couldn’t stay up past his bedtime, because as many would agree, dessert was the most important part of a meal.
Imelda made good on her threat of no dessert for Héctor, but purposely ignored when the others slipped him small pieces of their own sweets. Héctor takes the offerings from all of them like a baby bird, and offered small smiles every time someone gave him something.
After they were all finished eating, Imelda plucked him up again, and strode over to the couch. She sat him down, and claimed the spot right next to him.
“I will not make you empty promises, I never have, and I won’t start now. You do not ruin everything. Everyone makes mistakes, and if we are comparing, I think I have ruined more than you have. No arguing,” she chided when he opened his mouth, and he snapped it shut. “As for losing everything, that might have been something true of your past, but hopefully not of the future. We want you here, Héctor, and I know you don’t believe it yet, but I want to believe that someday you will.”
Héctor looked around the room, shyly seeking confirmation, that yes he was in fact wanted. The others gave him that by way of smiles, and nods.
“Village idiot, this one, eh Felipe,” Oscar couldn’t help teasing.
“Just what I was about say,” Felipe said with a mock expression of surprise on his face.
Héctor gave a small, surprised laugh, at their silliness. “No that was you two,” he countered.
“Us,” they both uttered with an air of shock, blinking rapidly like they couldn’t believe his words.
Héctor nodded somberly, as though it gave him no joy to tell them this hard truth. “You two constantly caused trouble.”
“We caused trouble! What do you call what you were doing?”
“I kept life entertaining,” Héctor answered the twins, as though it was the most obvious thing since water being wet, “isn’t that right, mi amor,” he said turning slightly to look at Imelda.
“I thought all three of you were the village idiots,” she said.
Three sets of wounded, positively scandalized, puppy dog eyes, gazed at her.
She rolled her eyes at their antics, but she couldn’t hide that she was happy that Héctor was joking around. She knew that this wasn’t going to be the last time that he broke down over this, but she was hopeful that next time, he would talk to them before it got to this point. Even if he didn’t though, they were going to be here for him because that was what a family did.