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It had been two weeks since the team's daring escape from the Framework and May was beyond exhausted. It was only early afternoon, but every weary step back towards her new bunk sapped at what little strength she still had left. How could her legs feel like both lead and jelly at the same time?
It was frustrating to go from peak physical fitness to the malnourished shell of herself she had become. Forcing herself to eat was an uphill battle, but she was allowing Simmons to poke and prod her on an almost daily basis and she was following her physical therapy routines as well as she could manage. Her recovery was not progressing as well as it should be. She had always been a fast healer - what made this so different? Everyone kept telling her to be patient, and every time she heard that phrase repeated she could feel the quiet rage that had settled somewhere in the pit of her stomach build.
Never before had she felt so weak. So useless. So... she stopped then. No point in letting her mind wander down dark roads she knew from experience she might not have the strength to pull herself back from. No, better keep working on the physical problems before she tackled the mental ones.
May sucked in a deep steadying breath and momentarily closed her eyes. She currently didn't have the energy to complete her entire tai chi routine every morning and she could feel the reflection of that in her fraying nerves and frequent headaches. Tai chi kept her steady. Balanced. She didn't feel either of those things now.
She opened the door to her current sleeping quarters and slipped inside. It wasn't as big as her last room and she no longer had her own bathroom, but apparently her robot doppelganger had blown everything on that side of the base to hell so her options were limited now. At least she had the privacy of her own room, which was more than could be said about the majority of SHIELD's remaining agents. Phil was already working on rebuilding, but it was going to take time and money that SHIELD just didn't have right now.
She sighed and lay down on her bed, because that's what weeks of captivity without food or movement did to her - made her incapable of getting through the day without a midday resting period.
It was when she closed her eyes that the phone on small nightstand beside her began to vibrate. Reflexively, she reached over and answered the call.
"May speaking."
"Melinda Qiaolian May, this is the third time I've called. Why have you only just answered your phone?"
May bit back a sigh. "I left it in my room. Was there something you needed?"
"The only reason I'm allowed to call my daughter is if I need something?"
"No, of course not. Sorry."
There was a pause then. "Melinda, is everything all right?"
"Everything's fine," May replied. She mentally cursed herself for being so obvious, but then her mother always did seem to know when she'd been knocked off her game no matter how hard she tried to conceal it.
"Don't lie to your mother; I taught you better than that. I've never heard you apologise for anything in your life so something is wrong."
"I-" May stopped for a second and wondered how much to share. "It's been a rough few weeks. I'm not at my best right now."
"I see. And why are you only telling me about this now?"
May really wasn't in the mood for this. "If I called you every time something bad happened we'd never be off the phone." Even though she couldn't see her face, May knew her mother was frowning.
"Very well," said Lian May. "If we truly have that much to talk about then we'd better do it in person."
"Excuse me?"
"Tomorrow. You will come home."
"Tomorrow I have-"
"Thursday then," her mother interrupted. "Bring Daisy. I'm still upset you took her to your father's house before coming to visit me."
"Mom, I can't just-"
"Bring Philip too if you must."
"He's the Director of-"
"Oh do stop fussing, Melinda. I'm sure SHIELD won't crumble to dust without you." Frankly May wouldn't bet on that. "Besides, it's Thanksgiving. You will spend the day with your family."
"You hate Thanksgiving."
"Yes. Nine o clock. Don't be late."
And that was how on a cool November morning, she, Coulson and Daisy ended up piling into a quinjet and flying out to Pennsylvania.
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"You guys should really install an iPod dock or something in these things," said Daisy. She leaned over the quinjet's control panel to get closer to the window and May batted her hands away from drifting too close to the buttons. "Didn't the Bus have a CD player? Super old school by the way for something so ridiculously high-tech but whatever..."
"I'm not sure music would set the right tone for missions," said Coulson idly from the co-pilot seat. Like Daisy, he seemed to be enraptured by the rolling green fields below them. Usually they were stuck in the back so it was nice to have a birds eye view for once. Or maybe they'd just spent so much time trapped in the base lately that any opportunity to enjoy the great outdoors was too enticing to ignore.
"Come on, Coulson. Look me in the eye and tell me you wouldn't be totally psyched if we played the music from those old Captain America propaganda videos before every mission," Daisy argued. "Music can boost energy. Get everyone ready for go-time."
"Fill out a requisition form and I'll see what I can do."
Daisy huffed. "I've seen you put those requisition forms directly into the shredder way too many times to believe a word of that." Coulson glanced at her and smirked.
"Wheels down in five," said May.
"You don't have to be so formal you know. It's just us and we're going to your mom's house, not like...on a mission," said Daisy. May shrugged in response.
"Spoken like a woman who has not met Lian May," said Coulson. "Not treating this visit like a mission is your first mistake."
Daisy swallowed, her good humour evaporating. If she were being honest, despite her excitement over this little excursion, she'd been suppressing her nerves all morning. She was going for Thanksgiving dinner with her SO and her boss. That was weird, right? She'd spent half the night before trying to decide what to wear because it had been so long since she'd done anything normal that she'd forgotten how to act like a person rather than an agent. After much deliberation she realised she didn't even have normal people clothes anymore and had gone to the nearest open store to buy the nicest pair of jeans she could find.
"You don't think she'll like me?"
"Of course she will," said May brusquely. Daisy somehow didn't feel reassured. "She's still angry with Phil for making me walk across Canada."
Coulson threw up his arms in frustration. "That's why she's mad? I can't believe you told your mom on me!"
"She picked me up from Ontario. It was a long drive."
"Still...that's a really long time to hold a grudge," Coulson groused. Daisy smirked at the petulant note in the man's voice. It was nice to see a bit of the old Coulson. Everything had been so damn serious lately - maybe this visit would do the three of them some good. And God knew May needed some time away from the base; she was already so pale and gaunt that many people were beginning to confuse her for the resident ghost.
"She still hasn't forgiven me for divorcing Andrew," said May. "Or for joining SHIELD. You aren't special, Phil."
"And yet when it's someone you care about you're the most forgiving person I know. Too forgiving even. Think there's a connection there?"
May's shoulders tensed.
"Wow. It's like you want her to punch you in the face," said Daisy.
"Don't worry," said Coulson. He leaned back in his chair. "I think this may be the first time in our professional relationship that I could take her."
The plane juddered and May's head whipped around. Daisy cringed; everyone knew that May was struggling with her physiotherapy and she really wasn't sure what Coulson hoped to achieve by kicking her while she was down.
May stared at Colson without saying anything and Daisy was becoming increasingly concerned by the approaching ground outside. For his part, Coulson simply looked back with a benign smile on his face - he truly was insane. Then, against all odds, May visibly relaxed and allowed herself a small smile.
"Best enjoy it while it lasts, old man," said May.
Daisy's mouth dropped open as May turned back to the control panel in front of her and flipped some switches. Coulson caught Daisy's eye and winked at her.
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Anxiety was getting the better of him and no amount of positive thinking seemed to stem the tide. Stuck together in an enclosed space for two whole days and his relationship with May was unclear ('let's take a step back' - what the hell was he thinking?). And that was without her even knowing all the facts. How do you tell your best friend you kissed a robot version of her? It would have been bad enough if he'd told her when they'd first had that awkward conversation back on what was left of the base, but now too much time had passed. There was no natural way to bring that up in conversation and now he felt like he was lying to her.
Coulson mentally shook himself and picked up his overnight bag from the back of the plane. They'd arrived and there was no point in dwelling on it now. May's mother was like a blood hound and if he let himself think about the guilt in her presence she'd sniff it out in seconds. It was a terrifying attribute of which, thankfully, May had only inherited a portion.
He looked up when Daisy fell into step beside him. He smiled at her, hoping it would help the young woman to relax. Daisy seemed just as nervous about this visit as he was - although for entirely different reasons he was sure. The word 'family' had different connotations to Daisy than it did for he and May, although he hadn't missed her touched little smile when May had awkwardly demanded their presence for the next two days so she wouldn't have to deal with her mother alone. Hopefully May had other reasons for wanting them there other than as a buffer to protect her from prying questions and parental disappointment, but Coulson didn't like to presume.
They reached the front door of the house together and suddenly Coulson found himself very interested by the way his breath misted out in front of him. Damn nerves. Everything would be fine - they'd visit with May's mom (who wouldn't immediately pull a weapon on him), have dinner (which wouldn't be poisoned) and -
His thoughts were cut off when May rang the doorbell. She then took off her sunglasses and hooked them on the v-neck of her dark purple shirt.
"Once more unto the breach," he muttered.
The silence was tense as they waited for the door to be opened, and when it finally was Coulson almost jumped. And...yep there was the glare.
"Happy Thanksgiving, Mrs May. I brought you these," he said, thrusting his hand forward and holding out the bouquet. Lian eyed him suspiciously before ignoring flowers and switching her attention to May.
"You've lost weight," was the first thing out of Lian's mouth.
"Hello to you too, mom," said May.
"Have you had breakfast?"
"Yes."
"Well, I'll make you another one," said Lian with a frown. "Now, were you going to introduce me to your guest or do I have to do it myself?"
"I-"
"Hi, I'm Daisy!" Daisy held out a hand for Lian to shake, which to Coulson's surprise the woman did.
"A good handshake." Coulson smiled with pride. "You may call me Lian."
"Awesome," said Daisy with a crooked grin.
Lian turned her head towards the house. "William! Your daughter is here." She turned back to her visitors. "You three had better come in."
They followed the woman into the house and as they did Daisy turned to him and mouthed, 'she's so tiny'. He smirked back, remembering that he thought the exact same thing when he'd first met Lian May. She'd quickly put any amusement over it he felt to bay with her sharp tongue and total immunity to his charm.
"I didn't know dad would be here," said May dubiously. "With you. In this house. Where there are weapons."
"Neither did I." Coulson looked up to where William May stood in the doorframe of the...kitchen, maybe? "But when a plane lands in your front yard and your ex-wife drags you out of bed at five o clock in the morning with murder in her eyes, it's wise to do as she says."
"Smart man," said Coulson.
"I value my life," William replied.
"Mr May!" Daisy dropped her bag on the floor of the hallway and rushed over to the man. He seemed surprised but pleased when she threw her arms around him. Coulson felt like he should be surprised that Daisy had built such a strong relationship with May's dad during that single day visit over a year ago, and yet somehow he wasn't. Daisy had a way of getting under people's skin. "How are you?"
"I'm well," said Mr May. He patted her awkwardly on the back and she released him. "You all look like you've had better days." His eyes lingered on his daughter and May stared back, daring him to comment. Coulson imagined he would have dared had Lian not distracted him.
"Leave your bags under the stairs and I'll start breakfast," said Lian. She brushed past Daisy and William to enter the kitchen. "And you'd better put those flowers in some water, Philip."
"Mom, I told you we've already eaten," say May. Lian ignored her.
"I could eat again," said Daisy, shrugging her shoulders and doing as she'd been instructed.
Lian shot her an approving look. "Good girl." Daisy smiled in response.
It was strange what a change of scenery could do. Coulson hadn't seen Daisy smile like that since before Lincoln's passing, but less than three minutes here and she'd already thrown herself into family life at the May's. Hopefully it would have the same effect on May herself once she allowed herself to relax.
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Second breakfast had been a sedate affair for the most part. May's mom fussed over her irate daughter and overloaded her plate with some sort of sweet bun filled with pork that were never going to get eaten (though Daisy noticed that under the watchful eye of her mother May forced down a few more bites than she'd managed at the base over the last two weeks) and Coulson awkwardly perched on the edge of his seat like he was ready to bolt at any moment. For her part, Daisy sat back on her uncomfortable wooden chair and enjoyed the family dynamics while she could. It felt...easy to bask in the warmth of the kitchen surrounded by the smell of five spice and something woody that Daisy couldn't identify while the people she cared about chatted quietly beside her.
She briefly wondered if this is what her childhood could have been like if she'd been adopted instead of being passed back and forth from the orphanage and something heavy settled in her stomach at the thought.
"You're not going to fatten me up with a single meal. Stop poking me!" said May. Daisy had to bite the inside of her mouth to stop herself from smiling.
Lian clicked her tongue and pushed May's plate toward her. "You're too bony. I can feel your ribs through your shirt. How did this happen?"
"It isn't like I chose to starve myself. I was held captive. Obviously," said May.
"Don't talk to your mother in that tone," said William May and this time Daisy has to press her hand to her face to cover the laugh about to escape at the incredulous look of betrayal on her mentor's face.
"Thank you, Will," said Lian. She pressed another hand against May's cheekbone and scowled again. May ducked her head to escape. Apparently she hadn't inherited her strong sense of psychical boundaries from her mom.
"I'm so glad you two are back on speaking terms now," said May sarcastically.
"Your mother and I have always agreed when it has come to your health," William said.
"That's not even remotely true," said May. She turned to look at Coulson. "Just put me back in the Framework. Anything is better than this." Coulson smirked and shook his head.
The conversation went on like this for some time while Daisy picked at the food in front of her. She really wasn't hungry, but Lian May seemed pleased every time she pushed down another bite and Daisy wasn't above admitting that even now she desperately craved the approval of a parent figure. And the parent's of her...the parents of Melinda May were the ultimate parent figure, right? Or would grandparent figure would be more accurate? She'd be happy either way as long as it meant she could be a small part of this family.
For as far back as she could remember, she'd never spent Thanksgiving with a family before. Just the nuns and the other orphans in St Agnes, and those had never been particularly enjoyable events. There was one time with Miles when she'd been nineteen that they'd splashed out on two microwavable turkey dinners and spent Thanksgiving together in her van. It had felt special to her at the time because it was, but Miles wasn't her family anymore; these people were. Philip Coulson who had plucked her from her van kicking and screaming and Melinda May who had picked up the broken pieces of her heart after Ward's betrayal and built her back up into someone new. Someone better. She'd never been part of any family for this long before. It was difficult not to wonder when the other shoe was going to drop.
At some point during Daisy's musings the conversation in front of her had fallen into a lull and Coulson was up collecting half empty plates from the table, assuring Lian he would do the dishes. His desperate attempts to please her were as cute as they were pitiful.
"I've made up the guest room for you and Daisy," Lian said to May, after deciding she had pursed her lips at Coulson for a sufficient amount of time. "Philip will take your old bedroom."
"Phil's too tall to sleep in my old bed," said May with a sigh. "I'll share with him. Daisy can sleep in the other room."
Daisy perked up. "So when you say 'old bedroom'...is this where you grew up?" May didn't deign to answer her which Daisy took as a yes. It was a tip she'd picked up from May's dad.
"Melinda Qiaolian May, you will not share a bed with a man you are not married to in this house," said Lian. Then she glared at Coulson, who was now elbow deep in soapy water at the sink, for all the world as though it had been his suggestion.
"You're joking, right?" It was a tone Daisy had never heard May use before and she readied herself to enjoy the oncoming show. "That ship sailed a long time ago, mom. Phil and I have gone a lot further than sharing a bed before."
And suddenly it wasn't funny anymore. "Okay well I really don't need to hear this," said Daisy. She was ignored.
"We've been undercover as a married couple several times," May continued.
Lian folded her arms and it became clear to Daisy that May had come by that piercing, unimpressed stare of hers honestly. "If you think that is a compelling reason for me to allow co-habitation in my house, young lady..."
"I am a fifty year old divorcee, and I hate to break it to you, mom, but Andrew was not the first man I had sex with."
"Oh my God," said Daisy. She glanced over at Coulson who looked equally horrified. "Why are there still words coming out of your mouth."
"This is not polite breakfast conversation," said Mr May, sighing in a way that suggested this was somehow not the first time he'd endured this particular discussion.
"Besides," said May, either oblivious or apathetic to Daisy's discomfort, "Phil barely knows how to unhook a bra so you're safe from us defiling your home."
Daisy covered her eyes. "This is literally the first time I've ever wanted you to say less."
That was when Coulson finally decided to inject himself into the conversation, and unfortunately it wasn't for it's betterment. "That was over twenty years ago. How are we still talking about this? I can unhook a bra!"
"Two minutes, Phil," said May.
"That was not my fault. Your bra had a malfunction!"
"Didn't malfunction before or after that."
"Enough," said Lian. Oh thank god. "You've made your point, Melinda. Daisy can take your old bedroom."
May leaned back in her chair with a look of satisfaction on her face. Honestly, this was the most animated Daisy had seen her SO since they'd escaped the Framework. It was a shame it had been brought on by something that Daisy so didn't want to hear. Not to say she wasn't one-hundred percent rooting for May and Coulson to get their act together and finally admit to each other how they felt...she just wasn't sure where this new information about their casual sexual encounters on missions fit into the betting pool. It would probably be best to just keep it to herself. Or to do herself a favour and find something in SHIELD's archives to wipe her memory of the whole disturbing conversation.
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The day passed in much the way Coulson had been expecting. Lian demanded his help in the kitchen, which he was more than happy to provide, and then spent the next two hours criticizing his chopping technique. For obvious reasons May had always been better with a knife than he was, but she had been banned from the kitchen to avoid any unnecessary disasters. Besides, at this point he was convinced Lian was intentionally creating situations just so she could insult him. He thought about apologising for the whole Canada thing, but he didn't think she'd accept it even if he did.
While Coulson flitted about the small, but well stocked kitchen, May, her father and Daisy sat around the table flicking through an old family photo album that Lian had retrieved at Daisy's request. Coulson had been expecting May to protest more, but instead she'd just sat down where she could see the book and only occasionally interjected in her father's elaborate stories of travel and mischief. Defeat wasn't in her nature, but maybe she knew a losing battle when she saw one. Or maybe she'd also noticed the tension Daisy had been carrying in her shoulders since not long after they'd arrived and wanted to keep her happy. Not that she would ever admit to something like that.
"Is that Peggy Carter?"
Coulson looked around, almost knocking the spring onions he was cutting onto the floor. "Peggy Carter? Where?"
"Calm down, Phil," said May, with a roll of her eyes. "She means in the picture." She slid the photo out of it's worn plastic pocket and held it up for him to see. He inched forward to get a better look.
"Is that your graduation? Why is Peggy Carter hugging you?" asked Daisy. Questions Coulson would like answering himself. She'd never mentioned knowing Peggy Carter to him before, but there she was with her arm wrapped around a young Melinda May holding up her SHIELD badge while both of them grinned toothily at the camera. It was a smile Coulson hadn't seen in such a long time it made his heart ache.
"Peggy was my SO," said May. The photo was returned to it's book. "She recruited me when I was sixteen."
"Sixteen? I didn't realise SHIELD took in people so young," said Daisy, surprised. "Except Fitzsimmons, 'cause of all those PhDs they like to brag about."
"Usually they don't," said Lian darkly. "I still have no idea how she knew about you. Or where we lived."
Coulson knew that Lian had been grooming her daughter to join the CIA from a very young age and he knew how much it rankled her to have lost her to another agency. He'd always suspected that May had sought out SHIELD herself as a way to escape the oppressive post-divorce household she was living in at the time, but she had always denied it.
"I can't believe you've never told me about this," he said. Lian fixed him with a stare and he begrudgingly moved back into the kitchen to resume his chopping duties. It was warmer over by the oven than he'd have liked.
"It never came up."
"Never came up? May, for the first few years we knew each other about eighty percent of my non-work conversations revolved around Captain America, Peggy Carter and the Howling Commandos. You had many opportunities to mention it." He was honestly a little hurt.
"You are such a nerd," he heard Daisy say. As if she didn't already know that.
"Maybe I didn't want to answer all your fanboy questions. It was hard enough to get you to shut up about it as it was," said May with a smirk. "You remember Zlatibor?"
"Fine," Coulson conceded. He wasn't willing to accept that he had been solely responsible for the monumental screw up that had been Zlatibor, but his inability to stay quiet had inadvertently led to May getting waterboarded by terrorists. Not his finest moment in the field. "Still...Peggy Carter herself recruited you?"
"She showed up here without so much as a by your leave," said Lian. She sniffed and dropped a handful of finely sliced carrots into the pot over the stove. "Then she whisked my girl out from under me with false promises of mystery and adventure."
"A betrayal she still hasn't forgiven," William said to Daisy, who was watching the exchange with interest.
"A betrayal she hasn't forgiven me of," May corrected. "You seemed to forgive Peggy just fine. Had forgiven her by the night she showed up even."
"I don't know what you're talking about," said Lian. She turned her attention to the frying pan full of diced shallots and switched on the heat underneath it, clearly done with the conversation.
"I'm sure you don't," said May. Coulson was sure he didn't want to know what that meant.
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Daisy curled her legs underneath her and leaned back into the chintz sofa with a groan. She'd eaten so much that her whole body felt anchored down with it. Lian May knew how to put on a good spread, and while it wasn't traditionally what she would have expected for Thanksgiving -
("I've never had Chinese food for Thanksgiving before," Coulson had said.
"We usually just call it food, Philip," Lian had replied with disdain.)
- every morsel had been perfect. Even May had smiled a few times and Daisy had heard her comment that most of the dishes on the table had been her favourites growing up. Some strategic cooking had occurred, Daisy suspected.
Coulson flopped down on the sofa next to her with his own groan of satisfaction.
"I may never eat again," he said. Daisy smiled lazily.
"I've heard that before," said May. Across the room she sat on the floor, back resting against the sofa her parents shared with her legs stretched out in front of her. The dark circles under her eyes betrayed her earlier refusal to go for a nap like she had been doing for the last couple of weeks, but she seemed content. It was almost unnerving in a way because it wasn't a look Daisy was used to seeing. Still, she could echo the sentiment.
"Yeah, but this time I mean it," said Coulson.
"Then I'll give Daisy your piece of pie," said Lian.
Coulson immediately perked up. "There's pie? What kind?"
"Peach," said Mr May.
"It's Will's favourite," said Lian.
Daisy wondered what it would be like to be part of a family who knew things like that about her. Coulson knew what kind of pizza she liked and a giant pack of Twizzlers always somehow ended up next to her laptop the day the grocery shopping was done, and though May argued it wasn't her who bought them, Daisy knew it was. Did that count? She felt a prickling sensation in the back of her head and decided not to think about it anymore. She needed to stop trying to fit a round peg into a square hole.
"Maybe I could force myself to eat some pie," said Coulson. "Wouldn't want to be rude."
"Phil Coulson - the hero we all need," said Daisy. She tried to grin as she said it, but her mouth wouldn't cooperate.
"Who's side are you on?" said Coulson. He poked her in the ribs and she groaned, too weak to even pretend to fight back. "And before you answer I want you to remember who signs your paycheques."
"Well...usually it's May so..."
"You're here for ten minutes and already you forsake your boss for people with the food? I'm hurt, Daisy," said Coulson. He adopted a faux-wounded expression. "I thought we were closer than that."
"Don't be such a baby, Phil," said May.
"She chose wisely," Lian added. At some point during the conversation her hand had come to rest on May's hair and May didn't even seem annoyed about it. It was so domestic it made Daisy's teeth hurt.
"You should know better than to argue with the women in this family, Philip," said Mr May. There was that word again - family. Daisy took in a slow breath like she'd been taught and hoped nobody would notice.
How could you want something so badly and be so afraid of it at the same time?
Coulson made a humming noise. "You might be right there. Well anyway, everything was incredible, Lian. Thank you. I wish we could eat like this everyday."
"You'd get fat," May pointed out. "Considering how often we get shot at you really want to make yourself a bigger target?"
"Maybe not," said Coulson. He patted his stomach. "Might be worth it though."
It was such an obvious conversation. Scripted almost. The kind of thing she'd seen on cheesy sitcoms (minus the talk about bullets) or slotted into that heartfelt scene at the end of a harrowing drama to a Sarah McClachlan song. Or a shitty made-for-tv Christmas movie that Daisy had simultaneously hated and desperately wanted to replicate as a child. The heavy warmth of the small living room somehow started to feel oppressive rather than comforting. She unfurled her legs.
"Thank you, Philip," said Lian. It was the first thing Daisy had heard her say to Coulson that wasn't dripping with scorn. "You'll take the leftovers with you tomorrow."
"Can I at least have whatever's left of the pie?" asked Mr May, sounding put out. "They don't make it right in Arizona."
"Then you can make it yourself," Lian snapped. "You learned the recipe well enough."
Mr May patted his belly and then waved a dismissive hand. "That was about fifty years ago. I don't remember it anymore."
"Then I'll write it down for you. Melinda is taking the leftovers. God knows she needs it."
"Really? This again?" said May.
"A mother is allowed to worry," said Lian. Was she? Daisy wondered if Jiaying had ever worried about her before. Not enough to not try to murder her apparently. "Especially when her daughter deigns not to call for months."
"Leave the poor girl alone, Lian," said William. The woman's glare snapped to him, but he seemed unconcerned. "You've made your point. Multiple times. She understands - she'll eat everything you send her home with, won't you, Mellie?"
"Yes, dad," said May dutifully.
It was just so...normal and easy and suddenly it was getting harder to breathe. Daisy blinked back tears and bowed her head. Stop it, she told herself. Stop it right now. Just be cool or you're going to ruin it like you always do. Surrounded by at least three secret agents, she really should have known they'd notice immediately.
"Daisy?" It was Lian who asked. "Is everything okay?"
"Yep." Even in her own head it sounded unconvincing. "I just...gotta go the bathroom." She jumped up, jolting Couslon from his lolling position beside her. Four pairs of eyes were on her - knowing, judging. "Be right back."
She fled upstairs towards the room Coulson had dropped her overnight bag in front of when they'd arrived. She just needed a few minutes alone. A few minutes to think.
The room was almost dark, but Daisy didn't turn on the light before shutting the door behind her and making her way quickly over the bed in the corner of the room. She threw herself down and pulled her knees to her chest.
God. Why couldn't she just be normal. Breathe.
This is what she'd always wanted. A pre-made family who were happy for her to spend time with them, even seemed to want to spend time with her. Why couldn't she just accept that for what it was? Pathetic.
She was so consumed by the nasty thoughts chasing each other around her head, she didn't even notice the door open. Didn't notice the new presence in the room until the bed dipped with the weight of a new person beside her.
Daisy stiffened and pushed her face further into the pillow. "I'm fine, Coulson."
"As if I'd let Coulson in this room." Oh.
"May," Daisy acknowledged. She swallowed against the lump in her throat. "If you've finally come to nap, this bed's already been taken."
There was a pause before May said in the softest voice she'd ever heard from her, "Daisy."
"Sorry. Don't worry about it," said Daisy. She sniffled. "I'm just having a moment. Women's troubles, you know?"
She felt rather than saw the epic eye roll pointed in her direction. "That might work on Phil, but you'll have to try a lot harder than that to scare me away. I was using women's troubles to get out of doing things before you were born."
Daisy had to smile at that even while a tear rolled from the corner of her eye and back into her hair. "It's nothing. Really. Just...orphan stuff I guess. I'll be fine in a few minutes."
"You were overwhelmed," May realised. Daisy felt herself nodding. Another wave of emotion threatened to break free but she pushed it down knowing that May wouldn't thank her for it. "We can leave if you need to."
She twisted her body around and sat up abruptly. "No! I don't want to leave." And that was the whole problem, wasn't it?
"Okay," said May easily. Then Daisy felt ashamed because she realised the pillow no longer hid her face. There was no way May was going to miss the damning tear tracks on her cheeks. She sighed.
"It's stupid..." May raised an eyebrow at her. "I just...It feels like you guys are a real family. I haven't felt like I was part of a real family since I was a kid and you know how that always ended up. Me being shipped off back to the nuns."
"You're worried that someone's going to take this away from you if you get too comfortable?" said May. Well when she put it like that it seemed extra dumb... "Daisy. Stop going down whatever road you're going down. I know that look. Tell me what you're thinking."
Daisy shrugged and her eyes fell to the bedspread. It was dark but she could just about make out the blue striped pattern beneath her fingers. "It's always happened before. Even when I met my real parents...my biological parents. That lasted all of five minutes before one of them tried to kill me." May opened her mouth to respond but Daisy forestalled her. "I'm just sad I guess. Seeing what I could have had if I'd grown up with parents who loved me."
It seemed as though May didn't know what to say to that, and Daisy didn't blame her. Despite being significantly more willing to communicate now than she had when Daisy had first met her, May had never been much of a talker. Daisy straightened up and rested against the headboard.
"Daisy...Phil and I aren't your parents-" And didn't that just feel like a punch to the gut. "-but we both care about you. A lot. I know it's not the same, and I know I would not be anyone's first choice for a mother-" She could not have been more wrong there, but Daisy wouldn't dare say so aloud. "-but I can promise you that Coulson would never willingly send you away unless it was absolutely necessary." Then as if the words had been forcibly dragged from her, she added, "And neither would I."
Daisy looked up at the ceiling, desperately willing the tears away. She wasn't sure she could quite believe what May was telling her, but it was still nice to hear. Nice in that 'it feels like my heart is being wrenched in two but at least I don't still feel like throwing up' sort of way. Honestly, she didn't really deserve it. A hand found it's way to her ankle and squeezed. Knowing how reluctant May was to initiate physical contact, Daisy appreciated the gesture.
"Thanks," she forced out. May nodded and then stood up, the small window of time she allotted herself to express an emotion over for the day. "Wait!" Daisy couldn't just let her leave like this. "Before you go..." She sucked in a breath and let her eyes dart around the room. "What's with all these glam rock posters on the wall? Like, wow you were super into Bowie." Some of the tension in the room eased even though May frowned at her. "And Blondie? Not what I was expecting."
"What were you expecting?"
Huh...now that she thought about it she wasn't actually sure. A copy of her room at the base maybe but with everything in miniature? "You got me there," said Daisy, with a shrug of her shoulders. "Last question then." She pulled out something soft and slightly squashed from underneath her. She hadn't even noticed it when she'd thrown herself down on the bed. "Who's this guy?"
"Xióng," said May. Daisy wracked her brain for moment - May had been teaching her Mandarin for over a year now, but it was slow going. Daisy preferred the language of computers.
Then she laughed. Or as close an approximation to one as she could while her throat was still sticky with emotion. "You called your teddy bear, 'Bear'?"
"I wasn't a very creative child," said May. She reached out a hand to take the pale, over-washed stuffed animal and Daisy handed it to her. It was horribly misshapen and at some point it seemed as though an eye had escaped the confines of the bear's face, but May stroked a hand across it's head as though it was the most precious thing she'd ever held. Then she offered Daisy a tiny smile and passed it back. "My dad bought him for me when we moved to America. He was my only friend for a long time."
Daisy took it and held it to her chest.
"I'll come back down soon," she said. May nodded and then left her alone.
-------------------------------------------------
May made her way steadily through her childhood home. The path was comfortingly familiar and she trailed a hand over the wall as she walked. She felt completely drained, both physically and emotionally, but she was hoping to make it at least another hour before she surrendered and went to bed. Her father, she noted as she passed the living room door, had not succeeded on that front and sat exactly where she'd left him, head tilted back and snoring. She allowed herself a fond smile before continuing her journey to find Phil. He'd been complaining about the heat before she'd gone after Daisy so he was likely outside.
The backdoor leading from the kitchen was unlocked, so May pushed it open and let the cool air wash over her. She'd never been very keen on the cold, and neither had her dad, but still she stepped outside and shut the door behind her.
Even though the sun had almost completely set now, she could see the old wooden swing at the end of the yard rock slowly back and forth. If she'd have been inclined to guess, this is exactly where she'd have imagined Coulson to have gone to wind down. Surrounded by soft grass and old fashioned wooden garden ornaments and white fairy lights draped over a tall trellis. Phil must have lit them when he'd come outside.
"How's Daisy doing?" he asked, as she sat down next to him on the swing. She shuffled sideways so their shoulders were touching and pretended not to notice the way he smiled at the action.
"She'll be fine," said May.
"That it?"
"If she wants you to know then she'll tell you herself."
She was sure Phil could piece together the puzzle himself if he thought about it, and maybe he already had, but May didn't feel it her place to share Daisy's secrets. She knew a thing or two herself about not feeling worthy of the love being offered to her. Not trusting the permanence of happiness. It's why she'd divorced Andrew. Why she'd isolated herself from everybody she cared about for years after Bahrain. If Daisy trusted her enough to share even some of those feelings, then May wasn't going to betray that trust. She knew how hard it was to let people in.
She felt more than heard the deep sigh then. "You know just once it would be nice if we could go a day without some kind of trauma rearing it's ugly head. Haven't we earned that yet?"
May didn't answer. She'd been wondering about that herself lately. She'd blotted her copybook a long time ago and then again and again since, but what had the rest of her team done to deserve such unrelenting blows?
"You're probably right," Phil continued. "Life doesn't really care what people have earned. It would be nice if it did though, right?" May closed her eyes and listened to hum of distant insects and the wind rustling through the leaves of her mom's apple tree. Phil would keep talking whether she responded or not. "Where do you think we'd be now? If we were normal I mean. Not that you aren't normal," he rushed to correct himself and May snorted. "I mean if life didn't suck so bad and we had actual downtime."
That was something she didn't even need to think about. "I'd be exactly where I am now."
"Yeah," said Phil. He sounded amused. "You'd be climbing the walls in boredom if you left SHIELD."
That wasn't what she'd meant.
"So would I," he continued. "Being a teacher in the Framework was fun and all...but I always felt like there was something missing." He paused. "My spine maybe. Professor Coulson did not handle that whole Inhuman children situation well."
"At least you weren't a Nazi," said May. More like mumbled really. She was so tired.
"Technically Hydra predates the Nazi party..." He trailed off. "Which isn't really relevant to this conversation. You know that wasn't really you? You'd never have made that choice willingly."
May shrugged. "Maybe."
"You switched sides as soon as you had all the information. If it hadn't been for you, Daisy might never have escaped Hydra," said Phil. "We could still be in there."
She shivered - whether from the cold or the idea of them sill being trapped in the Framework she wasn't sure. She'd spent more than enough time wasting away in that hellhole. "If you're trying to make me feel better you're not doing a very good job of it."
"Sorry." He nudged her shoulder in apology. "And I'm still sorry we didn't find you sooner."
He sounded so unbearably sad, as he always did when he apologised to her for her extended time in the Framework. It wasn't his fault - not really. By all accounts her LMD had been indistinguishable from the real thing. Didn't even know she wasn't real herself. May swallowed and pushed away the rising feelings of...violation. To have someone comb so intrusively through her mind...
"Are you cold?" asked Phil, disturbing her thoughts. "You're shaking."
"A little." It wasn't even a lie.
There was a pregnant pause while Phil seemed to be thinking very hard about something. Then he lifted his arm and draped it around her shoulders, pulling her in closer. She stiffened in surprise, but then relaxed into the warm body next to her. She allowed herself a small sigh.
"Is this okay?"
"Yes," she said. She rested a hand on his thigh.
"Good. That's...good."
She closed her eyes again and breathed in deeply. Normally she wouldn't even consider leaving herself so vulnerable in any kind of open space, even if it was only her mom's backyard, but here with Phil rocking gently back on forth on the old wooden swing she knew she was safe. At least for the moment.
"May?"
"What?"
"I need to talk to you about something," he said. His voice was tentative, unsure. "About that bottle of Haig."
"The one you drank without me you mean?" She was still bitter about that. All those years of waiting, wasted.
"Well in my defence-" She dug her nails into his leg. "-Yes. That one." He sucked in a deep breath and she felt his chest expand. "I didn't just drink the bottle of Haig with her."
"Please tell me you didn't have sex with the robot."
"What? God no! I just kissed her," said Phil quickly. "That's when I started to realised she wasn't you. It just...didn't feel right. Then she pulled a gun on me which was my next clue."
So that was why he'd been acting so strangely around her. She knew there must be something else beyond the LMD trying to kill him because there's no way he'd have been so damn awkward about it if that was all it was. Her lip quirked upward into a wry grin.
"You thought it was me?"
"She was very convincing, but I wouldn't knowingly kiss any of Radcliffe's dubious experiments no matter how pretty they were," said Phil. "Promise."
May huffed out a short laugh. "I forgive you."
"Just like that? I've been kind of freaking out about telling you this for weeks. I had a speech prepared."
"Just like that. Next time just make sure you're kissing the right thing," she said.
There was a pause and May could almost feel the gears in his mind turning over the words she'd just used. "Next time," he repeated. "Right. Next time."
"Do you have a problem with that?"
"Nope. No problem." He turned his head and pressed his lips to her temple. It was sweet...and emphatically not what she had been hoping for when she'd realised where this conversation was going.
"Oh my God, Coulson." And just like that the mood the was broken. May cracked an eye open; she hadn't even noticed Daisy coming outside. "A super hot woman you've been pining after for years is draped over you talking about kissing and you aim for her forehead? What the hell, dude! Where's your game? What more does she have to do?"
She suppressed a laugh, because at the end of the day Daisy wasn't wrong. Then a hand came up to cup her cheek and her amusement faded. She turned and Phil tilted her chin upwards. It was dark, but May could still make out a dusting of pink on his cheeks. He smiled down at her and her own mouth curled up in response.
Then his lips touched hers.
It was soft and chaste and full of promise and unwanted tears prickled behind her closed eyes. She clutched at the front of his shirt and pressed back harder as a quiet, aching longing in her chest began to grow. Then he pulled back, and she blinked in surprise. He was still smiling as he leaned back down and rested his forehead against hers. Her heart thumped against her chest.
"We'll talk," he said under his breath.
Daisy clapped. The sound was jarring in the broad expanse of evening air. "Well, you guys are adorable, but never do that in front of me again. I guess I'll leave you to...whatever it was you were doing."
"Stay," said Coulson. They pulled away from each other and May slid further across the swing so there was a gap.
Daisy hesitated, glancing back at the door she'd come from. Then she shrugged and moved across the garden to sit herself between them. Phil pushed his legs against the ground and they rocked back and forth once more.
"So," said May, "was that better than the LMD?"
"Shit, Coulson, you kissed the LMD?" said Daisy. May chuckled and missed the look of surprise Daisy gave her at the sound.
"Didn't even feel a bit robotic," said Phil. May's stomach twisted pleasantly. "And not another word out of you, Daisy."
Once Daisy had finished cackling, the three fell quiet. Not the heavy kind of silence that had hung between the team since they'd left the Framework, but something easier. Less fraught with emotional distance and things unsaid.
Melinda exhaled.