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Keiji does not mourn when Bokuto graduates; nor when he joins Toudai’s starting line up and shakes hands with their prestigious setter. They had always been aware of their capabilities, and when Bokuto scores the first three points of the game with impeccable tosses, they feel no jealousy. Bokuto is in his best shape, and this is what they’ve always wanted to see, after all.
Sakamoto is an excellent setter, and he understands Bokuto’s spikes the same way that Keiji had taken a year to learn in an instant - plus he has the abilities to back it up. Keiji loves volleyball, and loves tossing for Bokuto, but they had never expected to toss for him forever. They didn’t want to pursue volleyball as a career, and even if they did, Bokuto would always be of a higher calibre than them.
So Keiji listens to Bokuto talk about his new team with genuine enthusiasm, and feels no bitterness when Bokuto has to rush off for practice, leaving them to focus on cram school and entrance exams. Though others might have seen it that way, ‘setter’ is not the position in Bokuto’s life that Keiji has ever aimed to fill, and they can watch it get taken from them without the slightest feeling of resentment, congratulating Sakamoto on a game well played when they meet in passing in all sincerity.
Their security fades six months into Bokuto’s first year at University. Volleyball is going well, and though Keiji has been busy with their own college preparations they have still made the time to meet once a week, if only to watch Bokuto’s practice and walk home together, Bokuto chatting endlessly the whole way. He needs the time, and Keiji gives it to him willingly - they need him too, in their own way. Their position by Bokuto’s side is an anchor, unchanging despite both of their circumstances, grounding in the stress of midterms and looming, unknowable futures.
Bokuto introduces them to Maeda on a chilly November Friday, the pair of them pouring over textbooks when Keiji arrives at their usual coffee shop.
“I needed help studying, and I thought it would be good for you guys to meet!” Bokuto says, and Keiji bows politely. They’re not amazing with new people, but this is clearly a good friend of Bokuto’s, and they know how to make a good impression. Maeda smiles with an ease that Keiji has always found out of reach, and when Bokuto sits down again their elbows touch, neither one of them making a move to give the other space.
“Maeda is a life saver,” Bokuto continues, and the rush of gratitude sinks like lead in Keiji’s stomach. “I don’t know what I’d do without him! This whole year he’s been helping me out, you know?”
“It’s nothing,” Maeda says, and Keiji wants to imagine that he’s lying, but they know that the warmth in his voice is sincere - it’s the same warmth that enters their own when they’re talking about Bokuto. Bokuto slams his side against Maeda’s, jolting him, and they both laugh. Keiji’s hands must still be numb from the cold, because they can’t feel their fingers even as they close around the mug of coffee, squeezing tightly to secure their grip.
“You know it’s something!” Bokuto insists. “‘Kaashi does too. They were my best friend in high school so they got all of the shit you do now, you know, the mood swings and stuff.”
The past tense makes Keiji’s brow furrow, but they stay silent, biting the inside of their lip and blinking rapidly. The smile Maeda fixes Bokuto with is filled with affection.
“It’s nothing,” he says again, and Keiji wants to say I know . “We’ve all got stuff. They’re not even that bad.”
“They’d be worse if it wasn’t for you.”
Bokuto speaks casually, as though he hasn’t just shaken Keiji’s very core; as if the chain on their anchor hasn’t just snapped. The rest of the afternoon passes in a daze, and Keiji leaves sooner than they had planned, excusing themself with muttered words that they forget as soon as they are out of the cafe.
Keiji has never been jealous before; they have never needed to be. Their position in Bokuto’s life was as fixed as the sun, but they should have known better. They are only seventeen, after all, and to believe that in the many years that lay ahead of them Bokuto would not be able to find someone equally - or better - suited to him is childish. Keiji did not realise that Bokuto looks at them differently from his peers until he had turned that gaze on somebody else, and now they are at a loss, their footing pulled out from under them.
Not being Bokuto’s setter anymore was natural; not being Bokuto’s Akaashi is alien, and there is nothing left for them to do.