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“Iorin,” Yotsuba-san begins. “What is ‘sex’?”
Just that question is sufficient to make Iori splutter on his water, a near spit-take that would have caught Yotsuba-san in the face had Iori not pressed the back of his hand to his lips.
It’s on days like these – he reflects lamentably, still choking on the burning heat lurched at the back of his throat – that he finds himself inexplicably regretting ever choosing to match his schedule up with Yotsuba-san’s. He had already fought hard against that urge to drop their after-school ‘chilling’ in his room after that first time Yotsuba-san talked about his… incorrigible urge to do things to Osaka-san. And Iori had pretty much been driven way up against the metaphorical wall that time.
Putting his mug down with a soft clatter, Iori takes care to school his expression, lips pursuing at Yotsuba-san’s bright, innocent eyes. (He’s sparkling, which makes it hard to not wince.)
“Yotsuba-san,” Iori begins evenly. Ah, why is he having this talk with him? “We are both high schoolers.” He should know by now. There is something convenient known as the Internet, which Yotsuba-san can just surf. So, why must Iori be searching for words to explain it? “…Where did you hear of that term, even?” Iori tries to buy time.
“No… It’s just that there was that one job yesterday.” Yotsuba-san slouches against the side of his bed. “The cameraman kept telling me to lower my ‘s-sex appeal’…? Or something like that. Sou-chan had to apologize since I dunno what that is.”
…Well, normally, cameraman would be asking for the reverse, wouldn’t they?
“So,” Yotsuba-san catches his eye. Iori stiffens. “What is it, really~?”
S-Se—P-Pe—in—Ah. There’s just no way Iori can explain it. Even as straight-faced as he is, even as diligent as he is, even putting it in textbook terms is excruciating enough even in his thoughts. (To begin with, shouldn’t Yotsuba-san have taken a class on that-? Should Iori be scheduling more time for his school work? No, but his grades have been – Alright, stop. He’ll leave this to a later date.)
Iori pursues his lips. He looks at Yotsuba-san – who, to his aghast, is paying as much attention as Rokuya-san would Magi-Kona.
“S-Sex is—” He hesitates. Iori fights back the urge to fidget.
“Mmh.” Yotsuba-san nods in attention.
“Sex is—” He tries again. The words refuse to come out of his mouth.
“Yeah? What is it~?” Yotsuba-san leans in further. He seems utterly oblivious to what a terrible idea this is. Iori’s mind is blanking for the first time in forever. And Yotsuba-san seems to be getting concerned. “Iorin? Is it really that hard to explain? Sex?” Ah. He said it again.
“I—”
Iori feels ready to combust from embarrassment.
He drops his face into a palm, hides it away from view discretely.
“How should I know what it is?” Ah. He really is a coward. Running away from explaining the birds and the bees to Yotsuba-san… Even though he prides himself on his maturity too! If it was Nanase-san instead… well, that person probably doesn’t know what it is yet either.
“Iorin, you’re red~”
“Please leave me alone.”
…
“Sou-chan, I’ve got a question.”
That is the beginning that proves the unpleasant feeling at the pit of his belly.
“What is ‘sex’?”
He said it.
Yotsuba-san really said it.
Spinning on his heels, Iori hisses as he nearly burns himself on the coffee maker. Osaka-san appears to have broken down entirely, smile freezing on his face as his entire body stays frozen in time slash his original position on the couch. The papers regarding their schedule though – those lightly flutter out of Osaka-san’s grip, his face rapidly losing colour.
“…Pardon me?”
Iori worries for the health of Osaka-san, especially with how the usually eloquent man (save when drunk) croaks out that whisper like a dying man.
“Like… I… Said…!” Yotsuba-san scowls obliviously. “What is sex?”
“…………!”
Osaka-san turns paper-white and it feels like a chill has erupted all around him. Iori is caught by the realization that claiming oblivion may or may not have been the worse decision. Osaka-san has always been more dignified but is also easily pressured. As their senior, what if Osaka-san is feeling particularly troubled at the moment because he thinks someone needs to explain to these minors…? As Iori thought, he should step in now and enlighten Yotsuba-san with the digital medium afterall…!
“Yotsuba-san, do you have no tact? You don’t have to answer his question, Osaka-san—”
“Haah?! What did I say wrong?!” Yotsuba-san is instantly affronted.
“Sex is…” A sudden voice out of Osaka-san.
He’s smiling angelically.
“It’s basically the name of the crane that delivers babies to new parents! That’s what it is!”
Iori chokes. Osaka-san’s brow twitches for an instant. And Yotsuba-san’s quick to believe him.
“Oh…! Is that what is it?! Sou-chan, you’re so smart!” Osaka-san carefully maintains his smile in face with the praises his partner is showering him with. Iori would almost be inclined to believe him if not for the pallor of his face. Yotsuba-san makes a weird sound and face. “Ah… But… Isn’t it a bit strange? For the cameraman to tell me to increase my sex appeal…” Osaka-san’s face twitched just now, didn’t it. “I don’t even have a crane… it doesn’t make sense.”
Osaka-san maintains his smile.
He maintains it with the most admirable effort in the world as he angles his head slightly at Iori – and Iori can hardly ignore that SOS signal after having dumped his responsibility in Osaka-san’s hands.
“The cameraman must have meant for you to crane your neck a bit further up. That must have been what it is.” Iori laments his own increasing ability to lie. Not that he doesn’t subscribe to the belief of ‘some things have to be sacrificed for the greater good’. Ah, look. Osaka-san’s smile just wobbled at him in appreciation. Iori’s certain he’s panicking lots behind those closed eyes of his.
“Is that so?” Yotsuba-san blinks, wide-eyed.
“S-Sex is another way to refer to cranes in the adults’ world.” Osaka-san goes along with it.
Iori doesn’t know at this point what either of them are talking about.
“So ‘sex’ is another word for ‘crane’…! I feel like I’ve learnt something today…!” Yotsuba-san looks prouder than he’s ever been at his new knowledge.
Iori mentally sends an apology his way.
By the look of Osaka-san’s rapidly shifting eyes when he finally drops his too-wide smile, Iori should expect a meeting about this in the near future.
…
“Tamaki-kun got scolded today because of me…” Osaka-san is lamenting in the living room that night, a gathering of adults all around. He buries his face deep in his palms. “E-Even though that boy was just doing what he thinks he’s told…! This is all because of my incompetency…!”
“Oh?” Nii-san’s voice drifts over.
“Come now, you’re getting back to your usual habit of taking too much responsibility—”
“That’s not it…” Osaka-san’s near whimper interrupts Nikaido-san. Iori sympathizes. He feels like that way too often too, particularly in Yotsuba-san’s ongoing attempts to court Osaka-san (which may or may not turn out to be complete failures given Iori’s utter inaptitude in these matters). “I’m just… I’m just worried that that child might get it in his head to do those things if he knows what ‘sex’ is…”
“……………”
What.
“-Kuh-!” Nii-san does a spit-take. “D-Did I just hear you right-?!”
What……
“A-ha.” Nervous laughter from Nikaido-san. “That’s a rather sudden topic to bring up. Did Tama approach you regarding that or something?”
Osaka-san was… He was concerned about—?!
“I wasn’t able to give him the talk.” Comes Osaka-san’s miserable admission.
The silence that follows is equally devastating on both ends.
Iori wonders where he went wrong with his ‘tracing’ of his group members’ minds. (How could he not have picked up on Osaka-san’s concern?) Nii-san and Nikaido-san just… They just seem stunned, by the realization that – yes, they do have to make a decision. Yes, they either have to give Yotsuba-san ‘the talk’ (finally) or teach him how to use google that sort of thing, in which case someone will have to be there to suffer the embarrassment. And speaking of googling, there are certain more… practical things that needs to be taught as well.
(Safe sex practices for instance. How to use a condom for instance, with a fruit. Which… will certainly come in handy in possibly near future for Osaka-san, given Yotsuba-san’s libido. Trust Iori. He knows plenty about the Yotsuba-san’s desires to do something (unknown) – which Iori had successfully directed to ‘working harder as an idol to impress Sou-chan’. Temporarily, that is.)
“…Can’t we just hand him an adult magazine and call it over?” Nikaido-san suggests.
“Look here. This right here is the epitome of a responsible working man.” Nii-san comments sarcastically.
“Just thinking about the unrealistic expectations Tamaki-kun will have of me thereafter… it’s worrying enough to make me fear…” Osaka-san muffles his mouth with a hand.
“There, there… It’ll be alright, Sougo! Your big brothers are here to help!” Nii-san cheerfully claims.
“Stealing my lines now, are you.”
“You don’t have a copyright on it, do you?!”
It’s at this point that Iori turns around and decides he doesn’t want his milk after all.
They are all legal adults. They should be able to figure out something to do with Yotsuba-san. …Right? (He ignores that totally legitimate sense of doubt growing at the back of his mind.)
…
“Iori? Do you have time~?” Nanase-san pokes his head into his room. “We’re having a group meeting now apparently!” He says that so cheerfully, Iori could almost see the puppy tail wagging behind him.
“What is it…” Iori sighs, getting up from his desk nevertheless. “I’m not joining if it’s another drinking party.” He’s had enough of juice already.
“Who knows~?” Nanase-san says, laughter in his voice. It’s bright enough to make Iori relax instantly – till he catches himself. “Mitsuki-san was saying something about something he needs to tell us all minors! Something very important?” He scratches the side of his cheek (cutely).
“………”
Oh no.
…
“Have all of you guys ever heard of sex?” Nii-san questions, slamming a hand on the sliding whiteboard.
Iori wonders when all of this started going off track. In retrospect, he sorely prefers to be the one submitting Yotsuba-san to a detailed explanation of procreation, rather than say, being the one submitted to it. Seated beside him, Rokuya-san inhales sharply, choking on his own spit. Iori wishes he has the capacity to have that same reaction now. Instead, he eyes Rokuya-san sympathetically and feels a migraine upcoming with the way Yotsuba-san’s hand goes shooting up into the air.
“Yeah~ I’ve heard of it.” Yotsuba-san, no.
“You there it is!” Nii-san jabs a finger at him. “What do you think it is?”
“It’s about craning your head further up in the air—”
“Boo-booooo! That’s wrong!” Nii-san makes a huge cross with his arms.
“Craning of head?” Rokuya-san echoes with the most bewildered expression Iori has ever seen on him, shaking his head. Ah. That’s a reaction Iori wishes he could muster too. “How did Tamaki come across such a concept?”
(How should he say it… Iori’s sorry.)
“Alright then! Next is me! Pick me!” Nanase-san’s hand goes shooting up.
“Riku, it is!”
“I’m pretty sure it’s the name of a drink!” Nanase-san answers brightly. Iori’s recently depreciating vision conjures flowers and stars around him. He thinks he needs a break, especially when all the adults in the room, Rokuya-san included, begin choking on their breaths. Iori just drops his face further in his palms.
“W-Well, it’s true that Sex on the Beach is a legitimate drink…” Rokuya-san’s knowledge of these dubious matters hardly uncomplicate things.
“B-Booboo-! That’s wrong too!” Nii-san desperately seeks to reign them in.
“I’m sorry, Tamaki-kun! I’m so sorry!” Osaka-san has taken to apologizing repeatedly.
“Sou-chan…! Stop it…! Why are you apologizing?!” Yotsuba-san’s brows knit together in frustration.
“Eh---… Just tell me when you guys feel up to listening to me, I’ll begin The Talk then.” Nikaido-san scratches the back of his neck sloppily.
Iori buckles up and resigns himself to a more chaotic version of the Talk.