Chapter Text
The Soulmate Question: A Perspective
By Silvia Stratworth
Soulmates, and soulmate bonds, have existed in our species for thousands, possibly millions, of years. They’ve been recorded in ancient civilizations from Sumer to Egypt. But while writers can wax poetic about the concept of soulmates, the reality of soulmate bonds is far from the romanticized fantasy.
It’s generally agreed upon that someone can only create a bond if they’re born with a specific gene, though said gene is currently unknown. Even then, a person with the gene can create a bond with just one specific person- their soulmate. The bond is activated when the two people come into physical contact with each other. It doesn’t have to be something long and drawn out by a hug. Simply brushing hands in a hallway is enough to activate it. One touch is all the bond needs to awaken.
While the activation of soulmate bonds are generally understood by everyone, what happens after is a bit more murky. The second the bond is activated, the minds of the two people are permanently, psychically connected. They can read each others, thoughts, emotions, and even communicate with each other mentally once they’re familiar. Soulmates have a heightened awareness of the other’s needs- when they need to eat, sleep, etc. A soulmate is theoretically someone’s perfect match. Not all soulmate bonds are romantic, but a person’s soulmate is almost always the one they’re closest to. Many with soulmates say their soulmate is the only one who can understand them.
The positive aspects of soulmate bonds are compelling, but it’s widely agreed the negative aspects outweigh any positive. Soulmates are meant to be together; in some countries, they’re forced to marry, in others, they’re at least forced to live together. But science has shown that being separated from your soulmate for too long could start to take a toll on one’s sanity. There have been reports of people whose partners have gone missing that went insane, their minds desperately trying to re-spark the connection with their other half. Of course, the biggest negative to the soulmate idea is that when one soulmate dies, the other will too.
Of course, this has many people worried about having a soulmate. Anti-soulmate legislation has existed for years, and only now are soulmates starting to gain some rights. They are now permitted to have children, though many are still worried about spreading the unknown soulmate gene. They are allowed to work separately, though they have to prove they can handle the stress for several hours. Progress is being made, though slowly.
However, to any panicking, wondering if they have a soulmate: do not worry. There are only about 10,000 soulmate pairs in the world, and even if you possess the gene, the odds of you meeting your soulmate in a world with over seven billion people is incredibly slim. The odds of you having a soulmate are astronomical……….
“What are you reading?” Heidi Hansen said, hand reaching out to ruffle Evan’s hair. “I thought you were working on a letter. You know, Dear Evan Hansen, today is going to be a good day and here’s why! ”
He batted her arm away. “I know, I know. I’m just Googling random things, Mom. Just leave it be.” Evan winced when Heidi backed away, but it was too late. He’d already messed it up, made his mom sad before she even made breakfast. “I’m gonna work on the letter right now, though! I promise!”
“I know,” his mother leaned in a squished his cheeks. “I am so proud of you.” A gasp. “Oh, you can get the kids to sign your cast at school today! I’m sure they’ll love that. You can tell them so many stories of your summer at Elliston State Park, and-”
He nodded. “I will, Mom.”
“Shoot,” Heidi glanced at her watch. “I’m going to be late for work. You can walk to school, honey, then have Jared drive you home in the afternoon.” Evan resisted the urge to frown. “Okay,” he said.
“Love you, sweetie!”
“I love you too, Mom.” But at that point, she was already gone.
Evan didn’t love walking to school. He hated it, in fact. He was constantly looking over his shoulder, trying to see if anyone was watching him, judging him. Or if anyone even noticed he was there at all, shoes making a squeaking noise as they scuffled along the street. His bag, despite it being the first day of school, was already heavy with the binders and notebooks he bought to be prepared. He sighed. It was not going to be a great day, or even just a good one.
He slipped into the school unnoticed. No heads swiveled as he opened the imposing blue doors. No voices shouted out to get his attention. But he could still feel himself clamping up, wondering what are they thinking what are they thinking what are they -
“Evan!” Alana Beck, probable future President or Senator, said. “How was your summer?”
“It was-”
“Oh my god!” She pointed to his cast. “You broke your arm? How on Earth did that happen?”
“Well, I kinda, fell out of a-”
Alana wasted no time interrupting him.“My grandmother broke her hip over the summer. The doctors said that was the end of the end. They were right, because she died next week.”
“I-” He didn’t know what to say. Should he say he was sorry for Alana’s loss, or was she being sarcastic? If she was being sarcastic, then what did she want him to do? Should he laugh, or would that make him insensitive?
Breathe, he tried to tell himself. You have to breathe.
“Alana, I’m-”
“Sorry, Evan.” The girl looked down the hallway, where the clock was located near the stairs, ticking closer and closer to the start of first period. “I have to go! See you later!”
He didn’t even get to mutter a goodbye. Evan simply stood there, criticizing himself for failing at yet another social interaction. Alana Beck wasn’t high up on the popularity chain. If he couldn’t talk to her, how could he talk to a girl like Zoe Murphy?
“Hey, Tree Boy,” it was Jared, glasses crooked, smiling as he pointed a finger gun in his direction. “How does it feel to be the first person to break an arm jerking off?”
He blushed, turning around, hoping no one heard. “I didn’t do- that! Jared! I already told you how I broke my arm, but you didn’t listen to me-”
“Ah, ah, ah, ah,” Jared made a beak-like gesture with his hand. “You can’t expect me to pay attention to that stuff all the time, loser. Who do you think I am?”
“My friend,” Evan said. “I- I thought we were- fri- friends, Jared.”
Jared stared at him for a few seconds. Then, he laughed. “Dude, I have actual friends. People I’m not embarrassed to be seen with. “You- he jabbed his finger at Evan’s chest. “Help pay for my car insurance. For that, I will be eternally grateful.”
Evan really didn’t understand Jared. He had no one else to hang out with, so he kept coming back to his family friend. All he did was try and make Evan more miserable than he usually was, which said quite a lot. But Jared kept inviting him over to his house, occasionally, to play video games or watch video games. Though he seemed to find Evan intolerable, he kept talking to him.
Probably for the car insurance , he thought. That’s all I am to him.
“I told you- that I fell- out of a tree. That’s how I broke my arm.”
More laughter. “Out of a tree? Seriously? Did you see Zoe Murphy’s hair flowing in the distance? Or thought of her Instagram posts that you get off to?”
“Shut- shut it, Jared!. How- how many times do I have to tell you it’s not like that-?”
Jared wasn’t paying attention to him. “Hey, Connor! Nice school-shooter chic look you got going on there!”
Connor Murphy did not look impressed. Evan backed away from him instinctively, like everyone else at school did. His tall, lean build, pale skin, and long dark hair added to an already intimidating aura. Evan can remember what he was wearing, that day. Black jeans, sneakers, a gray hoodie. No gloves. Just his bare hands.
“Hilarious,” the other boy said, voice teeming with rage just barely being held back. “Can’t you see me laughing right now?” His face was as still as a statue.
Jared took a few steps back. “Learn to take a joke, Murphy.” He let out one nervous chuckle. “I always knew you were a freak!” Then sprinted in the opposite direction. It was only Evan and Connor, neither boy attempting to move.
Connor Murphy scared Evan Hansen. He scared everyone at their school, in fact. Everyone heard the story of when he threw the printer in second grade. Rumors flew abound, whispers of his next victims. Evan didn’t like to pay attention to gossip, but every story he’d ever heard about Connor came to mind when he saw him.
Years later, he wonders what would’ve happened if he hadn’t made that sound. If he’d simply walked away from Connor Murphy, just another face in a massive student body. If that one worried laugh hadn’t escaped his throat.
“You think I’m the freak?" Connor lunged toward him, arm extended to Evan’s upper chest. “Fuck you, you’re the freak!”
Connor likes to ask him what it felt like. Evan always says that it happened too quickly to feel anything. That it was over in a second. That there was no time to process what had just happened. That is what he tells Connor.
What he tells Connor is not the truth.
Truthfully, it happened slowly. Time seemed to stand still as Connor reached out, and a fiery pain erupted right below his collar bone. His head throbbed, his mind filled with fucking Larry and god why did he laugh why do they always laugh and an image-an idea- of a bottle of pills in the kitchen cabinet.
He saw Connor Murphy’s eyes as he fell to the ground. It was happening to him too. Connor Murphy’s blue eyes widened.
Then Evan’s world flashed white, and faded away.