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The sound of the basketball hitting the floor echoes through the empty gym. Another point scored. Tyler wipes his sweaty face with the hem of his t-shirt, picks up the ball and tries again. Again. And again.
It was supposed to be refreshing. It was supposed to help him to get rid of all the negative emotions but the monotonous routine of shooting baskets somehow leaves him even more annoyed. 500 shots? He's sure he's already done more than that.
His eyes burn but he refuses to let the tears fall. He sniffs and nibbles at his bottom lip before he takes the ball and throws it against the wall, as hard as he can, letting out a short scream.
This is better. This is more tiring. He repeats the process of hitting the ball against the gym wall until his arms start to hurt and there's sweat running down his back, making the t-shirt stick to his body.
When the worst wave of anger goes away, he starts shooting baskets again. His movements become less chaotic, he's trying to be more technical now. Like back in the days, although he's not ambitious enough to make every shot perfect. Not anymore.
„Tyler!” Mark's loud voice appears out of nowhere and echoes in the gym, startling the singer. „I've been looking everywhere for you!”
„I still have time. Soundcheck is starting in a few hours.” Tyler mumbles, not even looking at his friend. He scores another point.
„It's not about the soundcheck. It's about Josh. He needs you.”
„Oh?” Tyler quirks his eyebrow and glances at Mark over his shoulder. „Does he now?”
„Tyler...” Mark sighs and steps closer. „I don't know what your argument was about but everyone can tell it was pretty bad. I won't make you tell me but you need to know that Josh is currently on the bus, crying his eyes out and having his third panic attack in the last two hours. We've tried everything but no one is able to calm him down, even Jenna. He will suffocate to death if he doesn't stop hyperventilating anytime soon. It's one of his worst attacks I've seen in a while.”
Tyler finally turns around to take a proper look at Mark. He notices the distressed expression on his face and how out of breath his friend really is. Tyler realizes that Mark must have run here. And Mark never runs, even if it's a matter of life and death.
Tyler swallows hard and stares at Mark without a word. His heart starts beating a little bit too fast in his chest and he knows it's not from the intense training. It's fear. The anger about what was said is still strong but the love for Josh and the fear for his well-being is definitely stronger.
„Please.” Mark adds quietly. „Whatever you both disagreed on, I'm sure it's not the end of the world. Josh really needs you, man. We need your magic and we need it now.”
The walk from the gym to the parking lot takes ten minutes. Tyler makes it in three, basically running all the way back to the bus, not caring about taking a shower, changing clothes or even the fact that he left Mark behind or that fans can spot him anytime.
When he climbs inside the bus, his heart shatters at the sight. Josh is sitting on the lounge floor with his back pressed to the side of the couch and his knees pressed close to his chest. He's in the same exact spot where Tyler left him. His face is wet, tears are running down his cheeks, his eyes are red and it's clear to see that he has problems with breathing when his sobs mix with annoying hiccups. His runny nose doesn't help either. Tyler realizes he's never seen Josh this upset before.
Jenna sits next to him with a bucket of water, gently dabbing a wet cloth against the back of the drummer's neck, his forehead and temples. When she notices Tyler standing there, she sends him a long hopeless look, mixed with a slight glance of disapproval. Suddenly, Tyler feels very small under his wife's gaze.
He slowly shuffles closer and falls to his knees in front of Josh. The drummer doesn't even seem to acknowledge his presence. He keeps wheezing and Tyler knows he needs to do something pretty quick or Josh will really pass out from the lack of air.
„Please, leave us.” The singer says, looking at no one in particular.
„Are you sure?” Jenna asks and Tyler nods.
His wife passes him the cold cloth and he doesn't waste any time before wiping the drummer's face. There's a little bit of shuffling but then everything goes quiet when Jenna leaves the bus.
„Hey, man.” Tyler whispers, putting one of his hands on Josh's cheek. The cloth goes back to the drummer's neck. „Josh. It's me, Tyler. Can you look at me?”
Josh slowly lifts his head and he slowly looks up. When he realizes who's kneeling in front of him, his face crumbles and the new wave of tears floods his cheeks.
„I'm sorry, I'm so s-sorry, I'm sorry- I'm sorry, please, I'm sorry-” He blurts out and chokes on his sobs.
Tyler crawls closer, throws the cloth aside and wraps his arms around the drummer, pulling him to his chest. It immediately hits him how hot Josh feels and how worked up he is. Tyler feels bad. Of course, Josh would be the first one to apologize even if Tyler is probably even more guilty than the drummer.
„I don't want your apologies now, Josh. I want you to breathe.” Tyler says, rubbing circles on his back.
„I'm sorry, Ty.” Josh says again and the singer shakes his head.
„Look, we're both to blame and we will apologize to each other a little bit later but I really do want you to focus on your breathing first.” Tyler says as gently as possible. He shifts on the floor so he can sit right next to him. Josh curls up and puts his head on Tyler's chest. The singer places a long kiss on the top of his head and buries his nose in Josh's dark curls. „I'm here, I'm with you and I'm not going anywhere.”
„But- But you s-said-”
„I know what I said, Josh. I know. But I swear to God that none of it was true.” Tyler says, wrapping his arms more secure around the drummer. „Now we're gonna breathe, okay? Breathe in. Deeply.” Tyler instructs and Josh tries to follow but another sob interrupts the inhaling process. He coughs.
„C-can't.”
„Of course you can. Try again. Breathe in. Good.” The singer praises when Josh manages to take his first full deep breath. „Now, breathe out. Slowly. Very good. I'm not gonna speak again. I'm just gonna breathe and you're gonna follow, okay? Listen to my heart and follow my breathing. Let's go.”
It's easier to keep Josh grounded, with his cheek pressed to Tyler's chest and the singer's arms wrapped around him.
Josh cries louder every time he fails to take a breath but Tyler stays silent. He just rubs Josh's shoulders and keeps breathing, trying to make his chest rise and fall in a steady rhythm, simple enough for Josh to follow.
They sit there for ten, twenty, maybe thirty minutes - Tyler isn't sure. At some point, he finds himself mumbling apologies and fighting his own tears that run down his cheeks and disappear in the mess of Josh's hair. He realizes how close he was to ruining their friendship over a stupid argument and over stupid things he said.
„I'm sorry.” Josh says when his breathing steadies enough. He's still shaking but also slowly calming down, not moving away from Tyler's embrace. „I had no right to say those- those things to you.”
„Josh... I know what you said but I also know what I said. We both used words that weren't pretty but we also both know we didn't mean them. You know I didn't mean what I said, right?”
„When you left the bus- I thought you weren't coming b-back. I thought you really left. I thought everything was o-over. I thought: this is it, you've finally made Tyler mad enough to kick you out.” The drummer says quietly, wiping his nose with the back of his hand. „I don't want it to h-happen again, I will not be able to keep going if we argue like this ever again, it was awful, it was so a-awful and I was so scared because we've never-”
„I know, Josh. I know.” Tyler says, cutting him off and preventing another freak-out. He rests his cheek on the top of Josh's head. „I know. I was scared too. I was scared because you were fighting back and I didn't expect it to happen.”
„Of course you didn't. No one argues with the lead singer.” Josh manages to joke and Tyler chuckles.
„Exactly.” He smiles. „I will never kick you out, okay? Never. But I wouldn’t hold it against you if you decided to leave the band after everything I said.” He sighs but the drummer only shakes his head and fists the material of Tyler’s t-shirt. „I’m sorry for screaming. I’m sorry for scaring you. I'm sorry, Josh. Forgive me?”
„I will forgive you if you forgive me first.”
„Consider it done.”
„Thank you.” Josh says and for the first time since Tyler gathered him in his arms, he sits up straight and looks his best friend in the eyes. „Love you.”
The singer's heart swells. He smiles and leans in, joining their foreheads together.
„Love you too, you Muppet. Wanna cuddle in your bunk?”
„No.”
„No? Why?”
„You smell. I’m not gonna let you in my bunk when you’re all sweaty and stinky. I just changed the sheets yesterday.”
„Hey! You don’t smell like roses either!” Tyler shoves him playfully and kisses the bridge of Josh’s nose. He stands up and offers Josh his hand. „Come on, get up. Shower?”
„Together?” Josh raises his eyebrow and smirks.
„Well, we can always invite Jenna to wash our backs...” Tyler says but when he looks at Josh again, the expression on the drummer’s face reveals everything. The singer rolls his eyes but he laughs nonetheless. He takes Josh hand and leads him to the door. „Fine, let’s find her.”