Work Text:
You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness- like resignation to the end. Always the end.
When Jeremy had the Squip, Michael was alone. Abandoned.
He knew that it wasn't his best friend telling him these things, calling him a loser, but a little voice wormed its way into his head, saying things like, He wouldn't be saying this if he really didn't want to. He knows his Squip is right, somewhere in his heart.
Michael couldn't deal with that.
He couldn't fight the voice- so he accepted it.
His habit of self harm came back strong.
After the Play but before Voices In My Head, they started dating.
Jeremy might've felt bad for his friend. He also might have thought that there could be something between them.
So he was the one that asked, and Michael accepted.
And Michael loved dating his best friend.
Except for one little flaw in the system.
Jeremy had found friends in Michael's former tormentors- people they used to joke about getting revenge on one day.
The popular kids.
They were nice enough, but Michael suspected they kept at least a bit of their mean streak.
They made him feel, well, not like an outsider, but subtly unwelcome.
And Jeremy didn't notice it.
Michael guessed that enough of his boyf riend's Squip remained to help Jeremy stay friends with the high and mighty (and also to make Michael's life a living hell).
So when we found that we would not make sense...
Michael made a decision.
As much as he loved his boyf riend, he couldn't take the under-the-radar torment.
Well, you said that we would still be friends.
So he approached Jeremy one day.
It seemed Jeremy had the same idea, because he was going off about how they didn't make sense anymore and how they were better off as friends.
They broke it off.
Yeah, Michael missed his Player 2, but he was happy to be away from Chloe, Jake, Jenna and the like.
But I’ll admit that I was glad that it was over.
Michael and Jeremy were friends again for a little bit, but soon enough, Jeremy started hanging out with Michael less and less. Maybe Jeremy just didn't have time for Michael anymore, or maybe enough of the Squip remained to keep Jeremy away from him.
It was like Junior Year all over again, except worse- Michael knew that this was (mostly) all Jeremy's free will.
One morning, Michael opened the door to his house to find Chloe, Rich and Brooke standing there. They told him that Jeremy wanted to break off all their ties, because at this point, "you're just weighing me down."
The girls left.
Michael cried, too late to notice that Rich was still there.
But the kid with a head like a rooster's wasn't recording his moment of weakness.
No, he was a shoulder to cry on.
Rich was there when Michael tried calling, texting, dm'ing and emailing Jeremy. Blocked on all counts.
Rich was there when Michael finally told someone about how Junior Year affected him.
Rich told him that Jeremy had plans to ask Christine out and was there for Michael's sadness.
Rich wasn't always around, though.
So instead of using self harm, Michael used music as a vessel.
He wrote songs. He played the instrumentals.
Between the end of senior year and his gap year's end, Michael had taught himself guitar and enough of drums and piano (his weed hookup, Dustin Kropp's, dad owned a music store) and written enough songs to make an album.
He couldn't do this alone, though. So he called Dustin and Dustin called a friend named Charlee in.
As a practice, they covered "Somebody That I Used To Know" by Gotye.
The boys clicked. The music harmonized perfectly.
It became their number one practice song.
Michael on lead vocals, Dustin on electric guitar and Charlee on drums.
They just needed a bassist.
When college started, Dustin and Charlee (who lived together in a little townhouse) thought they would be seeing Michael a lot less.
They were wrong.
When Michael entered his dorm room, he was expecting (and dreading) the onslaught of memories that would overwhelm him.
He and Jeremy had been planning their dorm room layout for years.
What he didn't expect a blond and red haired kid sitting on the second bed, finger plucking a guitar and singing.
His voice was amazing. Not angelic; the song was too dirty for that.
But he could carry a tune pretty damn well.
Rich jerked his head up and grinned at the sight of the person that whispered his name.
"Hey, Michael."
Rich had been kicked aside by his once trusted group. He’d been replaced by Jeremy.
Michael invited Rich to play for their band.
Next thing they knew, Rich was living with Michael, Dustin Kropp and someone named Charlee.
Michael was lead vocals. Charlee was drums. Dustin was lead guitar. Rich was bass and backup vocals.
They videotaped "Somebody That I Used To Know."
It was a tradition by now.
They recorded their first album.
Rich and Michael became best friends.
They just worked. They made sense in some odd way.
One rainy afternoon, while Charlee was out with his boyfriend Samuel and Dustin was at a party hosted at his girlfriend Madeline's house, Rich kissed Michael.
They started dating after that.
Soon, their band’s first recording went viral.
Their music was all over.
They got invitations for record labels. They were sponsored. They played as openers in concerts and soon they had their own.
“Give it up for… Of Antisocial Rockstars!!”
They toured North America for 4 months.
College, something they had all looked forward to, was a side thing now.
Music was their focus.
Michael's favourite part of his job wasn't the fame, or the money.
Michael loved the feeling that he was helping someone- that someone was listening to his music, someone like the old him, with a big sweater and a tendency for being antisocial.
One sunny day, they all took a walk back in a park in New Jersey. Just six 22 year olds, 5 boys and a girl, 3 couples in all.
Michael was at peace. He looked fondly over at a dark haired teen (17, maybe?) with glasses, wearing a black Panic! At The Disco tee and an open, maroon polo sharing earphones with a jumpy-looking boy the same age with sandy hair and an oversized, sky blue sweater that said TREE HUGGER on the back of it.
The latter reached for the former’s hand.
They held tightly.
The group passed by.
An idea occurred to Rich.
“We should play here. Not charging for tickets. We won’t release the information to the public. Just ask the feds if it would be okay and we could play- exactly our first few park concerts.”
Michael nudged Charlee and Samuel, who had been looking at the couply boys that slightly resembled them (what was up with that?) and nodded. “It would be a great way to get back to our roots.”
Two uneventful (except for an interesting incident that ended with a frog in Dustin’s hair) weeks passed.
Finally, it was the night.
They played their hearts out to a (in comparison) small crowd that still held the same energy as a larger one.
They shouted out their high school. They told their fans to visit the Payless in the local mall.
Too soon, it was the end. Rich stepped up to the mic.
“We want to thank you all for coming out here tonight!
We decided to play here, in this little town off the radar, because this is our hometown. It’s where we started. And now, we’re here! Playing for you.
It’s almost hard to believe, considering that I joked about being a teenage rockstar and now I’m a 22 year old rockstar, but we owe all of it to you. And now, to close off our night, we’ve decided to play one of our favorites.”
The crowd buzzed for a bit, trying to figure out what it would be, but the bass gave it away.
“Now and then, I think of when we were together…”
As he was singing, he noticed a small group dart in and begin to push forward.
“Told myself that you were right for me, but felt so lonely in your company.”
They got closer and in only a few seconds, their faces were in full view.
Rich’s fingers slipped. Michael almost choked.
It was Chloe, Brooke, and Jeremy Heere.
The band couldn’t do anything about it now. They played on.
“So when we found that we would not make sense, well, you said that we would still be friends.”
“But I’ll admit that I was glad that it was over.”
As he sang, Michael realized just how much the lyrics pertained to his high school self.
But just like then, he let the music wash away his doubts and sadness.
“But you didn’t have to cut me off- make it like it never happened and that we were nothing!”
The song sharpened his tongue, and it was like a weight was being lifted off his shoulders. He felt like he was finally telling Jeremy how much he hurt him.
A certain bitterness crept into his tone.
“I don’t even need your love- but you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough.”
He kept singing. The fans were loving the emotion.
Jeremy wasn’t looking away.
“Guess that I don’t need that, though.”
He shrugged.
“Now you’re just somebody that I used to know.”
During the instrumental break, he caught his breath.
Jeremy wouldn’t have come on his own, he thought. He’s never liked this kind of music. Must’ve been Chloe and Brooke that dragged him here.
His cue to sing.
“Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over.”
He noticed Jeremy lipsyncing. Glaring.
“But had me believing it was always something that I’d done.”
“I don’t want to live that way- reading into every word you say.”
Michael could hear that familiar voice now.
“You said that you could let it go- that I wouldn’t catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know!”
The voice drowned in the sea of fans' cheers, and Michael saw his ex-boyfriend, his ex-best friend, with tears rolling down his cheeks.
Jeremy rarely cried.
Michael sang the chorus again, this time tearing up a bit. He heard Rich’s vocals and felt them supporting him. He knew that it would be okay.
The chorus played out. The outro ended.
The fans went wild, but Michael couldn’t care less.
He wanted to cry.
“Hey.”
He felt his chin being tilted, and he looked down slightly at Richard Goranski.
“Remember. I will always be here for you.”
Rich latched his arms around Michael’s neck and kissed him. A gentle, short kiss, maybe, but Michael could feel the love behind it.
When they broke away from each other, Jeremy was gone.
Michael managed a small smile.
He waved to the crowd.