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Hui was truly and utterly exhausted. He was quite literally drained to the bone. He barely had enough energy to wake up and head over to practice, let alone try to write another song set to be released in less than three months.
Hui had been involved in many activities since the end of the year and the first half of the next year. From his promotion with his members to a short break that involved him working again to having another comeback and then going onto a tv show where he had to compose even more music to having another comeback with his best friend and his senior only to return to their company and begin writing even more songs for his own group’s second comeback of the year.
Hui had believed he was strong enough to handle the workload and had graciously accepted each one, eager to attain some experience and learn something new, and he had. He learned and met new people and things with each activity, and even had a chance to sing in front of one of his seniors. It was truly a wonderful and exhilarating time where not even a second could be wasted.
However, the thrill and wonder soon died out. Hui soon after began feeling the effects of the hefty, ever-increasing workload. He had to split every hour of his day between two or more activities, either practicing with his group or creating a song for someone. In addition, his best friend ended up getting caught up in various rumors that he confirmed and was consequently pulled from the comeback, leaving Hui to handle the stressful workload he had waiting for him, his own members troubles, his own troubles and the fear that he could lose his best friend and never be able to perform on the same stage together, as one team in front of their fans.
Hui could barely stand it.
He didn’t know if his desperate pleas would ave any effect on the management currently planning to remove his best friend and his group was suffering greatly from it. The younger ones were barely a shadow of their previous, mostly active selves, and instead were silent, brooding and meek, barely speaking to anyone unless addressed or asked a question.
The ‘middle ones’ as he liked to call them were trying their hardest to be cheerful and upbeat but Hui couldn’t count how many times he’d found them wiping tears or looking so despondent and drained.
It was up to him and his hyung, the eldest in the group to maintain their group and try not to fall apart as well. The situation only worsened when Hui learned one of their own was hospitalized from exhaustion and over-work.
The next day, Hui went together with the others to visit their sick member and nearly cried when he saw how weak and frail he looks, skin stretched taught and bones protruding from the visible parts of his skin. Hui had always known the younger man was born with a weak body constituency and was much more prone to sickness than the rest of them, but this wasn’t because he was sick.
This was because he had been pushing himself too hard too fast and tried doing several things all at the same time, while having to deal with the pressure and the fear of being on a stage alone, his members far away from him, and coupled with the constant flying back and forth between countries without a moment’s rest.
Hui put on the bravest face he could muster and began playing around and joking with the others, trying hard to lift the crippling tension. It took a while but eventually Hui stopped feeling like he was going to die from suffocation and began acting like how he had self-engineered himself to.
They all left after spending the entire visiting time there and went to their separate cars quietly, the happy and bubbly atmosphere from the hospital long since gone. Hui wanted to say something really. Anything to break through the metaphorical chains he felt strapped around his body, but nothing came out and the eight of them were driven back to their respective dorms.
The next day was the jacket shooting for their MV so they had to be up and ready as early as five. Hui woke up and groggily went to wake up the others, his moves almost robotic. He left Kino and Hongseok to wake the others up while he went to shower and possibly catch some sleep there.
Hui startled awake when he slid and nearly fell onto the bathtub’s taps. He held his hand over his heart, trying to calm it while simultaneously shakily climbing out of the bathtub. Hui carefully got his towel and after thoroughly drying himself, he steadily went out of the bathroom and into his bedroom to change.
The jacket shooting was a success on the first try and they were soon left to go about and converse. Hui questioned how a door that moved only moved backward, how it would open frontally. The answers he received left him questioning the mental stability of his friends, their (most definitely one) braincell power and his own braincells for asking something as nonsensical as that, but the question did what he had intended it to do.
His friends were momentarily stuck trying to answer hiq question instead of focusing on their sad circumstances. Hui moved aside from his friends and staff, careful to inform one what he was going to do and pulled out his phone.
Hui dialled the number he’d memorized by heart and waited for the owner to pick up. A click was heard and Hui knew the call was connected. He looked around him before beginning to converse with their only Chinese member.
Soon after that, Hui collapsed.
Hui remembered bits and pieces before his collapse whenever he was asked what happened. He remembered that it was a few days after the jacket shoot and in between those days he was packed full with schedules and composing he barely had any time to sleep or eat. Hui remembered it was late at night, past ten p.m, when he shut down his computer and stood up to exit his room and head downstairs to the practice room when it happened.
Hui had stood up and instantly felt dizzy and nauseous. He held onto the edge of his desk, using the wood as support as he tried to stabilize his body. Hui held a hand over his eyes, blocking the suddenly intense light trying to sear its way into his brain and counted down from twenty while inhaling and exhaling in a steady rhythm as he could muster.
Hui breathed out when he believed he was okay, and let go of the desk, taking a step forward. The next thing he knew, his legs gave in and all he could see was his room falling down as he went and then it was black.
Hui, when he woke up, heard that Shinwon had been the one to find him laying down on the floor, breathing unsteady and nose dripping blood onto his carpeted floor. He also heard Shinwon had been frantic and had immediately called the ambulance then the staff. By default, the rest came rushing as well, wondering what all the panic was about.
When they saw Hui being carried onto a stretcher, the worst possible situation came into mind. Hui felt ashamed as he remembered how puffy and red-eyed his members had been when he woke up in the hospital, IV drip in his arm. Kino, Yuto and Wooseok had immediately pounced on him and had cried heavily into his hospital clothing.
He tried comforting them but their sobs were louder and eventually the others began crying and so did Hui, the pain of having to hold everything in, unable to share with anyone since they were all suffering through the exact same thing. The pain of being at work everyday, barely sleeping or eating. The pain of seeing his members hurting and knowing he was unable to soothe their pain.
That day, Hui cried harder than he ever did before, even harder than when they were about to debut and were reading each others messages, back when they were ten and there wasn’t two gaping holes in their chests.
Soon after his collapse, Hui was released from the hospital and was ordered two weeks of rest. Hui didn’t see how it was possible since their comeback was in two days but didn’t say anything. He kept quiet and nodded, thanking the doctor for his work as he went, mentally imputing a reminder to comeback for the medicine the doctor recommended.
Hui went home and for the first time in a while, the entire group was there, Yan An and Hyojong included. They were huddled around each other in a corner. The TV was off and there was barely any conversation passing through them, all were shrouded in silence as if trying to absorb comfort and reassurance from their body heat alone.
They all turned to him when he entered and he waved weakly, acutely aware of how his previously most fitting clothes sagged on him in what had to be unattractive. Hui watched as they all shifted around and opened a hole for him to enter. Hui went over and sat down, instantly enveloped into a hug by all of them.
That day, they all cried themselves to sleep, unsure of what the future held for them, but not a single one of them detangled themselves from one another. It seemed Hui’s theory was correct and they were indeed trying to absorb each other’s presence from skin contact, pressing against each other tightly and not willing to let go.
Hui woke up to Kino and Yuto hugging tightly with Wooseok wrapped around his waist, his large arms gently holding him as if afraid that he’d break. Hui smiled gently and ran a hand through Wooseok’s hair gently, enjoying the feeling of the coarse green hair on his palm.
The large baby shifted and Hui petted him before gently detaching his hands and slinking away from the pile, his bladder full.
Hui refreshed himself and went back to find Hyojong and Yan An awake. They looked like they were waiting for him, so Hui moved over to them and sat down near them.
It took a short while, but soon after he sat, Hyojong and Yan An began to talk and apologize for what had happened. Hyojong apologized for coming out with the news, and said he was a very selfish person, choosing to have his own happiness in public rather than prioritize his friends and group.
Yan An apologized for dropping out of the Chinese show he’d flown out to attend and revealed his true emotions about being hospitalized and being separated from his members. He was thankful for Jun, because he didn’t know what he would’ve done if he wasn’t there. Yan An revealed that he was in a dark place back then and had nothing but negative emotions in his mind and heart.
Hui sent a mental thank you to Jun and made sure to remember to thank his seniors if he had the choice. Hui sat there and listened to his members reveal their true emotions, left bottled up inside of them for so long, Hui wondered how they didn’t implode.
And when they were done, Hui hugged each one for nearly a minute. He didn’t say anything, he didn’t know what to say and hugged them tightly, tightening when they hugged him back just as if not more fiercely.
Hui pulled back and kissed each one of them on the forehead and cheeks before telling them that he loved them and it wasn’t their fault. Hui made sure to drive home the fact that none of them blamed them and the choice to reveal Hyojong’s relationship was decided amongst them all and it was a unanimous vote.
Hui told Yan An that he always knew about his insecurities but he never knew how to approach it, thinking he'd come to him when he needed to, and was thankful and praised Yan An for his bravery and determination. He knew from experience attending a show, a survival show at that, could be tremendous pressure, worse when the people closest to him couldn’t attend.
Unlike his situation, Hui was able to have his members there, five of them came to support him and were there in the crowd, watching him perform in front of thousands on screen and off-screen. Yan An was alone. He only had their Chinese fans, Jun and his family. They, the nine people who were always with him, couldn’t be there and that must have been hard for him.
Hui held their hands tightly as they cried again, fighting back his own tears. Hui enveloped them in a giant bear hug, crying silently behind them as they grasped and held onto him tightly. When the other woke up, Hui, Hyojong and Yan An were still in that position but they’d long since stopped crying.
Hui was made to follow the doctors orders and rest as much as possible but he still had to participate in group activities and practice. He was mostly banned from going to compose until late night by management and his own members. There was always someone ready to pick him up at 11 sharp, and it always rotated, it was never the same person twice.
Hui felt flattered but also slightly bothered. It was his own fault though, if he’d tried to not take up more than he could handle he wouldn’t have had to have his members baby him and always watch him, even when they thought he couldn’t see them.
Hui sighed and got up, shutting his computer and walking out of his office, and true to his belief, there was someone waiting for him. It was Yuto. The young man had dressed in all black, with loose black sweatpants and a black shirt coupled with a black cap. He looked up from his phone when he heard Hui emerge from his room and together, they went back to their dorm.
A while after his collapse, news came from the management that Hyojong was to remain in the group but under probation and wouldn’t attend or be involved in their next two comebacks. Hui, when the news was revealed bolted back to their dorm and waited for each member to arrive.
As if running, nearly five of them bursted through the door and Hui immediately ran up to them and hugged them, each one screaming in joy and happiness. The remaining four appeared after them and they were all in a giant group hug that was messily formed and had nearly two of them hitting the wall or the couch but it didn’t matter.
They were going to be together. Albeit, under certain conditions but that didn’t matter. They were going to be ten as they were in the beginning and that was all that mattered. Pentagon was always going to be ten, or as Yan An had said, 10=1, 1=10.