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Cyrus was sat on a swing pushing his legs forward and back to propel himself up and down. He hummed his swing song to himself trying to clear his head. The day had been a long and confusing one, he had spent most of the previous night texting TJ and formulating the perfect plan to get Buffy to rejoin the team, which Buffy had ultimately seen through, but the one on one was still a good game and TJ apologized finally, In possibly the best way possible for that matter.
But now Cyrus was more confused than ever and just a bit frustrated. He’s just gotten over Jonah and was feeling relieved that he didn’t have these confusing feelings to constantly be overthinking and turning things into things that they aren’t. And now here he was, swinging, confused over another boy. But it also wasn’t like it was with Jonah or didn’t feel like it at least. With Jonah, Cyrus has now realized that that was a more worship thing. It was like Jonah was always on this high untouchable pedestal. But that also made it safe, with Andi involved he knew deep down that he never had a chance, so after accepting his crush there wasn’t anything to deal with after telling Buffy and Andi. No real rejection, no confession to him, no dealing with relationships or flirting, it was pretty simple other than the (sometimes painful) pining.
With TJ, there was more to it. He didn’t see him as the superior person, he saw him as TJ for his flaws and for his good. Saw how kind and sweet and cute he could be, but also saw how mean, insecure and imperfect he could be. And saw that he was trying to be better and working on redeeming himself with Buffy. It was pretty amazing, Cyrus thought. Seeing this guy grow into a better person, or maybe just letting his true self and letting his kindness show, was amazing.
But that BADUM BADUM BADUM of his heart hammering in his chest when TJ looked at him in a certain way or said just the right thing was the same as it had been with Jonah. He just hadn’t realized it until today. Had he known and acknowledged that TJ was cute? Yes. But he hadn’t thought any further on it than that. But everything today, him playing, him and Cyrus making that plan, the rap it all made him feel so bubbly and nice.
He continued to swing and contemplate when he heard a very familiar voice came calling out from behind him. “Hey, Underdog!”
Cyrus dragged at the ground and brought himself to a stop and turned around to see TJ walking towards him in the same winter jacket and green hoodie(that matched his eyes perfectly) from earlier today “Hey!” Cyrus called back, “what are you doing here?”
TJ was now only a few feet away, “forgot my bag,” he says as he set it down on the wood chips and takes a seat on the swing next to Cyrus. “What are you doing here?”
Cyrus shrugs. “Pondering,” he says vaguely. TJ gives him a questioning look that tells him to continue. “I just got over this… crush, and that was all confusing enough in itself. But now I think I have a new crush and it’s even more confusing,” he explained, avoiding pronouns.
“Why was it so confusing?” TJ asked. Cyrus appreciated how TJ seemed to be listening.
“It was one of my close friends,” he said, “but another friend liked them so I had no chance anyway. Which made it...easier I guess?” TJ looked like he was thinking and considering what to say next.
He hesitantly and quietly asked “was it… Andi?” he sounded almost scared or nervous about the answer. Cyrus made a shocked face. He guesses he could see where he got it from. He only has four really close friends, and he knows Jonah and Andi are dating, and Andi being a girl makes it the natural assumption. But still Andi. Cyrus couldn’t even imagine it.
“What?! Andi is like a sister to me,” he clarified. TJ nodded and looked like he was relieved for some reason. Cyrus looked at him for a moment and got lost in thoughts again. He could so easily tell him right now, it would fit into the conversation so smoothly, and by now he knew that TJ wouldn’t reject him for liking boys, but… but... His brain really couldn’t think of a legitimate reason not to.
Cyrus took a breath and looked down at the chips of wood by his feet. “It was..” he felt a lump form in his throat. He glanced over to TJ who was looking at him with a sincere and supportive expression. Cyrus pushed through the lump, “Jonah.”
TJ didn’t say anything right away causing Cyrus to look over to him. TJ looked a little taken aback but not upset or even all that surprised. He nodded and said a quiet, “Oh.” he paused and made eye contact, “thank you for telling me.”
Cyrus smiled, he felt a bit of a weight lifted from his shoulders.
“So,” TJ said. “What makes this new crush even more confusing?”
Cyrus considers his words carefully, he might have been ready to tell TJ about Jonah, but he definitely did not feel ready to tell him about who his new crush was.
“I just... it’s so different,” he says. “With Jonah, it felt so unrealistic and like it was never really going anywhere. But I think this one could, I want it to go somewhere.”
TJ nodded again and Cyrus saw the ends of his mouth pull up ever so slightly. Cyrus pushed back on the ground and started swinging and TJ seemed to get the message he was done talking, at least for now.
TJ watched from where he sat, a smile growing on his face at the swinging boy. “Want an underdog?”
“No!” Cyrus yelled then paused. “Okay, yeah.”
TJ laughed and got up from his swing and went behind Cyrus’s own. Cyrus tightened his grip on the chains as TJ gave him that first push and became more relaxed after a couple more. “Underdog!” TJ yelled and did just that. Cyrus felt himself be lifted and TJ run under him and made a loud noise that was a cross between a scream and a laugh and felt a lightness in his chest, though if it was coming from swinging or hearing and seeing TJ laughing below him he was unsure of. But either way, he loved it.