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You wake to blinding sunlight.
You groan softly, squeezing your eyes tighter and turning away in an attempt to block the light.
“Oh, you’re up!” an unfamiliar voice calls from your left. There’s a quiet rustling of fabric before the warmth mercifully disappears from your face. Safe from the light, you open your eyes and glance to the side. A tall Elonian woman you don’t recognize stands by the window, one hand holding the woven curtain.
“Sorry for waking you like that,” she apologizes, tying the curtain back with a length of cord, “How are you feeling?”
You open your mouth to reply, but your throat burns and you just end up coughing weakly instead. “Water,” you rasp, “please.”
It only takes a moment for her to fetch a pitcher of water and a cup. She helps you into a sitting position and props the pillows up behind you as you let the cool water soothe your throat. Every instinct in your body screams at you to just chug it, but you ignore them, forcing yourself to drink as slowly as possible instead. You lean back against the pillows when you’re finished and the woman takes the cup from your hands, setting it down next to the pitcher on the bedside table.
“Thank you,” you say sincerely.
She flashes you a quick smile. “Just doing my job. You’re lucky to be alive, Commander. If you hadn’t gotten medical attention in time, well…” She gestures at you.
Glancing at your arms, you finally notice the bandages covering them. You hook a finger in the collar of your loose cotton shirt and pull outward, looking down. Clean gauze crisscrosses your stomach and chest, wrapping all the way around one of your shoulders. Your legs are hidden under a thin blanket, but you assume they’re in the same state as your arms.
Despite the sheer amount of bandages, you only feel slightly sore. The nurse gives a quiet laugh when she catches your look of confusion.
“You should be able to take those off soon,” she says, “You were badly injured, but our healers worked their magic and now you’re good as—well, almost as good as new.”
You nod, making a mental note to go find and thank the healers later. “How long was I unconscious?” you ask politely.
“Two days, I believe. Your friends have been worried sick. Oh!” her eyes widen and she claps once. “Your friends! They’ll be thrilled to hear you’re awake. I’ll go let them know.”
As she hurries out of the room, you close your eyes and concentrate, trying to remember what happened over the past several days.
.
.
.
You remember fire.
You remember fire and metal and way too many Forged to handle on your own. But why were you alone? Why wasn’t your team there? Why-
And then you remember that it was your choice. You had insisted that you could do this mission by yourself, despite your team’s objections.
In hindsight, that was a bad idea.
There’s a smoking crater where that Forged camp used to be, you made sure of that, but at the same time, you barely made it out alive yourself.
“If you hadn’t gotten medical attention in time, well…”
You sigh, already dreading the earful you’ll get from your team later.
Or, you think as you listen to a sudden commotion out in the hall, the one you’ll get from them now.
Glancing at the window, you entertain the idea of sneaking out for a second before shoving it away. Despite the fuss you know they’re going to make over you, you love your friends dearly and you’re genuinely excited to see them again.
Besides, it would only make things worse if they caught you trying to escape.
As the noise outside gets louder, you count backwards from three in your head. When you get to zero, the door bursts open with frantic shouts of “Commander!”
A tired grin stretches across your face as you watch your team spill into the room. Braham and Taimi are the first through the door and the first to make it to your bed. She clambers down from her spot on his shoulders and plops herself at your feet while the rest of Dragon’s Watch surrounds the bed. Canach arrives last, calmly walking into the room instead of rushing in like everyone else. There’s stiffness in his gait though, and you recognize it as restraint.
An awkward silence hangs in the air as your team glances around at you and each other, unsure of what to say.
You clear your throat, drawing the attention to yourself. “So, uh,” you start, “I’m alive.”
“Yes, we can see that,” Canach remarks dryly.
Kasmeer gives him a pointed look before turning to you, a small smile on her face. “How are you feeling, Commander?” she asks gently.
“Fine,” you reply, “A little sore, but I should be back to normal by the end of today. These bandages are mostly decorative at this point.”
Everyone relaxes at that. Another silence descends upon the room, somehow more uncomfortable than the first.
Thankfully, it doesn’t last long.
“What, pray tell, were you thinking, Commander?” Canach snaps.
“You nearly died in there, Boss,” Marjory cuts in before you can answer, crossing her arms, “You should’ve waited for reinforcements.”
“You shouldn’t have gone alone in the first place,” Rox says, narrowing her eyes. At her feet, Frostbite clicks in agreement. Everyone else nods seriously.
“Okay,” you concede, almost wincing under the force of six disapproving stares, “I agree that wasn’t... one of my better ideas.”
It’s unnerving how they all manage to raise their eyebrows in unison.
“It was a horrible idea,” you amend, “and I’m sorry for not listening. But hey, at least everything worked out in the end, right?”
“You almost died,” Taimi says quietly. There’s something in those big eyes of hers that makes your insides twist with guilt and you turn away, unable to look at her. You stare pointedly at your hands instead, fiddling with the bandages covering your wrists.
“Well, it wouldn’t have been the first time,” you joke, trying to lighten the mood. When no one says anything, you glance up. Your guilt doubles as you take in everyone’s pained expressions.
“Commander, that’s… that’s not funny,” Kas says softly, sharing a look with Taimi and Canach, “You shouldn’t say things like that.”
“What do you want me to say then?”
“What? No, this isn’t about what we want,” she says, “It’s about you almost dying!”
“Okay, what about it?” you ask.
Kas stares at you incredulously. “You- you almost died!” she repeats.
“Yeah, I know that,” you say, “So what’s the problem?”
“The problem,” Taimi snaps, “is that we nearly lost you! Again! And you don’t seem to care at all!” Her hands are balled into fists and her teeth are bared. You’ve never seen her get this angry before.
“Taimi, it’s… it’s fine,” you say gently, trying to reassure her, “I’m alive, I’m okay.”
”That’s not the point! Don’t you care that you almost died?!”
“Of course I do! It’s just… ” you trail off. Everyone stares at you expectantly, but there’s no end to that sentence that wouldn’t make them all feel worse, so you just leave it unfinished and continue with, “Look, does it really matter that much?”
“Yes!” nearly everyone shouts.
“Of course it matters, Boss,” Jory says, “We care about you.”
“Do you?”
Silence.
You haven’t seen faces this shocked since you came back from the dead. You’re calm for a second, then the realization of what you just said hits you like a war hammer and you rush to apologize.
“I’m- I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say tha-”
“Do you really think we don’t care about you?” Taimi asks quietly.
You open your mouth to reply, but then you falter and look away. Your silence is answer enough.
“Commander…” Kas starts sadly, but you stop her with a shake of your head.
“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”
“Commander-” Rox tries.
“It’s fine,” you say more forcefully.
“It’s not fine and you need to stop saying it is!” Braham growls, glaring at you.
Your eyes widen in surprise. Things have been tense between you two ever since he and Rox arrived in Amnoon. There was some stilted conversation here and there, but your relationship is still rocky at best, and you’ve both been avoiding each other whenever you can. Absently, you wonder if this is going to end in another shouting match.
You take a deep breath and straighten your back. “Excuse me?” you ask, leveling an even stare at him.
Braham shuffles awkwardly as he looks away, but then his jaw tightens and he nods, turning back to face you. Determination burns bright in his eyes. “Commander, we owe you an apology.”
You… you weren’t expecting that.
“We haven’t been very good friends lately,” he starts, “We’ve all been too wrapped up in our own problems to think about you’ve been going through… some of us more than others,” he admits with a wry smile. You laugh weakly, but he’s not finished.
“I'm sorry, Commander.”
Your breath catches in your throat.
“I’m sorry,” he repeats, “about what I said to you back in that cave. You didn't deserve that. You never did."
Your hands grip the blanket.
“It’s okay,” you say. Braham narrows his eyes and opens his mouth but you continue before he can speak. “Braham, it’s okay. You were angry and you lashed out because you were hurting. I understand.” You try to smile at him, but he just shakes his head, staring at you sadly.
"You were hurting too,” he says softly.
You can’t seem to look anyone in the eyes today.
The bed dips as Kas sits down next to you, placing a gentle hand on your shoulder. “He’s right, Commander,” she says. “I know none of us have ever really said it, but… we care about you. We always have. I’m sorry we didn’t tell you sooner.”
“Yeah!” Taimi chimes in, “You matter way more to us than some dumb mission!”
“You may be our boss, Boss, but you’re our friend above all,” Jory says.
“You don’t have to do everything by yourself,” Braham says, giving you another wry smile, “Trust me, I know.”
“We’re your team,” Rox says, “We’ll be here when you need us.” Frostbite clicks again and waves his tails around.
They’re all smiling at you, smiling and staring with something the hopeful part of you desperately wants to call love and it’s…
It’s all too much.
Something heavy in your chest is making it hard for you to breathe. A sort of itchy heat forms behinds your eyes as your vision blurs and you realize-
You’re about to cry.
No, you think with horror, ducking your head down and clutching at the blanket. You glare fiercely at the blurred shapes of your hands, trying to will the tears back. Please, please not now.
You will not let yourself fall apart in front of everyone. You refuse to.
“Commander,” Canach says, finally speaking up. You freeze, but keep your head down, praying he has something sarcastic to say so you can just laugh everything off like you always do.
Bottle up your emotions like you always do.
Never let anyone see how badly you’re fraying like you always do.
“Try to be more careful in the future,” he says quietly, “It was hard enough losing you the first time… I don’t think we could handle it again.”
You break.
A choked sob is the only sound you make before you grit your teeth and slap a hand over your mouth. Tears spill freely down your face as you squeeze your eyes shut and curl in on yourself, shoulders heaving as you gasp for air, struggling to breathe through your fingers. You hear Taimi shout, “Commander!” in a shaky voice before something—someone head-butts you in the chest and a pair of tiny arms attempts to wrap around your waist. Kas leans against your shoulder as she rubs soothing circles on your back and Jory slings an arm around your neck, leaning into your other side. The bed dips dangerously low as Braham and Rox both decide to crush you all between them in a hug.
Canach hesitates, but after some motivation from Taimi, (“C’mon, Canach, get in on this! Do it for the Commander!”) he finally relents, complaining about how cramped it’s going to be even as he climbs onto the bed. He almost gets away with just half-heartedly leaning into the hug before Braham grabs him by the arm and yanks him closer to you. Canach grumbles even louder, but reaches out to awkwardly pat you on the head several times, which is apparently the only way he knows how to show affection.
They hold you close as you cry and shake in their arms, cooing softly whenever you sob or hiccup. Eventually, your breathing evens out and you can sort of speak without choking on air.
"Thank you," you whisper hoarsely past the lump in your throat, "All of you."
Everyone squeezes just a little bit tighter. You haven’t felt this loved in so long and you think you never want this moment to end. And it doesn’t, until you all freeze when your stomach practically roars because you haven’t eaten in days.
It feels so good to laugh again.
Everyone is rubbing their eyes when they pull away and you’re glad to see you weren’t the only one crying. You all pretend not to notice as Canach turns away to swipe quickly at his eyes.
While the rest of the team argues over what to eat, Kas stays by your side and pulls you into another hug. You sit in comfortable silence with her until she leans over and murmurs a soft, “We love you, Commander,” in your ear.
Fresh tears well up in your eyes.
"I'm sorry!" she squeaks as everyone chides her for making you cry again. You're laughing though, laughing through the tears and smiling so, so wide.
You're going to be okay.
You're going to be okay.