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That sinking feeling you get in your chest when you’re sad is one that is no stranger to Bakugou. As the years have passed, he’s gotten exponentially better at hiding his loneliness. Sometimes, he even manages to hide it from himself. But he can never hide it for too long. That sinking feeling and the stinging, glassy eyes always come back.
Thankfully, his feelings only make an appearance when it’s late at night in his dorm room; he hates looking vulnerable in front of other people. The only person he trusts to share his feelings with is his boyfriend, Kirishima. Kirishima never judges him for anything, and Bakugou is always grateful for that. Sometimes, he feels like he doesn’t deserve him.
The pain in his chest came and went in waves, pulsing through his upper body. A heavy sigh forced itself from Bakugou’s lungs as he sat up, leaning his back on the wall his bed was pushed up against. He tsked as he pulled his heavy blanket around his shoulders, tugging the gap closed with his hands. A while ago, Bakugou had the idea of investing in a weighted blanket, hoping it would help. It helped him fall asleep every night, and it brought some comfort, but at the end of the day, it was never quite enough.
He felt tears prick at his eyes as he looked down at his bed, his fingers intertwining with the fabric of the blanket that rested near his feet. He knew that once he started to cry, he probably wouldn’t be able to stop; Bakugou knew that he had been holding too much back for too long. It’s healthy to have a good cry every once and awhile, though, and ultimately, Bakugou decided he could use some relief. A tear fell onto his bed with a quiet thump, and he inhaled shakily. A quivering exhale parted his lips, and a few more tears made their way down his cheeks.
The pain in his chest pulsed again, and a sob bubbled up in his throat. As soon as the next stream of tears flew down Bakugou’s cheeks, he knew this would go on for a while. Another sob constricted his throat, and his knuckles grew white from gripping the comforter on his bed. He sniffled and swiped one of his pillows from its position at the head of the bed, and wrapped his arms around it in a death grip. As the tears kept coming, Bakugou brought the pillow closer to his face, eventually crying into it.
He knew he was making a lot of noise, but he couldn’t stop himself. The sobs just kept coming, each one getting louder than the last until they eventually sounded like pathetic hiccups. In between sobs, he would take a deep breath, which would burn in his chest. The sharp intake of air was a shock to his system, and it drained his energy a little bit. It slowed down the crying a little, though, which was kind of nice.
Bakugou felt his whole body stiffen when he heard 3 soft knocks on the wall behind him. It was Kirishima. That was their signal; whenever the other was noticeably upset or having a rough night, someone would knock on the wall 3 times as a signal for, “I’m coming in”. Bakugou knocked 3 times in return to let Kirishima know he was heard, and sniffled as he sat up a little bit. With shaky hands, he wiped the tears away from his cheeks. He prodded at his stinging eyes, and froze a little when he heard his dorm room door open.
The lights turned on to reveal a tired, yet concerned looking Kirishima. The door shut, and Kirishima sat next to his boyfriend, placing a gentle hand on the blonde’s shoulder. Bakugou inhaled and exhaled, his breath quivering as it drifted past his lips. His shoulders drooped as he wiped his eyes once more, turning to face the redhead to his left.
Without hesitation, Kirishima leaned forward and pulled Bakugou into a comforting hug. He tensed for just a second, but Bakugou promptly melted in his boyfriend’s touch. The tears that had halted themselves continued rolling down his cheeks, and Bakugou sobbed once again as more tears formed in his eyes.
“Hey, shhh, it’s okay, I’m here now,” Kirishima murmured in a comforting voice upon hearing Bakugou’s sobs turn into quick, shallow breaths. He rubbed the blonde’s back in comforting, slow circles. Kirishima planted a gentle kiss to Bakugou’s cheek, and continued to hold him close. Bakugou’s shaky hands settled on both of Kirishima’s shoulders, never wanting to let go.
The only sounds in Bakugou’s dorm room were Kirishima’s comforting whispers, and Bakugou’s cries. Kirishima’s heart ached in his chest for Bakugou, for he knew he couldn’t get rid of his pain entirely on his own. Bakugou’s susceptibility to sorrow and loneliness had complex origins, starting way back at his childhood. Although it hurt him to see Bakugou cry this way, he knew that being there for him at times like this helped him greatly.
After a while, Bakugou’s sobs faded to quiet sniffles, and he eventually pulled away from Kirishima’s arms to wipe his face with shaky hands. He sighed, his arms flopping down to his side.
“I have a headache,” Bakugou muttered, his voice gruff and quiet. He sniffled and leaned his back against the wall, running his hands through his hair.
“Crying a lot will do that to you. You lost a lot of water,” Kirishima replied, his voice quiet. Their hushed voices sounded like shouts compared to the near silence they broke just seconds ago.
“Do you feel better?” Kirishima questioned a few seconds later, his voice a whisper. With a sniffle, Bakugou nodded slowly.
“A nice, long cry is great stress relief,” Kirishima added in a slightly more cheerful voice, hoping to lighten the mood some. Bakugou scoffed in response, which usually meant he was hiding a laugh. Kirishima always called that a success in his book.
“I don’t deserve you,” Bakugou mumbled after a short silence, his voice monotonous.
“What the hell are you talking about? Of course you do,” Kirishima’s voice rose to its normal volume in surprise. Bakugou looked in his boyfriend’s direction with slightly raised eyebrows.
“You deserve the world,” Kirishima mumbled warmly, placing a kiss on Bakugou’s cheek. A chuckle bubbled up from the blonde’s throat, surprising him.
“Are you implying that you’re the best in the world?” Bakugou raised an eyebrow and a smirk tugged at his lips. Kirishima felt a wide smile pull his lips, and he laughed.
“I don’t know, I mean, I can be pretty great sometimes,” Kirishima shrugged. Bakugou laughed a genuine laugh, causing Kirishima to smile wider.
“You’re such a dumbass,” Bakugou murmured, shaking his head in amusement.
“But I’m your dumbass,” Kirishima replied with a pout. Bakugou rolled his eyes, and pecked the redhead’s cheek.
“Of course you are, Shitty Hair,” Bakugou scoffed, shaking his head again. The pair sighed, and Kirishima leaned his back against the wall they shared. The blonde scooted closer to his boyfriend, and laid his head on Kirishima’s shoulder.
“Thank you,” Bakugou spoke in a low volume, his voice uncharacteristically soft. Kirishima felt a warmth glow in his chest, and he smiled, pressing a gentle kiss to his boyfriend’s forehead.
“Of course,” He replied, his voice the same low volume. The pair sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes, enjoying the other’s company for a while. The dorm room at 3 in the morning was strangely silent and serene. Reality felt altered; albeit a strange sensation, the couple wanted to soak in the feeling.
“Eijirou,” Bakugou mumbled after a while, his voice shattering the silence surrounding them. Kirishima hummed softly in response, letting Bakugou know he was listening.
“I love you,” The blonde spoke fondly, his voice warm. Kirishima felt the warmth from his chest spread to his face, and a wide grin tore his lips apart.
“I love you, too, Katsuki.”