Chapter Text
1. Shadoworld Defence Squad
magnificent-bane created the groupchat Shadoworld Defence Squad
magnificent-bane added prettyboy, whipitgood, dracula-af, runemistress, herongold, mai-ayyy and Raphael Santiago to the conversation
prettyboy: mags what is this?
magnificent-bane: a quick way for me to keep in touch with my favourite people <3
magnificent-bane: which actually makes me question why I even added Solomon at all
herongold: holy shit dude, that’s cold
dracula-af: OK WOW
dracula-af: I AM DEEPLY WOUNDED
Raphael Santiago left the conversation
dracula-af: fucks sake
dracula-af: I need a new boyfriend, this one doesnt even bother defending my honor
herongold: what the fuck Simon?? Are you and Santiago dating???
runemistress: goddammit Jace
dracula-af: AH TOLD U
dracula-af: u owe me 50 bucks fray
whipitgood: what’s going on here?
herongold: that’s exactly what i’d like to know!
magnificent-bane added Raphael Santiago to the conversation
dracula-af: clary and I made a bet on whether or not Jace knew if Raphael and I are dating
herongold: babe wtf???
runemistress: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i love you
Raphael Santiago left the conversation
dracula-af: pls take ur heterosexuality somewhere else, u’ve spooked my boyfriend again
whipitgood: oh my god you guys
prettyboy: i’m on lewis’ side.
dracula-af: ALE C IM :’))) I FEEL SO H ONOR ED :’’’))))
prettyboy: …i take everything back.
dracula-af: :’((((
magnificent-bane added Raphael Santiago to the conversation
magnificent-bane: rafe don’t be a spoilsport
Raphael Santiago left the conversation
magnificent-bane: rude
magnificent-bane added Raphael Santiago to the conversation
Raphael Santiago left the conversation
magnificent-bane added Raphael Santiago to the conversation
runemistress: it’s like watching a tennis match
Raphael Santiago left the conversation
whipitgood: how long do you guys think it’s gonna last?
dracula-af: eh, hard to say
magnificent-bane added Raphael Santiago to the conversation
Raphael Santiago left the conversation
dracula-af: raphas in a bad mood, he could go on abandoning the chat for the whole night out of spite if magnus keeps adding him
magnificent-bane added Raphael Santiago to the conversation
prettyboy: magnus is on his 4th martini, I doubt he’ll stop anytime soon.
Raphael Santiago left the conversation
magnificent-bane: darling, please din't expose me like this
prettyboy: din’t
dracula-af: DIN’T
herongold: din’t
whipitgood: din’t
runemistress: din’t
mai-ayyy: din’t
runemistress: oh hi maia!!!
magnificent-bane: ...this groupchat seemed such a good idea at the time
magnificent-bane: oh! Right
magnificent-bane added Raphael Santiago to the conversation
dracula-af: maia!!! my main woman!!!
Raphael Santiago left the conversation
herongold: so you’ve been lurking in the shadows of this chat all this time huh
mai-ayyy: yeah I was waiting for the right time to say hello to everyone except to you, you bleached actionman
runemistress: hey that’s my boyfriend!
mai-ayyy: I know, my condolencies
dracula-af: OOOOOOOOOOHHHHH
runemistress: jsgfhfsgdakjh
herongold: ok, I know I should be offended or something but that clapback was i n s a n e
prettyboy: she roasted you so bad, bro.
herongold: bro!! I thought at least you would’ve been a little offended on my behalf!!
prettyboy: nah, i’m just laughing.
herongold: but bro…
whipitgood: i’ll pretend to be offended on your behalf Jace
herongold: thanks Izzy <3
herongold: also, i’m a natural blond maia and you know it!
dracula-af: no ones buying it buddy
herongold: shut up, you nerd
magnificent-bane added Raphael Santiago to the conversation
Raphael Santiago left the conversation
dracula-af: for fucks sake
mai-ayyy: they’re still at it, I can’t
prettyboy: update, magnus is on his 5th martini.
dracula-af: oh my god????
herongold: I mean, this is kinda entertaining
whipitgood: anyone wanna bet on who will win?
magnificent-bane added Raphael Santiago to the conversation
Raphael Santiago left the conversation
mai-ayyy: hell yeah
magnificent-bane added Raphael Santiago to the conversation
herongold: yes!
Raphael Santiago left the conversation
prettyboy: why not
runemistress: i’m game
herongold: babe do you have a gambling problem we need to talk about??
runemistress: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
magnificent-bane added Raphael Santiago to the conversation
whipitgood: ok twenty bucks says Magnus is gonna give up and stop adding Raphael
Raphael Santiago left the conversation
herongold: make it another 20
magnificent-bane: you puny shadowhunters, you'll regret understimating me like this
prettyboy: another 20 says Santiago is gonna cave and stay in the chat
magnificent-bane: aww darling :’)
magnificent-bane added Raphael Santiago to the conversation
prettyboy: <3
runemistress: yah i’m with Alec!
Raphael Santiago left the conversation
mai-ayyy: another 20 on magnus giving up
mai-ayyy: wait, where’s Simon?
magnificent-bane added Raphael Santiago to the conversation
Raphael Santiago left the conversation
dracula-af: I'm right here
magnificent-bane added Raphael Santiago to the conversation
Raphael Santiago: Bane lo juro por Dios...
magnificent-bane: don't speak the lord's anme in vain pumpkin
dracula-af: anme
may-ayyy: anme
Raphael Santiago left the conversation
runemistress: anme
whipitgood: anme ajshdhshd
runemistress: Raphael’s totally gonna give up
runemistress: that was the first sign
herongold: don't underestimate his stubbornness babe
prettyboy: true, but consider this: mags has switched from martinis to tequila sunrises. This is his second.
magnificent-bane: I created this groupcht to have a good time and I'm honeslty feeling so attacked righh now
magnificent-bane added Raphael Santiago to the conversation
herongold: wtf Alec?? why is he drinking so much?!
Raphael Santiago left the conversation
prettyboy: we're at a meeting with the high-class warlocks from Europe, and for some reason Rey is here too.
prettyboy: needless to say, mags isn't taking it too well.
magnificent-bane added Raphael Santiago to the conversation
whipitgood: #needlesstosay
herongold: LMFAO I HAD FORGOTTEN ABOUT THAT
Raphael Santiago left the conversation
prettyboy: ah ah ah, you two are so fucking funny.
whipitgood: we know
herongold: we know
herongold: OOOOHH AY SIS
whipitgood: AY BRO!!
dracula-af: ??? EXCUSEM E??? REY???????
runemistress: I don't think he means the Rey you're thinking abt Simon
magnificent-bane added Raphael Santiago to the conversation
prettyboy: uhm. Yes? Lorenzo Rey? He was the High Warlock of Brooklyn for a while?
dracula-af: oh
prettyboy: who did you think I was talking about??
dracula-af: uhm no one
magnificent-bane: It's a xharacter from Stra Wars bby
may-ayyy: Simon you dumbass lmao
dracula-af: excuse my geek ass for getting excited ok
herongold: I'm laughing
whipitgood: omg Magnus has switched to slang
whipitgood: what's the drinks count Alec??
prettyboy: this is his third tequila sunrise.
prettyboy: also I've never watched this Stra Wars and I have no idea what you're talking about.
dracula-af: STRA WARS
dracula-af: I CANT BELIEVE I JUST HAD TO READ THAT WITH MY OWN TWO EYES AJDHSBHDJD
dracula-af: U DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABT IM
dracula-af: CLARY CALL 911 I THINK IM HAVING A STROKE
runemistress: I got u fren
herongold: what's all this fuss about? It's just a movie Simon, chill
dracula-af: HHHHHHHSGAFSHFHF
runemistress: babe wtf!!! I can't believe you just stone-cold murdered my best friend!!!!
herongold: I'm...sorry??
prettyboy: ...anyway.
prettyboy: Jace, Maia, Izzy, you owe me and Clary 60 bucks.
mai-ayyy: tf do you mean
mai-ayyy: oh no
runemistress: aw yisss
whipitgood: ohh nooooo
whipitgood: I can't believe I just lost to my own brother!!
herongold: same
herongold: SANTIAGO LEAVE I’M BROKE
dracula-af: THATS MY BOYFRIEND URE YELLING AT U BLEACHED NEANDERTHAL
dracula-af: ILL KICK UR ASS
herongold: Simon chill!! I was joking, jeez
Raphael Santiago: I'd gladly leave, but I have an extremely annoying friend and an ever more annoying boyfriend.
Raphael Santiago: And Simon, I'm perfectly capable of “kicking ass” myself.
dracula-af: the disrespect
dracula-af: I defend ur honor and get called annoying in return
dracula-af: just let me be chivalrous for once for gods sake
Raphael Santiago: Watch your profanity.
dracula-af: right, sorry
mai-ayyy: you guys are adorable tbh
herongold: you bicker just like an old married couple, it's hilarious
Raphael Santiago: Watch it, Lightwood.
herongold: you need to learn to relax my dude
herongold: also I'm a Herondale, didn't you get the memo?
magnificent-bane: It's admittledy har d to kepp up wiht all the suranmes sweethceks
whipitgood: Alec take your boyfriend home, he's drunk
runemistress: drinks count??
prettyboy: yup, we're leaving right now.
prettyboy: 5 martinis, 3 tequila sunrises. I'm surprised he's still standing upright.
Raphael Santiago: Herondale might be your surname but the Lightwoods are your family.
Raphael Santiago: As far as I'm concerned, you're a Lightwood too.
runemistress: wow…
herongold: that was...unexpectedly sweet
herongold: thanks, I guess
magnificent-bane: Breajing News: Rsphael Sa ntiago Ha A Hearrt
Raphael Santiago: Dios por encima...
Raphael Santiago left the conversation
runemistress: damn Alec keep your bf in check!!
dracula-af: AJSHSGSFHGKGKF
dracula-af: PLEASE EXCUSE ME I JUST REMEMBERED I HAVE THIS SUPER IMPORTANT THING TO DO B Y E
dracula-af left the conversation
whipitgood: what the hell just happened??
runemistress: Raphael said something rly sweet and Simon melted in a puddle of goo
runemistress: he's probs cuddling the heck out of Raphael right now
mai-ayyy: AWWWWWW
runemistress: meanwhile Jace is still shook™
runemistress sent a photo
whipitgood: awww bro
herongold: babe you can't just throw blackmail material around like that!!
prettyboy: that's not blackmail material Jace, that's just cute.
prettyboy: and you know you've always been a Lightwood to us, no matter what.
whipitgood: ^^^^^
runemistress: awwww guys you've made him emotional <3
runemistress sent a photo
herongold: stop exposing me like this sfsfagsg
runemistress: <3 <3 <3
mai-ayyy: wait
mai-ayyy: Raphael has left
mai-ayyy: does this mean the bet is on again??
prettyboy: absolutely not.
prettyboy: sore loser.
mai-ayyy: >:[