Chapter Text
we dem bois - 1:47 pm
doggo: ggggggggg
redbinch: What the fuck
bookboi: uhhh
doggo: oops! sorry! butt text lol
bookboi: heather you have an iphone
doggo: oh right
redbinch: ANYWAYS this is a great segue
redbinch: GUESS what this bitch did earlier today whilst you commoners were piddling around in the filth that is the downstairs cafeteria
bookboi: finally passed a math test?
doggo: KFDJGKJDFGL stop xD
redbinch: STOP!! STOP IT!!!!
redbinch: I thought i told you to never use xD in this chat
doggo: it’s a stylistic CHOICE :^|
redbinch: Anyways
redbinch: SO
redbinch: Veronica and i are making our merry way down to the gym to pick up my new uniform
from coach evans
bookboi: who is fucking creepy btw can we like.
bookboi: report him or smthn
redbinch: Yes
redbinch: And
redbinch: Guess who comes around the corner
redbinch: Take a guess: his hair is greasier than his dick
doggo: omg!!!! jd!!!
doggo: he’s so weird
redbinch: Yes. and.
redbinch: Veronica decides to completely
redbinch: IGNORE HIS ASS
bookboi: lmaooo
redbinch: Doesn’t even say anything to this dirty bitch
redbinch: And then
bookboi: did ya’ll makeout or what
redbinch: And she grabs my hand
redbinch: And motherfucking
redbinch: Holds it
doggo: oh worm!!!!
bookboi: wow congrats on ur marriage i never thot it would happen lol
redbinch: And she just waltzed past him like he never
redbinch: even
redbinch: Existed
bookboi: W H A T i thought she had a crush on this dude!!
bookboi: god damn she’s such a scorpio
bookboi: i want her to hold my hand and ignore boys with me lmaooo
doggo: congrats!!! xD
redbinch: Stop
redbinch: Anyways just thought you all should know that i’m basically married to her
redbinch: Like, platonically, you know
redbinch: Like, we could totally just rob a bank together or something and then get caught and go to jail and remain best friends despite our decreasing quality of life and then get out and raise a family together and teach them to be better than us.
redbinch: like
redbinch: platonically.
bookboi changed groupchat name to "gay mess"
gay mess - 3:22 am
redbinch: So what does everybody think about adding vawny to the chat
redbinch: It’s been three weeks since she’s been inducted, i think it’s time.
bookboi: whomst
redbinch: Sawyer
bookboi: oh
bookboi: VAWNY LMAOOO
bookboi: ya sure
doggo: yeah!!
redbinch added veronica.sawyer to the conversation
redbinch: Oh lame change ur name nerd
veronica.sawyer has changed username to v-sauce
v-sauce: uh
v-sauce: hello?
redbinch: W A I T
redbinch has removed v-sauce from the conversation
bookboi: uh
redbinch: I need to remove the evidence dumbass i dont want her to see
redbinch: my platonic lust
bookboi: oh
bookboi: right yeah delete those logs sure, get rid of my GREAT FCKING JOKES
bookboi: thx
redbinch: Shut up
redbinch has added v-sauce to the conversation
redbinch changed group chat name to ‘squad the fuck up’
redbinch: Welcome back nerd
doggo: omg! hey veronica!
bookboi: welcome to the big leagues, kid. here’s yr official baseball cap, dont ever wear it sideways or front-facing, we only go backwards in this bitch
redbinch: yeah thats because you’re a Fucking Homosexual
bookboi: ya tru
v-sauce: oh, is this like… a heathers groupchat? or something?
redbinch: Duh
doggo: lmao i get it! v-sauce like that science guy on youtube?
bookboi: nah i think she just likes marinara pasta
doggo: oh
redbinch: a n y w a y s
redbinch: Welcome aboard, this is our group chat, we only share the finest of memes, etc. etc.
v-sauce: i got a great one actually
v-sauce: loss.jpeg
bookboi: HJDKFGHKJFG
redbinch: too vintage. disgusting
doggo: i thought it was funny!
redbinch: you would
v-sauce: do you guys just like, text each other at random times? because it’s 3 in the morning…
bookboi: is there a problem? memes never sleep
v-sauce: hahaha
redbinch: I added you, veronica, because you’re part of the heathers squad now. you form a tender and vicious bond within this new quadrangle that must never be broken
doggo: yeah! xD
redbinch: what did i tell you
doggo: I’M RECLAIMING IT
bookboi: hey btw there's a party at the remingtons this friday
bookboi: we’re already going, so…. that means you’re in too, veronica?
v-sauce: i mean, i guess? will there be booze?
doggo: duh!
bookboi: yeet
v-sauce: then sure!
bookboi: YEET!
redbinch: Alright its official. don’t be late it starts at like 9 pm or whatever
bookboi: i can give everybody a ride! no pre-game puking tho my parents just bought me new upholstery
redbinch: Bring an extra pair of panties too
redbinch: lol
v-sauce: uh
v-sauce: ok
v-sauce: lol
redbinch has created a new conversation
redbinch added bookboi to the conversation
redbinch added doggo to the conversation
redbinch changed group chat name to “BIG MISS STEAK”
BIG MISS STEAK - 4:07 am
redbinch: Was that too far
redbinch: The panties thing
redbinch: Tell me that wasn’t too far
bookboi: lmaooo damn ur gay as fuck huh
redbinch: HHHHHH No i’m not bitch im just sweaty! fuck off! ur ruining my nars
bookboi: lmaoooo
redbinch: Im like
redbinch: Just worried this bitch doesn’t know how to control her fuckin bladder when she gets a taste of svedka okay?? i haven’t drank with her before!!!
bookboi: loss.jpeg
redbinch: Disgusting!
squad the fuck up - 12:34 pm
v-sauce: hey for the party, what should i wear? is this a formal event? or???
bookboi: nothing lmaooooo
doggo: u nasty!!! :^|
redbinch: Come over to my place beforehand. duke u can pick me and her up together that way. I have outfits you can borrow
redbinch: Just dont get any cum on them
v-sauce: lol no promises
BIG MISS STEAK - 12:36 pm
redbinch: What does that mean
redbinch: Does anybody know what that means
redbinch: what does she mean by no promises? Is that like?? A sex joke aimed at ME. Like what does she mean.
bookboi: bruh
redbinch: DONT BRUH ME
bookboi: bruh
redbinch: Im fucking
redbinch: Deleting u
doggo: ur really overthinking this
redbinch: im a virgo moon i HAVE to overthink this
doggo: WHAT DOES THAT FUCKING MEAN
redbinch: OBTAIN SOME CULTURE AND MAYBE YOULL KNOW!!!
bookboi: as a scorpio moon, i absolutely stan this astrology bullshit
doggo: KSDJKFDHF i'm unfriending both of u
redbinch: ok!!! have fun!!! you libra fuck!!!
doggo: thatsmyOPINION.jpeg
princess brides - 4:40 pm
v-sauce: BETTY AND MARTHA AND MAYBE JD YA'LL GET A LOAD OF THIS
sinnamonroll: WHAT
v-sauce: i
v-sauce: wait hold on
v-sauce changed group chat name to “cool kids”
v-sauce: i got invited to a heathers party
sinnamonroll: Oh! Dank!
v-sauce: yeah but should i go?
sinnamonroll: uhhh do you have a choice?
v-sauce: i mean
v-sauce: kinda?
v-sauce: heather keeps being like super insistent n shit idk
sinnamonroll: which heather
v-sauce: the big binch
sinnamonroll: which heather
v-sauce: CHANDLER
sinnamonroll: oh! Shes hot ;^0
slushyluvr69: Can ya’ll keep this shit down i’m trying 2 nap.
v-sauce: its fucking 5 PM BRUH
slushyluvr69: Ur point?
slushyluvr69: ALSO. No SWEARING IN THIS GOOD CHRISTIAN SERVER!
v-sauce: :|
slushyluvr69: :]
v-sauce: im fuck
slushyluvr69: Oh worm?
bettyboopbitches: i can't w ya'll i just woke up
v-sauce: DFHJGH Why do u all nap at these insane hours?!
sinnamonroll: Veronica got invited to a heathers party!
slushyluvr69: Oh. Gross.
bettyboopbitches: no gay shit?
bettyboopbitches: imsleep.jpeg
sinnamonroll: ya
slushyluvr69: I’m gonna invite myself.
slushyluvr69: Roll up in a chevy impala and crash the whole thing w my insanely good looks.
v-sauce: imma fight you!!! also u definitely don't own one of those.
slushyluvr69: Aight.
v-sauce: also
v-sauce: i’m on my way over martha should i bring some sbux?
slushyluvr69: Can i have a verona pls w like a splash of soy.
v-sauce: WHY ARE U AT MARTHA’S HOUSE
v-sauce: I’M NOT EVEN THERE are u guys watching vines w/o me AGAIN
sinnamonroll: UH
sinnamonroll: Can I have a vanilla bean frap w 2 pumps raspberry??
bettyboopbitches: can i get a HOOYAH?!?
bettyboopbitches: jk i want a venti vanilla sweet cream cold brew
bettyboopbitches: xtra sweet cream xtra vanilla thnx
v-sauce: fuck u guys
v-sauce: yes yes and yes
v-sauce: ill b over in like 20
sinnamonroll: Okay!
slushyluvr69: K.
bettyboop: aight
v-sauce: sadkermit.jpeg
slushyluvr69: Eternal schmood.
bookboi changed group chat name to “big heathers energy”
big heathers energy - 3:03 pm
bookboi: okay, thots:
bookboi: tarzan vs. hercules
bookboi: personally imma go with tarzan because like
bookboi: cmon the fluidity of the animation? Incredible
bookboi: but hercules is just so cheerful and uplifting. And meg?
bookboi: im gay as fuck for that BINCH!!!!
bookboi: greek tiddies
redbinch: What does it mean when a girl brushes like some hair from ur face is she just being nice or what
redbinch: and like her finger trails a little on ur ear
redbinch: what is that
redbinch: metaphorically speaking u know.
doggo: I’m gonna have to go with Hercules
bookboi: interesting choice. Hmmm.
bookboi: is it the sense of humor?
doggo: i just think phil is cute!
redbinch: or like
redbinch: when she looks at you in class
redbinch: even if ur not sitting next to her at all
bookboi: okay but what about tarzan’s mom
bookboi: she was THICC
doggo: ewwww
doggo: she’s a GORILLA
bookboi: EXACTLY
bookboi: T H I C C
redbinch: YALL ARE USELESS
doggo: angery.jpeg
v-sauce and slushyluvr69 - 12:01 am
v-sauce: yo dumbass
v-sauce: you forgot your trenchcoat at martha’s
slushyluvr69: O fucc
v-sauce: ill give it to you in school tmrw ok
slushyluvr69: Sweet.
slushyluvr69: Hey BTW
slushyluvr69: What was up yesterday when u were ignoring me in the hallway and also holding hands w heather????
v-sauce: oh
v-sauce: uhhhh
v-sauce: she doesn’t like you
v-sauce: so i kinda just. Wanted to get on her good side. And like show solidarity
v-sauce: i don’t think she knows i'm friends with u now.
v-sauce: i'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I should have just. Said hi. Cuz you are my friend no matter what. I’m sorry.
v-sauce: if we ever run into you again i'll definitely say hi like normal but it's just right now I really really want to get on their good side.
slushyluvr69: i mean
slushyluvr69: yeah
slushyluvr69: its cool
slushyluvr69: more importantly u held hands w heather
slushyluvr69: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
v-sauce: STOP IM NOT
v-sauce: its like a friend thing
slushyluvr69: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
v-sauce: blocked
v-sauce: absolutely blocked
slushyluvr69: i hope u find love bb girl
v-sauce: :/
v-sauce: thanks.