Chapter Text
Ethan was paranoid. He could feel the sick feeling inching its way through his veins, consuming his body, consuming his thoughts, consuming his feelings. Fear. He had felt it many times before, too many to count, and each time seemed worse than the last. His eyes checked the locks on the door again, the gun on the table next to him, the bolted windows, and he swallowed. It all looked okay. It looked fine- like any normal house.
‘See. Perfectly safe.’ He reasoned.
Except they weren’t safe, and this wasn’t a normal house. It was a safe house deep in the city of St Petersburg, and they were hiding from an international weapons and technology dealer. After some mistakes On Ethan’s part, she had discovered Ethan for who he really was, not a client, but a member of the IMF. As soon as he knew that his cover had been royally fucked, Ethan had grabbed Benji from the office he had been in- (He had posed as Ethan’s ‘secretary’, and really rather enjoyed playing around with all the software available from the dealer) and had ran, quite literally with Benji huffing slightly after him while hugging his beloved laptop to his chest, all the way to the city center, where they both disappeared. The safe house was temporary, and would only be used for one night until Benji could find a way out of the country without leaving any traces. So far, it didn’t look good.
“Any progress?” Ethan asked the man in question, sitting forward in the old chair.
“Mmmm. Maybe. I think there may be a British agent who could help us, but she would take a day to get here. That’s one day longer than we were expecting.” Benji frowned, worrying his bottom lip.
“One day longer for him to find us.” Ethan finished, breathing out and rubbing his face with sweating hands. Benji’s glasses were glowing with the reflection of his laptop, and he was curled up underneath multiple blankets in some sort of sofa. Had the situation not been so stressful, Ethan would have marvelled at how cute the technician looked, and then spent a lot of effort trying not to blush. But now was not the time.
He stood up, picked up the gun, and started pacing. He checked his watch, checked his gun was loaded, and looked at the door again. It was still locked.
“Ethan for Christ’s sake. Calm down. I know you’re nervous, but this agitation is only going to make it worse.” Benji sighed, looking up from his laptop. His blue eyes had fear swimming in them too, but also tiredness and worry.
“I’m not agitated.” Ethan lied. “I am perfectly relaxed. Just a bit sleepy is all. Just wanted to-“ he stopped his rant when Benji raised his eyebrows at him.
“Yeah. That’s just a lie and we both know it. And put that thing down Ethan. We’re safe here.” Benji shook his head. “That’s why it’s called a safe house.”
Ethan pocketed the gun, refusing to leave it where he couldn’t get to it. If someone came in, he would need it to protect Benji. Like hell he was putting it down. He did however stop pacing, and glanced down at his friend, who was still looking up at him expectantly. His laptop had gone dark now- the screen no longer alit having been ignored. The soft light from the lamps danced on Benji’s face, and glinted in his eyes, and Ethan could not help but think how it made Benji look like he was glowing. Maybe he was- the agent wouldn’t be shocked at that.
“I know.” Ethan said.
“Good. Then why don’t we get to bed.” Benji suggested. “I personally am shattered, and I know you are.”
“Uh no.” Ethan glared. “No way am I leaving you unprotected while I sleep.” Normally that would have annoyed Benji, Ethan knew, but he also knew the blonde was too tired to be pissed at the moment. He had large, dark circles pooling under his eyes, and a slouch in his walk more extreme than usual.
“Ethan. I don’t need protection. I need sleep. And so do you. Look at you- you’re getting delirious for God’s sake.”
“Am not.” Ethan huffed.
“Are too. And I am as well. So goodnight.” With that Benji stood up, and cradling his laptop like it was his child, he shuffled over the room he had chosen. With about one million blankets trailing on the floor behind him.benji was rapped in so many he looked like a burrito.
Ethan was left standing there.
Was Benji right? Probably. He mainly was always correct, and Ethan was tired. He wanted to crawl into a ball and sleep forever. But he also cared for Benji, and that was more important. Keeping him safe. He checked his gun was loaded- again, checked the door and windows, before switching off the lamp and following after him.
Benji was already getting into bed when Ethan walked in. He turned turned and nodded to him, before sitting on the side of the bed, but when he noticed the gun in Ethan’s hand, He glowered at him.
“Ethan- give it a rest! I’m fine. I’m a grown man I can look after myself. Just go to bed.”
His tone suggested he was getting annoyed now, which wasn't good. An annoyed Benji was not a Benji Ethan could deal with at the moment. He still wasn’t backing down though.
“No. What if while I’m asleep she finds us?.”
Benji considered this, and Ethan was glad he was taking his thoughts into account. For a moment, Ethan thought he had hit the nail in the head. He had not.
“Fine. Stay up.” Benji grumbled, pulling himself under the duvet. “But when you can’t properly function tomorrow, or the day after, don’t come complaining to me.”
Benji clicked off the light, and glared at Ethan, his bright eyes always finding him, even in the dark. It was hard to be pissed at him, especially when his hair, so usually well combed, was standing up in quiffs, and his face, abundant from glasses, peaked out from under the covers. All the older agent wanted to do was pick him up and hug him to all his heart's content. Just to have Benji in his arms- to know he was safe, that was all he wanted. Was that too much to ask?
It was at this moment Ethan made a very rash decision. He gave in to Benji. Again. Because he could do nothing else. He kicked off his shoes, shrugged off his jacket and, still with wariness, placed the gun on the bedside cabinet. He made a point of switching on the safety first though.
“Ethan?” Benji asked, looking more than confused. Ethan then removed his belt, emitting a gasp from Benji, and he made his way over to the bed.
“Ethan! What in God’s name do you think you’re doing?” Benji yelped.
“Protecting you.” Ethan replied. It seemed a good enough excuse to validate what he was doing, and it was true. He did want and need to protect Benji, and this way, he would never be more than half a second away from him. In his very sleep deprived mind- it made perfect sense. Though maybe not to Benji.
“Ethan!” Benji stuttered, really at a loss as to what to say. He was sat up again, gaping down at Ethan like he had just admitted to being a duck in disguise.
“Yes?”
“You- You can’t just-“
“Just what? I’ll keep you safe this way, nobody will be able to get to you in time to hurt you, and I will sleep. You will sleep. Everyone’s happy.”
“I’m not! Ethan- we, we….people will talk!” He spluttered.
“No. No one will find out. Besides we aren’t doing anything. Just sleeping in the same bed, for safety reasons.” Ethan gave a lopsided smile, and laid his head on the pillow and looked up at his friend expectantly.
By now Ethan was well aware his feelings for Benji had gone past friendship. He had realised probably the night after the bomb incident in London, and now it was all that consumed his thoughts. He still loved Julia, more than anything, but he felt something for Benji now too. He didn’t love Benji yet, but he knew with time, he would. Of course, Ethan would rather choke on his own vomit than say anything to the younger man, so a personal secret it had stayed. But, when in a position like this, Ethan couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like, a relationship with the technician. He could feel Benji’s warmth radiating off his body like it was a damn furnace, and it took every bit of his strong will not to snake his legs around Benji’s, and to just hug him until all of this horrible, horrible situation was over.
“Safety reasons huh?” Benji grinned, his eyes having dropped their concern at seeing Ethan’s relaxation. “Well okay. But this is for one night only- you hear? I like my personal space, and I will not have you constantly invading it.” He joked.
“Yes Sir.” Ethan smiled back, his chest calming with the thought of Benji being safe. It was all okay. Ethan was in control.
He closed his eyes, but opened them when he felt Benji’s peacock coloured eyes staring at him. Benji had laid down, and his face was pressed gently into the pillow next to Ethan’s. He was close. Ohhhh, so close and Ethan could reach out and stroke Benji’s hair if he wished.
‘Too close. Too close. Too close, too close, too cl-‘
“Thank You Ethan.” Benji whispered. His voice was quiet, but it didn’t need to be loud when Ethan was so nearby. He could hear the blondes breath ever so slightly, and that comforted Ethan massively.
“What for?” Ethan whispered back. He felt like a teenage girl on a sleepover. He didn’t care.
“For giving a shit. Even if I wasn’t happy with it- you had been willing to stay up tonight for me. You got me out of that place today, and ran slower so I could keep up. Thank you.”
“Hey, no worries. That’s what friends do, right?”
“Yeah.” Benji smiled. He scooted even closer to Ethan, so close he could feel his breath on his skin slightly. It was warm, and safe, and caused a shiver to make its way down Ethan’s spine.
Then, Benji did something completely out of the blue. With shaking hands and closed eyes, he reached out and laid his arm across Ethan’s stomach. Ethan tried hard not to gasp- he really did, but it didn’t work. He hadn’t seen this coming at all. He had fantasised sure, after long, difficult missions, but he had never, ever allowed himself to consider it ever becoming a reality. And yet….
Benji heard, and instantly went to pull back but Ethan caught Benji (he would always catch Benji, always save him) and laid his hand on his stomach again. Just as slowly as Benji had, he shuffled closer to him, and very carefully, pulled his body into his, until the two were laying entwined. Benji’s hands curled into Ethan’s shirt, and Ethan smiled so hard he thought he would combust. He felt safe, so safe and exultant. Benji was hugging him, and he was hugging him back.
Benji felt warm, soft, firm and perfect in Ethan’s arms. He felt right. Ethan, being the shorter of the two buried his nose into Benji’s neck at closed his eyes. He smelt like rain and honey. Not the gunfire, blood and danger Ethan was so used to smelling.
“Ethan?” Benji asked, his voice slightly muffled.
“Mmmm?”
“I give a shit about you too.”
“I’m glad.” Ethan breathed.
It wasn’t long before he fell asleep after that. Ethan dreamed of rain on a spring day, and Benji laughing. It didn’t matter he would never be able to kiss Benji- this was more than enough.