Work Text:
Isak gripped the phone in his hand so hard that his knuckles turned white.
Tick tock tick tock tick tock
The steady beat of the clock
Drip drip drop drip drop
Drips of water falling into the sink the faucet needs repairing
The window is open
The woosh of the wind
Outside
A dog barking
Cars passing on the street, a horn honking and the screeching sound of tires caused by the quick turn of a steering wheel probably to stop an accident from happening
A baby crying and screaming the neighbours' newborn-he must be hungry
A cachopony of sounds, all morphed into a deafening sound that is ringing in Isak's ears. He hears them all and none at the same time.
The phone drops
He brings his hands to his hair, pulling it a little.
He sees white. The edges of his eyesight are getting blurry. Suddenly he can't feel anything around him and he can't breathe god he can't breathe there's not enough air in his lungs
A chocking sound escapes his throat. His heart is pounding dangerously fast.
The sound of a door opening and closing
Two strong hands on his face
"Isak Isak baby"
He closes his eyes and a single tear escapes and falls down his face
"Look at me"
The firm hands are cupping his face gently and a thumb is wiping the tear away
"Look at me"
He opens his eyes but it takes a few blinks for his vision to clear. He sees blue blue blue crystal clear, ocean blue.
"You need to breathe Iss look - breathe with me inhale pause exhale pause inhale pause exhale"
Isak tries to do as told and after what seems like forever, he is finally able to draw in one deep breath, and then another, and then another and the pressure on his chest and lungs lowly lifts. His heart is still beating frantically though.
"There you go baby it's ok you're alright, I'm here" Even wraps his hands around him and kisses his temple, brushing the hair from his face softly.
Isak coughs and looks down in embarrassment
Even gets up but Isak grabs his hand "don't go" he murmurs breathlessly. He sounds pathetic but he is still feeling like the world is crumbling all around him and he needs his boyfriend to keep him grounded or he'll float away.
"I'm not going anywhere, I just wanted us to go to a comfier place, ok? Come on, let's go to bed." Even whispers and places a feather light kiss on his forehead. Isak simply nods and then falls defeated on the mattress. Even wraps the duvet around him, making him into a living cocoon and peppers his face with kisses again as Isak just sighs softly. He feels exhausted and when Even spoons him it only takes a few minutes until he drops off.
Darkness
Silence
-----------------
When he comes to, he feels even worse than before. His whole body aches and he feels as if he had run a marathon or an elephant had been sitting on his chest. He sighs and turns around, meeting Even's concerned gaze on him.
Shit
They are sitting on the mattress face to face, looking into each other's eyes. Blue and green. Green and blue.
"Hey" Even whispers
"Hi" Isak gulps, mentally prepairing himself for an interogation.
Even seems to be reading his mind because he only raises his hand to stroke Isak's hair gently and says "You don't have to tell me, but I just want you to know that I'm here. Always."
"I know-" Isak starts but Even interrupts him. "No, let me finish. You once told me that I'm not alone exactly when I needed to hear that and ... I want you to kown that it applies to you as well. This is a two-way street, you know? Not just you looking after me when I'm depressed, I want you to be able to trust me and talk to me about your problems."
Isak could cry. He isn't used to this..to opening up. He's been isolating himself and dealing with everything on his own for as long as he can remember, but now Even is here and he is so so good to him God I don't deserve you
"I know, and I do trust you" He finally mutters after a few moments.
"Ok, ok so....What happened baby?" Even tries tentatively , taking Isak's hand an interwining their fingers together
"Dad called...mom is at the hospital She-she tried to h-hurt herself..but she's stable now"
Even doesn't say anything, just wraps his hands around his boyfriend and rocks him gently from side to side.
After a few moments of silence Isak continues
"I just can't shake the feeling that I could have done more.. I ran like a coward, I left her just like my dad did, I'm just like him.."
Even releases him from the embrace, but then lifts his head with to fingers under his chin to make him look into his eyes.
"Isak baby, you were 16, you can't raise your parents, it's supposed to be the other way around. You were young and scared and your mom needed a professional, not a child to take care of her, ok?
"Okay"
"Your dad is the adult, he should have done something, he shouldn't have left the two of you alone under any circumstance. It's his fault, not yours.Okay?"
"Okay" Isak repeats feeling a little lighter, as if a weight has been liften off his shoulders and he can finally breathe again. He's so gratfeul for his boyfriend and how he can always make him feel better. But he still feels guilty.
They stay in silence for a few more minutes until Isak starts again "I thought you would hate me...for leaving her..and for talking about her the way I did-which I'm still sorry about, by the way"
"She's insane" "I've decided that my life is better without mentally ill people around me" The words are still there burning in his memory Why did I say that god
"I could never hate you Iss. What you said hurt me I can't deny it, but I understand where you were coming from and I know you don't feel the same way anymore"
"I don't, I really don't. I love you and I love my mom and I want you both in my life"
Even smiles. "And I love you too" They kiss softly for a while, lips barely brushing against each other, until Even pulls away to say "I'm going to make us something to eat, ok? And after that we could go to visit you mom at the hospital if you want"
"Thank you." Isak says, "For being so patient and understanding and just for being here for me. I'm not used to opening up..but I'll try from now on"
"Any time" he replies as he kisses his cheek and then adds:
"Du er ikke alene"